TR,

Now it is time for 'reality to bite'. How is that?

Well he has now agreed to pay for his exit and so he must. Pay and pay well. He wants no guilt? Well that's not for sale, he can just pay and pay and pay for having an A, not for giving you his guilt.

Use this info wisely ok? It is his babbling talk and be prepared for him to turn on his ugly side when he realizes that his 'pay' won't release his guilt. He will get angry. But that is his problem.

So security your finances, expect the worse. Don't count on his financial easy support. Save up in a safe place just in case emergency hits (from the WS and the hurricane). See now that Ivan may have turned towards the panhandle, I can see that the outskirts of Ivan can still reach the main part of Florida, so while you may not get the brunt of that hurricane, you still could get the residual fallout. Same with the A. So be prepared.

Get your list and shop for the best paint, change your mind a few times if you need. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Maybe new trim, tile, new window treatment items, etc. R U getting this? Have fun shopping. U will show that not only are you able to redo your life with style but when you do, the WS will still be wearing the same A clothes, stinking like ever.

Oh yea, no guilt? Nope, guilt goes to the bone and can't be changed with a coat of pain or a change of clothes. LOL!!!

As for your son, let him know, he still has his home and mom. His dad is out there trying to find himself. I am sure your son can alreayd see this. Reassure him of your support and love. Let him deal with his dad's actions in his ways. Just support and guide his efforts as needed. He maybe angry and in need of some extra coaching/counseling.

Lots of hugs to you and your son.

L.

GC, I've come to believe Plan A stands for A-kissing, or getting you A-kicked plan. No good deed goes unpunished.

maddyk...I don't think you're picking on me....I welcome your advice! Sometimes I do want to save my M and other times I don't. I'm sure this is normal. It's only been since July 20th for me so it's all still very fresh.


orchid. I went and got lots of paint swatches of pain to choose from. I can't believe that my
H thinks that painting will take the pain away. He's lost it. He's already called here twice looking for our son. I don't know why all of a sudden he's calling so much. HMmmmmm....makes me wonder.

My son is with my MIL and I don't know why he's not back yet. She's the kind of person that will drill him for info.

read through your posts today and one thought kept springing to mind:

Things are seldom what they seem.

He acts calm? I doubt it. Perhaps he was calm during those 3 hours, but the time before, and even a minute afterward, I would bet he was not quite so calm.

The new paint thing is truly creepy. But I have to tell you another thought I had on this subject - perhaps, as long as he is willing to pay for paint, he might be willing to buy you a new bed as well? I may be way off base with this one but here is what I was thinking:

"H, I appreciate your offer to help me recover, I wondered if you would also be willing to buy me a new bed as well."
gives him the chance to wonder why on earth you feel the need to have a new bed?? What are you up to?? Just a thought - and perhaps it is a little too much like game playing.

womanoffaith...I lie the idea about the bed. I did tell him that I wanted to change my bedroom. I'm sure he wondered why. Let him wonder!!!!!
He's just reaching for ways to ease his guilt so if he's willing to pay for everything...I'll take it!
He never wanted me to paint the house before and now all of a sudden he wants to buy the paint and help me heal. He says he has no more pain and guilt. Why all the wanting me to heal then????? I just don't understand!!!!!

Uggghhhhh...my MIL just brought my son home and she had an attitude with me. I think she is siding with son and blaming me for his unhappiness. I am so ticked off!!!!!! I didn't say anything to her I just gave her a look.

Tree, in-laws can be tricked. They believe what their child tells them. They take everything at face value.

I have good ones, but they've been powerless to stop the sparrow. And they have shown signs lately of their vanishing loyalty to me, which I understand.

OM's family has worked it out that car4love is abusive and that's why it's okay for him to cheat on her and divorce her.

Frustrating, isn't it? Dysfunction and lies heaped upon dysfunction and lies, and the truth is plain to see but they won't look.

GC

I'm just so angry that she would even believe that I would do anything to cause her son to cheat on me. She's a little off balance anyway.

God....I just want all this garbage to end!!!!!!!!

I did a lot of painting last year too. It was very helpfull. I needed to keep busy, doing something that did not require a lot of concentration, and painting was perfect. I would sometiems stay up until midnight painting a room, or shampooing the carpets (my sons thought I was really losing it) but it helped me feel better. In the morning, you wake up to a fresh new look. Good stuff.
And, as an added bonus, WS stops by the house and says "wow, look at this place".
I would suggest you paint the living room too - or whatever room he enters first when he walks through the door. It will give him a little jolt when he first walks in.
"what is she up to" and "wait, things are improving around here, without me"

Most important of all - have fun with it.

I do plan on painting the entire house. I'm going to let my son pick out what he wants for his room. We've always had his room decorated with a sports theme because my WH played pro-baseball......I think it's time for a change!!!

I'm going to make my room very romantic. Deep rich colors and new comforter.

My kitchen is like a french cafe....and I like it BUT since my H cheated on me with a FRENCH woman I'm gong to change the kitchen COMPLETELY!!!!

I will make my home look very inviting! If my H doesn't wake up then it will be nice for someone else. A fresh start!!!!!!

I know it will keep my mind occupied painting. My friends are going to help me also.

Tree - get all you can from him now, because later he will change his mind. Right after D-day, my WH was going to sign everything over to me. He even wrote the separation agreement. It took the lawyer so long to do it up that WH had changed his mind.

After D-day I went completely bonkers, rearranging, painting, organizing. The whole place looks completely different, and it gave me something to feel good about.

Also are you going to make the Florida get together? I hope you will. They had a San Francisco Bay area get together for a long time, and I guess they all really enjoyed it. Nothing like meeting with others in your same position to make you feel better.

I must have missed something....what Florida get together????

I plan on getting what I can out of him. He came by AGAIN today......geez!!! He wanted to know if it would be better for me to sell the house and move on so I can start fresh without living in this house and all the pain. I told him NO...this is my home and I am staying here. He looked terrible. I swear I think he had on the same clothes he wore yesterday. He looks guilt ridden to me.....

...and I hope you looked your beautiful self!!! It was only a matter of time before the guilt caught up with him. I have been following your posts and know what you have been going through. I hope you are able to find the peace and happiness you deserve.

kloe....thank you! Yes...as a matter of fact I think I looked pretty good tonight. I had on a turquoise blue shirt and very short black shorts. I had my hair all nice and everything. I'm sure he noticed that I had lost lots of weight. I can't fit in to any of my clothes. I actually bought 2 pairs of pants today. My son has practice tomorrow night so I want to look awesome for that!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I know he's being eaten up with guilt...even though he swears he's not and that he's at peace. He doesn't look like someone in peace to me. He looks like he's lost weight too and he didn't need to.

He's 6'5 and normally weighs around 225. He looks sickly now. I guess that's what guilt and lying eventually do to ya huh?????

Now I'm jealous. My clothes don't fit either, but I'm going in the opposite direction! Of course they say breast feeding burns a ton of calories, I may have to breast feed this poor child until she is 10 years old if that's what it takes!!

kloe - I breastfed both my boys for waaaaaayyyyy too long - until they were 3. But you are right, it burns up tons of calories. When I was breastfeeding, I could eat anything.

Tree - Check out the Florida get-together. I think it is going to happen.

I'm sure both of you will lose the weight in no time....

When and where is this get together????

Tree - read on this forum about the Florida get-together. You can't miss it.

Thanks believer...I found it!!!