Ad, and FL,

I hope you two do get together. I have had the honor of meeting a few of the MB'ers and it is a positive experience. They have been even better in person than on this site. I have no doubt you two will find that about yourselves.

God Bless,

JL

Autumn, you have mail <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

i did not get out riding yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> darn work is getting in the way!!! but i hope to before going home still.

Hi JL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

JL,
I want you to know that I was a BS and the person that my then WW was having her PA with was my then and now former best friend. How does practically a brother sound to you? My relationship with him was everything that you would attribute to a best friend relationship. He new everything about me, everything! It was to him that I went with my hurts and my insecurities. It was to him that I confessed when I did things I was ashamed of.

When I found out that my WW was having many inappropriate relationships outside our marriage his name never even entered my mind. It was inconceivable to me. And when I found out it was terrible! So very terrible! But here’s what was worse yet. My wife and I were in much the same place as your marriage sounds to be at the time. And what’s really crazy is that with all that she had done to damage us, the only one that she actually slept with was my friend! She never had sex with any one else. And yes you guessed it, I found out on my own.

How it happened was that his wife told me. She found evidence of his adultery and put 2 & 2 together. Woman are so much smarter about this stuff then men! So much! Well she confronted the two of them and got the facts. And when she called to tell me, she was in agony. If he was like a brother she was almost like a little sister. My G-D I was the one who drove her to the hospital when she went into labor with their first child, my God Son. When she told the two of them what she was going to do, they both fell of the face of the earth for two days. My W literally disappeared. She ran away and wouldn’t speak to me.

Here’s the thing. That this man was in my home, eating my food, sharing my family, letting me bear my soul and all that time keeping this terrible secret from me was more unforgivable then the actual sex he had with her. That my W let me do this, still have this man in my life, was a betrayal of such magnitude that it was beyond anything I could comprehend. As for my wife, when she did come home, it was almost the end. How we made it right is a long story. Part of it was the counseling I received from Dr. Harley. But that’s another story.

Understand, her telling me or if he had told me, it would have made all the difference. All the difference in the world. As it happened they both made me feel like the most complete fool in the history of the world. I still cringe with the humiliation of being so stupid and simple-minded.

JL, tell him. Tell him everything. Do it right away and apologize in a way that he knows you will mean it. But you be the one to come clean. Let it be you! And by the way. At least my slime ball ex best friend didn’t black mail my wife into doing what she did. Your wrong about your H’s so called friend. He is a major piece of trash! Major!

coach

Sorry. I posted to you as JL and what I meant was FL.
Coach

coach,

didn't you read the part where i said i was taking the day off!!!!

but, in all seriousness, thank you very much for sharing your story, as hard as it was to read. the part that does bother me the most is that i do believe it is continous betrayal to have that friendship continue without H knowing. right now, i have managed to get the guy to agree to stay out of our life, but he does not want that to be a permanent thing. i do! it has to be. by the way, the guy did NOT blackmail me. someone asked the question but my answer was, no, he did not blackmail me, he did take advantage of my weakened state however and that thought turns even my stomach, a true friend would not have done that. i found out later, my H had already talked to him about how rocky our marriage was, this was way at the beginning when i was pushing for a divorce very hard. i did not know H confided in him cuz H does not normally tell anyone those sorts of things. so this guy knew our marriage was having troubles. but it was not blackmail.

crazy as it sounds, when i was with the guy, i started crying at one point, over how miserable i was feeling that the marriage was so screwed up and unfixable and his response was, we will figure this out, you guys will be ok. i truely think he did such a great job putting the two things in seperate compartments that he really thought even though we had just slept together that he could be helpful in H and I fixing up our marriage because after all, he really cares about the two of us.

ah, don't worry coach...everyone does it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

My goodness, an endorsement from JL and everything! I guess that's about all the confirmation we need, hey FL?

To think we may be even better in person than on here? I don't know--we're pretty good--difficult to imagine being even better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Hi JL--how's it going anyway? You NEVER say hey on P/C anymore!!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />