Have you told her mother and father about her affair? If you have and they are on her side then there is not much you can do and would recommend that you stop having any further contact with them. But if you haven't then you may be squandering an opportunity to inject a toxic dose of reality into your WW's little fantasy. Either way, exposure of the affair IS a crucial part of Plan A.

TMCM

Exposure is complete to her family. Her mother passed away a year ago...which i think is part of the overall problem...Once exposure to her family was done the re-writing of history increased and things have gotten progresively worse.

There was one moment (last Saturday) when she hugged me and said "i love you, but i wish things were different". She said i look and feel good (have lost about 60 lbs). Later that night there was a major fallout with SIL.

There has been nothing but anger and hatred since.

You've gotten great advice on how you should view the woman who resides in your W's body. As someone wisely said in a recent post, this is NOT about you but about her and her demons. Since no human being has the fortitutde of God, there is a limit on how much a person can endure and I suggest that you put a time limit [if you haven't done so] on your Plan A and start preparing for the implementation of Plan B just in case you have to. To avoid feeling overwhelmed please try to take this one day at a time and not dwell excessively about tomorrow.

TMCM

my orig timeline was Nov 1 but i have been told by many that it is too soon. I think it needs to be more like Jan1....not sure.

My prob with plan B is that she wont leave and i am not leaving nor should I.

Ill worry about that when the time comes. She continues to speak of a separation adn I tell her she can leave whenever she likes but she wont. I think she feels that if she leaves she will loose legal footing.

I take it that you have consulted with an attorney and may have been told that other than a report of domestic violence or her attaining a restraining order against you, she can't legally kick you out of the house, am I correct? If this is correct then you may want to consider scheduling an appointment with Steve Harley of the Marriage Builders Counseling Service. or Penny Tupi of Save Your Marriage Central NOT to get legal advice but to get ideas on how to resolve this situation.

yes i have consulted an attorney

i will schedule with the H's.

Thanks for your attention.

With MB, AD medication, prayer, and others on board i am sticking to plan A

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">but when i do that it turns into that i can come and go as i please and do whatever i want regardless of anyone...this is not true. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This my friend is fog babble. Agree with her and watch her try to figure it out. Keep your answers short and don't try to explain too much or at all. Just smile and offer her something nice, or ask how she is feeling. Plan A her right in the kisser when she pulls this kind of attitude. Check out Orchid's post on Reverse BabbleStay in Plan A do not waver. If you hurt too much THEN give some consideration to how you will implement Plan B.

As for the family are they noticing any of the changes that you have made in yourself? When you begin to better yourself my experience is that it becomes almost impossible to hide the improvements.

All the advice you have been getting here is right on. It sounds like you have quite the bad situation with the children and WW not leaving. My WW left the house almost instantly after D-day. I hated it at first and thought that I couldn't plan A this way. But that is dead wrong. I think it has been much better without her around enabling the A all the time and spewing fog babble venom everywhere.

About detaching....I have recently pulled back a little from my WW and immediately noticed a return. It's in my post on the last couple of pages. I won't set up a link you should be able to find it easily. The connection here is sooo slow.

You really should read and re-read the reverse babble stuff. Knowledge is power and being prepared for what is going to happen is invaluable. You might have already done all these things but it just seems that your WW is giving some very text book WS responses and accusations. Meet her with the reverse babble and Plan A. It's guaranteed to shut her down.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess i need to reevaluate my expectations of the ww right now and reduce those expectations to 0. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes! Read the link in my sig. Very inspiring. Do not expect anything in return.

Bob pure said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> For me I realised that my FWWs behaviour was so aberrant she MUST be temporarily mentally impaired. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I too think this way. It is the truth IMO. It also helps me to look at it this way because I EXPECT insane behavior and fog babble. Knowing what is going to happen is a great way to lessen it's effect. All about knowledge and self control here.

I don't have kids so I can't say too much here. However, IMVHO I don't think that they should ever be separated from you. You are the rock in their lives now. If WW wants to separate let her move out. Never abandon your children or your home is the advice that I have seen written in many posts.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will contact the harleys again.. i did before but didnt pull the trigger. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you done this yet? I have been in IC with Jennifer C. and it is very grounding. Make sure that you know your concepts before you call or you will not get as much out of it. I always do a write up of things that I want to talk about and use it as a template for the meeting. Make sure to take notes.

Good Luck and Take care.

C.

SHM

I have Arks post printed and read it every day.

I am detaching and viewing the person in my house as impaired. It is not in my nature to turn my back on someone that needs help. But i must also understand that i cannot control that persons change.

I will make appointment for the next opening with the Hs

I won her over 15 years ago...i know i can do it again....it just seems insurmountable when combined with her family hating me so much right now.

Sorry it has to be that way with her family. I just don't understand that. It makes me realize how lucky that I am having supportive IL's.

Hang in there you are doing all the right things. Stay on track and pray everyday.

C.

I will....thanks

See here is the perfect example...ww tells me she is going to gym tonite...then she is going to SIL house...for a while....i know she is going to gym with sil...its just the afterwards thing....

i would bet the ranch that she is going to see OM....i try and detach by saying that "she" is not my wife..."she" is the being occupying ww body....

Trying to detach....

MAde an appointment with H on Monday....

Ok...so WW tells me last night that she is spending night at SIL house. She tells me that she needs to be around people that talk to her and care for her. She is tired of being lonely. I tell her that she is ignoring me and not letting me talk to her. She says "you dont like it do you". like its a game....all week she has ben spewing venom at me and expects me to talk to her.

She says that she is tired of being lonely and i say so am i. Then she says that i only care about myself because im not doing anything about it. She wants me to file and wants me to make the move.....

after she left i took the kids out and we had a good time. when she left she said she wasnt going to call me that i should call her. ... she called about 4 times. i never called her....never had to.

I have an appointment with H on monday.

i just dont know what to do anymore....do i stick to plan A. i am detaching as much as i can....but the flipside is that i get accused of not caring when i detach.....i cant win.

This all seems so hopeless and i just want to take my kids and run.