K-

Thank you for your prayers and support also.
It feels awkward to me, our situation is reversed, I am the OW. I feel terrible for what I have done...

WU

2scared, JL...
Tried to tell OM it was over, here are some things he said to me in no particular order:

Your H is a pathetic [censored].

Quit using your kids as an excuse and give them some credit.

I am terrified to death of losing you, are you willing to lose the man who loves you more than life?

Quit going to church to try to figure out your lies.

Help me help your kids like me.

Your not even gonna give us a chance?

Are your kids gonna be with you the rest of their life, no, I am.

Remember the promises you made to me? You can't wait to be with me, you don't want to live without me..

My kids know what I have done, they know about you and they except you, why are your kids any different?

I know I am right for you and you are right for me, I've known it from the beginning.

Your kids will be happy when you are happy. They can learn to love me, give me a chance.

How can you go to church and keep lying?? Get your life right by coming to me.

Make your life right by being with the person you love.

Quit sheltering your kids, you are not doing them any favors.

I am so in love with you I can't stand it, I'm more afraid of losing you than dying.

Don't let your kids believe you love their father when I know you don't.

Do you think living a lie is right for your kids, that is what you will be doing if you stay.

Don't you want to get up in the moring and know you are doing the right thing?

Do you trust God to make everything right? Then trust Him to make us right.

If you come to me, God would know that you know in your heart you are doing the right thing by being with me and living the right way.

Quit living a life of lies.

The way I see it, you have to options: 1-get away from H, get away from me and make your life right, or get to me and make your life right.

They (kids) don't have to like me, but they do have to respect me.

In time your kids will see I am a loving and caring person.

If you don't leave, you will show your kids what we had was disgusting and you didn't love me. If you leave, you will show them I was worth having.

Change your life for us.

Atleast I'll know in a week what direction my life is going.


I know this is a long post, I just wanted to share the comments that I deal with 90% of the time from OM. His words condemn me and make me feel so guilty. I am trying to do the right thing and he makes me feel like it is the wrong thing. He thinks going to him will make the sin right.
It appears there will be no reasoning with him or trying to get him to understand. He will blame me and accuse (sp) me when I end it.

Any thoughts??? Please...........

WU-

All I can say is that it is hard... the pain is like having your heart ripped out with fish hooks. There is no way to prepare you except to say that you will make it. God will carry you. Focus. Get angry at the sin and realize that the OM is poison to your marriage. If a thief broke in and wanted to kill your family...your H and the kids how radical would you get? It's the same. You have an enemy who wants to destroy your family. God wants to save it.

I know the pain of guilt. I know how hard it is. I know what it is like when OP repeats all the promises and asks why? I know the pain when the OP gets angry and tells you what a worthless, lying jerk you are. I know the fear when they threaten harm...either to your future or themselves. I know! I know!

Take a deep breath. You can make. You CAN do this. Focus. Pray. Eat right, exercise and get some sleep. Consider IC and AD.

God will carry you through. Believe...have faith and trust in HIS ability. Your the lost sheep in Luke 15...HE will put you on His shoulders and carry you.

I'm praying for you.

2scared

Good Morning WU.....

You ARE doing the right thing by putting your trust in what God has for you.

Whatever you do, where ever you go (no, I'm not finishing with "there you are"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) God IS there.

He tells us that EVERY sin of man is forgiven, except for blasphemy. All we need do is ask with a repentant and contrite heart.....

I'm sure you know all of this.

But you can see the double sidedness of everything that OM says to you. God decides what's right, what is a lie, what is sin.........

Not OM.

He IS toxic to you, and your M.

I have a scripture that a friend wrote down for me...I will find it and post it here a little later.

God bless you......remember, He came for the sinner, not the righteous. We all sin and come short of the glory of Him....WE ALL.

K

WU......

The scripture I have for you is this.....

"For I know the plans I have for you....plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Everytime I read it, well, it makes me cry.

Only He can give us hope... and a future.

With thoughts and prayers...

K

2scared & K-

Thank you for your prayers and support. I know I will get through this and one day look back on it and wonder why was it so hard??

I am "awake" enough to see the perversity in what OM is saying. "Make things right, come be with me" "If you come to me, God would know that you know in your heart you are doing the right thing by being with me and living the right way." How twisted is that?? The only way my life is going to be right is by doing what the word says. OM wants to make sin right by being together...not gonna happen.

I am finally believing that God loves me even though I am a sinner and don't deserve it. A friend of mine said that we humans tend to see only the ugly about us, but God sees the beauty.
She reminded me that I am the daughter of THE KING and he loves me.

I have to do things one step at a time. I know that overall, ending the A is the right thing to do. I know OM is toxic to me and my family and I have to concentrate on that. I can't really think about the future till that is done. I can't give 100% to God, the marriage or my kids till then, the sin needs to be cut out and thrown away.

K-
Thank you for the scripture, it is one of my favorite. It also goes on to state that He will bring me back from captivity which is exactally what He is doing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

K, is your H a christian, does he believe the same as you? What is your kid's reaction to the A? What finally got through to me was my kids knowing what I had done and also finally seeing the sin for what it was. Has your H read in proverbs about the adulterer, if not and if he will, have him read and re-read, it is sickening to see yourself in print...Pr. 5:1-14, 6:20-35, 7:1-27, 9:17-18.
Recap: Adultery is very appealing, but in the end, it is a one way trip to hell. It fatally wounds. It is so deceiving.
I wish I paid more attention to these scriptures 6 years ago...

Bump...

Questions for K.....

2scared

How are you doing?

WU

Waking up-

I'm holding on. Fighting the fears of loosing my W and not being able to do a thing about it. Her heart is so full of bitterness. She's making decisions quickly and I think she will regret it later. I was a wonderful and loving husband, great father, and devoted spiritual leader. But the A cancelled it all out... and now it appears I will end up alone, for the first time since I was 20. It's a good thing God is holding me up or I would be destroyed.

So... How am I doing? Hmmmmmm. Lonely, scared, and defeated...But God has a plan for me. I just have no idea what it is right now.

In my spirit I can sense my W is about to make her decision. She won't even attempt to reconcile. Doesn't even want to try. Not at all. She has made that clear. I keep hoping God will soften her heart but I feel she wants out now. Maybe I'm wrong... but I've been praying a lot. I think she is ready to move on. We will see.

It's not in my control. I have to trust God...HE knows what's going to happen.

Just keep praying.

2scared

Sorry, WU.....

I missed your post earlier.

WH and I have always gone to church.... until the last 10 years. We were very involved. Music. Choir. And with our kids.

Our kids are grown. This has hit them very hard. DS cried like a baby when he found out. He said "We weren't raised this way".

DD has had a similar thing happen to her with a boyfriend she loved. Her feelings about this go from anger to devastation.

She has councelled WH when he made suicide threats with scripture, and words of wisdom that she learned in church. THEY REALLY DID PAY ATTENTION!!!

God loves us even tho we all sin. What joy he has when we repent, and come home to him.

Okay, so now I'm crying.

God loves a truly repentant sinner....with a contrite heart.

I'll say a prayer for you.....please say one for me.

K

K-

I will put you on my daily prayer list. I get up every morning and spend an hour praying...I have for years. My kids are older too and this is hitting them hard as well. S-23, D-21, D-19. My son is in the Airforce and leaving again for Iraq next week. Yuck.

Keep me in your prayers. I can't make my W's heart melt. All I can do is stay on my face before God. My future is in His hands.

BTW, the scripture in your signature line is one of my favorites.

2scared

Thanks, 2scared....

Will keep you in my prayers also.

So sorry to hear that your son is going to Iraq. You must be terrified. I have a nephew who is determined to go.

I think in many ways, that we can breathe a little easier know that God does have a plan for us..... it takes a lot of pressure off.

You and WU are two determined people. How can you possibly fail - regardless of what WE think the outcome should be - with God behind you? He said He knows what we need, even before we know it ourselves.

K

Waking Up,

I'm sure these issues have been addressed but they are worth repeating--based on your comments-

--He never cheated on his former wife of 15 years.

--I had a PA with OM for 6 yrs. He was my best friend, listened, understood me, loved me for who I was. Divorced his wife 2 yrs into the affair to be with me.

is he painting a picture that's not true?

TR--These comments contridict each other--it sounds like YOU are the one painting a picture that isn't true--He cheated with you--he left his wife for YOU--and he never cheated on his wife???
sure he did--With YOU--

--I couldn't make myself leave my family so I continued the affair, telling OM I would leave and never did.

TR---so you lied to him, and your husband for years--and apparently continue to do so--


--Most info I have read doesn't paint a pretty picture of OM.

TR---Forget about how it paints the OM--how does it paint YOU?? That is what you need to be looking at--

Questions:

When a man starts an affair, what is he really after?

TR--What made YOU start the affair?? What are YOU really after??

--What is his goal?

TR--What is YOUR Goal??

--Would he cheat on me if we were to be married?

TR--the real question here--is why are YOU cheating on YOUR husband--and if you were to leave YOUR husband for this OM--would YOU cheat on HIM? as You have a running record in this area--

--He says because we love each other, we can get through anything. Thoughts?

TR--Are YOU sure you could get through anything?
I mean--you never left YOUR family--and have been living a double life--for years--

--His exW still hangs around. I know he had been intimate with her once or twice after the divorce when he and I had tried to break off our relationship.

TR--I have a huge problem with this being the BIG question---and would have to ask--Who do YOU think you are?? trying to tell HIM who he can and can NOT date when YOU are MARRIED to someone else???? How dare You!!

Based on your comments below--IF YOU weren't in the PICTURE THEY WOULD STILL BE TOGETHER!!!

A good example of her still hanging around will happen this weekend. The exw and 17 yr old daughter want OM to go hunting with them at exw's mother's ranch. OM sees nothing wrong with this, he want's to be with daughter. I say leave exw home and take daughter. He says can't it's exw's moms ranch. They will all drive to ranch together, spend day together. Can he sleep with her just for the sex and still love me??? If so, HOW???

--PS-OM justifies hanging around EX by saying I'm still married and do things with H. I say he divorced W by choice and still chooses to have her around.. --

TR--And based on the fact that YOU are STILL MARRIED he does not NEED to justify to YOU who he dates, who HE sleeps with or even WHO HE spends time with--

And yet, YOU are married--and refuse to let HIM go and find happiness with someone else--while YOU work on YOUR own marriage--

ThornedRose,

From the time I originally posted the quoted comments, until now, I have realized you are absolutely correct.
Thank you
WU

2scared,

I know this is a common saying but, It's not over till it's over. Even if your W files for divorce and follows thru with it, in Gods eyes, you are still married and He can continue to work on your W's heart. I've heard of christians divorcing, then remarrying and the marriage is better than ever. So, first faith is the substance of things hoped for, the EVIDENCE of things NOT seen.
Continue to pray for your wife, interceed for her, cover her in prayer and come against the lying spirits that want to deceive her and destroy your marriage. Second, the word says to call things that be not as though they were. Call your wife and marriage healed by faith...
Your family is in my prayers also.

WU

K,

You and your family are in my prayers also.

What a wonderful foundation you have given your kids that they can minister to their dad. You've both done a great job. Hubby missed the mark as we all do. As I told 2scared, continue to pray, come against the lying spirits and call your marriage and husband healed.

WU

Waking Up,

--From the time I originally posted the quoted comments, until now, I have realized you are absolutely correct.
Thank you


TR--I didn't mean to come off so harsh--as I struggled with some of the same issues--when I ended an EA a few years back---which is why they jumped out at me--

I had to ask myself the same questions--and look within--so I understand the struggle--

Waking up..
My OM laid the guilt trip thing on me when I wanted out of the A..my A lasted 5 years also, the OM depended on me for emotional highs, ego stroking, and I too made promises to him that I couldn't keep. Numerous times he was ready to up and leave his W, move close to me and continue our A until my kids grew up and left. I felt so very bad when I had to break the promises I made to him...but what it came down to was a choice...it was either hurt him or my marriage/kids...when I knew that I would have to choose who to hurt, it was a no-brainer. Oh, and my OM was 'gonna die' without me too..guess what?...he's not dead..as far as I know he's still with his wife, hopefully happier than he was living a lie with me.
There just comes a time when you have to choose who to hurt...and the time for you is now...

Dreamcatcher,
Thanks for responding. I know as I heal and my marriage recovers, I will be extemely thankful for ending the A. Right now the reasons for ending the A are: God 1st, Kids 2nd, My peace of my 3rd, then 4th-Hubby. I know that is sad, I just have to believe that the order of things will change in time.
Can you give me a quick recap of your recovery and where your H is with the marriage?

Thanks
WU

Dreamcatcher,
Just read your post on Told H.....
Don't need to answer previous question...
I will post to you on the Told H thread...

WU