I remember swimming in Lake Winnipeg onces with the waves so high that you could body surf....

That's also the time I got a fish stuck in my swimsuit...don't you laugh...it was only a minnow....but still!

I am sorry I hurt you. I reread my e-mail to you and realize I came across too strong, I did not mean it that way. I should not have been even writing to you at a time when I was hurting so bad. I plea temporary insanity. I sincerely apologize. Hurting you is the last thing I wanted to do. I will only read your posts from now on and pray for you and Nio. I do beleive in God and know he can heal your relationship. I hope you can forgive me.

<small>[ September 28, 2004, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

Thank you for your sincere apology, Gen. It is appreciated.

Update for you all: Nio and I had a very heartfelt heart to heart last night. Oh, and you are right GC - it was an LB to get a tat (hehe)....but I've been forgiven for it...even tho I didn't ask for forgiveness. He even conceded that I needed to do something for ME and only ME.

BTW: Harrington font is great for Gaelic wording. Very nice.

Our heart to heart ended in the words that he loves me among other *ahem* things. He doesn't understand his fascination with VD, but he knows that if he goes there and thinks he's saving her from herself, it'll never happen (which is what he's been squatting on that fence for). He fell asleep holding me, and kissed me goodbye this morning telling me, "I've never stopped loving you, you know?" I told him I knew, and that I love him more today than I did the day we said I do, will not stop loving him, or being there for him or standing UP to him... Then he threw a very wiggly 4 year old in our bed with me, and kissed us both goodbye. 4 year old had me sing nearly every Mary Poppins song I can remember plus a version of Candy Man just because. My froat (throat in 4 yearoldese) is a little sore from the talking/singing.

Dh is going to the doc for some anti ds. He also is checking lawyers about c for the kids. Like NCW says, tho, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMHO actions talk and bullsh1t walks </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So, I put my faith in God right now and not dh. I hold no breaths about my future. There is only now and the promise of God's love forever. Today, I am blessed by Him. Tomorrow I will be, too. Those are the only promises that I can put any faith in.

I cried my thanks to Him a little while ago after dh called and said he loved me before he let me go. That was a nice one, God. Thank You.

Please, still use me, Dear Lord. Use me to show Nio what a worthy human he can be.

- Kimmy

I am so happy for you!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I had a feeling he'd come around. He'd be a fool not too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Niosgirl:
<strong> ..but I'm thinking a trip to my old haunting grounds Emos, on 6th St., will be in order. Also the Blue Flamingo - gotta love reggae! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Emos is still around? Small world. I think they closed the one in Houston a few years ago. I used to live there back in the day...

oaky back to lurking :-)

Yep. It's still there, NYC. I knew there was one in Houston, but I tend to stay as far away from Houston and Dallas as much as possible (shudder), so didn't know it closed.

((((heaviest of sighs))))) Here the scoop:

He and I have an appointment to talk to a lawyer about C of the children this Friday.

That's about it. He hurts for the hurt he has caused. What can I say? There is nothing I can do or say that I haven't said 110 times...only he can someday come to terms with his choices.

Hope. I refuse to use that word anymore. I cannot afford to hope. Hope hurts too much right now. I am officially tentatively cautious about he and me.

My youngest planted me a garden yesterday. When I say that it means that he played in the huge hole he and the dog dug in the yard, he picked wildflowers, then re-planted the poor things in the sand...what didn't get put back into the hole was tracked into the house and washed down the shower drain. He told me I'm the prettiest mommy ever. I'm not...but he's always going to be allowed to think so. I love him so much.

- Kimmy

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hey Kimmy! Man have you been busy. Are you still going this weekend? Hope you have a great time. Oh the leaves are changing in AR and riding thought the mountians is awesome. You have to hold tight for the ride <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I'm glad everything is looking up for you and most of the time DH do wake up a "get it" some lose it, but w/ help from us darling, loving, supporting,2x4 carring BS they get back to it! But as you say, we have today and live it to the fullest! Which I know you do! Just dropped in to say HI (man we need the little waving guy!)
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Thank you Sunny. Gotta a little warning:

Take care of yourselves. I don't care how old or young are or how old or young you feel. I was 26 when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure (TWENTY SIX). I was young, pretty fit, and thought it was an old person's thing. The thought of having to take meds for the rest of my life depressed the hell out of me. But you can't change genetics no matter how pissed you get at the unfairness of the world. So I swallow my pills every morning, like a good girl.

That brings me to the end of last week and all this week. I've been "off." Lethargic to the point of just wanting to crawl under my desk and sleep. I figured it was the lunar pull (kwim girls?) plus all the added stress. I knew last night that we had to get dinner done and go to the $100 store (aka: WalMart) last night, but I was tired to the point of loopiness....babbling tired...seriously, weirdly tired. Made it thru WalMart with Nio and the kids (to tell the truth, I don't remember a lot of the trip...I do remember feeling sick to my stomach really bad). Just on an off thing, since I haven't done it in over a week (bad me) I check my bp...OMG! 96/60.....WAY TOO LOW FOR ME. Which 'splains a lot. So gang....take care of yourselves. Please. Pay attention to your moods and your general feeling of BEING. I can't believe I drove home last night...I could've hurt people........

Nio and I are okay. He wanted to talk last night about the pain he thinks he's caused, but seriously, I don't think I got the point across very well on my views regarding the issue. Plus I'd loose a train of thought in the middle of a sentence.

I love that man. He scared the beejeebers out of me this morning. I was drying my hair and he comes in (he leaves for work before I even get up). I catch a glimpse in the mirror of someone entirely too tall in the house (what, with me being the only adult SUPPOSED to be there) and almost wet myself. Yeah. Screw with the woman who's meds are off....OY VEY! He apologized nicely. Got my wedding ring out of my jewelry box and slipped it on my hand (I've not been wearing it). Then he got called out on a call.

- Kimmy

This is gonna be long since I didn't update on Friday when I got in. Oy. So much...so much....

First okay. Thank you to EVERYONE. You are all right! God works and MB helps out now and again - even if it hurts worse than ripping off a stuck bandaid now and then.

Geeze. I dunno where to begin. Lessee. I DIDN'T get to see a therapist Friday. Seems that while it's gotten thru to my doc's office that this therapist is on my provider's listing, it hasn't gotten thru to my insurance yet. Therapist is waiting an approval number that is due by Oct. 15. So first appt. is the 15th. The receptionist was MOST understanding when I started weeping when I'd heard I'd had to put it off or pay $150 (like, yeah...I've got that laying around...scuse me while I pull it outta my...sniff, snort, ugly thought inserted here)...I just sniffed and said (not unkindly or ugly or anything...more like lost)..."it's not like I've already put this off a year and a half or anything...." (tears). But she was sweet and kind and it was EXACTLY the kindness I'd needed....It's a little disconcerting to get one's moxy up to tell such a tale (specially when one of the main characters in the tale is the teller), then not be able to. Capice?

Nio and I then spent almost 2 hrs. with a lawyer. I once directed VD to this site (hoping that she'd SEE how much a cliche she was)...I dunno how smart she is, not very in the grand scheme of things, but who knows. I shant tip our hands to our plans, but will tell you all WE have a GREAT case against her for custody.

(IF YOU HAVE A WEAK TUM, DO NOT READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPH)

The children were here this weekend. Mija has lice again. This time, while removing the nits (shudder) I put each on a length of tape, then taped them on a white piece of paper. After baby salading, I was able to pick the dead larvae and full grown bugs out, and also taped them to the paper, along with the nit comb that had more eggs/bugs in it. The paper is dated.

There is even more EVIDENCE of neglect...but I won't post it here. It's not just hearsay, he said/she said...it's actual tried and true blue stuff. We are documenting everything.

So sad.

Mija threw a HELLUVA fit when I left for work. "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY....NOOOOO!" Okay. So I left for work in tears. They are on their way back to VD's house today. I don't want them to go...maybe someday, they won't have to....

Bob Pure! I posted to your darling Mrs. about your prayers...Guess what I caught Nio doing this weekend??? Humbling himself before Him...asking for help...attempting to hand "it" over to Him (which is hard, so hard for my control freak of a husband)....OY VEY! And I "caught" him at it. It was an accident that I came upon him...I'm so sorry I interrupted........

Nio asked how I know, always know when to hand it over. I told him that God sends the tools to survive, you have to learn to recognize them. I told him that He's sent me, He's sent Kurt (Nio's partner that just happens to be a minister <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ), he's sent the tools to use....you have to practice to keep your eyes open to be able to use them....

You all. My dwh, thinks himself so unworthy. He tearfully told me he still has a hard time wrapping his brain around the fact that I love him. Someday, soon hopefully, I'll be able to explain that I didn't love that man he was during the a, but love the man he's become.

Joyfully,
- Kimmy

Wow. What a blessing! Keeping the faith is a good thing NG, thanks for reminding us! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Kimmy,

Bugs! Delicious. Do you ever take them to the doctor's for head lice?

Sounds like things are looking better today. I sure wish my WW would put herself in someone else's hands. She's in la-la land, and she knows it, but she refuses to look for answers outside herself and her feelings.

This weekend I busted my butt getting my house clean and ready for winter. Lit up my fireplace for the first time. Ain't nothing like a real fire.

GC

"YUUUUUMMMMM....My favorite brain soup
Cream of Nowhere...."

Sorry. You just sent me to the 80s (thanks ever so much...I'll never get the mousse out now - anyone know how to un-backcomb some bangs?). Quick - a bagillion points to who ever gets the name of the band and at least 1 movie soundtrack it was on!

GC - Bugwuggies are so prevelant here that they just send you home with destructions of destructions of the things. I've de-bugged my house so many times that I think you could see it from the space shuttle. I have to do this every time the kids come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I go thru this every time they come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> All our stuffed animals are bagged (they can come out in a week - just in time for another visit), all our pillows and blankets are washed (in at least 120 degree temp water), all combs, brushes, hair do-dahs and barettes are boiled. All bedding, chairs and the sofa that cannot be washed are de-bugged with a spray poison...I'm sure it's real healthy for US since it is so damn healthy for the bugs.

Scuse my rant. I'm not bitter or anything. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Fireplace (searching my databanks)....hmmm. Interesting concept. Inside the house, you say? Cool...or hot?? It's neat, tho. How cold is it there? We got a cold front in yesterday. Got all the way up to 90 at our house by the water. Attempted to enjoy it by opening the house, since we get a nice breeze, but with all the cleaning I was doing (look at paragraph # 3), had to close it back up and put the air back on. I was sweatin...um....er....glowing...yep, that's the proper southern term.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ...I was glowing with my efforts!

NG - I have a neice and nephew that the same thing kept happening with...5 kids, and my really long hair...couldn't afford all the stuff to buy and spray, etc...here's what we did...just as effective, a lot less headache and cost...

Wash all you can in hot water, yes, but I never did, cuz a hot dryer will do the same...and, a little (I STRESS the word "LITTLE" here) drop a little bleach in the washer as the water is filling, add a fourth of the laundry detergent (if powder, or all if liquid) then, when completely full of water, add the clothes - this gives the bleach time to seperate in the water without staining anything...try it on dark towels or sheets first, if you're unsure. then, dry everything in the dryer, hot setting. Vacuum everything - pillows, furniture, mattresses...you are suppose to vacuum after spraying everything anyway...go back and vacuum everything again in a couple of days, and finally at the 7th day.

As for the hair, you don't have to buy the expensive shampoos...getting out the nits is the most important thing...and bugs if they've hatched, of course...just keep checking them...

only downfall is if their mom isn't doing any of the cleanup at home, then they'll have time to hatch and you'll be doing it all over again, just like in the past...

Have you considered calling the local social services or child services, or whatever they call it there? Or, is it like here, once they get involved you can't get rid of them...they don't usually do the job they need to, and the kids that need them are neglected, and the parents that don't need them can't shake them.

OK, you probably knew all that, but just in case...I was venturing out of my usual and thought I'd respond here....

We've done all we can on our end (the above list - and I'm QUEEN of bleach.....I can bleach anything w/out taking the color out, I think). It's VD. She won't do all it takes at her house. I just told (verbally) Jelly the horror VD's house is. I'd no ideas...got better than ideas now...got pics.

CPS is on the list. We're just getting duckies in a row first.

Hi Niosgirl,

Just wanted to say that I am praying for you and wishing you my blessings on your family. I hope that yoy get all that you want and that Nio continues to be mindful of his blessings. He is one lucky fella. You ahve been so strong during all of this until I am still amazed at the things you do.

Thank you for being such a kind and wonderful person, you have really shown me that things can work out for the greater good. Wishing you much love and happiness always.

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thank you JT! You are such a gracious inspiration, yourself. (((JT)))

I admire your strength of character JT.

- Kimmy

I've been trying to post all morning, but have been too "off." Called the doc told him I HATE XANEX, I was much better on zoloft and in the name of little red apples to PLEASE switch me back. After discussing it, he agreed. Praise little red apples.

Guess what particular OW had revenge sex with her new bf Friday night, then told a particular dwh? I wasn't gonna tell...but [censored]. Ew. Classy...eh?

Begun a "catlogue of events." No wonder I feel sick to my stomach. Gonna have to POJA with dwh about this....he asked me to help, and I agreed, but I don't think I can keep it up. It's up to date, but sickens me like the plague to look at it.

I want to go home and go to sleep. I've been up since oneish. Jelly, you WERE contagious. ST, quit stickin' your tongue down Jelly's throat. Ah...it's just as well, at least we're keeping it in the family...even cyberlly....SETTLE DOWN ST! I'm in no mood.

And Jel - the cookie I ate was wonderful and was perfect with the nachos.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Everyone else, I told Jelly last night that chocolate is excellent with Mexican food. Last night was build your own nacho night at our casa.

- Kimmy

Maybe if you kept your tongue to yourself young lady, you wouldn't be feeling yucky. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Sorry your snarfly, I am too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I want a cookie. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Revenge sex, How does that work? Isn't that her current BF??? She is a very classy tramp. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sending you Licks, might as well, you all ready caught my snarfling.

Love you Kimmy.
Jelly

First off...I HAD a really great post to post on my feelings up to date and all that, but my chain of thoughts right now are loopy. Zoloft is beginning to work again, tho. I'm sometimes able to stop the OCD thoughts before I actually throw up. The last real sleep was, when? Right before I woke Wed. at 1 am? Yep. BP is fine, tho...and that's good....can't go looking those gift horses in the mouth eh?

I thought maybe it was a boogey I caught, but I realized after this morning's drama that it was just VD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . "They" hadn't been in contact for since Monday...the longest says my wh since he can remember.

She called this morning at 3 ish saying she's an idiot, she's sorry, not to take the kids from her mom if anything should happen. She loves him. She was drunk (it was $1 beer night, of course). Nio asked why she was crazy talking and she just shut up. Asked if I was there...like, um, where else would I be? She hung up on him, wouldn't answer the phone (I was all for calling SAPD on her - don't think he's ready for that yet), so he called her bf. Left voicemail. Called her mom (she'd called from her mom's) her mom went in to make sure she hadn't taken anything, or slit her wrists or something (she's attempted suicide twice).

WH is realizing what a screwball she is finally. Who knows how long this fog will be lifted for, tho.

Because of my own health issues, I find it EXTREMELY hard to deal with this [censored] right now.

Going to the women's shelter right now. I need to talk to someone NOW. I can't take this anymore. I need a plan now.

- Kimmy

Kimmy, you okay?

(((((NG)))))

GC