Glad I left yesterday in a 'controlled' state thanks to all of you.
I will keep it short:
We talked for nearly 4 hours last night. I think you all would have been amazed at my composure, I sure am and I think WW is too.
The conversation went through various phases where it seemed at times that we were connecting, then other times when she would get defensive and I would LB (only a teeny bit) OM kept calling all night...
Anyway, I believe we made some progress.
At one point, she had said that she was too worn out and too committed with her business, our son, her new house etc, etc, that she didn't have it in her to work on our relationship. Love is not important enough. I asked her, what do you mean my work, give me a specific example of what you mean by work. She was quiet for a very long time, then she said "well, I guess it would all be fun stuff..."
I saw my chance. So we talked about OM, I mentioned that everything is so good with him, that they are passionate when they are together, that he makes her feel so good when she is around him, etc. etc. She replied telling me that I don't know what is going on. They aren't all good, they have issues and that Wed she called him and told him that it is over. (He came over to her house anyway and they did their thing...)
She said that she could just "switch him off" which I responded by telling her I would love to believe that but I don't.
Anyway, she kept drudging up the past, hurtful things I had said. I told her that the past is passed. I asked her if she trusted that I was sorry, I asked her if she believed that I wanted to fix my issues after she said yes, I asked her if we can put the past behind us and work on the present. She said she didn't want to live in the past anymore. (she still tried to dredge it up later to use against me, but I reminded her that we had put that behind us for now.)
Well, alot more, but I wanted to give you the main points.
She asked me what I needed and I told her that I needed her to leave him, not so I can move in that night, but so we could have a fair chance to begin to even decide if that is possible.
I asked her what she needed. She replied "nothing" She knows that I love her, am sorry and she trusts that I am changing my bahaviors.
She asked me if I still wanted to be married. She asked me if I would be around when she ended it with him. I asked her if that takes a day a month or a year. She wouldn't answer. She said that we should not talk until she leaves him... I guess it was my idea right? I mentioned that I was not able to prove to her that I am getting my LB's under control, that I couldn't show her that I can be there for her etc etc. She just said that she trusts me, she knows that I love her and she knows that I will change........
Finally, ok, so I leave, drive around the block and LB !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I said to her that I know what she is doing, she is just buying time to be with him and that is why she want's to distance us. That she is manipulating me. I asked her if she was going to call him tomorrow and she said yes, so I said, "oh, you'll talk to him, but you don't want to talk to me"
She said that she didn't say what she was going to talk to him about. She said that I need to trust her. --- She did not say that she was going to end it with him --- She said that if I am being manipulated, there is nothing that can be done on the front end, and people don't know they have been manipulated until the manipulation is over (???????)
Anyway, I have this optimistic confidence, yet I know that it will come crashing down.
I think we made some good progress last night. I was definitely not the same me. In fact, towards the end I asked her if I angered her, or if I came off as judgmental or preachy. She said no, it was a good conversation.
Please say a quick prayer for her.
Thanks everybody, sorry this was so long
