</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by c-dub:
<strong> My view is that is impossible for ONE person to fix a marriage. If he's not willing to be with you and work on the marriage, I think detaching from him NOW will save you grief later.

By the way....lesser women have done what you're about to do. You CAN make it and be a GREAT mom - with or without a H.

C </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">C-Dub,
I'm sorry you're going thru pain, and I do sense much pain in your post. I disagree with your statement, one person cannot save a M it just doesn't right true. I will be the first to admit that I've felt it was impossible at times. The sheer frustation of dealing with a spouse who's mind is floating in fogland, showing very little if any signs of having their conscious mind in your M, and proceeding to chase down infidelity as if it were the keys to their survival, after having said all of that of course it seems impossible for one person to save a M! The odds seem bleak don't they? It's ACTIONS that can save a M, YES if one persons ACTIONS can break up a M, then one persons ACTIONS can lead a M back to a saveable condition. We are react to our partners choices, and the ways we react will have a strong effect on whether you get a divorce, eventually recover or perpetually remain separated emotionally.

One person leads causes all of the time. One person leads teams, players, employees, organizations and companies. A M is so much more intimate than any other institution, and for that reason people have a tendency to be overwhelmed with the emotional pain of infidelity in their M that upon D-DAY the need to commit some overt that shows the offending spouse their ACTIONS will not be tolerated, that we lose sight of doing what we can do to save our M's. We act out of instinct, We act out of pain, We act out of frustration, and we act out of anger. If you do any of these things, you are so TRUE, one person cannot save a M. In fact, it's acting out of these things in the first place that contributed to the A to begin with, don't you think?

I don't know if my M has been saved. I do know that I'm in a position where I can make the choice if I wish to stay M or not without it being made from anger or frustration. I don't think all M's should be saved. M's where the foundation was very flimzy to begin with, where the mates married for reasons other than love, other than a sincere bond and enduring love as the catalyst, goal or driving force. There are people who get married for money, married for beauty, married for their children, married for everything other than the sheer love of being with, sharing with and loving their mates, YET I still believe that EVEN those marriages, if they apply the Harley concepts, EN's, No Love Busters, POJA, and Radical Honesty that those mates can have a better chance of happiness.

I think you get my point, so I'll end here by saying, IMHO, One person can lead their marriage to a saveable condition. Will that one person have the patience, endurance and most of all knowledge to execute the concepts taught here so they can actually carry out the Exposure, The Plan A, The Plan B, Deal with the Withdrawal, The Love Busters, actually make POJA apart of their marriage, will these spouses make Radical Honesty a intergal part of their M? See my meaning? I know I haven't gotten to the point where I can say I'm following these principles to the letter, but have I failed? No. Is my M saved? Should it be saved? Is it my responsibility to save it? I'm sorry, but if a spouse feels that one person cannot save it's M, then NO their M cannot be saved by one spouse. We are what we think. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />