Thanks Pep, Noodle, and Orchid...

I can see the growing circle of self-confidence, and strength evolving in me.

It's really too bad that anyone has to go thru this kind of thing. But, if it finally helps you realize who and what you really are, in some ways it's worth it. And if it motivates you to become the best of everything that you can be, so much the better.

As for that quote, I can't remember what old movie it came from...I watched it so many years ago. But it always made me laugh...and must have really made an impression on me. Mainly because one of my biggest faults was that I was a "master procrastinator".

I WAS. Not now! Like I said before, WH's A was a wake up call for me in so many ways. This area was one of them. Now, I get my hinney moving, and get things done! (I think this is probably one of my WH's biggest grievances with me).

I thank you for your support....I'm sure I'll need more support in the following weeks. I'm counting on all of you for that.

I didn't realize before how much support I really had.....I always felt like people just tolerated me, that they really only liked WH, and didn't even know I was there.

Boy howdy, my perceptions of myself and the people around me have changed!

I'm very deeply grateful for you all here.

Thanks, K

This is just a by the way note....

DD just called, and talked for about half an hour. She was just as pleasant as could be.

Nothing was mentioned about the words we had over WH and myself. I brought up nothing.

I guess she and I are in Plan A now. I held out on Plan B with her, and I knew she would come around sooner or later.

I'm glad it was sooner. My DD is something special. I'd hate for her to be mad at me for a long time.

But on the other hand, I would REALLY hate for her to disrespect me, and talk to me the way she did last week.

My brick wall doesn't even have a crack in it so far. Also, haven't heard a peep from WH. Guess he finally "got it".

Sleepy time! Good night....hope everyone has good dreams, and a great tomorrow!

K

Hi k,

Good Nite for you and Good Morning for me!!!

Have a good sleep.

hugs
bb

Good Morning BB, and all!

I slept a FULL 8 hours last night! First time in a LONG time!

Guess that's what getting some inner peace does for you.

It's a new day, and OMG, the sun is shining!

Hope all is well for all of you!

K

Hi K,

good for you that you had a good nites sleep. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Works wonders, doesn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I'm pretty sure that this is what Plan B is about. Getting some inner peace and not to have to get upset about things that we cannot change anyways.

It is up to your husband to find out what he truely needs and wants. So let him be and let him find out for himself. Stay strong and don't let yourself be torn out of your Plan B again.

I'm hoping for you and my thoughts are with you.

take care
bb

Hi K! I only read your 1st thread but felt so devestated for you. Your situation is the worst nightmare for someone like me who is in the early stages of recovery. I am so glad you are feeling so much stronger now.

I just wanted to share a few songs that I have found inspirational over these months. I have the 9/11 "Tribute to Heroes" CD. Two songs on there were great. The one suits you perfectly. Tom Petty's "I Won't Back Down." I'm not a big Mariah Carey fan, but her song "Hero" is very inspirational. Also went out and bought a disco CD, which is pretty funny for someone who grew up with rock, but I wanted the song "I Will Survive". Finally, I listened to this song "Give Me Up Again" over and over. It's by a blues guitarist Johnny Lang. These are the words.

Make up your mind take me or leave me
I'll be doing fine with or without you
I'm waisting my time letting you deceive me
The truth is in your eyes but I deny what I see
Time and time again

I let you get back under my skin
I let you break me down again
I let you get close way too close
But I see through it

You gave me that smile and I gave in
And you know that I would
Time and time again you pulled me in
Just to give me up, give me up again

What is a dream if it doesn't come true
I believe I'll find love but will it be with you
I never would have thought that such a pretty little face could
offer me so much and take all that I had
Well I want it back

Hang tough! You're doing great. CV

Hi bb and CV...

I see my earlier post didn't make it onto the boards...it's in internet universe somewhere.

But to recap....bb...I just wanted to say that WH has all the space he needs now. And really, I don't wish him ill. I love him enought to want him to be happy, and have a happy life - even if it's not with me. I certainly don't love the way he's tried to make himself happy tho.

I know that I will someday be really happy again -with or without him.

CV....I love the words to that song...could have written them myself (me and everyone else here, anyway). Looks like I'm going to go buy myself some new CD's this weekend.

And if you or anyone else has some inspirational books that you know of, please let me know.

I'm always up for inspirational songs, books, movies, or whatever. They really help in the down times.

Thanks for the support....

K

Have been reading and re-reading my posts, and all the replies. I'm kind of bummed out tonight.

I was kind of weepy earlier, then went to the store. While I was on my way home, I got to thinking about how WH could have been "with" someone else for over 3 years. 3 YEARS!!

And I didn't know...couldn't see...how will I EVER trust him again? How could he do this to me?

After reading all the replies, I think I'm getting angry with WH again. (Maybe it's a hormonal thing....have been having hot flashes for several days.) And, today at work, everything pi$$ed me off! (And I'm usually NEVER that way)

CALM. I MUST BE CALM. I MUST STAY STRONG!

I have to work around half a day tomorrow. Some things at work prevented me from getting my own work done. Had to do someone else's work instead.

Okay, now I feel a little better, but here comes another hot flash!

But this whole business makes me feel sad. I should just go to bed and sleep.

K

Hi K,

your "emotions" are natural. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Gosh, imagine it wouldn't be that way, I don't think that would be normal.
Even though this is probably the most stressing situation you have ever experienced, I believe it makes us "stronger" than anything else.

We (BS) have all reasons to feel prowd of ourselves. We aren't "weeping" in anyone elses arms.
So try to see it that way. If your husband would be that strong of a guy, he wouldn't of needed any OW to "solve his problems". Well, OW can't solve his problems anyways, she only adds to them.

People involved into affairs seem to believe that they are so strong. Yaaaaaaaa, for sure. They aren't alone and they have a "crutch" to lean on but they don't realize that this "crutch" isn't the "solution" and it surely won't "repair" the problem that the WS has within himself.

I can for sure understand your anger and I can understand the emotions you are going through. It's plain and simply such a hard situation to "go through" when we feel so alone.

But I have learned that "I" am "MY" best friend and I can always relay on "ME": This makes me prowd. (hope that made a little sence)

I went through "heat waves" a few months after d-d. I actually thought that I was getting into that age and I was 40 at that time. Maybe you are but I think it was the "stress" I was going through and my "hormones" were twirling around.

Stress releases andrenolin (stress hormon) and this can really make your body and mind "twirl" at times and not always in a positive way.

BTW: Just a tip from my side, have you heard of "Soya Milk"???? This helps. I hope you know what that is because I don't know the english word. I drink it regularely and I'm feeling great.

take care and hugs
bb

Hi bb....

Thanks for the reply. Have just gotten up this morning....feeling better.

Yes, I guess we have to be our own "crutch". The feelings and emotions that go with this situation are strong sometimes, but don't last as long as they did at first.

AAAHHHH....hot flashes! I'm having them because I had to have a hysterectomy 1 month after my 50th BD.

That's also part of my "story"...WH told me the night before my BD that he was no longer attracted to me. He was really mean with some of the things he said. He still can't understand why it made me cry.

Then the night before my big BD party, he told me the whole thing over again....only meaner! He was so cruel. I cried all night. Had to put ice on my eyes so they wouldn't be swollen shut for my BD party.

The next Monday (BD party was on a Friday night) I was doing some sit ups, and realized that my (now this is graphic) uterus was size of 6 month pregnancy. I can't believe I didn't realize this before! Anyway, a week later, I had to have two transfusions, and then a hysterectomy.

WH was very attentive when I got out of the hospital. He took a week off work to take care of me. How sweet. It must have put quite a dent in his A. WH and OW were probably hoping I had cancer, and would permanently be gone forever!

I know, that sounds mean of me...it's the kind of the mood I'm in right now.

But to answer your question, I know about "soy milk". I have been drinking it for a long time because I can't drink regular milk.

Emotions and hormones....what a combination!

Thanks bb for your concern and care. You must be a wonderful woman. Too bad you live on the other side of the world!

Goodnight to you....K