2 be us again:
Hello there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Sorry, definitely not meaning to ignore you on your own thread. Never my intent. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Its just I don't really know much about your situation.

I'm now going back to your last 50 posts (which are dominated by one thread) and I'll read up some there.

If there is anything you'd like to highlight or give the quick over view of... that would be cool too.

A few ?'s from what I've read:
First, Have you been able to get your H to help you through (cope with) your natural feelings as a result of his A? [IMO Both you & HW need some advice in this area]
Next, Did you (or both of you) ever read "Torn Asunder"??
(Sorry to be so behind the curve here).
How are you coping with your "season" of triggers?
Are your Meds helping and are you Still on them?

Do you have a better "vibe" with this new MC? Does he/she relate to both you and your H?
Why do you believe this time it will work ?(not trying to be pessimistic, just interested in what's different this time)?
Any clues as to how this process can work are a benefit to us all.

Lastly, HOW is your Puppy fitting into the family (or should I say how are YOU fitting him/her into YOUR routine)??

HW does seem to draw a crowd, doesn't she? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Not meaning to butt in......just don't want to feel like strangers on the same threads.
If an inconvenience just say so.........no harm/no foul. (I realize we all only have so much time and energy to go around).
Or if you've already answered this stuff, just point me in the right direction.

In either case, thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi there top rope…

No you are not budding in or ignoring me, we just haven’t had a chance to talk much! HW and I started corresponding on the thread you are reading from and we just kept going. LOL

To answer your questions lets see….My H doesn’t really say much when we discuss my feelings about the affair. He listens and he’ll apologize but as far as saying anything, not really. He knows he messed up and his way of dealing with anything and everything is well not to deal with it. Not to think about it. That has been a real bone of contention between us for a long long time. That has been another thing that has been really hard for me, is his lack of emotion through all of this (but I shouldn’t be surprised, that’s just how he deals with everything). I’ve told him how is lack of anything is really hard for me, but he tries to assure me that he does regret it and it was a HUGE mistake. I pretty much deal with my feelings on my own. Any advice you can throw my way would be GREATLY appreciated. I try to mask my feelings so he doesn’t feel I am “throwing” the affair in his face all the time, because I have been known to throw stuff back at him in the past. Not happy to admit that but it’s the truth. I am trying my hardest not to do that with this.

I haven’t read Torn Asunders yet, I want to just haven’t. I’ve read the 5 Love Languages, which was really good. H didn’t read it but we talked about it.

How am I coping with my season triggers, well that’s a good question. Really to be honest, I’m not until they get where I feel I am going to have a breakdown and I’ve had a few….lol Last month was the month they crossed that dreaded line and actually I handled it better than I thought I would. But the 15th and Halloween are going to be horribly bad triggers, not to mention Nov, and especially Christmas. He knows that up coming months are going to be hard, and when the counselor asked how he was going to help me with them, he really didn’t know. He said he would just reassure me that he loves me and be there when I needed him. That is the best I can ask I guess. But I have to work up the nerve to tell him what is going on in my head so I am not dealing with this alone, and trust that he’s not going to do what he did in the past which was turn things so I was the bad guy or walk out. I don’t think I tell him a lot of what I am going through because of how he treated me and the things he said to me while the A was going on. So I just try and deal with everything as best as I can which is hiding my feelings, that is what I do best…

Yes, I am still on my meds. They seem to be helping my mental state…lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I’ve gotten to the point I don’t cry on a dime, well I still can but it is usually a trigger or something that causes it. I think they are working pretty well. I need to start taking my sleeping pills again though. Ever since I found the phone number in his wallet, well that has caused some horrible dreams, and I’m back to not sleeping again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Uggghhhh.

This counselor does seem to be better. The last one we agreed that I needed to come by myself for a few visits. Which we all agreed upon. Well once I thought it was time for my H to come back into the picture because I felt he needed to be part of this not just me, the old counselor wasn’t really supportive of it, and I still can’t figure out why. But this new person is very supportive of us BOTH being there and said that is what it takes if we want this to work. I think this counselor will be better because she is teaching us how to communicate and work on the issues that got us to where we are today. So hopefully this will be better, gosh I hope so anyway!

Oh the puppy….boy he is a cutie. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And we are finally getting into a routine, it’s been 2 weeks today since we’ve had him. It’s nice because he keeps me busy at night which is when I usually have a hard time, especially after my H and the kids go to bed. He is such a snuggle but, I love it. This is the first time we have crate trained any of my dogs and it’s a new concept but seems to be working. The puppy still isn’t too awfully fond of it but everyone tells me he’ll get use to it. He is still getting up a couple times a night (this is when I don’t miss having babies…lol) so when he sleeps through the night, well till 4:45 or 5:00 I am jumping for joy. LOL

Oh please don’t feel you are butting in. I enjoy talking to everyone!!! And I always love to hear different perspectives. I love reading your posts, you have a great sense of humor and can make me laugh. Thanks!

Hugs, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
~LJB~~

2B,

I hate to jump in on your thread too, but boy could we talk for hours! My H is exactly like yours -- Very little to No Emotion.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H never shows any kind of emotion. I mean nothing. I think that is one thing that is so hard for me. I know he feels guilty, he&#8217;s told me but only when I&#8217;ve brought it up. And when I have one of my breakdowns, he usually says nothing (which is good) he just listens and says he sorry. Sometimes I wish he would bring it up but I know better.

I am trying to be the &#8220;perfect&#8221; wife but man it&#8217;s exhausting. I am so afraid that if I do something wrong, say something wrong, don&#8217;t have the house cleaned up, whatever he&#8217;s just going to throw up his arms and say you know forget this, I didn&#8217;t have to deal with any of this with her.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know my H has a soft heart. I have seen it. He cried right after D-day and during some talks we have had since. He also cried when he left for a week "to think things through" a while back. Now he is truly committed and out of the fog. He is working very hard to be better as am I. But it is like now that he has decided that it is really over (he says they tried to end it many, many times before I found out) that he has moved past it and on to recovery. I think it is me who still keeps bringing things up. But it is like I need to know stuff. And I have to ask as it comes to mind. Some things just haven't occurred to me before.

I also understand your need to work hard to be the perfect wife. It is exhausting. I am trying to dress more in style (I'm kinda fashion challenged), keep everything clean and organized before he gets home, have the boys settled so everything isn't so hectic...I don't always make it, but I try so very hard. In some ways I like this part of me, but I am mentally and physically exhausted. But everything does seem to be better. We are communicating better than ever and I am so in love with him. It is so confusing to be so angry, sad, and happy at the same time. The roller coaster analogy is so true. And the anger I have been feeling is so overwhelming! Sometimes I feel so confident that I am moving forward, then in the next minute I'm back to despair.

I do have two quotes, that you pointed out to me in an earlier conversation we had around a month ago. They are very positive and I am trying so hard to win over the negative thoughts with positive ones. But it is sooo hard sometimes.

It sounds like you and your H had a great trip. I am so jealous. We need a trip like that too. I'm hoping maybe we can go for our anniversary. I need it too. I have since realized that this A started several months before I thought it did. So that means that it started right before our 10th anniversary and continued through our 11th. This Dec. will be our 12th and I need to make it a good memory to override the last two. So I fully understand the triggers you will be going through soon. I will keep you in my prayers.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Naivegirl…

Gosh we haven’t talked in awhile, please don’t apologize for “jumping in”, like I told top rope, I love talking to everyone!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My H has a soft spot also, and he did cry on D-day, but that was the most emotion I have seen from him through all of this. I also feel like he’s “moved on” and “gotten over it” and here I sit. Stuck with the triggers and the emotions to deal with on my own. Drives me crazy.

Last night was a baaaaaaaad night. My H had to stay late for work so he missed his carpool. So I had to go get him. Well he works in another town about an hour away and that is where she lived and everything took place. As soon as I crossed into the town, I was hit with all these emotions and there was no holding back the tears. I tried to hide them from H but I’m not so good at that especially when they hit me that hard. I finally told him what was wrong and that being there was hitting just too close to home. He did good, he said he was sorry and he held my hand and told me he loved me. I couldn’t believe the overwhelming of emotions I had just being in the town, I didn’t think it would bother me but boy was I wrong.

I’m not sure if I could have handled my H leave to “think things through”. You are stronger than I could ever be. I know what you mean when you say things didn’t occur to you before. Because even now I still of questions or realize that two and two don’t add up to four like he said way back when. But I just try to remind myself that wasn’t my H while he was having the A, and try to justify in my head that is the reason he treated me so badly while the A was going on and said those awful things to me he did. That just wasn’t the H I fell in love with.

My H and I are doing better than ever, but I do feel, like you, that I am the one that is stuck trying to “get over it” and that drives me crazy. You are dead on when you said, it hard to be sad, angry, and happy all at once. That in it self can be overwhelming. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Our trip together was great, especially it being just the two of us. That is one thing we promised after the d-day that we would have more just us time. Before we rarely made time for that. Now even if it’s just us going to the store together without the kids, that gives us time for just him and I….it’s great.

I hope that you have a wonderful 12th anniversary, and can replace those memories of the last couple of years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I know that I am going to try my hardest, even though it’s going to be very hard, to replace those memories of last years Halloween, Christmas, and a few other dates in there.

It’s great to talk to you, keep in touch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hugs,
LJB

Hi everyone...

Just seeing who is around today!

Hope everyone is having a great day!

Hugs,
LJB

Hey 2B,

Just here "contributing" to some other threads.

Thanks for answering my questions. It is appreciated!

And don't doubt your own strength. YOU are strong. (Bet you never thought you could handle any of this at the begining?) Am I right?
So give yourself the Credit YOU Deserve!!
That's an order! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Guess, HW decided to take another "break".
And after you just got her back....darn it.

I had thought that with her H away, She would be MORE prone to coming on.
But there I go again......Thinking.

[My W keeps warning me about that....yet I don't seem to get the hint, Huh?]

Hey glad, you and hubby had a nice trip. That is at least part of the recovery journey...making new memories and new bonds with your Spouse.

You have a Great one as well! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OH yea, (sorry) but your initial ALWAYS make me think of a departed ex-president.
Why? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (cause my mind rearranges the letters) I don't know....it just does.
I know, I'm a bit Odd.

HELLO!!!

No break guys. Things have changed drastically. I know you know my H made a decision to go to a unit that would put him on the frontline to get away from FOW. Well he left 12 days ago and would be gone for 30 days with no contact.

Fast forward to this Sunday. He calls and says he's coming home. Here's the conversation:

Hero - I'm coming home. No I didn't get hurt nor was I asked to leave. It's my decision. I missed our oldest daughter grow up and I'm not missing our youngest. I came here for selfish reasons and that was wrong. I don't care where the Army sends me as long as I can come home to you in the afternoon.

Heroswife - But this has been your dream for years. Nows your chance to live it. I don't want you to do this for me I want you to be happy and not regret not trying. I don't want you to resent me for you not being able to realize your dream.

Hero - This was my dream until I got here and saw that I could have it if I wanted it. That's not what I want anymore. I want to be with my family. You three need me more then they need me here.

OK, that's the short and sweet. I'll give more info later. Long story short he came home. Our entire lives have changed. Our future is now completely different. We are planning to get out of the Army in 3 years and my H will take the position offered to him at our church. My head is spinning. I never imagined we would ever NOT be military. I need some serious time to process this.

Don't think I'm taking a break. I'm in the office for the rest of the week. I have a team building event tomorrow <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> So I'll be on a boat for the entire day with my teammates. I'll be back in the office Friday and will follow up with you guys then.

Top- I believe I owe you a party update. It was fine. I had fun but felt out of place. I laughed a lot and that's all that matters. Sometimes being out of your element gives you a chance to reflect on who you are.

2B -

I will come back shortly and read more on the thread. I enjoy our talks so much. I'm so glad we are able to chat about things other then the As. Why can't you be my neighbor?!?!?!

Top - any chance you could move into the neighborhood.

Before ya'll start with the Mr. Rogers jokes I'll sign off.

Love ya'll,
Heroswife

SAAAY WHAAT??
Could you pleeaase repeat that?

WOW!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Where the Heck did that come from? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
(Better yet... Who cares?) Just Happy it did.
[But NOT has HAPPY As YOU!!!]

TOO CooL.

Now that IS ** <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> **Progress** <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> **..........Finally!!
YEAAAAAE for you guys.

& Yeaae that he may be finally "getting it".

Now control that SMILE your wearing or your Face will Crack.
(We don't want any Premature aging....Am I right??)

Hey, I just said "get that smile off your face" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .....No Body deserves to be that happy.

[Except all of us here, that is] (he, he)

This is the type of stuff you've been waiting a life time for.
And NOW its finally here.
UN "F"in believable. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Isn't it Wonderful to have to process "Good" news for a change, instead of reeling from all the Crap???

Yours eyes must have looked like this[*/ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> /*].

Enjoy it!
Nuff Said!

P.S.
I want a job that PAYS me to go on boat rides and chum around with my colleagues.
Sounds Tough. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
What a life!

<small>[ October 06, 2004, 03:20 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

All I can say is WOW….I am SOOOOOOOOO happy for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I can’t imagine what you felt when you heard him telling you all of this. What a break through! So what is he going to be doing for the next three years? He must have been doing some serious thinking over the last couple of weeks to make him come to where he is at. Gosh I wouldn’t know how to react to all of that. Like top rope said, I bet you haven’t been able to wipe the smile off of your face. I am just SO excited for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I’m glad the party went well. And your right, it does do us good to get out of our “element” once in awhile. Builds character as they say! How is your sister doing?

Have fun with your team building tomorrow. Man, our team building sessions we are all locked in a room. We need to take some pointers from where you work. I’d love to have a session on a boat at least that would make it bearable…lol

Big hugs to you both! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
LJB

Hey!

I had to check back before I left for the day. Have to go get supplies for my trip tomorrow.

As for the team building day tomorrow. Please know that this is very well deserved! My job is beyond stressful. As a matter of fact when I came in this morning I was faced with an issue that almost caused me to walk out. It's not so much the industry or the job requirements but sometimes I am forced to work with people that do not have a clue but somehow have wound up in a leadership position...which requires me to be a little more reserved then I would be! I'll leave it at that. I am blown away with how stressed out I can get over this place. Never the less I often cry at the end of the day because it is draining.

So yes I was very excited and very happy. I can't tell you how moved I was. It's like for the first time in our marriage he admitted that he rarely put us first. He is a changed man. The position the church offered him was very helpful. He also said he was fortunate that I have a good paying job so he could have this as an option. That made me feel like a million bucks! It's like I was his hero. He said a lot of guys don't have a choice because they do not work....which I will say is true. We know many many military wives that can't work because of their H's jobs. Just not a stable env for both spouses to work. I have a lot of help so I can.

Anyway, I have to run.

Love to you all....and I do not care if my face wrinkles like a prune no one can make me stop smiling!

Be back soon! Wish me luck on the boat! There's no where to go to the bathroom. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey girl.

Big smiles here.

Also....
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by heroswife:
<strong>I am forced to work with people that do not have a clue but somehow have wound up in a leadership position</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Didn't know we worked at the same place........

WAT

Hi girls!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Just popped in to see how you all were!! How come you guys aren't posting over on R board???

Especially YOU Heroeswife!!????
YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeHaaaaawwwwwwwwww!
Im happy dancing for you right now!!!!

Let me know how it goes when H gets home, I am thrilled for you and H!

Blessings,
Atruheart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hello....

I've just been going with this thread, but I've poked my nose over on R.....

I'm exhausted today, the puppy decided he didn't want to sleep last night, he was up every 1/2 hour to hour. Uuuugggghhhhhh......

I was thinking of posting a new thread and getting some advice on some roadblocks I have been facing. Just seems like I have been hit hard over the last week or two with a few things...

How have you been doing?

Hugs,
LJB

2B, HW, and all,

Need prayers and support. I found the all the A emails yesterday. H was upset with me reading them but understood and said he would probably do the same thing.

H is afraid that I will not be able to get over the hurt I will find by reading them. I have assured him that nothing will change the way I feel for him. Actually, reading them has made me feel better in some ways. He would not tell me about these mailboxes after I had asked several times. He keeps saying that he didn't want to hurt me any more. I say that I can't hurt anymore than I already am.

Now, don't get me wrong there is some REAL hurtful stuff there. Some serious FOG talk. As H is reading it with me (hard but somehow intimate for us to be getting through it all together - somehow I am holding my emotions objectively, trying not to judge), he is amazed at his own words. Can't believe he said/wrote them. Says that as he was saying them that he knew deep inside that none of that was true.

This is me in my head -- "Think Positive thoughts! This is all Fog talk." I try to repeat it over and over. I will get over it, it is just hard. The hardest part is wantin so badly to trust him, as that was something that was SO unconditional before. So sorry that is lost now for a while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I pray I can get it back soon. I think he will need to do some real rebuilding with me to get it back. As I need to do some rebuilding with him as well.

I am praying everyday for us to get through this. I believe that God is carrying us. We have an extenuating work problem that I can't talk about here. Right after I found the mailbox yesterday, the work stuff started to fall apart (i.e. the @!it hit the fan!). Also, yesterday was the 13th anniversary of the day we met. How interesting. God is showing us the way.

I will keep you all in my prayers too.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi NG….

I would hope your H wouldn’t be mad at you for reading those emails. I mean really, what does he expect you to do, just say oh and turn the other cheek? And like he said, he would have done the same thing had the roles been reversed.

I can’t imagine reading the emails that went back and forth between OW and my H. I have a horrible tendency to dwell on stuff and that would have been hard to get past, for me anyway. I admire you for being able to read the emails, as hard as it was and is, and still keeping in mine he was in the fog. That is one thing I think they can not understand, knowing the details can’t hurt worse (well maybe in some cases it can but) than finding out about the affair itself. IMO.

Does it make you feel better that he is admitting that it was fog talk and he knew that he really didn’t mean what he was telling her? One thing I wish my H would understand, that I think what hurts most is the way he treated me and the things he said to me to get away with the A. Don’t get me wrong, it hurts like hell knowing what he did with her, but knowing that he intentionally said the things he did and did some of the things he did hurts almost worse, at least for me.

It’s been a real difficult past week and a half for me, and the whole “trust” issue, well I know what you mean. It’s hard to not think horrible thoughts when he says something or does something that triggers those triggers. The innocence of blind trust is gone and will never be there again, and that hurts. It kills me to think I’ll never be able to trust my H like I use to. The trust will come back but it will be nothing like it was, to me I would be a fool to let it be like that again. But that’s just my opinion.

I’m sorry you found what you did, maybe now this will be a new start for you with everything (?) out on the table. Maybe this opened a door for you two to talk more openly about everything!

Hugs,
LJB

Wow 2B, I agree with HW, I wish you were my neighbor. I think we are on the same wavelength.

I don't have a lot of people to talk with about this. I confided in one close friend who is very non-judgemental and a wonderful sounding board. Actually, she has a masters in counseling, psycology or something like that. Also, I have my MIL, but talking to her just keeps me riled up. She has direct experience with my H's father who had many As. And her life was very hard. But it is different that this. Her approach is to do things that are just not my style. So I have to listen to what she says carefully.

Anyway, I am still reading the emails -- there are so many. And yes, it does help for him to acknowledge that it was the fog talking. He even said later last night that he was glad that I was reading them. Not really glad but relieved that I know "everything". I did a dumb thing though. I told him that I had found it before I had a chance to read everything. Shoulda kept my big mouth shut. He deleted some stuff. Really made me angry. Says he just went in and deleted at random. I hate to not believe him, but I don't. I desperately want to trust, believe. But I've been burned now. I'm like you, that is the saddest and hardest part of this whole big mess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I want to be the center of his life again. For two years now, she has gotten his passion and a whole lot of his attention. I pray with time that he can get her out of his head. That is my deepest fear, that even with NC that memory will stay with him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Now, I know him and I know through it all, he still loved me as he loves me now. I know this as sure as I am breathing. And now he knows that I will stand beside him through anything - not sure he knew this before. (Somehow, I got tired of trying to get him to open up,and I think I gave up and figured that was just the way it was gonna be.) Even I didn't know how very deep my love for him is. This situation has awakened me in a lot of ways. And I pray that I can make our life together the best anyone could ever dream of.

We are off to bed. My prayers are with you all tonight. I thank God I found this board - without it I would be lost.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi NG…

What in the world was your H thinking by deleting those emails? I would have been furious. My way of thinking would have been well what are you still trying to hide. One breath he’s saying he’s glad “everything” is out in the open and the next breath he’s deleting emails. I am sure the emails were nothing more than what you’ve already read, but doesn’t he realize by his actions in doing that isn’t helping you regain his trust? They just do not think sometimes.

I have one really good friend who I discuss everything about the A with. I use to talk to another friend but she really pissed me off the other day. We were talking about Halloween and I told her I was boycotting it this year because that is going to be a really crappy day for me and her comment back to me was you just need to get over it. I was so taken back that I really didn’t know what to say. I mean really, who is she to say that. She’s never been in my position and until you are you have no idea what we go through. I’ll be the first one to wish and pray that I could just get over it. Believe me, would make things a hell of a lot easier, but it just doesn’t work that way.

I’m sitting here rereading what I have written so far and I have to apologize if it’s coming across has harsh. Guess I am just really not in the best of moods, I am back to not sleeping (I’m having some really messed up dreams) and I can’t take my sleeping pills because of the puppy. I’ve got some really bad trigger days coming up and I’m not looking forward to them at all.

It is great that we have found this board and can talk to each other without feeling judged. It’s nice to be able to talk to people who understand what you are going through and the emotions involved. I don’t know what I would have done had I not found this board and had a place to talk and vent.

Oh do I know about wanting to be the center of his universe again. I think we have discussed the trying to be the perfect wife and it’s just mentally and physically exhausting. Scared to death to get into an argument because I’m afraid he’s just going to throw up his hands and say forget this, I’m out of here. I didn’t have to deal with this with her. He’s say it won’t happen, but he also said an A would never happen either.

Did your H tell you what was in the emails he deleted?

Hugs to you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
LJB

Hey HW....

So how was your team building session yesterday? When is your H suppose to be home?

Hi top rope!!

Haven't seen you around and thought I'd say hi and hope your doing well.

Hi Atruheart...

How have things been going with you?

Hey 2b, HW and everyone:

Just been "One OF Those Weeks"...If you know what I mean?
(and I know you DO!)

First to you naive girl:...Ya right,.. er,OK.....he deleted them "at random"....I sure hope he still doesn't think your THAT NAIVE!

["What's that"??...[presses EAR to screen]...Maybe ONCE, but Never again!]
Good for YOU!

However, NOT a good sign at all.

Unfortunately, There is what they SAY (sounds good to your ears)....and there is what they actually DO (their actions)... and HIS sure ain't being very trustworthy.

But there goes another WS, hiding their tracks. This Only Proves he's STILL Hiding something. Sad but true.
(take any emails that are left and send them to yourself......so you can read them as you get the time........don't let him get rid of any more evidence).

Sorry for the side bar there:
As for why I'm not around...Ohh boy!
My MOM had a second surgery on a chronic problem. (Not life threatining....but still major surgery is still just that).
So I felt the need to give her some support. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Then next day my nephew falls out of tree and ends up with blood pooling inside his sternum. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
After taking him to the hospital ..(about 10hrs later) They ended up FLYING him (by chopper) from the local Hospital to a children's trauma hospital about an hour and a half away (by car).
Haven't heard much today. Debating whether to Drive all the way there or not.

Oh yea, Get This: the CLB (creepy little <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> [censored]) attempted contact with my W at her Job AGAIN! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Don't even get me started about that.
Cause I will !! (not a threat...just a promise) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

The Hospital my nephew is at is near the OM's house. Guess I better not go visit, cause I'm likely to make a SIDE Trip <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> [however, then I'll be posting to you all from Jail].

Then to top it off, I get a call from my oldest DD's teacher. Seems she got yet Another "D" on a science test (this time) and she wants to talk about how we can help her study, ect,..
SHEEEEESH!
AAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!
This was NEVER a problem Before.....so I don't know what's up with that. (Again shakes head and **Sighs**).

[What I really want to do is yell! Guess I'll get to that eventually!]
NO, not at her...the world.

Hey, I'm real good at it....my W's A has gotten me all kinds of practice.

Anyway, that's Why I've been away.
Nothing personal ya'll.
Be back sometime.
Hope you all are Happy and Healthy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Gotta Run folks.
till next time.......later

<small>[ October 08, 2004, 01:41 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

Hi top rope..

You have had a busy week, it’s time for things to slow down. Glad to hear things with your mom aren’t life threatening. And I’m sure she appreciates all the support you have been giving her. Being in the hospital sucks!

I hope your nephew is going to be okay. Did they have to do surgery on him and will he have any long terms problems with the fall? My thoughts and prayers go out to him and everyone else!

I think we all should just go get drunk…lol <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Creepy little [censored], I love it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That made me laugh (I needed that). But your wife told you so that is plus (at least that is how I am assuming you found out he called her)! How come he is still trying to contact her?

I’m sure your family would appreciate the support but under the circumstances I’m not sure I’d go your nephew, especially if he’s that close. That’s just too tempting, and we don’t want you emailing us from jail. No! No! No! Besides that, your mom needs your help right now!

It must be the year with kids, because my daughter is slacking in school big time and she’s only in 5th grade. Her teacher and I have had a lot of talks lately, and man, I think I am going to hurt the child..lol She’s driving me crazy, and her flip attitude, uuugggghhhhhhh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think we all could use a scream fest….yes, lets have one! Today at 5:00, doesn’t matter where you are at (well maybe it does) but I think it would help release some of this pent up frustration….what do you say? Anyone game?

Hugs, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
LJB