I'm okay right now. I was on and off sick till Saturday. VD is truly living up to her tart status....

Will update more later.

Kimmy, I'm here if you want to talk.

{{ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> }}

I dunno how lengthy I'm gonna make this update but here goes.

First, I want to make an observation. Has anyone but me noticed that the 2nd and 3rd days you work out are absolute hell? I've got a theory about that. I think day one, your body says, "What? Are you effing kidding me? This is a joke right???" Then for days 2 and 3, your body is saying, "We are NOT starting this bullshyt again. I refuse, and if you think I'm gonna stand for it, I'm gonna make you pay!!!!!!!!!"

Whew! Had to say it. Been working out....my pecs hurt so bad, I think my boobies are gonna fall off.

My tum is better. Not all the way good...when I begin to stress, I start to feel like I'm gonna hurl...but it's an improvement from all the time stressing/hurling I was doing.

I squished the side of the truck when I left Friday. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I dunno how much it's gonna take to fix it. Reporting it to insurance right now. I must say, that didn't help my tum much.

Talked to a minister and a lawyer Friday. I now know exactly what my rights are and what I need to do in case my hand is forced. I think not knowing combined with not being on my proper meds made for a lot of OCDing, which fed my tum trouble monster. Ick. I am on a much more even keel now, and feel able to handle whatever happens/decision I have to make.

Saturday was kinda bad with a lot of LBing at our house, but yesterday we sat down and TALKED about our needs and expectations - no lbing, just talking. Sat. VD had called, and proceeded to yak at him for about 45 min. I finally said he needed to get off the phone or get out. I can't take the chit-chat. If it's not to do with the kids, then don't talk. He claims to have to talk to her to get "dirt" for the log book (in proving incompetency). Whatever. When you switch to fast-Spanish, it pisses me the hell off and is nothing but RUDE! He got it. He did tell me that she said, "What, your wife is pissed at you for talking to me?" He said, "No.....I guess so." He told me she then said, "Good. My work here is done." Biotch. She had asked him in the beginning to ask me if I was pissed and I wasn't at the time, but I told him to tell her that it was none of her business. He did <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . When he got off the phone, that's when we got into it. I was all for talking about POJAing again and laying out all the boundries I have, and asked him what he had...but he would have none of it.

I just let it all go till yesterday. We sat down, the kids were outside playing, and we TALKED long and hard about our mutual expectations, why the a happened, and what steps we needed to take as a couple to make sure it never happens again.

So that's where we are. I've got a net in place now for whatever happens so I'm feeling much better.

- Kimmy

Morning, NG! How are things today? are you doing any better? From your last post, looks like you've got your stuff together, I'm just wondering if you are ok?

Thinking aboutcha!!

I'm okay, Lemondash. Just okay for right now. Nio's not been sleeping well and getting up in the middle of the night. He got up at 3 this morning and at 5:30 saying he couldn't sleep. I'm thinking he's in withdrawl bad right now...trouble is, I am having a HUGELY hard time plan Aing because of all the false starts/recoveries we've had. I look at him with apathy right now....maybe it's because he's not filling MY personal ENs right now....that's probably it. But honestly, I'm all tapped out. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> It's even hard to feel any sort of compassion or really anything but..."I told you so...." And we all know how totally helpful I told you so's are.... He'd told me Saturday that he didn't think he could love me right now like I needed to be loved....WELL DUH! I looked him in the eye and told him I wasn't expecting him to.

The kids are here. Mija's got lice again. Guess what I got to do last night? De-louse a squirmy 1.5 year old. Yep. All's fun at my house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I need a lobotomy and a beer....not necessarily in that order.

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy,

I'd say you seem to have got your tiller back in the water. This business with the lice all the time... VD must have them herself.

Yes, the 2nd and 3rd days are always horrible. If you actually enjoy the exercise, and you can keep it up long enough to start picking up an endorphin fix, you're home free.

I was leaving the Y the other day, and a woman that was leaving at the same time said to me, "This is fun, right?"

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was leaving the Y the other day, and a woman that was leaving at the same time said to me, "This is fun, right?"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Was she trying to convince you or herself??? LMAO!

I'm sure VD has the bugs, too. Mija's given them to me (in the beginning), but I got rid of them asap! Gag me! She, VD, has hair longer than mine, and unless she's wearing it in a shower cap, I don't see how it can't be brushing up against the kids or even when she's sitting on the couch....ARGH! GROSS! I don't understand why it's gone on this long. I just don't. You buckle down for a few days delousing everything and VOILA! It's done. Re-check in a week or so, to be sure, to be sure, and DONE! Not so hard in the grand scheme of things, I don't think.

Sorry. Venting. Forgot my meds this am.....pant, pant...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

James Taylor today. I need to mellow.

Hey wow, I forgot my meds this morning too. And wouldn't you know, I got new stuff from the sparrow's lawyer. Fun, fun.

We're fighting over money now, yay.

GC

((((GC))))

In Nov. Nio had signed two copies of an intent to take all of our debts incurred during our marriage plus $500/mo child support till support could be established by the court. He's time and again told me he expects to take on the debts and intends to, but he could not make the $500 cs. When I spoke to the lawyer, she said they WOULD hold up in court and would also, if contested, be able to establish that he makes a lot of promises he doesn't intend to keep. That relieved the hell out of me.

Take your meds as soon as you get home, okay? Geez. Not a day to miss them bud!

- Kimmy

When I get this legal stuff, I experience a scary dose of pain and grief. It about knocks me off my chair. Right now I can barely feel my fingers.

Then two days later I'm full of hope again.

How long can a person go on this way? A long time, I think, but it's kind of incredible. My WW's brain is scrambling her memories and rearranging her morality to make what she's doing okay. What tricks are my brain using to help me survive?

GC

Sorry, Kimmy, not trying to jack you. I thought it might be interesting, since you've been hit very hard, many times, and are still positive and still able to try.

Are these traumas of such a serious breed that our minds protect us from fully remembering them?

GC

You didn't tj, GC. I welcome discussions.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I thought it might be interesting, since you've been hit very hard, many times, and are still positive and still able to try.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's just the thing right now. I am not the positive, trying, go-getter I was. I'm beat down and this close (holding up thumb and pointer all the way together) to throwing in the towel. Something has got to give. I'm beginning to think it'll be me, rather than him, tho. He is saying/doing the right things (mostly) right now...I just have no more patience. Sad, huh?

- Kimmy

Kimmy,

No real advice to give, u know where my head is right now - scrambled. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Praying hard for u & Nio!

Love you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

God can do anything but FAIL!!!!!!

I don't know that I've ever directly responded in this thread, but I do read it to see how you're doing everyday.

Hang in there. I know it's not easy. You're one of the strongest women I've seen and your humor and love shine through.

You are in my thoughts and prayers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey, you want me to....I come down and we have fun in San Antonio?!? Got me some ideas on how to spend a few days!

I don't know that I've ever directly responded in this thread, but I do read it to see how you're doing everyday.

Hang in there. I know it's not easy. You're one of the strongest women I've seen and your humor and love shine through.

You are in my thoughts and prayers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey, you want me to....I come down and we have fun in San Antonio?!? Got me some ideas on how to spend a few days!

{{{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks girls.

It's been a pisser at work, so just a quick update.

I LBed like a crazy woman last night. I got home, and he'd still not unpacked from the last time he thought about moving out (weeks ago). That is a major issue for me. How are we supposed to work on things if he just can up and leave? I told him I can't stand it anymore, I've dealt with this a year and 10 mo. and it should be OVER by now....I asked for POJA about phone calls from VD, and I got, "You're trying to control me...." I told him I was PROTECTING me since he wouldn't do it for me. I told him he needed to start acting like a loving husband (I know, I know...too soon, but I'm fed up) instead of a sulking boy. He was all pissy and said or what....or....you get your [censored] and get out. What about the kids, he asked....um, take them with you. MAJOR LB! He turned it all around and said that shows how much I care about them (I do, but still, they have a place to go). Then he called VD and told her he's bringing the kids home early (today). She got all pissy and asked if I was throwing things or hitting him...OMG! As if. What kind of effed up stories has he told her about me. I told him loudly while he was on the phone that it's none of her business if we are arguing. I think I pissed them both off. Whatever. She sent her kids to my house with bugs (6 TIMES) and she's gonna say stuff about ME????

Geez o Pete. I swear he lives for the freaking drama, and I can't stand it anymore.

We ended the night okay tho. We finally agreed on phone calls and stuff. It was a biotch...and Nio still seemed upset this morning...but with all his depression (tho he won't admit it) how can one tell?

- Kimmy

You've been made out to be some kind of psycho! Typical.

And how could anybody even pretend that you don't care about those children? It's as plain as the Nios on your face.

I thought of a fun LB today. I could post the entire timeline of the sparrow's affair on my blog. Wouldn't that be shiny?

GC

Kimmy, I have learned in my forty years on this earth that some people are dorks who wouldn't know a blessing if it bit them on the @ss, and no amount of time, space counselling or magic mushrooms will repair it.

Your WH is one , I'm afraid if he can;t see what he's chucking over in your lovely self.

You know its true
{{{{kimmy}}}}

You know, I think it's something that some WS's do to try and make US look like horrible people.

In an intercepted e-mail, I found that the OW called me the "Out-of-Control-Psycho" and said she hoped I didn't do something to hurt him or MY KIDS!!!

That one pissed me off something fierce....even more than being called a selfish *****.

They justify their not telling us and breaking up with us up front by telling the OP that we're just "too unstable" to break up with.

Don't sweat it. You, Nio, OW and most importantly, those kids, know where you stand.

Once again, going in as partners on a little trip to SAT is always on the table <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That town needs a little cleanin' up if ya ask me!