When my H came home at 3 am a time or two during A it was when the guilt was really getting to him.

She is running away from her conscience. Pray that her conscience will get stronger yet in hopes that it is her withdrawal and she is fighting a growing desire to be a good 'normal' wife and mother again.

How can she save face and snap out of her horrid behavior? I hope she can find her way back to you and the kids sooner rather than later and stop prolonging the misery.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Trix:
<strong> When my H came home at 3 am a time or two during A it was when the guilt was really getting to him.

She is running away from her conscience. Pray that her conscience will get stronger yet in hopes that it is her withdrawal and she is fighting a growing desire to be a good 'normal' wife and mother again.

How can she save face and snap out of her horrid behavior? I hope she can find her way back to you and the kids sooner rather than later and stop prolonging the misery. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think it must RUN IT"S COURSE.
Meaning, all Bob can do is plant the seeds and trust that his wife is buried beneath the fog. She will come out, but IMO it's her journey, her personal turmoil. I am guilty of thinking I can control or manipulate my wifes personal struggles, I cannot and neither can you Bob. I meant well, just as you, but that doesn't change the fact that it's her journey. I hope I'm making sense. My wife came home yesterday and agreed to No Contact and a host of other things, including counseling. I know now from talking to her, she needed to do this her way and make peace with her own journey.

Stay strong Bob, and try as best you can to sustain your childrens needs while your wife goes thru this process. Please stay busy, she'll come around. If a heel like me can get his wife back, believe me you can and will. The only question is, will you be patient enough to allow that to happen.

Just my opinion, but my strong opinion.

FM

Thanks all. Will I be patient enough ? Good question. I don't know. I really don't know.

I know that W must choose to reduce karate obsession, as even if I 'stop' her through withdrawing financial support or exposing she will rebel against circumstances and continue more s strongly.

I must give a few weeks at least I think before I take any more positive 'action'. Poor girl is mess right now.

The impatience comes from how she is hurting the kids. I cannot make up for her neglect right now, and I don't want the kids to resent their Mom because of this.

Time, love and tenderness as the shmalztey song goes then huh ? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

FM, wonderful news on your WW by the way. Inspiring friend. Be happy !
{{{FM}}}

Bob, I stand 100% behind what I wrote to you previously in this thread.

I am not, in the slightest, bitter towards my husband...I have forgiven him. (Sincere forgiveness is a beautiful thing.)My reply was in regards to YOU not my H!

And H's working long hours were ACCEPTED and I certainly would NOT have allowed the children to LB him because of it!

I ask again...is your wife getting paid for her karate or is it a hobby? Being in the Top 10 in the UK, is quite an achievement for her, is it not? Is she spending more time away than any MOM that works outside the home?

Sincerely, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 06:47 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

BT I have responded to your self-righteous attacks on me in a seprate thread as I could not email you to do it privately.

Update - WW called home tonght and I was out with friends. Our belowed niece was babysitting and indulging my kids to a sickening level of love ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WW asked where I was. Neice said " some friends picked him up"

WW asked " whatdid they look like ?"

Neice didn't know.

WW TXTd me to say " Who are you going out with ??????"

Bless her even in fog she's jealous and insecure !

I replied when I got her message.Positive though I thought. ( couples and male friends nothing to be worried about !)

{{{{{{BOB}}}}}}
So much going on for you, at home and here also... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I thought you could use a hug!

You are doing great! She is in pain. Caused by her own actions but pain nonetheless.

You are doing a great job of taking care of your children and yourself. I think she is beginning to see what she could have thrown away.

Hope you had a great time out with your friends, you deserve it.

Keep up the good work! Ladysing

LS thanks. I got a hug from a friend tonight and she cried as she felt me "drawing the love from her" (she said). He Husband agreed.

It wasn't a bad night tonight, but I thought about my WW in pain and guilt miles away. Silly girl, if she could only realise that she is incontrol of her pain.
I was happy to see WW want sto know who I am going out with ! She cares ! She hates me but she cares ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm neither a BS nor a WS. I've been married 20+ years. Bob Pure, your response to the posters who critisize you is vicious. Your posts to those that support you are self-righteous. I don't know you or what it is like to experience infidelity. But I thought it might be helpful to point out that if your behavior at home is similar to your behavior on the board, your wife probably feels discredited. While that might not be an excuse to have an affair, it may well be a reason she is remaining in her fog. You might want to focus a little of your efforts on self-reflection and coming out of your fog? Good luck!

Pathfindergal,
Gee, 3 posts and you feel empowered to call someone vicious and self righteous. Very helpful, I'm sure... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You might want to note that "most" posters understand that this is a forum for those who are seeking help and those who are here to help others. Name calling and hurtful comments are uncalled for and you will note that the mods already shut down another thread regarding that topic and posters on this thread.

Oh, I forgot to welcome you to MB. I hope you have taken the time to read all of the concepts on the home page and search for answers to the problems that you posted on another thread between you and your husband.

pathfindergal, I have seen no such response from Bob and think your response is completely off the wall. He responded appropriately to a vicious attack on this thread.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by pathfindergal:
[QB] I'm neither a BS nor a WS.

So, remind us why you are posting advice on the infidelity forum... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I'm not on the testicular cancer forum...Since I don't have any experience there, it would be presumptuous and foolish for me to log on and offer criticism towards those who are suffering... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 11:09 PM: Message edited by: Ladysing58 ]</small>

PFG, opinions vary. Good luck.

...or maybe Pathfindergal is BT in disguise...
BT (and PFG): I do not understand your self-righteous, self-serving, inaccurate (yes, you're wrong with some of your facts--try reading the whole thread and the rest of the persons posts/story, then making your holier than thou judgements), and down-right mean posts. (And Bob isn't the first one you've responded to that I just had to jump in and threadjack because of your words.

Maybe start your own thread so we all can understand where you are coming from. Tell us your story. No? Then why post at all if these types of posts are all you have to offer.


No, I don't agree with all that Bob is or should be or could be doing...There's a "proper" way to do this. And if you're in no position to, then don't! Do you have a 2X4 with a mirror attached to it? "Oh BT you're so much better than everyone." [whack] 'cause that's all it seems to me.

Take a lesson from the seasoned MB'ers here. (i.e. Pep, Orchid, ol2, WAT--yeah--I don't like a lot of what WAT says and we have openly disagreed--at least I *respect* what he has to say--and a handful of many others--they just came to my mind first.)

I'm wasting my time--again. You have a history of "hit and run" on these threads.

Bob, now that I've completely lost my train of thought...
Hope things are going well. I did have a question, that I didn't see any posts you made about: How did Wednesday go?

Take it easy!

<small>[ September 04, 2004, 11:12 PM: Message edited by: LINY ]</small>

Once AGAIN!!

This is an SUPPORT site for Marriage Builders!!

Everyone

Not sure why theres an anti-bob backlash here - but it IS clear my posts have attracted a lot of debate and contributions from others , I guess because of the extreme 'soap opera'ness of the rapidly unfolding action.

Sorry to anyone who has been offendd by my earnest and wordy rambles, but I have to say that I am still here , and a man with a plan largely because of the wonderful responses to them.

I MUST continue to seek help on here, but i ALSO need to maintain my diary offline, and not offer every change to MB scrutiny.

To those that help, my eternal gratitude.

LINY, it went pretty good considering ! I had the first spite from WW when she was told about my sending proof to OM GF half an hour before I was made up for TV !

My pitch was a 15 second "one small step for big blue, on giant leap for asian sultanates who are properly investing in public-serving IT at last".

My head was in bits over the crisis at home, but it helped me I think. I was in control of the business story, so I did a confident pitch. The press was a bit harder as they dig round for background more and I wanted to LEAVE !

Interestingly this was my first TV that I havent taped ! I could'nt care less about it !( I only ever did another 2 clips).

I was proud I managed it. My Boss came and thanked me, then told me privately SHE had been a BS and gave me a month's sabbatical !

God works in ways we cannot imagine. On that day when my WW hated me more than ever, He found a way to keep my mind off it a bit, restore my self confidence through work AND get some head space from my Wonderful VP.

Thanks for asking LINY ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Get a good night's sleep, Bob and enjoy the rest of the weekend with your children! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think LINY is right, I suspect it's Blessed Time under another screen name and thought so when I saw it.

Bob...keep at it, friend! There is no way that some people will get it. I don't--thank the good Lord--but there are so many here that don't rip you apart because of it.

I too have found MB to be soooo therapeutic. (Which is why when I posted that I wouldn't be posting here a few weeks ago, when brown read it and we talked about, she realized *how* important it is to me and our own understanding and recovery.) There's no way to avoid some of these clueless people. But the support you get far outweighs them. Heck, you have been through so much, they probably bounce off of you like rubber! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I am truly sorry for *everyone's* pain here.