He slept BESIDE me last night instead of hugging the edge of the bed.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He also said, "I love you," a minute ago when I called to tell him to get some Gatorade today (the heat index today is 106).

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He slept beside you, he said he loves you, he slept beside you, he said he loves you, he slept beside you, he said he loves you,he slept beside you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

For best results, sing loud and shake your butt.

BTW, The silver bullet is all I'll drink!!!

Today is going to be a scorcher, 62 is today's high. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Have a great weekend, I hope you get more of the above. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WOO-HOO!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
You've brought a smile to MY face this morning with that....and that's wasn't an easy thing to do!

Well WOOHOOHOO!!!!! (That's 3yo for the most excited you can be!!!)

Yippee!!! I'm so glad for you!!!!

I'm just a'postin a quick update I suppose.

Things are SSDD at home. The kids are here for the week. Mija has lice again in spite of VD telling Nio that she was shampooing her with the lice rid shampoo the night before he picked her up. We noticed her scratching last night, so got the nit comb out and sure nuff - bugs. Small ones - I'm sure they'd hatched recently - lots of eggs....VD must not have combed thru the hair. UG! Just another page for the book.

Had my first session with the IC yesterday. What a confusing bowl of noodles my life has been for the past few years. Took most of the session just to get everything out. Plan of action is to get ME to a place that no matter what happens, I'll FEEL okay again...We're gonna work on my anger towards Nio and VD, and then work on my trust issues.

Quick observation: The A is over finally, now we can concentrate on us...and my heart's not there right now. I'm just so blanking tired from all of this. I know I can't give up now...but geez...

I need a lobotomy and a beer.............

- Kimmy

Hi Kimmy.

I know what you mean about being tired. Having all these negative emotions all the time really hoovers your life force, doesn't it?

I wish I were in the "I just want all this to be over with" stage, but that's not what I wish. It would be the easier route though.

Do you like to go anywhere special for vacations?

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you like to go anywhere special for vacations?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anywhere? Not helpful, huh?

Lessee - Love camping and hiking and other outdoorsy stuff. Love Arkansas, Minn, Wisc, New Mexico.

Dunno if I'd know how to act, but would totally dig a spa va-ca. If someone tried to wait on or pamper me, I'd probably pass out from shock!

Not huge fan of shopping, but totally dig markets and junk sales. If you have to haggle, I'm all over it.

I'm EXTREMELY interested in all things themeparkish and rollercoaster-y. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oh, and someday I'm gonna eat and drink (and drink) myself across Europe. (hehe)

- Kimmy

I posted this on the Jelly thread, but I've got to scream and rant at everyone...I'm nothing if not an equal opportunity self centered biotch (haven't you been able to tell that by all that I've put up with?)...


You know, I have a head full of ringlet curls....I slept on squishy rollers last night (remember those, girls?) so I'd have blonde ringlets down to my [censored]. I'm in a size 6-7 jeans, and I made certain to wear a blouse that dwh gave me for Christmas last year - the one if I stretch just right, the navel bling shows (not to mention da-girl's cleavage), and heeled boots. My makeup is TO DIE FOR, lipgloss that would make most men drool....did anyone notice this morning? Yep. The daycare lady.

I want to cry (too late - I am crying). I want to throw my hands up in the air. I want to toss my wedding ring in the Gulf. I want someone who I can put my head in his lap and have him stroke my hair and tell me I'm beautiful....and not be 4 years old. I want to be told how much I'm loved without having to pull someone's nose hairs out in order for him to say it.

And yes! I want SEX. I'm tired of not having it. I want earth shattering, screaming, slutty, dirty sex and you know what????? I NEED it. I've had it before on a regular basis.....and I miss the HELL out of it.

There. I said it. Look at me like I'm a Martian. I don't care anymore. If a bus hits me on the way home at least all this bullsh*t would be over....but no....I'm the only one responsible enough to make certain that my babies grow up to be the best humans they possibly can be....so even a bus wouldn't be a relief right now.....so I'm stuck.

Sorry. I hate breathing right now. I hate being perky and upbeat and all those other things I've been being. I can't even be miserable and mourn anything because I'm the only one my babies have and those poor kids are worth everything even if I'm just going through the motions.

You know gang, I'm effing tired. I know I've been at this MB thing a short time....but I was trying WAY before I met and began MB. MB was my best, last ditch hope. I'm tired of being appealing to everyone but my dwh. I'm tired of being told I'm kind and sweet by everyone but my husband. I'm tired of driving or walking down the street and getting honks and waves (and not because I've spinach in my teeth or because my skirt is stuck in my chonies)...but my husband doesn't even look in my general direction. I'M TIRED OF TRYING.

His A is over. It really is. But I'M still paying for it. Why? What the eff did I do except make a home? I DON'T GET IT! I JUST DON'T! Why do I have to be the one to suffer for HIS (for lack of better terms) indescretions?

Again. I apologize from ranting. I'm just bone-weary-tired of all of it, and unless that stupid leopard changes his spots soon, he's not gonna have a lair to come back to.

I'm to the point right now that I actually believe the only way he'll be able to pull his head out of his [censored] is with the help of a very skilled surgeon who has a very large crowbar.

- Kimmy

Goooood vent, Kimmy.

That stuff about being good and kind and attractive has been driving me mental too.

Vent some more, vent some more!

GC

How's this for a vent: I'm sick and effing tired of having to keep buying batteries....the damn checkout boys are beginning to make comments and winking at me!!!!

"Sorry 'bout your bad luck child...you're WAY too young for me!"

Kinda funny but NOT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I did NOT get married for this [censored]!

BTW: GC - My dad is thinking about selling his kayak - he bought a fishing boat.

HEY GIRL. Man I have to go everywhere to find you! We are going to just have to plan a MB girls get away to the cabin! Its going to snow there this week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I bet you haven't seen snow in a while have ya! I'm sending great big hugs your way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> sunny D

Since GC was kind enough to give me permission to vent and no one has lambasted me for staying with Nio as long as I have....I've got a couple of WTF-is-up-with-his-[censored] other observations to make:

Okay. When asked WHY no SF in so long I get, "Because now you know about the A," or (and this is totally confusing), "You're too good for me, I don't know why you want me or why you'd want for me to touch you..." WTF did I do wrong??? Why am I being punished? And, um HEL-LO???? Known about the A for a year, just was trying to get it to stop, and now that it's stopped I don't get any????? I don't get it (so to speak). Oh, and that is 'splained by him as I (me) didn't *really* know about the A, because (and this is a direct quote) "he's THAT good." Yeah. That good. So good at it that it ate him up and turned him into a world class a-hole till he fessed up.

HE has issues trusting ME??? Yeppers....and he told me that he thinks the reason I stay with him is because I've got almost 10 years invested in him and our relationship and I don't want to have to start over...again, WTF????????? Is this normal?

He begins to make plans for our future, then if I lambast him for anything the first words out of his mouth are, "What? Do you want me to leave?" Of course nowadays the first words out of my mouth lately are, "Get the eff out," to which he responds, "No, I'm not leaving because tomorrow you'll want me right back here." When honestly, on the one hand it'd be a huge relief just to have this [censored] over with. I do love him, but it seems that I'm the only one trying...if I bring THAT issue up (me being the only one trying) his response is, "I'm here aren't I...." Hello? What?

I'm so frusterated on so many levels that I don't know my [censored] from a hole in the ground right now.....................

Sorry again. I just want it over NOW. It should've been over a helluva long time ago and I'm antsy and angry (which my therapist has assured me she'd help me with) and probably a whole lot of other synonyms that begin with an a that I can't think of right now.......................

- Kimmy

Sunny dearest,

I've not seen that fuzzy white stuff that falls out of the sky since my oldest was a month old....that'll be 15 years on December 24.

kimmy didn't you say he was taking AD's? Do you think that is it? Did he ever start w/ the IC? Other than that, you may just have to attach him! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> No just wanted you to smile! Did you hear the one about "she is so blonde that she thought Taco Bell was a Mexican phone book! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I was eating TB and someone came in my office and told me that today! Hunny really dont think it is you, its him and ask him how you can help him get though this. How can you make it better. I know it sucks that WE have to figure ways to make it better, but its finding solutions to the problems in M that we need to work on. I know you work hard at yours, not saying you dont and if anyone man (sorry guys) needs his head smacked w/ the 2x4 it him. You are a great wonderful woman and he he will wake up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> They all do!
I thought this was interesting:
POUA

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

This is not really an update per se.....it's more a whole bunch of random thoughts that ran through my head while I was drying my hair. When you've hair like mine....that's a good 30 min. of just standing there thinking, and like most women, I'm a Goddess of multi-tasking, but somehow cannot find a way to straighten my locks AND get something else done at the same time....so I'm stuck thinking, and all you are stuck reading my mental regurgitation.

Okay. First off: Gulliver's Travels....Was Swift just uber pissed off by the caste system in general or what? Having read it as a child, I didn't "get it" - just thought it was a grand story....but OY. The movie was on the SciFi channel Sunday (my 9 year old daughter loved it btw), and I could've cried at the blatent analogies. Oh, and hooking him on laudnum?????? And drinking from the well of life only to become blind to the world...um....correlation between God and man or WHAT? I swear NCW's mackerel smacked me upside the head...and I'm usually not so effing dense. BTW: I'm going to attempt to become less of a Yahoo, and more Houyhnhnm like in that I will attempt to wait a few moments before I speak or write in order contemplate my best course of behavior.

Since CPS has been called on OW, and we have all the backup data in a diary (right down to taping the bugwuggies to dated pieces of paper), it's only going to be a matter of time before the excessive phoning begins again. The day he did call CPS (there was/is now way right now she'd know for certain who will have done it) she had phoned him (he told me immediately) and told him that she was having her new boyfriend over nightly and the baby - our little mijo - is sleeping in the same bed as them (he's only 6 mo)...Nio and I are both of the opinion that she is bored, has not had enough drama in her life and needed to stir things up. We (Nio and I) had purchased a crib for mijo, which in the photos we have of her house is piled up with clothes, so it's really not like he didn't really have anywhere else to sleep - all it would've taken is some cleaning. As...well, not a proponent of co-sleeping, but as someone who believes that that is a parental call to make, I must say that since boyfriend is NOT HER HUSBAND (she's still not divorced) nor the baby's father that I do not find this acceptable, and neither does Nio. An argument ensued with Nio telling her the best course of action would be for her to turn her parental rights over to us, we would be MORE than willing to establish visitation and will not ask for child support, but if she persists and attempts to bring this through the courts he will file for complete custody right down to suing her for child support (not that she has any, but still).

She did have the audacity to tell him the courts would never give ME custody of her kids because I'm on zoloft and in councilling for the depression. He did point out for her to look at her wrists (she's attempted suicide twice by cutting her wrists) and told VD at least I am recognizing my problems and getting HELP for them. I tried not to let her slip on that one hurt my feelings, but (and I'm wrinkling my nose here), hello???? Um? Help vs. not doing a thing to better your life....you do the math.

So, I know phoning will begin soon. I've already decided on my response to her threats (because she will) and ramblings (because she has a tendency to call after she's been drinking a lot). I'll simply say, "VD, if this does not directly involve the safety, health and well being of the children, then I have no reason to talk to you." Click. Dearest Pep reminded me yesterday that the high road has the best view, and I believe it.

Oh, and after she had all day to think about the custody and what Nio'd said, she called while we were grocery shopping, "Hi," says she, "Are the kids okay," says Nio. "Yeah, but I just wanted to see if YOU were in a better mood." Nio tells her his mood's fine and that he's busy now and hangs up on her. As we were standing there talking about it, I told him I think she got to thinking about the custody thing, realized he had some very valid points and decided to call back to kiss a$$ to try to get in good graces. Nio was uber mad....I asked him what her boyfriend thinks of all this....but Nio didn't know. I told Nio I'd bet dollars to donuts he had no idea she was calling Nio...so we called the boyfriend right then and there, Nio asked if bf could interject on our behalf and ask VD not to call unless it was regarding the babies....that we were out grocery shopping, trying to get on with our lives and we'd appreciate it if they'd do the same. Told bf if he didn't believe that VD was calling to ask me, and I left a vm saying, "Yep, she's calling about nothing."

Expose, expose, expose....

Apparently bf played back the voicemail to VD - she asked yesterday (legit call to see what time we were picking up the kids) why we had to do that "to her". Didn't do anything "to" you...you did it all to yourself chica.

That's mostly it - I think. Ya'll are going to think I'm nuts, but I've already started decorating for Christmas. I've a good reason, I think...see? We're only gonna have Z and the other young 'uns a small amount of time compared to when they're at their own homes...I want each of their visits filled with holiday fun.....am I warped that way?????

- Kimmy

Kimmy, seeing an IC and taking ADs should not affect your fitness as a parent in the eyes of the court. I wouldn't sweat it a bit.

I get a kick out of these drama addicts. "Look at ME! Look at ME!"

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kimmy, seeing an IC and taking ADs should not affect your fitness as a parent in the eyes of the court. I wouldn't sweat it a bit.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is the South, GC (no matter what NCW says). I don't sweat, I glow (hehe....I'm probably effing nuclear right now).

Really tho, if she'd REALLY wanted to do herself in, would she've done it IN FRONT OF PEOPLE (or as in this last little episode, called someone while she was doing it)? Nope. And I'm nuts in HER eyes because I'm on zoloft........the little eyeroll guy would be looking at his brain right now if I used him so I'll spare him this time........

When she wins the Oscar in Stupidest Dramatic Performance, I do hope she'll at least mention my name (snort).

BTW: I am in NO way making light of those that have tried or contemplated suicide. It's quite possibly the most cruel and selfish acts a person could do to those they love.....I don't think VD gets that one....and I don't think she will unless one of her ploys backfires and she actually ends up six feet under. God forbid she does this to my kids - and for those that haven't figured it out yet, OC are mine in my heart no matter what genetics say.

and for those that haven't figured it out yet, OC are mine in my heart no matter what genetics say.

And this is why I love you so much...

And I don't even have any luggage.

Well got to go rustle up some change and buy some smokes, then work out, then whiten my teeth, then drink some red wine for the ole lungs. You have no idea how hard it is to be a smoker, and that is the truth.

No time for MB tonight! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Weaver - aren't you just too cute for color TV?

LMAO!

I wish I could have a nice glass of red wine. Can't tho. The nitrates in it give me a migraine every single time........(sniff)

Hey,

Just dropping in on you to let you know that I am in your corner!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kimmy, thank you for always being an inspiration to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I hope you have a fun filled holiday, I love this time of year!!

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />