</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It has got to be killing him, how cool you are being. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, you read that he's pissed cause I didn't kick him out??? Ijo. What a fartknocker. It really is. He's tired of being the bad guy, but too lazy to fix it yet.

Ah well. Question. Bueller...Bueller...Bueller?? Anyone, anyone, anyone? Should I call VD today and see what he's been telling her, or should I let it rest for a couple of days?

Okay. Not in the mood to think about my funny ways I don't wanna go today. Just gonna change the title to something that fits.

Well gang, as of yesterday before I left work, I'd not heard a peep from Nio all day. When I got home I noticed he'd mowed the grass, but also that he had stuff loaded in the minivan (hehe - guess he KNOWS I mean biznez about the truck). I'd been sorta expecting that. I came in, kissed the kids, and took my rings off and put them in my jewelry box - my dresser was cleared of all his things, his clock, his jewelry box, his thingy to charge his radio. His armoir was cleared out (and he took ALL my fav t-shirts! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ). My little one tells me that daddy's leaving. I told him that I kinda knew, but daddy has some thinking to do. Then I go in and ask Nio to come to the bedroom so we can talk. I asked him when he was leaving: I dunno. I asked him what he was doing: I dunno. He told me he's pissed at me for getting his cell records (okay, what does he expect? - sneakiness begets sneakiness), and UBER pissed at me for calling VD. I told him I understand, and I accept his anger and that I hope someday he'll see that I was doing it to SAVE my family. I told him if he leaves, I cannot for certain know that we'll still be here for him if he wants to come back (okay ya'll, I couldn't help it - I was crying). He said he expected that. I cried a lot. Not the despair crying of a few weeks ago, but the crying of my darling hubby being so totally lost...the crying of my heart breaking for me and my babies, who I wouldn't have brought into this world if I thought for a minute he'd walk on us. I did regress and love bust a few times. We'd begin talking about something, like D - and we really shouldn't have been talking about D yet, right? He love busted right back, so I would reign it in and say we shouldn't be talking about that yet. Oh, and he's going Monday to SAT for a "visit." Four day visit - "for the kids."

Anyway, went in and prepared dinner. Had to leave the room a couple of times to control the tears. My daughter said thru dinner that I was the bestest cook. It killed me to sit thru dinner, knowing this might be the last time we might sit together as a family, and again I had to leave the table to stave off tears. (for the record, tho, I DID eat - which is quite a feat for me right now)

After dinner, he was rough housing with dd, and ds came in and they all rough housed. Again, had to leave the room. My life's love just watched me go. I heard him tell dd that they made mommy cry. Oy. We ended up talking...and then I told him I couldn't live with not know if/when/how long he's gonna be there. He needed to tell me right then if he was going or staying. I told him the only condition on staying is honesty right now. I just want honesty right now. I asked if he thought he could do that and he said he guessed so. Then he tells me defensively that he's still going to SAT. I told him that I said nothing about SAT, that all I was asking for was honesty right now, and we can work on other issues later. So he's committed to a month of honesty. I realize he needs to go to SAT. He did tell me he is pretty certian that things are fini with VD. She's made it perfectly clear that his visit is for the kids only and she's allowing it for the kids. She'd told him what I'd told her yesterday, albiet skewed in a way to seem that I TOLD her to write the nc letter, even tho she was the one that brought it up....and that I was rubbing it in that my wh wasn't with her when she was pg. Which I didn't intend, I was attempting to commiserate with her, but oh well.

Somewhere in there he told me that he's finally doing something for himself. I told him he's not ready to hear this yet, but all this time he's BEEN doing it for himself. He then said, I'd say things to make you happy, and things to make her happy....to which I told him yeah, you said those things so neither one of us would chew your ear off...in other words, you were covering your own butt. Unfortunately, you were only prolonging the pain for EVERYONE. Me, her, the kids, and YOU. You were hurting YOU, too... I told him to tell me it didn't KILL him to keep lying to me...tell me it didn't KILL him to keep lying to her... There was pain because he wouldn't/couldn't stop - he couldn't give either of us up. Then when he felt threatened enough by her burgeoning friendship with the other guy, that's when he decided to take action. (shaking my head sadly)

He admitted to wanting us both. Flat out admitted it. I feel so bad for him. He doesn't believe it, but it hurts so bad to see how lost he is. I really, really wish he'd talk to someone. Anyone not directly involved in this mess.

He did tell me I love you back (but mumbled it) this morning. But he slept on the edge of the bed. I guess it's to be expected. (sigh)

Hey! On a happy note, my size 6s aren't the least bit tight anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

{{{{Nios}}}}

What a sad state your H is in. Feeling very bad for you.

But a HIGH 5 on the size 6. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jelly, dry panties today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So sorry, Kimmy. I expect he'll be back.

I sang your subject line, and from a distant corner of the office, a guy gave out a nice big groan. I didn't know I had any laughs in me today.

GC

Thanks Jellybing. It's the BS diet. From d-day on, I've lost a total of 50 lbs. Every time I get stressed, IBS rears it's ugly head - doc says I'm not processing my food right, instead of staying in my system and having nutrients absorbed, everything goes straight thru. Blech.

Did I do okay? Do you think? Oh. I wish it was a year from now and everything is in the past - no matter what the outcome.

Thanks GC. I hope he stays. I'm so tired. I wish to God that I had found this site last year...I highly doubt we'd be in this mess. Ah well, hindsight being 20/20 and all that.

Gotta love Hee-Haw, right? Hey, Granpa! What's for dinner?

What do you all think about me going dark when he's in SAT? I figure I'd let the kids call him before bed, but me not talk to him till he returns.

It is AGONY that he's not bringing the little ones home. I love those babies - That reminds me, he asked me why I was concerned about not seeing the babies. After all this time....does he STILL not get it that I love those babies? That the sun rises and sets on all our kids faces? That it is my DUTY as his wife and their (step)mother to provide for them, but it is not a duty to me, it's an HONOR??? What part of me changing shooey diapers and sniffing baby hair does he not get? Since he's obviously in a fog on that one, I simply said what I tell everyone who cannot comprehend the emotions - You don't know what you'd do in a situation till you're in it. He said he probably couldn't do it...I told him he doesn't know, and I hope no one else is ever in this sitch, cause it's the hardest thing I've ever been thru. He then said he doesn't see how, since OW and I both have taken the cure for pg...(that was just a$$yness, imo, I didn't want to take the cure, I HAD to <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> )

Listening to CCR....they remind me of my daddy (I know, I know a grown woman calling her father daddy - but I had daddy and I have my dad - two different people). I wonder what he'd have done, if he'd have been there for me thru this...but no, another male that willingly abandoned me.

Sorry. Self pity is so unbecoming. Will promise to be more composed tomorrow, okay?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
I've lost a total of 50 lbs. Every time I get stressed, IBS rears it's ugly head - doc says I'm not processing my food right, instead of staying in my system and having nutrients absorbed, everything goes straight thru. Blech.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHOOOO ! I thought only I ws getting teh glamorous side effects of this fad diet !

Me too Niosgirl. Weight loss, IBS, doin' the 'sitting gruntin' dance in teh middle of teh nite. What woman could resist me huh ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oddly this week IBS & stuff be calming along with the cessation of hostilities.

Try passiflora incarnata ( sold in UK as natracalm) for IBS control. Non sleepy, homeopathic and really works well for me.)

Tell U what, I started buying charmin 2 weeks into this mess instea of 'generic' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Good investment LOL!

{{{{{{niosgirl}}}}}} I could cry 4 u girl. Like most BS you good people who don;t deserve this sh1te.

Bob, could you tell me the ingredients of that nutracalm? I'm eating yogurt with live cultures, and acidophilus in capsules. They both help a lot. The doc had prescribed some pills, but they contain a barbituate, and had a very nasty side effect for me.

- Kimmy

I'm going to bookmark this thread for the next time somebody's WS complains that the BS is coming here to meet someone new.

Just to get in on some of this action... lessee...

My guts are okay, but my hair is turning wicked gray. It's scary. And my face is wrinkling up. I'm going to age about ten years before this is over. Any solutions for that? Okay ladies, one at a time, there's enough of me for everyone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm going to bookmark this thread for the next time somebody's WS complains that the BS is coming here to meet someone new.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Huh? Por que? Because of the uglyness?

Three words GC - Oil of Olay. No joke. The stuff your mom and grandma used - not the new stuff they came out with. Never had a wrinkle or anything till this year. But they've been staved off by that wonder product. Dunno about the grey hair, but I doubt I have any - I'm gonna be a blonde forever thanks to Miss Clariol. Started coloring my hair in 86 or 87 (with the most appealing shades of pink and green - NOT) and I think it's an addiction now. LMAO. It's a pretty close facsimile of what color I had back before peroxide, but I know hormonal changes has caused it to darken - as apparent by my rather reverse-skunky new growth!

Oh, and Bob! I forgot...ALWAYS buy Charmin. There are just SOME things you don't go store brand or generic on...tooth paste, toilet paper, pop and Cheetos. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh and GC, I saw your pic - You're too cute for color tv - so shuddup already! PPPPHHHHHPPPPHHHPPPPTTT!

Kimmy, Natracalm has only Passion flower extract. Passiflora Incarnata.

Its an old Inca remedy. teh stuff relaxes the involuntary musles just a little. This means its great for reducing stress ( as it stops teeth grinding, diaphragm clenching , stomach churning etc) and its cool for IBS as it relaxes the alimentary canal just a little as it writhes and twists.

Its very gentle, but works really well cumulatively on me. Problem is its so gentle, you start takin' em today and they start working at the end of tomorrow. I tend to keep up a course of 'em when theres stress stuff goin' on.
Oh and they don't numb your sensations like some a-ds can which can be , er, nice * blush *.

{{{{NG}}}}

{{{{{{ng}}}}}}

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Oh and they don't numb your sensations like some a-ds can which can be , er, nice * blush *.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay. Thanks. I just spewed pop outta my nose. Don't have to worry about that.... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Boy howdy! Do I ever miss IT!

Talked to dwh (I can't seem to stop wanting to put the d for dear in there....he is still dear to me <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ) I told him to please check his email as I'd sent him two ecards that he'd not picked up yet, and I didn't want him to think I did it AFTER all this and I was being schmaltzy and conniving. He tells me his tum is upset (it was upset in the middle of the night last night), then tried to pull the "whadduhya tryin to do to me, poison me?" joke. I couldn't help it, I started crying. I asked him to please stop saying that (I'd made a nice dinner last night, chops, green beans and 'maters, squashed potatoes and gravy), that I can't take it right now. He apologized. Ug.

*Edited to add: Has anyone seen Like Water for Chocolate? The herione in the movie cries in the wedding feast that she prepares for her sister who is marrying her One True Love. All the dinner guests eat the feast and are so overwhelmed with sadness and despair that the party ends. Maybe that happened to my dinner last night.

Why does it have to hurt so bad? Why can't I forget my vows to God and to him and just bail? Isn't that what he's trying to do? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ September 10, 2004, 11:43 AM: Message edited by: Niosgirl ]</small>

Kimmy, Men can be such [censored]. I apologise for my gender. Sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

ps. Women can be [censored] too, I have photos if U want proof <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

{{{{niosgirl}}}}


pps U can't drop your vows 'cus you made them to God as well as Nio and HE hasn't let you down. You aren't a person that betrays a promise without doing all you can first. It is to your credit Kimmy. You know it.

I'd say apology accepted, but Bob! I KNOW not all men are a-holes. My da isn't, my uncle isn't....Nio didn't used to be....I had 6+ years with a non-[censored] Nio. I don't think you, or GC, or juke, or K are. Sure we all get crabby and grumpy but it's not all the effing time (I'm using the effing word a lot today, eh?).

I just remembered something very callous Nio told me last night. He told me out of every 10 marriages 5 don't make it. Then he goes on to say (as I'm saying, "Stop. Stop. Stop it. I don't want to hear whatever you're going to say." and crying) He goes on to say that the average marriage lasts 9.8 years. Guess where we are right now, this month? Now THAT was an A-HOLE thing to do/say. I'm crying again.

Why the hell does he think it's okay to be common or average? We didn't used to be common or average.

Being an [censored] is an equal opportunities profession. Men and Women of every age , race and sexual proclivity can be an [censored].

Tell U what Kimmy, when my future lands, whatever it be, I feel a grand tour of MB friends watering holes coming up. A few beers, lots of words of thanks from me and a laugh sems the least I can do for all the help I got here.

I'm raising a glass of wine to your future now girl. You have a ferocious and loveable spirit. You will be happy soon. I know it.

Thanks Bob. DWH thinks I'm a PITA right now, I think.

You're always welcome at the Texas coast. In fact our town's motto is, "A quaint little drinking village with a fishin problem."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Goin' home now. TTFN. See you all Monday (if I survive). Pray for Nio, please?