Thats why I'm not pushing her for LNC AD. I hope that at some time she chooses to take actions to support our M over her personal convenience.i could force OM to give up the job ( I have enough criminal evidence against him to get him fored an dprobably arrested) but that wouldn't get us anything.

Hi Bob,

about the answer to your original q, I am like Lovemyhubby and I also never stopped ILY my H. Since I didn't tell him about the (one-night stand) A until after NC, I spose i went through the fog all on my own. I can't have been too fogged, compared to some here, because I never lost sight of the fact that this was most likely something temporary and time was probably going to change things. I guess I'd been through 'lulls' in my R with him before, and a part of me saw this as the same thing. Obviously from his point of view its more than a 'lull', since neither of us ever had an A before - I don't mean to belittle what I did.

In my case, we had added problems that my H was going through a depression - maybe actually what helped precipitate the A, and so I felt helpless to express my feelings to him at the time, as he was already hurting for his own reasons.

I'm kind of in my own plan A here - even though I'm the WS - he has a lot of doubts about our R now. He sees what I did as completely my problem and even unrelated to our R. So good on you for acknowledging your part in where your M ended up.
Maybe this is way down the track for you - but you might find you get to the point where its you who is questioning your R, and she who is having to plan A. I guess the only answer is to look after yourself as best you can and GOOD LUCK!!

Bob~

Would it get him away from your W though?

Also, you mentioned he's a womanizer. Does she know this? I wish she could get a hold of HIS cell records, emails, do some snooping of her own. I did this, and unfortunately was too fog-bound to care enough to get out, even when I found evidence. Your W seems to be in a different place than I was at the time. Maybe she is ready to see him for what he really is?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Guys, when did you STOP thinking ILYBINILWY and actually start to ILY your H once more ?

And was it just time, distance and Plan A that helped you reconsider or an event ?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Bob, guess what I'm wearing today? Yup, My Bob Pure fan club shirt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Onto the Q's. UGH...

I never fell out of love with my H, I was never that clouded I guess. I always knew rationally my life from the fantasy.

It has been hard though to show my love for him, up until now, 6 months past DDAY. Absolutely time heals, and plan A works. No event, just a beautiful plan A, and unconditional love that brought me around.

It was more about my healing process than loving him. It is hard to show love, when you are feeling so darn ugly, and hateful towards yourself.

What a gift my H has given me, forgiveness.

I have been keeping up with your post, and I'm so happy for you, that you are now seeing a glimpse of the light at the end of this very dark, hurtful tunnel.

I think I said to you in my very first post, you will recover, I'm so glad to see you are making it. This is going to be a great MB recovery story. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Off to buy another shirt, I'm kind of guessing these are going to catch on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

love KY

(((((Bob)))))

KY,
Hopefully that shirt isn't a size bigger <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Bob <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Glad to hear things are looking up for you.

ST

Dear KY - I said that your fist reply to me wa slike a mother's kiss on my brow and it was. I will never foget that as long as I live...

Your reply is interesting as it is consistent with so many FWWs. It makes me think a hard train of thought which I will not pursue here ( summary : I can understand someone deliberately gutting someone you DON'T love, but knowingly destroying a FS that you DO still love is beyond my understanding right now). But its hopeful, as most or all FWW seem to say they never stoppped loving BS. My WW is acting like she loves me every time she forgets to be distant.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope we will recover, I really do. So far to go though. I sometimes think it would be easier if I only could summon the consuming hatred for WS that so many BS seem to find outside MB. But all I can do is love her, and be sad but hopeful....

KY & ST, your story has been and remains a life preserver to me as I have been tossed in these stormy, dark, uncharted seas these months. God Bless you richly, and thank you for your kind thoughts.

{{{{KY & ST}}}}}