Are those the two that sang that Muskrat Luv crap? WTF? They HAD to have been high at the time.....

Turntable? Dear Gray, you officially dated yourself w/o the bene of your sig. line. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sheesh the last vinyl I saw, I used as wall art in my duplex while livin' single in Austin. People were most impressed with the usage of AC/DC, Sex Pistols, Plimsouls, Squeeze, Nat King Cole, and Sinatra (Frank, not Nancy - tho she can "get 'er done" any ole day imo) on the same wall. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You go, Johnny soothes the soul. Always and forever. I hope God made a special place in heaven for him.

Hey NG, sorry this is late. My comments in BOLD.

1. Nio was a horse's [censored] all Friday and Saturday. I kinda figured he'd be since he *said* he and VD were fini...you know, withdrawl and all that…

The WS sure can be a horse’s [censored]. For no reason. Question: If NIO was a war veteran and had PTSD, would you cut him some slack? What is different? Really? The only difference is his current mental state is from a POOR CHOICE he made, as opposed to a bad effect of a noble effort. Makes you feel “If only he hadn’t done that, then I wouldn’t be dealing with this.” How YOU deal with it (in the sense of overcoming it) is the same (assuming you CHOOSE to deal with it, you can always leave with God’s blessing as he did commit adultery). Pare it down to it’s barest form. He is acting the [censored] because of something tough he is going through. May NOT say much for him, but it is what it is. You will have to be strong to put up with it, but you will because you love him. Sometimes you will fail because you are only human. The “rightness and wrongness” is ancient history – all the decisions have been made. The stone has hit the pond, you can’t do anything about the ripples, just decide how YOU are going to handle them.

2. Yesterday morning, Nio comes in at 9 (he was on duty) - I'd just woken up, and asked him what he was doing there. So he took my hand and led me to the bedroom (which is were we always talk because we can shut the door and lock it so the kids don't barge in). He tells me he loves me but he can't do it anymore. That he would stay till he saves enough money to move out. I don't know how I didn't keep from laughing out loud. Everything he said was straight from the alien handbook….

IMHO actions talk and bullsh1t walks. Definitely alien talk. “I can’t do it anymore” translated from fog speak is “It is too hard facing what I have done.” Have you ever been frustrated at work and said “Arrgh! I can’t take this.” Ever thought that about the kids? We all have our moments. We tough it out because we have to, or more importantly, we PERCEIVE we have to. DO YOU have to take it at work? Not if you are willing to face the challenges and repercussions of finding another job. If you are not up to that, then yes, you have to. DO YOU have to take it from your kids? Most are thinking YES, but you don’t. What about that monster of a woman who drowned all her children about 3 yrs ago? I’m not saying that was OK, only pointing out that HER PERCEPTION of her threshold said she DID NOT have to. Where is NIOs threshold? Jumping around, not clearly defined. Blow this one off. Learn to see the signs that this nonsense is coming.

3. Right after, I spoke to my oldest. … But do you all also know that even tho I am going through the most miserable time in my life, that I wish to God my stoic, loveable, protective, insanely funny son was WITH ME? That every atom in my soul aches that I'm not there for him at the ER? How selfish am I? How much do I wish I could still curl around him like I did when he was a baby and promise to always be there and to protect him with every fibre of my being. I miss him so much, ya'll. I love him and I miss him, and I let him go to his father's so he'd be happy...and he is...he is SO happy, but it hurts...it hurts so bad...I miss him so bad. How bad do I miss the smell of his hair and the crackle of his changing voice? He's taller than me now. How can I miss all this? How did I allow myself to miss these parts of his wonderfullness...his life? God! It aches so bad.

Go read the story of Samuel as a child in the Bible. His mom wanted a boy so bad that she promised God she would give him to the church when he was 3. To her, the 3 years she HAD was worth it. Better than not having at all. Doesn’t do much for the pain. Watch “A Knight’s Tale.” The dad gives up his son so that he’ll have a better life. The son NEVER forgets. Give your boy some credit NG. Doesn’t sound like he feels you pawned him off on his dad because you didn’t care. He is smarter and more perceptive than you realize. The magnitude of this sacrifice will sink in when he holds his own child. Again. Doesn’t do much for the pain, I’m truly sorry for that. Maybe I gave you some hope.

4. (I think 4 already) Spoke to Nio again. He told me that it's not that he didn't care that Z broke his leg, b/c he does, but he had to go to help that lady. I understood, but my insides were curling up and dying.

Of course you were. Stop it MOM. Gotta go with NIO on this one. Sounds like Z is old enough to be turning into a man. NIO is a chest thumper. Broke leg? No big deal, set it and keep fightin’. If I wrote the movie script for you, I would have told you to call Z with the frantic mother voice and ask if he was OK. He, of course, would say “No ma, I’m fine” (with a chest thump voice). Then you would say “Z, your old enough to know what you need now, but you know I am here whenever you need me.” And you would die. But Z’s masculinity would rise like the Phoenix from the ashes of your motherhood. I can promise you that.

5. Decided to paint the cheap arsed armoire … then painted it the most delicious shade of red … All I have to do tonight it put a top glaze on.

Sorry. I would have to kill you. LMAO. But then again – vive la differeance!

5. (is it 5? I've lost count) Nio'd called me back while I was painting. I flat out told him that I wasn't waiting for him to save money up. If he wants out, he gets out TONIGHT. I've waited far and long enough, imo (1.5 years is a long effing time to have your life on hold). He tried to turn it around and said yadayadayada, so you're gonna be THAT way and blah, blah, blah...whatever. I told him enough. I can't/refuse to do it anymore. Don't care if he has a place to stay, should've thought about THAT before he came home and turned my household over again. He either committed to me right then or he can pick his crap up when he got off work. He told me he'd commit.

You go girl! Know what you did? You firmed up that THRESHOLD of his “have to” I was talking about before. Before NIO is thinking “I could always leave if it gets tough. It’s really my call.” Now NIO is thinking “Dang. Maybe I’m being a bit hasty.” You keep firming up that threshold. It is like muscle memory in athletics. Nothing wrong with sticking up for YOUR boundaries and not letting YOUR feelings get stomped on. “For better or for worse.” The implication of the “worse” is facing the worst together, not letting you treat each other worse and suffering through it.

6. Next, when I'm painting, VD called all frantic. She was practically loosing it over the phone. I finally told her, "VD, I have no idea what you're talking about. Nio told me he didn't want me to talk to you, so that's why I haven't called, I can tell you what I know, but you're gonna have to calm down and TALK to me because I've got NO idea what you're talking about right now." So she calms down, asks me why Nio'd just called her and said he was gonna take the babies away from her. Told me he'd done a background check on her new boyfriend (I knew that, he'd told me - I'd told him he better not do that if I got on with my life...of course, I'm not as stupid as VD, honestly who I see if we aren't together is none of his effing business - he knows no matter how hard he thumps his chest at ME, I know my rights as a parental unit, and that [censored] he pulls with VD don't float at MY house - ed-ju-ma-kation is the BEST defense in the face of chest thumpers, ime).

Sorry, gotta break this one down. Hit NIO with a stupid stick. If he is really concerned with these kids, he should not have tipped his hand to her. He has lost any tactical advantage he may have had. He should know better. Also, watch your pride here darlin’. Your goal is to get NIO back – and I mean his heart. The crazier she seems, the better. You are intelligent, do not stoop to her level. I can tell you were offended or agitated at the whole exchange because your TONE has radically changed at this part of your post. You want to needle this OW? INDIFFERENCE is the key. I would have said to her “What part of your lack of planning constitutes my emergency” if she called me all in a fluster about something NIO was going to do.

She then tells me that he'd told her that I'd kicked him out last week, and he had no other place to stay. Yeah. Okay. She is getting uber pissed with him now, too. I told him her ALLOWING this bull**** and his bull**** is doing NO one any good. It's not MAKING him get on with his life, and she seems pretty miserable right now, too. I told her I love my husband, I know she's cared for him too, but her allowing this is not helping him to get well. She acknowledged that fact. I also told her, that he's MY husband, and I am the only one obligated to help him to which she also acknowledged that. She isn't answering any of his phone calls right now. He's really pissed off. I dunno - I still liken it to him behaving like a child that was told he can't play with a certain toy so he's throwing a fit.

OK. Another small 2x4. You teased me today a good bit about my “chest thumping” on another thread. All in good fun. But you are doing it here. When NIO does it to you, are you impressed? Do you think she is? That was a risky tack IMHO. I usually see females get sneaky and conniving in response to chest-thumping from other females – and I should clarify, females of the caliber that this OW sounds like, vis a vis the lice story from an earlier post.

7. He called and I told him I'd spoken to her, told him what I told her. He got very contrite and said the BIGGEST reason for him wanting to be there was because he is afraid of how the kids'll turn out if he's not. Said he's calling CPS on her next week (because of the lice). Gee. Took her breaking up with him to get pissed. Idiot. Said he knew no matter what, that my two with him would always turn out okay with me as their mom, but he seriously doubts the other two's futures with her. (gee, thanks, it's okay to walk out on me and mine b/c I've got my [censored] together?) That kinda brings me to, "Um, hello, I love those babies...I mean, I'd give my left pinkie toe to have them stay forever, but my sweet husband, don't you think you should kinda get your head well and your heart healed a little before you tackle this one?"

Tough call on this. Really tough. Biggest mistake most of us make as parents is putting the kids first. Husband/Wife relationship MUST come first. If it does not, then two individuals will be raising the kids. Ever have the misfortune of having two bosses? How do you think the kids feel when mom and dad “aren’t fully functional.” Set the kids needs aside sometimes and keep the marriage healthy. But in this case, from what you describe, the BASIC health and welfare needs of these kids seem to be in jeopardy, or at least neglect. From what you say, you really love the OC. Know what can bring people really close? A common fight. I’d really pray on this before I went against NIOs wishes of trying to take these kids. May have MANY more benefits than you are seeing right now. Tough call for me because my knowledge of the situation is only what you have typed. Be careful and more importantly, be honest with yourself. Do you REALLY love them that much? (Not saying you don’t, only that it is too important of a decision to not be sure).

I've missed the HELL out of both of them through this. I'd cheerfully walk through 10,000 miles of burnt gorilla [censored] barefoot if it meant for a moment that I'd get to spend another weekend with them....but our WHOLE family needs some serious healing, I think.

Only comment here is on the “I think” at the end. Keep thinking. More importantly, start praying. This IS NOT something that should be done hastily.

8. He tried to talk about a little last night, but to tell you the truth, I didn't feel like it ... I was entirely too tickled about how cool my armoire looked, and was probably pretty high on paint fumes. Oh, and about the bikini....dear daughter told dear husband that mommy wore her bikini without her surf shorts. Dear daughter also told daddy that mommy has new bling for her belly button and the new bikini bottoms showed it off nicely. Are we sure my husband hasn't been taking go-to-hell look lessons from my sister? Cause, I'm almost certain he's got it down pat...lmao. I refer you all to my aforementioned statement, "when he can act like a husband..." I'll amend it to say I'll begin wearing my surfing shorts.

OK. You are trying to let him know that YOU are his life partner. As unfair as it is, that means being there for him when HE needs. Now this can be tough, and is probably the toughest thing. I mean the WS has already cheated on us, now we are supposed to be the “Mood Hadji’s” and KNOW when they really need us? My point is that as long as you are aware that you missed an opportunity to strengthen your bond with him, you probably are doing OK in that arena. No one expects you to be super-wife, you are hurting too. But the recovery path is shortened with every positive opportunity taken and every negative one avoided. Just making sure you realize this, don’t beat yourself up over it. You will wear yourself out if you do and won’t be any good to anyone. (BTDT)

Poor guy called me a little while ago crying. He'd just watched a 67 year old man pass and while it was happening was attempting to console the gentleman's wife. He told me he didn't know if he could do his job anymore, but it's all he knows how to do....my heart was breaking for him…

Your heart is breaking? Should be rejoicing! A BROKEN HEART and a contrite spirit have yet to be denied. I don’t mean shout “yee-haw” when he tells you this, what you did was right – extend Christ-like compassion to someone in need. The rejoice part is for you. My guess: the enemy doesn’t want NG to have the best. So he is using her husband to pull on her heart strings and make her shift HER boundaries out of compassion for her poor, sweet husband. I posted somewhere else the enemy is the master of the bait and switch. You hold your ground, NIO will be better for it in the end. “my heart was breaking”. You are letting the enemy get the better of you, IMHO. Try and see it for what it is and pray, pray, pray.

My poor darling husband. I wish he could wrap his brain around the fact that to fail is to be human...and NOTHING he's done has ever not been forgivable or fixable.

Is it? How sure are YOU that to fail is to be human? Is that a TRUTH or is that a perception you have? Think about this one. If I asked you to PROVE to me that to fail is human, what would you say? Pretend I am a new race and you are Captain Picard and I have asked why you have failed. Is all you are going to say is “It’s in our nature.” Is it? God promises us victory through him. Guarantees victory it if we are walking with him. So where does failure come in? I might say to fail is STUPID. All you have done when you fail is forget to walk with God.

The point? I know you are bright. If my words above made you pause and screw down your dharma on failure being human, if my words made you question how certain YOU YOURSELF were about that statement, is it such a stretch to think that NIOs paradigm does not see failure as human? And that he could feel as strongly about HIS viewpoint? How have you SHOWN him it is OK? Maybe you can’t. Maybe he has to utterly fail and see for himself that everything will be all right. Guys can be stubborn that way. Are you praying God’s will or your want? Just something to think about.

Please, dear God, speak to his heart. Hold him safe and close to You. He feels no matter what that he deserves neither of us. I know, dear God, though that You in Your wisdom knew he'd need someone exactly like me to lean on and guide him to You. Use me God. I give myself to you. Help me find the words and actions to be a lighthouse for my dear, darling man.

This last part is PERFECT. If you are walking this talk, you will probably succeed.


======
From another post by NG, again, my comments in bold.
=======

SSDD (same [censored] different day)

I think I uber screwed up a little while ago, tho. Last night Nio got a call from the SO saying he forgot to sign a warrent, and they couldn't issue it w/out his ….

Well, awhile ago dwh called and I told him about ds and what he'd said - not even trying to pull guilt strings or anything...I just thought ds had heard daddy leave the night before...really, I didn't even think anything about it. DWH EXPLODED at me, "Why do you tell me these things...what are you trying to do to me???" I almost tripped over my words I tried to apologize so fast...but really, I wasn't THINKING about that....

He got really quiet after that, barely said anything for the rest of 5 min then told me he had to go. I said, "Okay, honey, but you know, you're gonna have to give me some boundries here...I really didn't mean to make you feel bad whether you believe it or not."

[censored]. What did I do? Is he gonna be there when I get home....UG! Is this worth it?

NG, shortly after you posted this, kyellow4 posted something about a bottle of Defense. Frankly, I couldn’t have said it any better. It was right on target and if it wasn’t so sad, it would be really funny. Exactly what a WS seems like. From all our posts.

What did you do? You told your husband about something adorable your child said. You let your husband know that HIS ACTIONS are being NOTICED by HIS CHILDREN.

If I had bad BO and you told me out of love, discreetly, so I could take care of the problem before my big, important meeting and I snapped at you for pointing it out, what’s up with THAT? It’s not like you pointed it out in front of everyone, you told me something that may have been hard for me to hear, but I needed to hear it.

How is that different from what you did with him? The tone of this post sounds a little like you were reacting when you wrote it (the post, I mean. Worrying too much of this issue). I hope you have given it some thought. When RAP has a bad reaction to what I say and I am trying to understand if it is warranted or not I look at it this way:
- Was my INTENT/HEART right (sometimes hard determine objectively)
- Did it need to be said? Example: something hard for her to hear, but establishes a boundary, or as in your case, lets him know the kids are affected.
- Was it said respectfully? My tone and body language as well as where and when I chose to say it.

If I answer (and I mean HONESTLY answer) yes to those three, guess what? It’s probably HER problem and she just doesn’t like it. Yes she has a right to feel however she wants to about it, but that ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT mean I should refrain from saying things she may not like. It is dishonest towards her. Mostly from the fact that it means I am not acting according to MY nature. I’m not going to paint a false picture of who I am. That’s dishonest.

The safety valve is this. I have to say YES to ALL THREE for me to blow it off as her problem. If I say NO to any one of them, she probably deserves an apology.

So how did you do talking to him?

So he got a little angry. One of my favorite Joyce Meyer quotes goes something like “When I get angry, God is trying to talk to me.” Better in context, of course, but you get the drift.

Hope all this helps,

NCWalker

Double Post. Sorry.

<small>[ September 23, 2004, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Hi Kimmy,

Just checking in. I think of you everyday. I hope things get better for you soon. Unfortunately I noticed you joke about "WuzHiz" Plates. Sorry. That Sucks. If you read, I am thinking of changeing plans. Tired of Plan A. Mine is now, you get with the program or else it might be too late. Urrgh!!! Men!!! You love them but they hurt you so much. I cried on the way to work today. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> The radio started me by talking about women desparate to have a man and putting up with thier crap. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Okay. This might be another one that's a long-y. Sooo much has happened, but I suppose I should begin by asking/clarifing/or in one case jumping on NCW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If NIO was a war veteran and had PTSD, would you cut him some slack? What is different? Really? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is actually my tack I take - and I don't think I've ever NOT thought of it that way. Nio's been sick for a LONG time. His response to his illness was to keep it from me so as not to worry me. For those of you who think I'm talking about a physical illness, I'm not. Nio's NEVER, EVER been healed from some emotional pain he's gone through. Did I know he wasn't healing at the time? No. Do I know now? Yes. Has it ever been an "excuse" for his withdrawl from God and the world? No. I won't allow him and frankly he won't allow himself to use it as an excuse. But it still doesn't make him any less ill than someone that has an actual physical, you can see it, disease. But, I cannot heal him. Only he and God can, and Nio has to be the one to ask for help. Lemme tell you, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, this step back and let him be the one to have to make himself fix it...I still dunno if he will or not....but again, not my call. I'm just the moral cheerleader for him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">“I can’t do it anymore” translated from fog speak is “It is too hard facing what I have done.” </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know. Doesn't make it suck like a Dyson (noticed I changed from Hoover to Dyson for ST and Jelly?) any less. Do you know the self restraint it takes not to laugh in his face when he spouts this [censored] and expects me to believe it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> To her, the 3 years she HAD was worth it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">D'ya know if (God fobid, please?) anything should ever, ever happen to my Z worse than a broken tibia, that I would NEVER EVER IN A BAZILLION YEARS be angry or sad at God, because when I tell you that boy is EXACTLY what I wanted when I asked God for a son, I'm not lying one whit? I have been blessed by Z's presence in my life...and I KNOW that he is only mine on loan till God needs him back for His greater purpose. It's all been worth it. It still stings...it's the nature of motherhood, somewhat. I'd have kept him 4 for 5-6 years if I could've. But then, 14 is an AWESOME thing to watch your boy arrive at, too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He is smarter and more perceptive than you realize. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You have NO IDEA. When I say this kid rocks, I'm not just spouting the usual proud mother bs. Fortunately for me, the teenaged angst that a lot of kids go thru has mostly skipped him. He has his mom's innate logic and her uncanny insightfulness. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> INDIFFERENCE is the key. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are so totally right....and since you are male and probably don't get to hear that very often, I'm gonna repeat myself. YOU ARE SO TOTALLY RIGHT. Take that, frame it. When you're feeling downtrodden, look at it and remember how good it felt to hear it and know it was/is true.

I am going now to embroider it on a pillow so I can see it all the effing time. You'd have been proud of me last night....but I'll relate why in a bit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Biggest mistake most of us make as parents is putting the kids first. Husband/Wife relationship MUST come first. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that. I've always known that. My motto has always be "United Front" regarding Nio and I. Unfortunately, my Nio has now chosen to only have the kids come first right now. I can tell him till I'm blue in the face that someday those kids'll grow up, get lives of their own, and leave us (not nesc. in that order <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) and then where'll we be? But it falls on deaf ears for right now. He knew the truth of it once. I hope if he gets well, he'll realize it again.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> From what you say, you really love the OC </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, I do. I ache with love for them. I miss the smell of their hair and how mija calls me mommy. I miss her arms around my neck. My boy uses the baby shampoo I use on them for himself - I'm such a "smell/memory" type person....I've even taken mijas duckie we got her for Easter to bed with me....I'm such a sap for those two. They are so very worth it....where was I going with this????

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> No one expects you to be super-wife </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">[censored]. I missed that memo. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But the recovery path is shortened with every positive opportunity taken and every negative one avoided. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not to be a smart [censored] - but I need a map....oh, yeah...I got one....that Bible thingy and HNHN and this site. Thank you NCW. I just needed a reminder. You are good people here, you know? I sometimes need a vent and ya'll are DEF. good for that!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm more grateful than you'll know till you see the props I've given you all in my prayers (once you get your halos).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Pretend I am a new race and you are Captain Picard and I have asked why you have failed. Is all you are going to say is “It’s in our nature.” Is it? God promises us victory through him. Guarantees victory it if we are walking with him. So where does failure come in? I might say to fail is STUPID. All you have done when you fail is forget to walk with God.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First off, NEVER Picard. 7of9 YO-BAH (tho when Z was 8 he had a crush on her, and that's a little too Greek tragedy for me)! Maybe Janeway or B'elanna, but never Picard! What the heck are you THINKING OF????

Second, yep. I agree. To fail is unnecessary, redundant and stoopid. Will try harder for ME to keep stride. I pray Nio will too someday (maybe today, God?).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> NIOs paradigm </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here's my 2x4 - If you EVER, EVER use the word paradigm in a post to me again, I'll crawl thru the 'net and cheerfully choke you. I HATE that word almost as much as when people leave notes for me at work on my chair. "What? I'm some kind of note/work hatching birdie now? Or I'm so stoopid you can't put it in my in box?" The word paradigm has been bandied about so much in so many meetings I've been in that I'd rather be bleeding from my ears than to ever hear/see it again. Sorry. You're way too good for that word, NCW. I'm sure you meant no harm... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Licks for you in case I hurt your feelers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> NG, shortly after you posted this, kyellow4 posted something about a bottle of Defense. Frankly, I couldn’t have said it any better. It was right on target and if it wasn’t so sad, it would be really funny. Exactly what a WS seems like. From all our posts.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know. It was so nailed-on and almost funny that if it wasn't so pathetically true it'd have been a Depends disclaimer funny (you know, some post so funny you have to put a disclaimer to the readers to don their Depends so they don't wet their office chairs when they read it).

Update part:

1. VD called night before last, mija was bruising badly. Wanted to speak to Nio, but he was at a part time. I had her 'splain symptoms to me, and attempted to tell her no matter what, it'd be better/easier for her to go to her pedi instead of taking mija to the er.

2. Called Nio, told him what I'd told VD. BTW: For those of you who DON'T know, VD has 6 kids total. She still calls ME (who only has 3) with med questions....any advice I've given her has been nearly always backed up by a med prof (I say most, b/c sometimes she won't take the child/ren in).

3. He calls me back after talking to her. Tells me when he gets off work, he's going to SAT to take mija to ER. I told him what I'd told VD (again) - that the ER is gonna put her low on the ER list (bruising for crying out loud), that even if they DO decide that they need to run further testing (not telling him what I know about some of the more serious maladies that bruising can be a symptom of - b/c I highly doubted it'd be any of those, so why worry) that the testing wouldn't be done till the next day anyway. He tells me I've got to understand that it's HIS daughter. Whatever. I did ask if VD had broken up with her bf - cause between you, me and the fencepost it sounds like she has and is seeing how much/which buttons to push on dwh.

4. I rearrage the house. Sorry NCW. I painted nothing else slut red, tho...okay? He goes to SAT, I'm gettin on with gettin on. Period. Exclaimation point. Dot. Dot. Dot.

5. He gets home, won't be going to SAT that night. Put it off till tom (yesterday). Again, whatever. I had my say. I don't need to say anymore - I'm not fighting or even gonna be mad at his fog...it's so not right and if he can't see it, I can tell him till I'm blue in the face and he still won't see it. He did ask me why I asked if her bf had broken up with her. I told him the truth...b/c it sounds like she's seeing how far she can yank your chain. He humphed at me.

6. We'd been discussing moving back to SAT. He told me he's gonna pick up some apps at a couple of PDs there. Whatever. Not gonna worry about it right now. Made him take ds to daycare, on his way out of town, tho. Let HIM deal with a baby who is sad daddy isn't there. It's his turn anyway....I'll be there to pick him up and he (my boy) ALWAYS knows I'LL be there.

7. Pick up ds - we had a GRAND time on the way home being silly and talking about the grossest thing in the world to eat (peanut butter and toe jam sammiches is one - it's a game ds#1 and I made up years ago...funny, girls don't usually get into it as well as the boys...my nephew thought it was the coolest game in the entire world, tho and he's 16 now and still talks about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> - BTW: I'm the "cool" mommy if you haven't already guessed). Got home, dd comes out and says she talked to daddy on the phone when she got home (at 4:20). Said she could hear baby sister in the background. Whatever. That meant at 4:20, he still hadn't left SAT, and I could expect him home around 7-7:30. I clean and putter. Never called him to see when he'd be home or if he'd eaten dinner (VERY UNLIKE ME). Didn't have one urge to, to tell the truth.

8. He waltzes in at around 7ish, I know b/c America's Top Model had just come on and he bursts in saying, "It's time for Smallville, it's time for Smallville...why don't you have Smallville on?" To tell the truth, I'd forgotten...which is so unlike me...PEP! You want some nice buns.....dude on Smallville. Just looking at him will make your toes curl up to your knees. The guy that plays Lex, I wouldn't kick outta the house, either. And when he took off his shirt....um...I think the temp in the house rose like, 10 degrees - can anyone tell it's been a long time for me?

SIDE QUESTIONS: Anyone watch Smallville? Holy Moly! They are hitting close to Justice League now...Lex is just beginning his illness...'cept in the comics he didn't have a doc that HOT! Geez, you'd think if she'd bent over any more, she'd have poked his eye out with her chichis. And how sad was that when Kal-el pushed Martha down. I gasped at that! Poor Martha! She's been thru/lost so much. HELLO! That's your MOM, idjit!

8. During a 'mercial (b/c we all know that's the only time to speak to a man where he'll actually hear you, and even then, it's iffy), found out they never got mija in - VD didn't have the medicaid card and they couldn't make an appt. He did say that the bruising looks like someone had pinched and twisted, kwim? There are a few new neighbors in the 'jects that VD lets play with the kids (even tho mija is only almost 2), and they're thinking that's how she got hurt. Dropped it after that.

Don't really care one way or another right now what the eff he thinks he's doing/getting away with. Will get my house in order...then decide what the eff I am gonna do. I will not, tho, be waiting with baited breath while he figures it out. You know that indifference thingy NCW was talking about? I'm so indifferent to him right now it's pathetic - the reason? Life is too short. I'm going to be thankful for what I have and if he can't too bad, so sad, sorry 'bout your bad luck.

My grandma is dying. I know it for certain now. I knew it, but refused it, because to tell the truth, it's not supposed to happen. Yah, yah, circle of life and all that [censored]. Denial. My g'ma was a fighter. She's had massive strokes and should've died in her 40s. Instead, she ended up paralyzed on one side of her body, and STILL did the laundry in the house, STILL made the most awesome Christmas dinners, and STILL told anyone to go to hell that she felt like. She's 82 now. She smoked a bagizillion ciggies a day and loved each puff. She is the eldest of 9 and a cole miner's daughter. She thought ice cream was a luxury, and always had it in the freezer - she also left twinkies in the bottom drawer so the grandkids (me and my sis) could get to them b/c we didn't get them at home. She was raised Catholic, but assisted my grandfather in helping to found the Unitarian church in our hometown. She was piss and vinegar...with the emphasis on piss. Now, she's refusing ice cream. She won't even ask for a ciggie even tho she's allowed them. She won't ask for her teeth so she can eat her dinner (my uncle came by at dinner, she was sitting there eating roast beast, and had no teeth in - the nurses are SUPPOSED to make sure, and g'ma could've asked, but didn't). She doesn't want to sit up, and fluid is forming in her lungs.

Guys, she's given up. I see it. She's not supposed to, DAMN IT! She is supposed to be fighting.....and I'm crying and I'm sad and I'm angry and geez...please...allow me to break okay. I wanna break, just this once. I want to be sad and upset and I wish to hell my husband would take me in his arms and let me be weak right now.....please don't hit me with 2x4s or pillows or anything. I wish to God right now I had my chichi dog I wanted...cause then I could cry in front of it, not be strong in front of it, and not feel like I have to apologize for breaking. My kids are TOO fragile right now for me to be anything but strong for them, the dog I do have is entirely too big to be a lap dog (tho he'd think it was the bees knees if I let him on the sofa), and my dh is too busy wallowing in his own misery to give one whit about mine.

- Kimmy

BUMP before I leave.

NCW, if you lurk tonight, hug RAP for me.

ST and Jel-Belle, hug each other for me.

I miss IRL hugs from my darlin, and I wish all my friends lots of IRL hugs from theirs!

NG, {{{{NG}}}} cyber hug for you, I will hug my ST tonight, be you know it won't end there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'll be thinking of you, and I said a little prayer for you, so if God heard it, you should be getting your IRL hug soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love to you sweet lady.

Jelly

Thinking of NG--you will be in my prayers.

Kimmy,

A prayer for you, your grandma, Nio & all your children.

My grandma (89 yrs. old) is in the hosptial, beginning stages of alzheimers (sp). We hate the thought of the circle being broken but it is God's plan for all of us one day to go home to be with him.

I sent u my phone # via email.

Call me - God is holding u Kimmy never forget that, let go & feel his love surrounding you.

Love you,

Kimmy, I'm on the porch, in the rain, with my campin' guitar. Thought I should give you a holla-holla.

Thinking of you and your granny and Nio and everyone else. Hope springs.

GC

Hi Kimmy,

Cyber hugs to you sweety. You know I know how it feels to hurt and not get support. My darling husband is being very cold to me right now. I know how it feels to need to fall apart but know you got to stay strong for the kids. Sending a prayer to heaven for you now.

My Prayer.

Dear God, Please wrap your arms of protection and love around our darling Kimmy. I know that she is your child and she is hurting right now. Please Dear God give her the strength she needs to go through this valley she must walk through. Dear God I also pray that you will touch Nio's heart and heal him. That you will draw Nio back to you. Dear God protect all Kimmy's children including Other Children because we know all children are precious to you. Dear God also pray for VD that she will somehow learn to become a real woman and take proper care of her children.

Amen.

Kimmy BTW. VD could call social services and get an emergency card. I once lost my medicaid card and got another one the same day.

BBG

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I sent u my phone # via email.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nuh-uh. Nada. Sure you typed it right...it's niosGIRL, not niosGRILL...lmao. Really, I didn't get it, tho.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Hope springs.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While GrayCloud sings. I took yours and SS's words to heart yesterday and today. Turned off the radio and sang. A lot. Took requests from the young 'uns this morning. They dug it...made my soul feel nicer. Irish ballads, whaling songs, and "the Lion King" song (in the jungle, the mighty jungle) were the favs. Oh-wheeee-eeeeee-oh-wheee-mo-mo-mohwayahy....

BTW, my oldest says our front porch is the BEST place to play the acoustic git-fiddle (that's guitar for all you Northerners). It's one of the main reasons he loves to come visit. That, and momma's cookin...nobody cooks like yo'momma, kwim. Anywho, you got the sea birds circlin' the breeze comin' off the water, and sailboats and shrimpers passin' by. Yep. It's the best place to do any soulful thing.

Story to share for all you mom's of little boys...if'n you DARE laugh at me, when it happens to YOU, I'm gonna LMAO right back atcha. Z tells me he's gettin his cast yesterday and he got to choose the color (how cool is that, anyway...I broke my elbow and all I got for it was surgery and an ugly ole plaster thing that was nasty and dirty and smelly by the time my elbow healed). What color? Black, so he can have ALL THE GIRLS sign in white or silver sharpee. Notice all the girls part? What? Yep. No boys signing, only girls...WTF? I mean, the week I've had, I'd rather stuck a pencil in my eye than hear that....OYVEY! Quit your smilin' or it'll come back double with your own kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hormones, schmormones. I'm all for locking him in his room till he's 25. That's legal, right?

Not much to tell on the Nio front. He's lost quite a few lbs. Abject sorrow'll do that to a person, kwim? He was able to eat for the first time in a few days last night. I DID ask if VD had broken up with BF, to which I got the answer that he didn't know, and bf wasn't really VD's bf. Whatever. I dropped it. I don't know really why I asked. We were talking last night and I told him he was acting like he didn't want his weekend to end. He said, "It'll be okay as long as I don't have anymore db (dead bodies) for awhile." I told him I'd pray he doesn't this morning b4 he left for work. Instead of his usual, "Why bother, God doesn't listen anyway," I got a sweet smile. Jumping on the sweetness, I said HE could pray too. Just got another smile. I did pray for his work week being smooth this morning. I think he heard me, but I told him I did anyway. He just chuckled at me.

I still get no kisses before he leaves and no "I love yous..." That's one of the hardest things to go thru. I'm such a mush head.

Oh. Have to share my dream from last night. Had to call M23B about it since she was in it. I was meeting her at the Cher concert, and I couldn't find her. We were supposed to meet Cher, but since I couldn't find M23B, I go up and order a beer at the concession stand. Walked around, bumped into Cher, and she and I go to find M23B. Got another beer...never did find M23B. Just so you know, draft dream concession stand beer is just as nasty in dreamland as it is IRL. Oh, and Cher is a very nice lady....

LMAO.

Hi Kimmy,

Did you see my prayer for you? I am going through much similar stuff. Husband stated he lost some love for me. He has stopped telling me he loves me. He does not hug me unless I hug him. I love affection. Anyway I am not getting it, and I know how much it hurts. I understand not wanting kids to grow up. It hurts that my daughter who is only 19 has chosen to ditch her family. I pray that God will wake her up out of her selfishness. My boys are growing up too. I hate that they have been exposed to what husband is doing to me. But I will be getting a job. Did you get my last e-mail, you never responded. Maybe you didn't get it. I will try and e-mail you again.

Last bump of the day. Going home...will attempt to redecorate w/out spending ANY money...wish me luck on that one. Will probably go to the beach if'n Ivan doesn't wash us out.

Smackaroonies. Will also try to stay upbeat and positive.

Had a very long post started then MG ATE IT GRRRRR!

Synopsis: *****in waves Saturday: will be buying a surfboard...the words Mr Zogg's Sex Wax the Best Wax for your Stick will no longer get someone's mouth washed out with soap at my casa.

Sunday - NCW would've had to kill be again - I decopauged a shelf with leopardspotted tissue paper. So I like it loud, trashy and fun? Sue me.

Nio's moving out Friday. Will give you more detail when I stretch my fingers out b/c IT'S A LONG STORY AND I'VE ALREADY TYPED THE DAMN THING ONCE!

Did not direct that post at you.
ent

I kinda thought that you didn't Ent, but the words still stung, kwim?

I'm gonna give a "the rest of the story" of this weekend, then I'm going to post another story/parable and hopefully the person that I direct it to will "get it" and leave the the heck alone for awhile - esp since that person has sent me mail recently that hurt me to my soul - so bad infact, that I had to leave my desk, and if I'd had a pillow, I'd beat it bloody then screamed into it till I passed out.

First, Sunday Nio comes into our bedroom at 6 (SIX) in the effing morning asking me why I checked HIS voicemail at 11:59 the night before, and what was I doing checking HIS voicemail and yadayadayada. I told him I was sleeping at 11:59, don't care how much he doesn't believe me, and please let me go back to sleep. He leaves for work. Of course, I don't go back to sleep becasue WHO THE EFF cares unless someone is trying something sneaky??? Right? So I get up and call VD. Well, guess who was still drunk and her "not really" boyfriend was still there at 6:15 in the morning??? (oh, and btw: who among us knows enough of basic math can figure out drinking plus staying up all night plus having a boyfriend there = someone probably got lucky - and this is who my dwh thinks is a great gal to have around?)

Well she asks if she can call back since bf was there and was pissed that I'd called. Okie dokie. She calls back, but didn't tell me she'd 3 wayed Nio in - not that it made a whit of dif as to what I said to her. I just said I'm tired of not knowing what those two were up to or planning, and wondered if she had anything up their sleeves. There was a whole bunch said to her, and I let her have it regarding just how (little) I thought of her. She told me that it sounds like I think I'm better than she is (well, duh) and how can I think that. Well, duh again I told her that I have NEVER slept with someone else's husband. Then went off and told her I didn't believe only going to church on Easter and Christmas was a get out of hell free card. She then told me what did I know about being Catholic and what it means...to which I LMAO! My mom's side might be the heathen Unitarians but what part of my dad joining the monastary, then deciding he wanted to marry and have kids, so he left it WAS NOT BEING CATHOLIC? Then she said that she thought it was pretty funny that Nio and I were together 10 years and he didn't know what religion I really was...to which I told her that no matter what religion, it's pretty damn sad they all agree that to sleep with another woman's husband is a sin and to not not only ask for forgivness but to STOP it! Eventually, she said that she wasn't going to talk to Nio for a month, and see how it goes. I told them both that I don't think either of them will do it... Oh, and btw she said she "saved" him by sleeping with him....saved him from what I wanna know...veneral disease???

So she hung up, he came home for awhile and he told me he firstly that I (LIL OLE ME) probably shot to hell any chance he had with her. I told him he and she set themselves up for it from the get go so not to even go there. He said he thought maybe he needs to leave to figure things out. Fine by me. I think he was shocked a bit that I didn't beg him to stay or what...I did let him have it about the "caliber" of person SHE is. That the "caliber" of people her family is (no offense anyone, but OW is the OC of an OW and WS and so are her brothers, she was pg and married at 17, lives on welfare, her bros have done/dealt drugs, she's been arrested and convicted of assaulting a police officer and is an all around immoral person who's apparently a product of her environment - all not my problem, and neither are they his - he just has this urge to save her). Probably an LB....who cares?

Honestly, Not caring a whole lot right now. I do love him, but he's hurting me and the kids and has got to go till he can stop this madness. So he's out on Thursday, not friday b/c I don't want him in th ehouse at all when I'm not there and I have to work Fri. Furthermore, he's taking the van....and hopefully a good dose of reality. He'll have the van payment, two child care pymts (he'll have to continue work here even if he wants to move there) plus deal with all his plethora of emotional flotsam and jetsom. I wish him luck cause he's gonna need it.

My tat is kick assed by the way. Very empowering.

Once upon a time I had a friend who was an exotic dancer. She wasn't in the profession when I knew her, but it had so emotionally scarred her that she drank A LOT to numb herself from what she'd done. She had a little girl that was my little boy's age. She would call me up and tell me that she partied till she didn't remember where she was. It was DRAINING to be her friend. One day she called to tell me she'd gone out drinking with two guys she didn't know, fell down some stairs, they took her to the ER, then just dropped her off. She couldn't even tell the ER her name till she sobered up. I'd had it. I told her, XXXXXX, if you don't straight your [censored] up, your exh is gonna raise your daughter.

She never spoke to me again.

I now have another emotional vampire (besides Nio). This person is mailing me with their neediness on a nearly daily basis. Today this person used the words, "I'm sorry your marriage is ending." NOT ONCE HAVE I ADMITTED NOR SAID MY MARRIAGE IS ENDING. It is not ending. Neither Nio nor I are ending it...I acknowledge that I need help for myself, and he's beginning to acknowlege that the way he's been doing things isn't working. TO THAT PERSON THAT WROTE THAT TO ME: I am blocking your emails. I cannot be around that. I also cannot support someone who constantly and consistantly makes EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM AND who has an almost uncanny ability to drain the positiveness from me.

I'm SORRY if you are hurt or offended or whatever. But I am OFFENDED and HURT and I can't take it ANYMORE from ANYONE. I will support people, love people, and attempt to be gracious....but I CANNOT let ANYONE suck any positiveness from me without GIVING anything back.

- Kimmy

Kimmy, do you think that you hatin' on VD without pity is affecting your M?

I think you lowered yourself by getting into a "who's better" match with her. The bait was twitching like crazy though I'll bet.

Do you know where Nio is going to be staying?

Your new tattoo has to be super cool, and surfing is this midwestern boy's fantasy! When I have my MLC maybe I'll move to the coast and take it up. Shoot, I'm 34. Better get going on that.

GC

Actually, GC, I don't think I *totally* hated her till she told me Sunday that "she's only out for herself from now on...." As if there was any other time she wasn't???? I've never really liked her...always questioned her morality....and never could understand the fascination Nio had in her (besides the knight in shiny armor thingy).

And yep. I hate to say it, NCW can slap me around as much as he (or me) likes to, but that bait was entirely too good not to bite. Which means I lowered myself and for that, I'm kicking myself...but I've been SO kind to her..........you wouldn't believe the height of the road I took....and LOOK WHERE IT GOT ME>.....sorry. It is a bitter apple to bite.

And just so you know, I AM a better person. I know, I know, no one's better than anyone else....but honestly....sheesh.
Sometimes it's just infuriating.

Sweetie pie, no one needs a mid life crisis to learn something new and exciting. Quit making excuses and DO!

I'm less of a landlubber all the time. I swim almost every day, and I've started moving my boat-building operation into the garage. I'll start with the kayak, since I'm staying here in MN for a while, and there's great sea kayaking on Lake Superior.

I don't know if anybody ever tries surfing up there. Interesting...

GC