Well I gave mom the good news today. The opportunity presented itself after I drove my son and daughter to WW’s place for a visit she requested. I like to drop them off as I can control the amount of contact I have with WW so much better. Usually I drive up the alley and stop in the blind spot behind her garage, this way I can get both children out of my truck (doesn’t everyone driver a truck?) and get my son to walk my 3 yr. old daughter to the gate. By that time I’m in my truck and pulling away. I can leave as soon as I see the back door open.
Now that plan sounds good right? But those of you who have ever tried to organize a 7 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl will know it’s like trying to coach a blind and deaf synchronized swimming team. As soon as my son gets out of the truck he sprints for the get yelling for his mom who comes outside to greet him. Now I still have to get my daughter and out and my sons duffel bag of hockey equipment (doesn’t everyone play hockey?) out of the truck. By this time WW is sauntering over to say hello to my mom whom I’m also driving home after my daughter’s 3rd birthday party.
So my “in your face” WW pulls open the door to say hello to my aging mom and kisses her on the cheek and also says goodbye to me as I’m starting the truck and attempting a graceful exit. I had by then pretty much had figured I would be telling mom, but that moment clinched it for me. That and I realized that WW is starting to “out” her relationship and had mentioned that she wants to introduce the children to Mr. (place disrespectful pseudonym here) I figured its’ probably just a matter of time anyways.
So we got into it on the drive to her place. I did it respectfully and made it clear that the preservation of my marriage and our family unit is paramount, but felt she should know the whole story. I think I sorta used the lead in that Pep suggested. I apologized for deceiving her during the initial disclosure of our problems.
She took it well in the sense that her pain was primarily for the children in the first place and she had been grieving for the break-up since I had told her about it initially. She expressed her heartfelt sympathy for my situation, but could not offer any advice, She did not express anything positive in regards to a prediction of reconciliation, but did state that WW would have that day when the reality of her choices will catch up to the delusion of her wishes. Our meeting ended with her wishing a nice girl for me one day.
As the time with the children was a mere visit during my parenting schedule, WW dropped them off again about an hour and a half later. That works best as I can stay in the house until the last moment I have to open the door for the children and can pretty much avoid any dialogue. WW lingers….more so this time. She silently watched the children play on the play structure in our back yard. She picked up our daughter’s stuffed bear and knocked on the door to hand it back to me mumbling she didn’t want it to get lost. I still feel it for her. I actually feel sorry for her in spite of all the horrid, disrespectful, marriage soiling, sinful, profane things she has done over the last 10 mos. I know her Waterloo looms. By then it may be far too late to salvage our marriage. I kept thinking of the Greek myth of Icarus who kept flying towards the sun.
If you’ve actually read my ramblings… thank you. For those who actually took the time to give their advice/opinions/support, you have my heartfelt appreciation the time and effort spent.
