Donkey-shun luv.

He just called and is on his way. He's gonna pick up some red corn tortillas on the way home (we can't get them here). I'll be able to make REAL enchiladas now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He says he's really letting her go now. Again, we shall see....it's not like, you know, I've been doing this for almost two years or anything (well, 2 years in January).

- Kimmy

Okie dokie. Today's update:

He stopped in SAT on the way home. Picked up the bambinos - we get them for a whole WEEK! YIPPEE!!!!!!

On a more personal level, though, judging by his 'tude, I'm thinking da kooze read him the riot act, and they are fini - IN HIS MIND NOW, since obviously he'd not gotten it thru his thick skull before...and I can say he's got a thick skull since I passed two of his big/thick headed kids! I'm guessing I earned that right (no matter how small Pep think an 8.14 lb baby is!). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

So we are in withdrawl mode A-FREAKING-GIN! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> [censored]! I had the BEST past few months...we both did! ((((sigh)))) So, still in plan A even though, you know, I'd really, REALLY love to have had the w/d over with...my tum is KILLING me. I know (from experience) that this is the WORST time, he's gonna be second guessing himself, mopy, ugly, critical, and in mourning....UG! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I also know this is the time he's most wanting to backslide....MAN! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I hope da kooze is falling for her new guy!

UGUGUGUGUGUG!

So, gang. I'm tired. I'm thinking I need to call the doc and see if he will up my zoloft. I went ahead and took two last night after he called and told me he'd picked the kids up (200 mg - my usual dose is 100mg), knowing that she didn't want him back unless she got all of him, and she knows he's never gonna leave me (she told me she knew that). I feel like a rubber band stretched to it's limit.

Oh, and wanna hear something ultimately sad? My daughter called my work yesterday after I left and left a voicemail. She was crying, said she misses daddy so much, wants him to come home, and was begging me to come home....crying, sobbing thru the whole message. It was pitiful. I broke this am. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

AND - Freakazoid Senor Grande Cabaza forgot my red tortillas!!!!! Dang it all! I wanted enchiladas!!!!!!!!! Now I'm gonna have to use those sub-standard white ones! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

- Kimmy

I'm Sorry! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks Gen! I really wanted those torts!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

- Kimmy, who's focusing on the little things right now........cause the big things suck like a Hoover.

Oh, and I forgot to add that I was downstairs (we live in one of those funky beach houses on stilts - the kind you see in hurricane footage being swept away <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> )...anyway I was downstairs dragging the garbage to the curb (no comments, please) when he drove up last night. I go around to get mija out of the car and as soon as she saw me, she screamed "MOMMY" and started kicking her legs and reaching for me. She's so soft and sweet. I carried her upstairs and she nuzzled her head in the curve of my neck and patted my back the entire flight of stairs.

(sniff) Who gives them permission to get bigger??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

Sometimes you have to focus on the little things the present, this hour, to get through the big stuff. Love you. Enjoy those little ones. They are so precious.

Oh, I do Gen. They are the bright spots on this whole messy, ugly, few years. I love them so much!

- Kimmy

It's begun again. H is moping around the house...he vacillates between sullen grumpiness, and angry outbursts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Last night, I had the two babies on my lap (they'd both passed out there) and mija's arm hit my water that I had on the end table beside the sofa. Well, my water hit his 7 & 7 and you would've thought the world was ending....geeze o'pete! He pushed his recliner out of the way very hard, started slamming stuff, all the while fussing under his breath while cleaning it up. I'm sitting there with two little ones, I can't very well jump up and fix it for him - UG! Instead of saying anything, I just let him get it out.

Just got off the phone with him....he is SO freaking cold to me. Just last week, he was all lovey dovey....now, it's like...golly...it's like I'm living and re-living-and-re-living this nightmare again. Anybody ever read the book Replay? This is one part of my life I'd never do again!

Question - since we quite obviously never got all the way thru withdrawl - how do I bite my tongue without biting a hole THROUGH it? After the young 'uns were all tucked in last night, I went to bed myself. I never go to bed without him...but I just couldn't stand the icy silence....it's like winter's chill is in my house.

Another question - Not to gross anyone out or anything, but the last time we SFed he told me I was the BEST EVER...'sup with that? He'd not said it since the A began, I don't think... so I mean, how can he go from saying that a week ago to this....this....this snowman? Will he remember me soon? Will he remember to feel for me again? It's like he's turned into some kind of monstrous automaton. Of course, he was like this before - right after d-day #1, and before the relapse....is he going to question himself forever? Am I going to have to live like this forever? I'm so blasted tired right now.

I know, I know. Keep up the plan a-ing. Don't let his outbursts keep me down.......but as tired as I am, it's so HARD to not let it effect me....the eels don't even cheer me up.

And I'm TERRIFIED that he's just gonna hang it all up and run to her. I'm TERRIFIED that he'll hurt for a few days, then figure that that's enough of that, he can't stand it, and run away.

[censored]! ((((banging my head against the desk)))) When is it MY turn to heal from all this hurt? Maybe mom was right. Maybe I'm just prolonging the inevitable. But, no....I KNOW I'm doing the right thing....(((((sigh))))))

Please excuse my emotional regurgitation. I'm all in knots right now. I'm shaking...

Oh yeah. I forgot. One more little rant. Mija has lice again. Yep. The tart STILL hasn't gotten rid of them at her house.

So what? He's pining for a woman who refuses to do what's necessary to take care of her children.

This is the 3rd consecutive time the baby's been here with bugwuggies.

- Kimmy

Urrgh!!!

Feeling for you girl. I think I would just lose it. I would probably take it out on my man instead of the desk and he would just have to leave and have his withdrawal somewhere else. There is a song that says, If your're greiving, I don't wanna know. Why is it that we have to act nice when we are hurting but they get to greive over somebody else in front of us knowing they are hurting us? Why is that?(Please escuse the rant) Well anyhow I know this hurts you tons.
((((((((((Kimmy)))))))))))

<small>[ September 02, 2004, 03:52 PM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Ask your H for an "appointment" time with him. Ask him if her prefers
A. one time
or
B. alternate time
or
C. a time he chooses

Tell him you need 15 or 20 minutes of his time.

Get the time for this meeting POJA'd.

Then ... when your "appointment" has arrived...

ASK HIM... "Hon, I am concerned. You seem so unhappy. Can you please let me in? Tell me, what is going on, why are you so gloomy?"

If he mumbles and refuses to answer clearly .....

"Hon, is it your job?" .... wait for mumble response...

"Hon, are you worried about your health?" .... mumble/mumble....

"Hon, are you worried about money?" .... mumble.... deny....

"Hon, should I be worried about 'US'?".... then .... wait and watch what he does. Eye contact? Anger? Looking up at the ceiling? Look for body language .

Sometimes, Kimmy, it is not what we think it is.... give him a chance to explain it first.... then ask the "Is it US? Should I be worried?"

Ask him if you can help him, no matter what it is.... He sounds like he's feeling alone and depressed.... men go into their cave to think, ya know! If he sez he doesn't want to talk, tell him, "OK... let me know if you do" ... then go do something fantastic, like bake cookies.

Pep

Thanks Pep. He's in serious withdrawl right now. He's behaving like a spoiled child that's been denied his favorite, albeit very dangerous you'll-shoot-your-eye-out-kid, toy.

Oh, and he's mad at me because I asked him when he was coming home last week. Okay. He's also mad because the kids asked him when he was coming home. SNORT! He thinks I told them to ask...what-EV! He very sullenly told me, you got what you wanted - okay, NOT. I wanted the guy I had 3-4 weeks ago...not this ALIEN from the planet Zarkingfardwarks!

OH! Prepare to LYAO! The reason he didn't bring the torts...'cause he was mad at me....he fessed that one up last night. Then he said that it pissed him off that he did that b/c HE DOESN'T GET ENCHILADAS NOW! (I make kick a$$ enchiladas) Man! What a fartknocker!

- Kimmy

Kimmy,

What if, you tell him about all the guys who wanna take you out. Or get a babysitter and tell him you are going to a night club. See if he don't jump to go with you. Remind him that you are not just the woman who watches his babies but you are a hot desired woman. He will quickly feel insecure I think and afraid of losing you. Make him squirm. Kimmy, I think he is takeing you for granted. My husband has been being sweet lately, I think because he was afraid of losing me.

No, Genia. I'm not playing mind games with him...other than outthinking the heck out of him. He knows which side his bread is buttered on.

He just needs to get over it...and get it thru his thick cabaza that he can't have cake forever (his MIND knew that, but now his heart is catching up...and it hurts him). This is a guy that would do anything not to hurt...so his knee jerk reaction is to remove himself from the pain.

D'ya think it'd be a lb to shake the he!! out of him while yelling, "Grow the eff up!"?????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

- Kimmy

Kimmy,

I know the feeling. Sometimes I wish I could just knock some sense into my darling husband but it would be a lovebust. I think that your husband should connect happy thoughts with you. So I think when he is sulking you should just leave him to himself. If you baby him, you are enabling him. Treat it like a drug addiction. Ask him if he wants to come with you to do fun stuff. I don't think that is a mind game.

*bump*

Update: Last night Nio told me that he'd been unhappy for awhile before he told me last week.((((((snort,cough,horsesh*t)))))))

Now, really gang, was this when he was telling me I was the best ever during SF the week before, or when we were having fun and buying gerbils for the kids, or how about back in July when we had an AWESOME b-day party for dd at the beach????

Oh, I get it, OW tells you she's got a bf, and THEN you become unhappy. Listen here, bub, I'm not in charge of your happiness. YOU ARE. YOU WERE HAPPY, DAMNITALL, TILL THE KOOZE DECIDED TO GET A LIFE.

(I failed to mention that - but THOUGHT it really loudly)

I'm wondering, now tho, if she didn't fib to him about the bf to see what he'd do?!?! If so, he played right into her hands (again).

Anyway. He tells me he's unhappy. He's back to sleeping on the edge of the bed (which is what he does when he's distancing himself from me - like I'M THE ONE who is icky?). He doesn't kiss me goodbye anymore (which, is something that is SUPPOSED to make you live longer - heard it on Paul Harvey once <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), and only mumbles "I love you" back to me if I say it first. Total 180 from 3 weeks ago when he was calling me every day just because.

I'm at the end of my rope. I'm tired. How could I not be after all?

Anywho...TourGuideBarbie (aka Momto3boys) is swinging by for lunch today. Let you all know how it goes. It IS nice to know I'm not the only one out there dealing with this....she sure is perky and feisty on the phone, so it should be fun!

- Kimmy

Kimmy,

Our spouses are dumb. 'sall I have to say this morning. Hugs 'n' kisses,

GC

Well ..... the way to a grumpy man's heart is through his enchaladas. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wake him up at 3AM with a BJ.... see how long he lasts on the other side edge of the bed.

Do you have a plan in your head about what to do about his unreasonable behavior?

Childish pouting in a grown man is just sooooo attractive (NOT).

Pep

slight hi-jack...

this website is so cool!!! I had an interaction with H that was very good. we were actually on the verge of doing serious POJA'ing and it felt GOOD!!! i won't go into details here, maybe i'll start anohter topic on that later.

the point of this post is to say that after my interaction with H, I come here and read
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> D'ya think it'd be a lb to shake the he!! out of him while yelling, "Grow the eff up!"?????? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and literally laughed out loud, boy would i like to do that sometimes!!!!!!!

then i read pep's comment:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wake him up at 3AM with a BJ.... see how long he lasts on the other side edge of the bed.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and laughed even more. mostly cuz that would be exactly something i would get into doing.

anyway...... the bottom line is...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you have a plan in your head about what to do about his unreasonable behavior?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and i post here because i actually feel so much better right now because i finally do!! and knowing that gives one peace, knowing you can have some control and input as to how things work out.

ok, i don't know how much sense my post is making and i have to run off to IC now.

I now return you all to your previously scheduled program.

Karen

<small>[ September 08, 2004, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: FinallyLearning ]</small>

D'ya like my new title? I once made up a list of 10 ways I DIDN'T want to die (after hearing that urban legend about the scuba guy that got scooped up by a copter and dumped on a forest fire). That was, like, no. 5 on the list.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hugs 'n' kisses </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks GC. Since I'm not gettin' 'em IRL, cyber ones'll have to do.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Wake him up at 3AM with a BJ.... see how long he lasts on the other side edge of the bed.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah. Okay Pep. I know it's selfish of me, but I'm not doing THAT till things get better (if they do). I love it and all...but it's way to personal for me not to have any reciprocation ('cause I know he'll take it, then go back to the edge....from experience). TMI?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you have a plan in your head about what to do about his unreasonable behavior?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Funny that, I was JUST talking to TourGuideBarbie about it. She (and I, really) are of the opinion that he's reached the End of the Line with ow, and it's just now sinking in. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna be a lighthouse in the fog. I'm gonna tell him when he's telling me he's unhappy, that I know and things can only get better from here. I'm gonna be airy and light. I'm not gonna ask questions right now (b/c every answer would be a froggy...um....foggy one and would only serve to piss me off and hurt me).

And I'm gonna make some frickin enchiladas (with the substandard white torts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )....and he'll have to suffer through eating them!

BTW: I make a huge crock of beans for frijoles every other weekend b/c the canned ones never compare and this last batch I put 4 ham hocks in it.....they are DIVINE! So I've got all the makings for a right-fine Mexican dinner.

TGB is a GORGEOUS woman. Her dh is and IDIOT! We laughed at the h's predictable antics, compared ow (OMG - do they ALL choose so poorly?), and compared boobies (LMAO - boys, if you are squeamish, don't read beyond this point). No, we didn't lift our tops....we both had the same reduction/lift - tho mine was way more drastic than hers (g cup to a c cup). Poor TGB, tho...the stress is keeping her from healing. Send her get well dust, ya'll! She IS FEISTY, and gave me the talking to that I needed so badly! Thank you TGB!!!!!!!

- Kimmy