2Scared--

Okay...yeah...I'm not gonna plan B it. I was thinking of doing so had he refused to stop contact with her. But he told me that he made that decision after last night's fiasco.

I followed others' advice and contacted my H. Told him how I felt about her trying to hang out with him so much.

So, slow going...but it's in God's hands.

Praying for you also...
Rae

Rae-

Okay, I don't have much hope right now but I think a small (very small) glimmer of hope just peeked through...

My 19 yr old daughter just came into town from college. She stopped by my apartment to say hi. She's going to stay at with my W tonight and they are going shopping tomorrow (my W is a teacher too...taking off). Then there again tomorrow night. Friday I'm taking off work and my D and I are going to spend the day together. THEN....get this.... my W has agreed to come to my apartment and let me fix supper. OMG... she hasn't EVER come by my apartment (moved in july). My D told her to do it and she agreed. OHhhhhh yeahhhhh!

Okay.. I have to figure out what to cook...

Heck... I have to figure out HOW to cook. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So...Friday night I am going to cook supper for D and W. Then maybe a movie???????

I wish...

2scared

Good morning 2Scared--

That's great news...sounds like a positive step. That IS a definite glimmer of hope...good for you!

I will pray that God guides you in your actions and words.

May I make a dinner suggestion? Chicken Parmesan...it's easy if you don't coat the chicken with crust...it's healthier anyway if you don't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just buy a can of spaghetti sauce...spaghetti noodles, and boneless, skinless chicken breasts. Just put some sort of garlic salt and/or chicken seasoning on the chicken and cook it in a pan on your stovetop. A little bit of cooking spray or even a bit of oil to help in not stick. LOW heat. Then cook the noodles shortly after you start the chicken...warm the sauce up as well (on low). You'll need moz. cheese.

To assemle, noodles first, then chicken, then shredded moz. cheese, then sauce. Ta da! You can also throw some frozen garlic bread in the oven and they even have salad kits at the store that are really easy to put together...like a caesar kit or something...everything you need's in the bag.

If you don't like that idea or someone's allergic, let me know and I can give you some other ideas...
I can give you some easy dessert ideas too, if you want.

Good luck and I'm so happy for you!!! Let me know how things turn out.

Praying for you!!!

Rae

Good morning 2Scared--

That's great news...sounds like a positive step. That IS a definite glimmer of hope...good for you!

I will pray that God guides you in your actions and words.

May I make a dinner suggestion? Chicken Parmesan...it's easy if you don't coat the chicken with crust...it's healthier anyway if you don't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Just buy a can of spaghetti sauce...spaghetti noodles, and boneless, skinless chicken breasts. Just put some sort of garlic salt and/or chicken seasoning on the chicken and cook it in a pan on your stovetop. A little bit of cooking spray or even a bit of oil to help in not stick. LOW heat. Then cook the noodles shortly after you start the chicken...warm the sauce up as well (on low). You'll need moz. cheese.

To assemle, noodles first, then chicken, then shredded moz. cheese, then sauce. Ta da! You can also throw some frozen garlic bread in the oven and they even have salad kits at the store that are really easy to put together...like a caesar kit or something...everything you need's in the bag.

If you don't like that idea or someone's allergic, let me know and I can give you some other ideas...
I can give you some easy dessert ideas too, if you want.

Good luck and I'm so happy for you!!! Let me know how things turn out.

Praying for you!!!

Rae

2S-
I don't know why I kee posting these twice. I don't know what I'm doing wrong!!! AAAAHHH!!!

I spoke to my H about the behavior of this so-called friend of ours, he informed me shortly into me telling him how I felt about it, that he'd decided to stop contact with her. He didn't really have any feedback for me. I definitely believe him, but I don't trust HER...at all...if she had the audacity to assert herself like she had so far...what makes me think she'll stop? Do I have a right to want HIS email login and password and his phone voicemail info.? I am just suspicious of her...NOT my H. He's such a nice guy that if she continues contacting him, I think he'd have a hard time having the heart to say anything to her.

What do you think? Want a dessert idea? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Rae

Rae-

That's so cool! Thanks!

Hey as to your H. I wouldn't push the email logon yet. Just tell him that you trust him (that will also instill trust in you) and that if he needs help from you to please be honest and let you step in. Re-assure that you appreciate his willingness to step back away from the relationship (don't accuse him). Then reward him for good behavior. Tell him you would like a rain check on your dinner cooking. Set it up right away if possible. Then ask him if there is any behavior that you do that he wants done differently. Hang in there!

I do have a glimmer of hope but some of the things done in this last week indicate she's about to scam me. I'm trying to be vunerable and loving but I might end up hurt in the end. I'm praying for God to protect me.

I'll let you know how it goes.

2scared

2Scared-

I'd love to be able to talk to my H about anything but the house, the separation papers, the business-type crap. But, alas, he isn't willing to AT ALL. The ONLY thing I can do is wait. I do trust him, but can't let him know that cause he won't talk to me. I'd love to ask him to set up a time where I can make dinner, but he'd be adament against that...besides, if I can't talk to him, I can't even offer. I'd love to be able to assure him...can't. It just drives me nuts knowing that I have no way of know if she's gonna leave him alone. I'm just stuck in neutral, my seat belt is stuck, my relationship car is wavering on the edge of a cliff, and my H is the one who has the control to shove me off, or tow me to safety. If I make a move, the car will teeter and fall. So there you have it...my analogy illustrating my pathetic situation.

Hmm..guess we have no choice but to be vulnerable and let the Lord work. Oh, I hope that your W doesn't scam...she'd be missing a darn good meal! If you do, at least you'll have the food...I left that delicious food at the house for him...didn't even eat any of it...too sick to my stomach.

Will pray that everything goes smoothly, that progress will be made, that her heart will be open.

Bye bye-
Rae

Rae-

My daughter is the wild card. She has seen that I have repented and an trying to restore and that my W isn't even wanting to talk. She doesn't understand that. She is beginning to turn toward me and is not real happy with my W which is hurting my W. That could deeply affect her actions. She is an awesome mother and loves the kids.

If W doesn't show then my daughter and I will enjoy the food!

I understand the car story. Let's agree that God has holy guardrails. LOL.

I'm praying for you.

2scared

Rae-

My Daughter just called. It will just be us tomorrow...My W bailed out. Not coming. "Can't do it...not ready yet".

BULL CRAP... ARGH!

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I had such high hopes. I can't make her love me. All I can do is love her and if she chooses to walk away then God will take care of me. I just hurts so bad. Rejection... the story of my marriage.

a broken hearted 2scared

2Scared-

Maybe we should start a new thread called, "Bad signs." That seems to be the commonality here. Yuck. I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. Well, it's good that your daughter is coming over. Maybe she can have some influence on your W is some way. Your wife is bound to ask her how it went.

I am continuing to pray for you. I know it doesn't seem like it, especially at times like this, but God doesn't give us more than we can handle. He sure may bring us right to that edge...but that guard rail joke made me laught. Holy guard rails. ..hee hee hee.

Keep your chin up. TTFN...

Rae

2Scared...

Hope the chicken pasta thing turned out, if that's what you made. (Is it?) Or did you just order pizza? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My H came over to my sister's to have me sign the revised sep. papers. He seemed calm. I could see the hurt in his eyes, of course. Wanted to rip out my heart and hand it to him. I feel so bad for the pain I caused him.

I signed the stuff, asked if he understood where I was coming from with the situation with G that happened Tues. He said that he thought I was blowing it out of proportion. He said that if the roles were reversed he wouldn't have a problem with me inviting someone to live with me. I said that I respect that, but I'm different and I do have a problem with it. I asked him if it was one more thing he was angry with me about...he just said, "I just don't understand it."

He said that when my cousin comes home (he's on vacation in Europe--lucky) we might be able to make other living arrangements (ie--he'd stay with N (my cousin) and I could stay at the house). My cousin lives about 10 minutes away from our house. Like I said before, I'm living with my sister in a cramped little duplex. I'm very grateful for her letting me stay here, but she's fallen in love and her new BF is gonna move in. Hi, I'm the third wheel. I know she wouldn't mind at all if I continued to stay here, but I feel bad about it. She could use his financial help, and I'm not able to give her much of that right now. My income is still going to pay the joint bills.

Gosh, I know I'm rambling here...but the point I was getting to...the glimmer...is this: When I asked him, "What if the house doesn't sell in 6 months?" He said, "Well, we'll see where we're at in 6 months." One part of me is saying, "SIX months?!?!" The other, calmer, patient side is saying, "Relax...at least he's not talking about D anymore. At least he is willing to drive out here and visit for just a few minutes." He wasn't in and out, like I thought he might be.

Phew. We prayed together, which was good. I asked if I could hold his hand during...he looked at my hand for a moment, as if he was considering it...and said, "No." Shoot. Oh, well, worth a shot.

Well, I'm gonna go watch a movie. I hope that it was a good visit with your D. Am praying for you...as always...praying that God will comfort you and work in your W's heart. Only God can change the king's heart...like the river...he turns it wherever he wishes. Time goes by so slowly sometimes....

Rae

Rae-

The very fact that your H met with you is a good sign. I hate to compare it this way, but it is like the withdrawl that the WS goes through leaving the OP. When contact is made it sets the relationship back. I guess what I'm trying to say is that as your H trys to seperate himself from you any contact he has with you rekindles his emotions (yes...even the good ones). The longer he goes without you the more seperate he becomes. So, contact is good. Him seeing you is good. It will make him remember the good times as well as the bad. The fact that he prayed with you is good too.

You really need to read "Hope for the seperated" by Gary Chapman. It offers great Biblical insight.

You DO have a glimmer... I'm praying for you!

My visit with my D went awesome! She and I talked and talked. She is seeing my heart and reconnecting. I did fix the chicken parmesan. It was wonderful! I was impressed! Tasted great! I also had mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans. Yummm. It was the first home cooked meal my college D had in a while and she appreciated it. When done we put the leftovers in a tupperware container and she called my W to see if she could bring it over... My W said no and my D was sad but the thought might be planting seeds of love that will grow. I'm not responsible for her emotions (feelings) or actions...just my own (I need to tell myself that over and over). I just need to keep offering love and reconcilliation...her response is between her and God.

Anyway, we talked till midnight and enjoyed the morning together. We did go to a movie last night too (friday night lights...it was good). It was a wonderful time.

My D thinks my W is still undecided on her decision to DV. Keep praying!!!!!! Only God can change their hearts.

Thanks again for the recipe.

2scared

2Scared,

Oh, I'm so glad that the recipe turned out. I'm sending you a cyber pat on the back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Well done.

As far as your W is concerned, your D can have an impact on her...the Lord can work in your wife's life through your D. There is that connection as opposed to no connection at all. Have you though about sending her a rose at work? I used to love it when my H and I were dating, he'd send me flowers and they'd be delivered to my classroom, right in front of all my students.

Right now I'm reading THIS ISN'T THE LIFE I SIGNED UP FOR. My mom gave it to me. She also gave me the workbook, which gives further scripture to read...the scripture for chapter 1 has to do with God being there for us. Here are some of the verses...Psalm 139, 2 Kings 20:4-5, Jeremiah 20:17, Isaiah 58:6-9. I'm not in counseling right now...am in the process of finding a Christian counselor who accepts my insurance, but this is good so far.

Couldn't it be that the separation is allowing him to grieve? They also say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

We must remember to use this time to focus on working on ourselves. Sometimes I get stuck in a rut, feeling sorry for myself...but nothing is being improved by doing that. I know--it's gonna happen anyway. God thinks of us more often than there are grains of sand.

Back to grading papers...woohoo.

Rae

Rae-

Thanks for the encouragement! I'll read the scriptures.

What grade/subjects do you teach? What part of the country do you live in?

I have sent roses to my W at school (she teaches 7th and 8th keyboarding) many times! The last time she got very upset because the other teachers were saying "Maybe he's sorry and wants to come back". She said it put too much pressure on her and TOLD me to STOP IT! Oh well. I am the romantic one in the M.

Anyway.. God is in control and HE will take care of us. You're right, we have to continue to work on our lives so that whatever happens we can be whole.

I'm praying for you!

2scared

2Scared-

Oh, well, guess that knocks that idea out the window, huh? Shoot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

To answer your questions, I teach high school...English...mostly freshmen. I have one class of seniors. I'm in NW Indiana, BTW. When most people ask what I do and I respond, they usually say, "Wow! You look like you're a student yourself!" Then they follow that up with, "One day you'll appreciate that." Or they cringe or shudder and say, "Wow! Freshmen, huh? Do you like it?" Yep...love the freshmen actually. They are still immature enough to not have THAT much of an attitude (most of them, anyway). I can get them when they enter high school, giving me a much better opportunity to teach them the basics that they've somehow NOT learned previously. But man, are they irresponsible! So I've got to have SOOO much patience. Sometimes they make me crazy, but I love my job. My job and MB is really getting me through this. When you're working with 150 kids a day, you don't have time to focus on your own problems.

What about you? Same question.

Church tomorrow is back to 3 services. Thank goodness. Last week, they had ONE service in the gym, with fold up chairs--crammed. The message was great, but it was hot and rear was numb for a good portion of the service. I was thinking, "Hallelujah" every time we got up to sing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Can you tell I'm procrastinating on those papers?

Rae

Rae-

Freshman English... Wow, that's cool. I am a Nursing Home Administrator. I get many of the same comments that you get. LOL. Comments like, "why would you want to do that?". How about because I love the elderly and have a passion for making their lives worthwhile...even in their last years! I guess makeing widgets on some assembly line would be more productive to society. Anyway, I absolutely love my job. We're doing some really cool things and getting a lot of attention for it (good attention). We were just awarded a House of Representatives Resolution commending us for our work with the elderly, along with a Governor Proclamation for the acheivments. I'm having a ball... it just is a crazy job with a lot of responsibility and stress (as if I need more stress in my life).

I'm about 60 miles south of St. Louis (in Missouri). My son-in-law is from Granger IN. (just outside South Bend).

I think English is the most difficult to grade. All the essays you have to read. Use the stairstep method of grading...throw them all up in the air over the stairs. The ones that land on the top step get an A, and so-on down the steps. Laughing..just kidding. Just don't get behind, it's heck to catch-up right before grades are due. Can you tell I'm married to a teacher?

2scared

Hey 2Scared-

There's a story written by Starshadow. It was touching...really puts things into perspective...when you think you have it bad, someone else has it worse...read it...seems like the guy needs LOTS of encouragement.

You have a very rewarding job. And, like teachers, one that does get much appreciation. Congrats on the good attention...that's wonderful!

Yeah, sometimes I let my cat grade my students' papers. The ones he sheds on get bad grades. Just kidding. At any rate, I know I can guage a bad paper if my H can point out mistakes. My H wasn't exactly a great student...ironically enough, when he was in high school, he told his English teacher off..I shouldn't repeat the words he used, but who knew he'd marry an English teacher? I know that if he thinks the paper's bad it definitely is. Since my cat and my H aren't around, I have to grade these papers myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I've never been to Missouri...maybe passed through it...which states are around you? Yep, for part of my childhood, I grew up in Plymouth...about a 1/2-hr. away from South Bend.

Later...
Rae

Rae-

Laughing... you're such a dork. You teach english but have no idea where Missouri is in relation to the United States. How did you make it past 5th grade? Missouri is just west of Ill. It's not that far away from IN. Lol.

I read the starshadow story. I have read the other side of that story at sometime here on MB. His wife must post here. Sad. He has emotional problems that need professional help. More than just a plan a or b. He has professional level issues. I hope he seeks out counseling.

I just got home from Church. It was on how God is with us through our problems. I needed that.

I hope your hanging in there. Just remember, He will never leave us or forsake us... it's not up to us, or our actions. HE chooses not to leave US. Cool!

2scared

2Scared--

Hey, back off! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It's not as though I had a MAP of the United States sitting in front of me so I could check to see where Missouri is! Geography teacher I am not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Sounds like a great service. Our service was about being sure of our place in heaven and being sheep in the world if we are sure of our place in heaven. It was also very good. If we see ourselves the way God sees us, then we will be poor in spirit, etc. Very interesting and enlightening.

Must grade papers...

Praying for you...
Rae

All blessings to you guys. I pray your spouses get an insight into your repentant and loving hearts to see what they would be throwing away.

I wish my FWW wanted to recover our M as much as you two do. In time she may.