<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> 2ble post

<small>[ September 16, 2004, 10:46 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom:

I'm starting 2 worry about you.

Who's name is on that cell phone? Nevermind who's paying for it (so long as it's not YOU). If your name is on it and you're soon 2 be DVd, I'd cancel it in a New York Femto2nd.

-ol' 2long

Tom
Something that you have, that she can't give to you or take away from you and something that she'll never have is self respect. Isn't that more important than any household item!

She's been used and she used. What she got in the bargain is not worth the effort. I don't undestand why wayward spouses can't see that.

Humor is the best medicine-it's just that I can't seem to find anything in my world that is humorous at this point anyway. Someday I will.

Stuff is stuff. It has to be maintained and dusted. The older I get the less things I want to dust. Honor, dignity and self respect maintain themselves. They're just enjoyed.

You know TJ...it tells me A LOT about your strength and character that you can 'kinda' laugh at her and her ridiculous crap. I know you will do just fine and dandy once you get out of there and out and about in the 'real' world.

I gotta tell ya, I've been there..and that fantasy world that creates itself over web cam, phone, and chat is very very intoxicating and surreal, I'm afraid that STBXW is ao far gone that she is going to have to live the reality of her fantasy OM before she wakes up...as much as she is sitting there thinking "but OUR love is different, internetOM and I will live haaaapily ever after"..it ain't gonna happen.....and from the way she is treating you and disrespecting you..I have a feeling you'll be long and gone before she does. Too bad for her..not so bad for you and the person you end up finding out there.

Yep, you'll do just fine TJ..I just feel so bad that your kids have to live with such an example as she is setting,,,hopefully your goodness will shine through the crap she's making of her life and help your kids be just like you.

You know TJ...it tells me A LOT about your strength and character that you can 'kinda' laugh at her and her ridiculous crap. I know you will do just fine and dandy once you get out of there and out and about in the 'real' world.

I gotta tell ya, I've been there..and that fantasy world that creates itself over web cam, phone, and chat is very very intoxicating and surreal, I'm afraid that STBXW is ao far gone that she is going to have to live the reality of her fantasy OM before she wakes up...as much as she is sitting there thinking "but OUR love is different, internetOM and I will live haaaapily ever after"..it ain't gonna happen.....and from the way she is treating you and disrespecting you..I have a feeling you'll be long gone before she does. Too bad for her..not so bad for you and the person you end up finding out there.

Yep, you'll do just fine TJ..I just feel so bad that your kids have to live with such an example as she is setting,,,hopefully your goodness will shine through the crap she's making of her life and help your kids be just like you.

You know TJ...it tells me A LOT about your strength and character that you can 'kinda' laugh at her and her ridiculous crap. I know you will do just fine and dandy once you get out of there and out and about in the 'real' world.

I gotta tell ya, I've been there..and that fantasy world that creates itself over web cam, phone, and chat is very very intoxicating and surreal, I'm afraid that STBXW is ao far gone that she is going to have to live the reality of her fantasy OM before she wakes up...as much as she is sitting there thinking "but OUR love is different, internetOM and I will live haaaapily ever after"..it ain't gonna happen.....and from the way she is treating you and disrespecting you..I have a feeling you'll be long <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> gone before she does. Too bad for her..not so bad for you and the person you end up finding out there.

Yep, you'll do just fine TJ..I just feel so bad that your kids have to live with such an example as she is setting,,,hopefully your goodness will shine through the crap she's making of her life and help your kids be just like you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ol 2Long,
The phone is in her name. She had been paying in cash and I was wondering where she got ahold of $600 cash without taking it out of the Bank. She wants me to pay her $130 bill this month, over 4,000 minutes on phone with OM. That is almost 70 hours a month. She can't give the family 4-hours a week of house work.

I earned the money and she wrote out the bills. I guess I should have kept a better eye on the accounts but I trusted her. Almost $30,000 gone in the last 12 months. According to her it was all spent on the family. I finally bought a new truck this summer and she gave me holy hell. I'm the only one in this house that works but she begrudges me a decent vehicle. What a piece of work she is.


JPH, you are so right about the "things". I could care less about things. My STBX loves things, it is what she lives for.

If you knew me personally you'd know that. I send my kids to private school, STBX stayed home and did nothing. I worked, sometimes 3 jobs. She had a new car every 4 years. I drove the same car (1983 mustang) since before we were married until 2002 when I "traded" up to a wrecked 1988 ranger. What I drove didn't bother me, as long as the kids were going to a good school and had a mom at home to take care of them. My STBX has a closets and boxes of clothes, who knows how many shoes good god!, and all kinds of jewelry.

Me, .... I have a few pairs of blue jeans and some T-shirts. Her Idea of a present to me is to take herself out to dinner and let me come along to drive. Or the T-shirt - that is her favorite gift some goofy t-shirt. I'm wearing one today. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

You know I never noticed before, because presents don't mean anything to me. But somebody else mentioned it to me and I had to admit... my wife never got me anything, and never did anything either.

Dreamcatcher your posts on my threads always make me feel better. I know your just being nice but I really do appreciate it. From someone who has been there like yourself it means alot.

TJ...I'm not 'just being nice', you really will make someone who deserves you very happy someday....you have youth, humor, character, a 'bachelor pad'...and you're a Firefighter too...they'll be lining up for you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I mostly want you to know that your WW's bad choices and ridiculous behavior is not about YOU....it's about her and this fantasy she really and truly believes in. I regret every year, every minute I wasted in that fantasy...and she will too.

Keep laughing TJ, better days are ahead.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It feels good to vent doesn't it? I'm sorry for what you're going through. ((()))

I have to say as someone who was a SAHM, some of your comments about you being the only one to work stung a little. Being a stay at home mom is A LOT of work, and can be very emotionally draining - kids, kids, kids all day, little adult interaction. And it sometimes feels like a thankless job, and a job where you rarely get to admire a finished product or accomplishment. Much of what a SAHM does goes unnoticed or taken for granted. So, it it *possible* that she actually did work, but you just didn't see it.

I don't know why I said all that. I guess it could be important down the road?...
If I'm gonna hang with you at channelside, then I guess I'd better set you straight. SAHMs DO WORK! So there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sorry, can you tell I have issues? lol

Faith. I do beleive SAHM work, I'm sorry if you got that impression. If you ever asked one of my friends you would know I'm an avid defender of the SAHM. I believe they are tantamount to building a strong family. That's why I worked up to three jobs, so that she COULD stay home, not because she did stay home.

Often when I met new people they would ask if my STBX worked. I would always say yes! When they asked what she did I told them she was a homemaker.

I do believe it is work, I believe it is hard. If you acutually do it.

I used to tell my friends, ( I lied) that I had magic drawers. I took clean clothes out, wore them and tossed them in the corner. In a few days they would reappear in my drawer clean.

That was a lie. I got dressed out of the hamper or the dryer. I never had a shirt I could pull of a hangar and wear without having it ironed first. And I worked three jobs so she could stay home.... and I NEVER complained about my working or about her not working.

Hardly ever had a cooked meal when I got home. She always "forgot" to take something out of the freezer or she was taking nap (after having phone sex all night) Or she was just too tired. Dust and Dog hair everywhere, she'd vacuum once every few months.

Kids do thier own laundry fix thier own breakfast, pack thier own lunch and may or may not have dinner depending on STBX mood and fatigue level.

So Faith, a SAHM has lots of work. But that doesn't mean she does any of it.

My STBX spent over 4000 minuites on her cell phone to OM. That's almost 70 hours/month. She didn't give our family 4 hours/week of help or support.

She is trash. A leach. My mom was a SAHM, I know how much they can contribute. My wife was a SAHM, I know how little she did for me or the family.

I understand if I offended you in some way. But don't misunderstand my respect for a real SAHM with my disrespect of a the lazy couch polishing leech I am married too.

HATM is fun. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 05:47 AM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

Tom this made me laugh, I always tell my H, the fairies have come.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I used to tell my friends, ( I lied) that I had magic drawers. I took clean clothes out, wore them and tossed them in the corner. In a few days they would reappear in my drawer clean.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am a real SAHM, and ones like your W, give us a bad name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

My H will say, what did you do today honey, I tell him, nothing you will ever be able to tell. Because he can't tell when I wash the sheets, or the blinds, or scrub all the knick knacks, or light fixtures, or ceiling fans, that is all the stuff the fairies do, our house is just magically cleaned.

I bet he seriously doesn't think our house even gets dirty, because I'm constantly taken something apart and cleaning its crevice, kids included. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My H very much appreciates what I do, even if his naked eye can't spot it.

I'm a huge advocate for SAHM's, but it is very discouraging to hear a scenario like yours. Don't give up on us, we are out there.

KY

Aww, I feel bad now. Sorry about that, TJ.
It sounds like you really had a great attitude (the magic drawers thing is so sweet).
My STBXWH never REALLY appreciated my work as a SAHM. He'd give it lip service now and then, but deep down he was resentful that he had to work and I "didn't". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I remember after our second D was born, he'd make comments like - we'd be driving by McDonald's and there'd be a now hiring sign and he'd say, "Oh. look, McDonalds is hiring..." HELLO! I'm gonna put my 2 yr old and newborn in daycare so I can work ay McDonald's??? I'd pay more in childcare than I earned anyway. To me, I just felt that he was being so disrespectful and degrading by making those comments. Like, what you do for me and the kids is so worthless, we'd be better off if your worked at McDonald's. I guess he thought my life was cake because sometimes I'd get to do something *fun* like drive an hour to the nearest mall with my friend (who turned out to be OW) and her kid and my 2 kids. Ha! Talk about exhausting and nerve-wracking! You know, now that I think about it, maybe he was jealous that I got to hang out w/OW and he didn't cause the poor guy had to go to work...hmm. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

TJ...do you have to wait till October to move out? I don't know how you do it, truly...the sooner you get out of that fogland and the sooner WW gets a big dose of reality, the better....
It's really too bad that the state is making it so easy for her to make a living off of you and her bad choices. And too bad for her that she seems to have pushed you so far that it doesn't seem likely that you'll give a crap when she falls on her 'couch polishing [censored]' in the near future...

Faith that's a shame about the McDonalds story. One of the reasons a SAHM mom is important to me is because I didn't want strangers to raise my child. I always said the best people to raise children are thier parents, not some surrogate day care provider.

DreamCatcher I have until October 15th to move out. The wife prominently displays her calendar counting down the days till I have to be gone. I noticed a pile of empty boxes in the garage and asked her what they were for. She told me after I move out, she's putting everything of mine (that she doesn't want) in the boxes and putting them in the damp garage. And then she smiled.

I probably will move near the beginning of October. Have to find something to eat with and some basic things for life. Thank goodness beer comes with pop-tops and twist offs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I'd really be hurting.

My birthday is coming up soon that should be a joy.

My STBX birthday was in June. I helped the kids make a double decker chocolate cake. (She never made cakes, or baked anything for that matter, always bought them.... she's to lazy)

Anyway, she eats some cake and grunts a thankyou to the kids. I see an email from her to her internet lover. She tells him how the kids made her a cake, and guess what? It is chocolate. Then lots of "yummy slurrp slurp" comments. She wants to smear the cake on her so he can lick it off. Just like when they met in the hotel. No mention of the kids or anything, just having her birthday cake licked off her.

She is such a skank.

double post

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 12:45 PM: Message edited by: dreamcatcher ]</small>

TJ...I'm going to go out on a limb here and hope you read this in the way I intend. Listen, I know you're really really pissed at the way WW has turned on you, but you DO only vent those things out loud here at MB right? I mean, not that she doesn't deserve everything you feel and say about her, she's earned it....but I do hope you keep these thoughts far away from where your kids can hear them. They have a lot going against them now with their mother acting like a fool, they need you to be the anchor they don't have in their mom.

I was wondering...is WW planning on moving her OM into the house when you're gone?

KYyellow I have lots of little sayings like that for the STBX. I always bragged she took care of me and how we were a team, but I did it because I was embarrassed about the truth.

DC , I've said some of these things to her. Just recently when I've dropped off the Plan A wagon, and quite frankly don't give a dang about her. As you can see by my Plan A, Plan B, Plan Me thread.

The kids have been exposed to some sniping from both of us. But no shouting or name calling. Mostly biting sarcasm.

OM won't be moving in. I don't believe there is any real chance of an R between them beyond fun. STBX wants more, but OM is just using her. I know more about him than she does. She knows a fantasy. But knowing the way she is... after the DV the house will be a revolving door of new BF's. She's cheated before - both, EA's and PA's she needs to be with someone, she's never been without a guy. I was stupid... It is true > Love is blind.

<small>[ September 17, 2004, 06:38 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

TJ, I am in absolute shock that you have not commited a felony by now, having to put up with that. I cannot believe you are still living in the same house as her. I am so, so sorry. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Agreeing with faith that I can't believe you haven't like literally spit on her or something...I didn't know she'd done this before...and don't think I blame you for being so disgusted with her..I don't at all...she should be disgusted with herself...if only she could see herself through her childrens eyes for just one second...if only...