TR SO MANY of the heroines and heroes on here have paraphrased your words and are now in wonderfully restored marriages !

Do not give up. Don't make me come over there and give you talking to !

You want him back despite it all you can. his obession with OM WILL end, not MIGHT end. When it does you will either have been preparing to catch him, it will be a surprise OR you won't care.

Its up to you TR. I can't tell u you GOTTA save your M, just that it is possible. Calmly read some stories on here. Pray, take heart. Get your self strong first, its the first priority.


Kind thoughts and prayers to you TR

I totally undewrstand what you are saying.....BUT he is going to be sending em DV papers. Are you saying that I shouldn't sign them? I am so lost and confused right now....

TR I think you need far more expert guidance than mine ! All I am saying is you should do what your believe is best. He wants a D at the moment, if YOU want one, take advice and sign the papers if it works for you. You don't want a D, then take advice about what else you can do.

M is made in the hearts of folks in the sight of God. Divorces make lawyers rich and official papers be exchanged. D papers being served have NOT led to no reconciliation in lots of cases here.

Get great advice TR but don't do what you don't want to do. Your WH will defog at some point. If you WANT to save your M, there is still hope. read up on stories that began with WS moving oiut and serving papers.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 02:05 PM: Message edited by: Bob Pure ]</small>

Thanks Bob!
I will do some reading up on those situations. I just don't know where I want to be in this M anymore. I guess time will tell.
All I know is that I love my son and my family and they are all her e to support me in whatever I decide to do.

Just glad I made it through another day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TR at last a bit of REAL advice from my own experience : work out if you want to be out of the marriage , or just out of the pain. Theres a big difference.

A divorce is not usually a pain free solution.
{{{{TR}}}}

TR, i continue to be amazed at how much our circumstances are the same. my h came over saturday morning, pissed off as hell that i went out to a bar with a friend and didnt call him. he was at a hotel with ow. he broke into my house, positive i had brought a man home with me. when he seen no one was here but me, he proceeded to tell me he had an appointment with a lawyer that he was filing, he couldnt live like this, that if he caught me with someone while i was still his wife, he would kill us and he would be in jail. needless to say i cried and let him get to me and said i love him so much, how could he want to dump me for a woman he just met? he didnt file and said that he needed to clear his head, let him see if it works out with him and ow. i cried for hours. i talked to my sil and she made sense to me. next day i called him up and said that im letting go of him, to go ahead and file, that i was cutting him out of my life and you know what happened? he completely changed his tune.he said i didnt know how messed up in the head right now, that how could i be so coldhearted,(wth!!!) that he loved me so much and i was his backbone.i was uninterested in his stupid fogtalk. then he started threatening me, he wants to beat up sil for putting ideas in my head, me, and whoever he catches me with.then he came to my work. i ripped him a new one.all my anger came pouring out of me, while HE stood there crying like a beaten dog. says the same thing though. he wants until sunday to clear his head. i told him take all the time you want, mines clear. i guess my point to you dear tree, is that maybe you should get angry. dont let him tell you not to drive where you want to drive, and dont let him put you down. i let him beat me down into the floor mentally until i came back fighting. you fight too. my h was saying all the same things yours is saying.fogtalk. my h also told my d that he loves me so much, but he's never coming home. now hes reversed himself again. try that divorcebusting 180 link that i hope someone will post. get tough tree.see what he does if you tell him go ahead and file the next time he brings it up.

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 08:08 PM: Message edited by: shelly_3 ]</small>

Thanks Shelly....I think I will do just that!!!! When he calls to tell me that he's filing for DV...I'll just say ok. I know deep down he thinks I will always be here for him even if he does divorce me. He keeps saying that we can still love each other and be friends. He says he doesn't want to be out of my life and couldn't live if I hated him. That tells me right there the he is in fogland bigtime!!!!!
I am angry!!! I have to see hi tomorrow night at the ball park. Should be interesting. I will be looking good though. I'm going to go bu me a new outfit. Step back WH...I'm coming out!!!!!!!!
LOL!!!
I will survive this one way or another! I am getting stronger each day. I know I will have ups and downs but today has been pretty good.

h also told me that i cant hate him. i said i hated his actions and i hate the person he's become. we are supposed to take d school shopping on wednesday,i think ill buy something nice to wear too. i also told h he is a coward and a liar.that between the 2 of us, i didnt know that i was the strong one. he told me he would never be happy without me and he wouldnt allow me to be happy either.fogtalk. for now, the hell with em. good luck tree!

hi tree..you said so many things that i feel, especially about how our WH's do not seem to be the same person we were married too.

Sometimes it just boggles my mind the things that he is saying and doing, like "Who is this person". I dont like him one bit.

Anyway, my heart goes out to you, my WH isnt asking for a D, but he did say he was never coming back even if it didnt work out with OW. Says he has hurt me twice already.

Some days i have hope, some days i feel like its over. Even though i am much better than 3 or 4 weekss ago, the hurt and pain i feel is just not fair, i dont deserve it at all. I did everything i could for that man.

I come to the realization that he stayed with me all these years, and when someone more appealing came along, i was thrown out like an old shoe. How cruel and sad is that.

Anyway, here i am whining about me. I wish i had some advice for you, but as you see, im in the same boat with you. Just know we are all suffering and this sucks big time.

Take care, tree
A/C0810

A/C...
Wow...I feel the same way you do! My H says he will keep loving me after we are divorced and still wants me to be his friend. Is he crazy???? He even said that if I met someone else that he would hope they could be the best of friends. Yeah right!!!!!!! My H is so deep in the fog it isn't even funny anymore!!!! He keeps begging me to let him go so we can both stop hurting. What makes him think that we will stop hurting just because we get DV. He's so lost. A part of me just can't even see him back in my life because of all the things that hje has done and said. I just don't know if it is possible. I wish I could just fall out of love with him and go on. I truly in my heart think that there has been way too much damage to ever fix our M. I find out more and more stuff everyday. I just don't know how I could be with this man again i this lifetime.
I'm a little nervous about seeing him tomorrow at my son's practice. I haven't seen him in about 3 weeks. All I know is that I am going to look my best and smile and be there for my son. He deserves the best and needs support right now. He just had a little break down himself. He was yelling and acting out. Iasked him what was wrong and he said he was mad that daddy wasn't here....yet my H seems to think he will be "just fine." He really has no clue the affect it will have on our precious son!!!!!! It's such a shame and so unfair to the children!
Good luck to you and know that I'm here in the same boat so feel free to email me ...TREICH70@aol.com
We can help each other out! Hang in there

thanks tree.....my email is elvira43@rogers.com, please feel free to email me also if you want to talk.

My teens want on the computer now.

Hang in there
A/C0810

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He told me that her neighbor saw me and is now threatening to slap me with harrassment and that she could burn dy home and slash my tires. Nice huh???? This woman is supposed to be a doctor. I just can't believe my H is with someone who is now threatening his family and home. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TR, please don't take my "chuckling" the wrong way, but this is a "good thing." In his deluded way, your husband has stated that he "loves" you and is concerned about you and your child.

Just how do you think his hearing such a mean spirited and selfish threat might begin to crack the "fantasy bubble" that he is living in?

Remember, the OW has to try to meet ALL of his EN's now and threatening his wife and child is a SURE way to meet his needs, right?

As for any divorce papers...you don't sign anything should you actually receive them. You stall. Have you contacted an attorney yet? Even if you have not, you need to, if for no other reason than to protect your child from the "insanity" that gripped your husband and a potentially deranged OW. You give any papers you receive to your attorney who, believe me, will have YOUR best interest at heart and will not be "swayed" by emotions.

God bless.

ForeverHers....
I was thinking the same thing....he will soon see that she isn't so perfect if she's threatening his wife and child.
Sometimes I think there has just been way too much damage to ever repair this relationship. I miss the H that I love but I hate the H that I am married to right now. I don't know how all of this will turn out but I know I will survive and be happy one day. It just kills me how hard my son is taking this. He's acting out and angry. He cries over little things and is so confused. My heart breaks for him. He didn't even want to talk to his dad yesterday. He has his first baseball practice tonight....I'm on my way out to buy a new outfit so I can look good when I go up there. Wish me luck to show him that I am strong!!!!

good for you tree,i wish you the best. after i've been on my h all these months to do something with the family, NOW he wants to be with us? before, he was to busy chasing ow. he wants to come over today, and tomorrow.i wont be here today, but tomorrow i've got to go. he wants to take us "shopping". my favorite pastime.LOL! be good tonite, and have fun.(even if your not).

Well, my son's baseball practice got canceled. I was looking forward to looking good and letting him see me happy. Oh well.....there's always next Tuesday.
Well, we have another hurricane heading our way and my dog isn't doing well. I really don't know how much more devastation I can take. God is really testing me!!!!!!!!

And...I've lost another 5 pounds!!!!!!!

TR,

5 pounds,,,, oh yes I'm familiar with the divorce diet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Don't go to far out of your way to impress WH. Dress nicely, but don't let him get the idea you are chasing him. It might make him more reluctant to return. Instead, show him you are moving ahead with your life with a positive attitude. It may not be the future you envisioned but remember the future is what YOU make it. If he sees this future slipping from him or thinks that one day you won't be there for him, he may reconsider.

Just a thought.

Hang tough. Eat Pasta.

Thanks Tom...
I foung out today that my H is wanting to meet with his father to talk. I'm not sure what this is all about. I think he wants to "come clean" to them. His mom took me and my son to get ice cream this afternoon and she told me she has been an emotional mess over this whole thing. I finally told his sister eveything today too. She was hurt and very angry at her brother for doing this not only to me but our son.
I truly believe that my H will file for divorce and it will be over. I don't know how much longer I can fight. He keeps say how unhappy he is. I told him he doesn't realize how unhappy he is making our son and everyone around us. He's being so selfish. I just don't know how to go through all of this anymore. I will just be me and give the rest to God. I can't change my H. I will just have to make a life for me and my son.
I have had so many sleepless night and can't wait for the day when I can go to bed feeling whole again and waking up smiling!!!! Will that day ever come???
I had to stop cleaning out my garage because everywhere I turned was a picture of "us". It's just so unfair!!!
I'm really having a hard time getting up much of an apettite.(sp?)
I guess all I can do now is just be me! I know I'm a good person and can hold my head up high knowing that I was a wonderful wife.

TR, it's good your exposing it to his family. It is really good that he has a nuclear family too. My WW is a product of multiple broken families. I guess she never understood the committment it takes to maintain a family. To actually celebrate 25 or 35 years of marriage.

Just keep smiling for you and your son. I had my hearing today and listened to my WW lie to the judge. But it just doesn't matter. She either has changed so much I don't know her anymore, or I was decieved. All the values I thought we shared are gone from her. Most of my love is leaving fast too.

Keep in contact with the in-laws. But also be careful. WH is thier son.

I'm proud of you. Keep that chin up and smile.

I'm trying hard to be positive. It really hits me hard at night and first thing in the morning.
I know what you mean about not knowing if you actually knew you WS. One of the reasons I was attracted to my H was becasue he came from a good family with values and morals similar to mine. His parents and mine have been married for 39 years. I just don't understand!!!!
My H is in fogland bigtime!!!

When I think about being divorced and having to date it scared me half to death. I don't even remember how to do that! I don't want to be alone but I just don't know how I will ever trust again either.

It's all very scary to me!!!!!