</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DiceMan:
...so please stop asking me questions.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me finish her thought: "...so you don't find out the truth."

Dman, 99.99999%, at the very least, she is having an EA. Not really a question. But to help you in the right direction, give you advice or things to read, what do you want? Do you want to be married and work on it? I mean, really work, physically and mentally? Are you OK with just knowing if your WW is having an A? There's many more. My only assumption, is yes, you want your M and your W back. Right? (If that's not the case, STOP READING!)

If it is, you MUST expose this "inappropriate relationship." (Explain it that way to her, if she can't grasp the concept of an A!)

Yes, bryan is right. Next "weapon"--you said it yourself--OMW. Exposure is a very personal decision. It may be your best option at this time.

Dice....I don't want to sound like another one of many posts you received, but based on what you've said.....EA at the very least.

My WW's EA has resulted in the leasing of her apartment, OM calling it quits, WW calling quits, and the roller coaster ride of a lifetime.

It took me a couple weeks to understand what I was seeing, reading and living.

Exposure is the key right now. I exposed to OM's mother only to find out they (OM/WW) told his mother that I was a Marriage Counselor and okay with it. The EA (maybe PA - not sure) started wilting on the vine almost immediately (within 5 hours). The second conversation with OM's mother resulted in OM calling it quits with my WW. Contact is still occuring so I'm still working the MB plans.

Read, read, learn, and post. Plan A with exposure really put this in perspective for me. My "gut" told me something was awry when I was told "we're just friends".......

Good Luck, make sure you eat/exercise and post - lot's of help here.......LS

Dice,
Something to consider. I've read that it usually takes between 3-6 months for a married woman to get involved to the point in her affair that it turns physical.

How long has your W worked with this guy?
Was there a point that she spoke of him to you? Quite often a future WS will speak of the future OP in glowing terms to their spouse. This is especially true of affairs that develope in work situations. Your wife may have told you of presentations that they gave together or goals that their team achieved. Or even simply that there was a new guy at work. Did she ever let slip that he was having marriage troubles?

How long has the relationship been going on? Did she have unaccounted for time? Answer these questions and you'll know whether it was physical?

BTW, I used a voice recorder and heard my WW talling OM how she always wanted to have a relationship.

I heard a voice mail that OM left for her. I could hear the emotion in his voice. He loved her.

I set up a web account for her cell phone so I could see all her old bills

I felt in my gut that the affair had been physical but despite all the evidence I wasn't 100% sure. I kept thinking of something I once heard: "A woman doesn't have sex with a man until she's in love with him; a man doesn't fall in love with a woman until he's had sex with her."

Remembering the voice I heard on her cell v-mail told me what I needed to know. Unfortunately it took her just awhile to tell the truth.

One particular FWW on this site believes my W wouldn't tell me bc I was a horrible H who was a failure at plan A, but I know better than Knowitall.

Anyway sorry you're in the F'in mess.

Mac

Dice,,
Your wife and my wife must be lost sisters or something..
You got the battered wife response,,,
Mine said she was being interrogated.

Right now,,,, stop asking the questions.
All you have is denial and a wife holding on to everytrhing she can to prevent exposure.

Dont fret my friend you will find out the truth.

Accept from your wife that they were just friends, thats all your going to get from her right now.

Therapist say during this stage of exposure alot of times the WW will simply confess one night.
The WW who does not confess after being suspected is usually deeply addicted to the OM and does not want the affair to end.

My wife confessed but only after she realized I was not going to let it go until I got the cold hard truth. Finally while we were separated she confessed her PA.

Yes me and my wife separated before her confession,, that was because she continued to lie about her affair, I know my wife I know her so well that I can identify her every nervous gesture, actions, when she is lying.

I told her I was leaving until she was ready to be honest with me about her OM. I was gone only a few days until she called and said she was ready to tell me the truth about these past 3 months.

Your wife may react the same,,,, so far she has xeroxed my wife to the T.

Dice,

Maybe I missed the answer, but does your W work in the same building as the OM?

k

No, he has similiar responsibilities but works from a location that is about 30 miles from her office. They regularly have 'department' meetings when they meet as a group. This occurs about once every other week. Ken

DiceMan - I have to agree based on my own experiences. Your wife sounds like my WW. She complained about the questions and was unable to defend her conversations with OM when I asked her to accompany me to OM's house and explain it to his BS. As many people have said, want their cake and eat it to. Trust your gut, it's what alerted you any many others like about something being wrong. Just be carefule that you don't tell your wife how you know everything (your sources) as I have found it makes the WS find an alternative method. Good luck buddy!!

DiceMan - I have to agree based on my own experiences. Your wife sounds like my WW. She complained about the questions and was unable to defend her conversations with OM when I asked her to accompany me to OM's house and explain it to his BS. As many people have said, want their cake and eat it to. Trust your gut, it's what alerted you and many others like you and I about something being wrong. Just be careful that you don't tell your wife how you know everything (your sources) as I have found it makes the WS find an alternative method. Good luck and stay strong!!