Thanks Shmaley. I have read both of the books and I'm currently reading them again. It takes time for everything to sink in.

However, I did a major, major, shameful boo-boo on Sat morning....

As we agreed, I was going to bring my son back to her house at 7:00AM, (I was helping a friend work) and was going to pick him up later in the afternoon. We had agreed that I would just walk in and drop him off. Well, OM was there, both of them naked in bed together and the room smelled like alcohol. I am not a violent man, but I lost it and whacked him.

I started telling her how sick she was that she knew I was going to be there and she would still do something like this.... He starts sticking up for her, completely out of control situation.

She called me later balling, she was sorry yadda yadda yadda. She wants me to call her, she doesn't want to ruin this family. She knows what she needs to do... Then she dropped him off at my house, but I was still reeling so conversation was really short....

Last night, she was telling me that after that morning, she saw the situation in a different light. She didn't feel sorry for him and she didn't like the way he felt he could talk to me. She said that she is going to leave him and had mentioned to him that it was done. While I was there, he called relentlessly, she eventually shut the ringer off. She made me dinner, we had good conversation, etc. I played with my son and I caught her smiling out of the corner of my eye.

I am so confused. A part of me sees this as her hitting rock bottom of her addiction and seeing things for what they are. Like she had some sort of awakening. But I am REALLY REALLY hesitant and confused as to what to do from here.

Should I still Plan A her?

So now you are throwing possible assault charges, restraining orders, anger management classes as well as losing custody? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Not a real good move, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Well, OM was there, both of them naked in bed together and the room smelled like alcohol.
What did you do? Open the front door without knocking and then walk into the bedroom?

You should have simply picked up your son and left.

Should I still Plan A her?
You really have no idea of how to do Plan A, so "still" doing it is not an option.
You should "start" doing Plan A.

Go read the book "LoveBusters".

Still Plan A? Why would you stop?

How would it help your M to go back to LBing and not fulfilling her needs? It seems she has had a HUGE dose of reality, seeing the A for what it is (a bit like waking up with a hangover and feeling sorry about what you've done) now is the time for thatsall to SHINE SHINE SHINE.

Brush off that armor, gleam, be her knight, make the OM look dull, dull, dull. Apologize for the LBs, not WHAT was said, but how you said it.
Apologize for your part in the demise of the M. Ask her what she wants from you, and ask her for what you want...come up with a recovery plan.

Begin telling her what continued contact with the OM is doing to you and that you can't take much more...

Continue Plan A? YES!!!

I have continued a modified Plan A during recovery too...I've tried to cut out LBs, and been ever watchful of H's top ENs.

They were in the media room, so couch, not bed specifically.

I have been doing a fair Plan A. On Friday night, I went over just as you said, was very happy and not talky. Just went in, started to get my son ready, his toys, put his shoes on etc, she was asking me what the rush was. I happily said, no rush, just looking forward to spending time with my son. She started complimenting my hands, saying nice things etc. She was crying saying that she missed her family. I gave her a very warm hug and left. It was Plan A, by the book. She said she would have coffee for me in the morning.... I left praising the effects of Plan A. I was so confident in the plan.

So on the drive over to drop him off the next morning, I painted on a smile, to Plan A my butt off. That is where my Plan A failed, I had expectations........

Didn't happen though. You're right. I know I made a terrible mistake. I was ashamed as soon as I did it. I even went down and got him some ice for his eye...

WOW.

Chris is right your plan A is...well a little different than I am doing mine. But I hope it is working for you.

I would recommend doing some counseling with Dr. Harley. You can find the number on this site. I have counseled with his daughter (Jennifer C.) twice. They really know their stuff because they wrote it I guess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> They will clarify the concepts for you if you wish to proceed the MB way. I have found there to be many gray areas that could use clarification. Additionally, all situations/people are a little different. Good Luck.

C.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We had agreed that I would just walk in and drop him off. Well, OM was there, both of them naked in bed together and the room smelled like alcohol. I am not a violent man, but I lost it and whacked him.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">thatsall - Well now! I have to tell you that I am proud of you! Others may disagree, but I think you just did about the best thing in "non-verbal communication" that you could do, given the circumstances. Your wife saw that you were really pi$$ed off and willing to take it to a fight. Perhaps a little of the female desire to be "fought over" by two men, but in your case, a husband who had decided to fight for his marriage.

I'm really curious, though. What did the OM do when you "whacked him?" Did he try to fight back or did he degenerate into "name calling" or some other action? I'm betting you wife got to see a side of "Mr. Nice" that didn't look too pretty.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I started telling her how sick she was that she knew I was going to be there and she would still do something like this.... He starts sticking up for her, completely out of control situation.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She needed to hear that. Besides, where was your little son during all of this? Also, expect the OM to "stick up for her" because he's really sticking up for his illicit desires for YOUR WIFE. He could care less what you think about anything and his "opinion" is irrelevant.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She called me later balling, she was sorry yadda yadda yadda. She wants me to call her, she doesn't want to ruin this family. She knows what she needs to do... Then she dropped him off at my house, but I was still reeling so conversation was really short....</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, I'm betting she just got a real look at herself, the OM, and the "cheapness and ugliness" of their self-indulgent sinful actions. She just got a dose of "other people ARE being hurt."

If she "knows what to do" then the proof will be going No Contact with the OM.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Last night, she was telling me that after that morning, she saw the situation in a different light. She didn't feel sorry for him and she didn't like the way he felt he could talk to me. She said that she is going to leave him and had mentioned to him that it was done. While I was there, he called relentlessly, she eventually shut the ringer off. She made me dinner, we had good conversation, etc. I played with my son and I caught her smiling out of the corner of my eye. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Promising. But we'll see as the withdrawal hits.

God bless.