SS, there are a couple of reasons I didn't just say "ouch, I've been rejected by my own wife".
Intellectually, I know she is not herself, that she is trapped as you put it and lacks the ability to see a way out.
Intellectually, I know that it is self-centered and not correct for me to think her rejection has anything to do with whether or not I'm appealing or interesting or likable or whatever.
But the nasty bat-brain in my head just says, "She doesn't want you because you're uncool and ugly."
The thought is there. Thinking it away by trying to ignore it doesn't work - it just makes it harder to ignore. The only way to weaken it is to admit it's there, and look at it very closely, because buried within, there may be some truth that I can actually use. Why is that thought there? Where does it come from? Is there some truth to it?
I slouch a little sometimes. My bad posture makes me less attractive. Lately I've been exercising more, spending lots of time in the pool, getting used to the feeling of having my body all stretched out. My posture has improved. I have taken that nasty thought and found something I can do for myself with it.
And so that's what I mean when I say it's a challenge to not take it personally. You have to know not to take it personally, then let yourself take it personally anyway, and learn what taking it personally means, in order to kill it.
Thinking about these kinds of things is not just mental wanking, it is the way to finding peace amid turmoil.
Whoof. That was an involved thought. Did I just make all that up, or does it make some sense?
GC
