However, their current M is the product of an A on his previous spouse and her LI BF. So here we are on MB trying to help save what we always quote to WS’s as a no-chance relationship? Seems kind of hypocritical.

Frankly, I've never bought that logic. I never have because of one thing: NO TWO SITUATIONS ARE THE SAME.

Yes, perhaps M's that started as A's are more often failures than they are successes.

But y'all weren't there.
This M did not begin as an A where there was uncertainty, guilt, fear, remorse, questions, doubt...any of the things that make a WS wonder whether or not they are doing the right thing.

Right from the start, I was convinced this woman was the real right woman for me. I felt no pain for my STBX. I see the start of our M as less of a "A-turned-M" and as more of a matter of timing.

I just HAPPENED to already be married when I met my soulmate and the true love of my life. Had everything been off by just 6 more months, I would have met my W as a single man (I was certain to leave my XW soon) and we would've fallen in just as deep a love and married.

Timing. Nothing more. I am certain of it. I y'all could feel the depths of my conviction on this matter, you'd change your tune.

Wow VM,

Thanx! I rest my case.


BTW, sorry I wrote about you in the third person on your thread. No insult intended, just the way it typed out. I type too fast sometimes.

I was meaning to ask you if recreational drugs have had anything to do with any of your A’s. I detect the faint odor of smoke. Really, you sound very much like a friend of my brother. A minor pothead, he is. He justifies, rationalizes and smoothes history a lot like you do. Including his A’s. He’s in a band too. I was wondering if sitting around getting stoned, after a gig perhaps, and the idea of a little extramarital sex suddenly seems perfectly logical and no harm will come of it. It always does to him.

If that is the case, and I emphasize if, you need to grow up and leave that behind also.

I do hope you can fix things with your wife. Since she is so special to you, it’s time you became a responsible man she can rely on. But it’s better by far if you do it for yourself first.

T

No, I do not use recreational drugs. I drink only moderately. Contrary to popular belief, not all musicians in bands fit the stereotype.
I have a post-graduate degree, was a college professor at one time, and currently hold a high middle-management position with a financial company.

I don't need drugs or alcohol to have rationalized (and I emphasize the past tense - I am no longer involved with any OW nor do I wish to be) my behavior.

The excuse I used then, in the thick of it, when I had 2-3 going at the same time, was similar to your friend's in a "what's the harm" way.
I recognize the folly of that now and don't intend to make the same mistake again.

At the time it was an ego thing - these women wanted me and I sucked it up. It filled some void, a void that did not exist in my marriage but existed just in me as a person.

Little did I realize that the only real ego boost I've ever needed and really want comes from MYSELF and my beautiful W.

That's where I am today.
Posting new developments on a separate thread now that the "should I be honest with her" question is a moot point.