2B,

He says he doesn't know which emails he deleted - just picked them at random. I really want to believe that. Have always believed him, but now I have that element of doubt. I wish I could get rid of that feeling. Not something I like.

Anyway, I hope you get some sleep and rest this weekend. It is raining here and supposed to rain all day tomorrow. Yeah!! I hate to say it because the soccer games will be cancelled tomorrow, but we really need some rest. We have been staying up until midnight talking and enjoying SF almost every night. Which is all good, but we are oh sooo tired.

Thanks so much for the support. I hope you have a good weekend.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey guys,

I know you all think that he knew which emails he was deleting, but after the ones I found yesterday I don't think so anymore. They were very sexually explicit. It hurt - a lot. But I read them, like an idiot. Very hard not to.

I told my H that I must be the weirdest woman in the world. For some strange reason, reading these emails, even the ones that hurt, are helping me deal with things. I see how they struggled with trying to stay apart and end things. Then I see when they stopped trying to end things and tried to figure out a way to stay together (that part is hard to read). I really think he got scared and started to delete, but when he saw how angry that made me, he stopped.

Anyway, we had a wonderful evening last night. I got a good friend to watch our boys and she even let them spend the night with her. Our children get along great with their children. Thank God for great friends like them. Of course, they don't know anything about our situation except that H has a very stressful job and needed a break. They do know we are looking for him a new job. Boy, I will really hate leaving them and the other close friends we have.

So we spent the evening alone. I even boarded the dog at the vet for the night. It was complete solitude. We didn't even eat the steaks I bought -we will cook them today. I had a tray full of cheese, grapes, stawberries and chocolate to dip them in, crackers and wine. We ate all that and watched a movie. Made love. Talked some. Then slept (oh glorious sleep!) until 10 am this morning. While we were cuddling, he said some wonderful things that made me feel so much better.

It has been raining all day, so we've watched movies and played a game with the boys. A really good day.

Hope you are all having a good weekend.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi NG…

No you are not weird, knowing all the details do help a lot of people and if that works for you great! I say whatever helps during your recovery.

It’s great that you guys were able to spend a night by yourselves. Having those moments together are so important, especially during this healing time. I cherish all the times my H and I get to spend time together without the kids.

I do hope for your twos recovery that your H was just deleting those emails at random. I can’t imagine reading what you did, there is no way I would have been able to handle that.

My H is working a double shift tonight and those are so hard for me. So many times he was “working a double” and well that wasn’t the case. He would usually work about half of it and well the rest of the time he would be with her. Or he would leave work early. It is such a trigger when I get those calls from him. I still have a bad habit of calling his work about ½ hour to hour before his shift ends to make sure he’s there. Pretty sad huh.

There are days like today that I wonder if the doubts with ever go away. I know I’ll never have that blind trust again, but trust itself, will that ever come back? I sit and look at how are marriage is now and it’s great but the innocence is gone and that is something that can never be brought back.

Ugghhhh, so before I go much further on my pity party, I’ll wrap it up. I’m so happy that you and your H were able to spend such special time together. I hope the rest of your weekend is as great!

Hugs.
LJB

2B,

I completely understand about the working late thing. My H has always worked late at times and always will - just part of his job. I never questioned it. I can tell by these emails just how many times he went to her after "working late". That hurts.

And now, it is hard when he says he will be working a little late. I agree I want the trust back. It is not fair to have to feel as we do. To have to worry just because he is working. Actually, I am in pain everyday he goes to work because I know she is there. I will be soooo happy to move away from here.

My prayers are with you tonight. I know how hard it is. I gotta go, we are off to watch the end of a movie we started earlier, but we will probably fall asleep watching it -- we are getting old! H's 20th high school class reunion is in a couple of weeks and mine was just a month ago.

Hugs to you.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good Morning everyone!

How did everyone's weekend go?

HHHHEEEELLLLOOOO!

I'm here everyone. Team building went great but lasted 2 days...I thought it was just one! It was like a mini vacation. I had to take off yesterday...was sick again. I'm better today but not 100%.

So I won the fishing tournament! Hello! Did you hear that? I won the entire thing! How'd that happen? I have no idea but I was a fishing fool! And get this, we docked our boats off the shore of a small island with nothing on it and had a cook out. I dug a hole in the sand and started a fire from scratch (yes this is legal). My team doubted my efforts but I knew I could do it. I watch way too much on the Discovery Channel to not know how to start a fire. They were very impressed and I was more or less just giddy!

So Top-Rope you sound like you are having a troubled time. I am so sorry to hear that. You have supported me so much over time and I want to be there for you as well. I hate to hear that the Slime Bucket is calling your wife at work! Get a grip freak you are out of the picture!

I will agree with 2B though...this speaks volumes for your Wife's respect for you. She told you. She could have kept it from you but she didn't. I hope that helps you a little.

I hope your mother is OK as well. And your nephew! I'm sure they will both be fine and I will add them to my prayers.

NG - I can't believe you read those emails! Ok, I would have probably read them too. But you will never be able to take those words out of your mind. I have trouble getting the words I read out of my mind and they were not explicit at all. I would be sick! You are a strong person and you sound like you are very centered. You even mentioned that you are healing better knowing what you know. That is a true sign of your will to recover from this A. I will say that from experience you will have to convince your H that you can forgive him for this and get over this anger. That won't be easy at all. My H's guilt puts him in the mind set that there's no way I could ever get over this because he doesn't think he would ever be able to get over this. Keep that in mind. He is dealing with guilt here as well.


2B - so you mentioned road blocks. Lay'em out, let's hear it. I might not be able to offer sound advice on all but I'll be your sounding board. So put'em out here for us to look at and discuss. We'll think of something.

Ok, I've said too much already. I'll wrap this up. I have so much more to say but want to hear from you all.

2B and others,

Sorry I haven't posted lately. Been busy with a project for work and trying to get some stuff done around the house. I have found myself neglecting things as I read the "emails" and also try to keep up with the board here. I feel guilty like I am reliving the affair and not paying attention to my family as I should. Almost like I'm having a vicarious affair. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

HW,

Thanks for the support. I'm not feeling very strong and centered today. (That time of the month! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) I guess it is human nature to want to read the emails. My H said he would have done the same thing. He even showed me a folder in the email account that he knew I hadn't found. You are right, it is hard to get the words out of my mind. However, it was helpful to see in their own words how many times they tried to stop seeing each other. As I've said before, there is an extenuating work circumstance that kept it all very alive. I can't really discuss it, but I do understand it from H's perspective. Job is very hard to goto even without OW's presence. Lots of problems.

Also, reading her words has helped me not be so freaking angry with her. I think eventually it will help me forgive her which I will need to do for my own good.

I forgave H very quickly. I am still hurt and angry, but as I've said before happy too. Very strange emotions to deal with. I've gotten some books on forgiveness. I think H and I have a lot to work on.

We need to move before I think true recovery can start. So I feel we are living in limbo world. Which is really driving me crazy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tons of emotion here - real roller coaster. You guys know what I mean.

Just curious - I'm way down South. What part of the world are you in? Looking for a good place to find a job and live (as far away from OW and old place of work as possible!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Ohhh the road blocks…..uggghhhh.

Well you know about the phone number I found in his wallet. Well then the next week, he had to work late and so that caused him to miss his car pool so I had to go get him from work. Well he works about an hour away in another town and I very very rarely have to go there. And that is where she lived and where the whole A took place. Man when I pulled into the town it was like someone took me and smacked me across the face. It was horrible. Who would have known that would have been such a horrible trigger. I was so overcome with emotions that the tears just flowed. It sucked. I tried to regain my composure before H came out but once I’ve been crying it’s really hard to hide it. As we were leaving H finally asked what was wrong and after him pushing the issue a little I finally told him. Being there at his work and there in town was just too close for comfort for me. At first he why and I just glared at him, like that shouldn’t be so freaking obvious. He did good though I have to admit, he really didn’t say much except he was sorry and he held my hand and told me he loved me.

Well ever since the whole phone number incident I have been having horrible dreams so I’m back to little to no sleep. That of course doesn’t help my emotions at all. I’m just so tired and emotionally I am drained. Friday is a big trigger day and I’m not looking forward to it. I am trying to stay positive but my doubts and fears are winning out. I’m back to reading a lot more into my H’s actions than I should be. I feel like I am losing ground instead of gaining it. There is constant talk about Halloween and I just soon forget about that freaking nightmare of a day. I know where he was and what he was doing last year at that time and I just want no part of it. If I didn’t have kids, I’d boycott the whole freaking day, just crawl into a black hole and stay there.

Just seems like lately that every time I turn around I feel like I am getting slapped in the face with something. The other night in bed and in the middle of SF bam, there is the image of him with OW. That hasn’t happened for awhile now, took everything I had to hold back the tears but also continue like nothing is wrong. Afterwards, I went to the bathroom and broke down, H never knew.

What is wrong with me, why does it seem like all of a sudden I have taken giant steps backwards? Am I just hitting the low in the rollercoaster ride, I’m afraid that it’s going to be a pretty bumpy one over the next few months and I’m not sure I can handle it.

I guess what they say is true at least for me. One step forward and two steps backwards.

Hugs to you all!
LJB

2B,

I'm sorry to hear of your roadblocks and triggers this month. I understand. I wish I had words of advice. I feel like all I do is talk about myself and don't have any useful words for the rest of you. I guess my mind is just muddled. I feel like I have adult onset ADD or some form of early senility.

Our neighbors have gone to the mountains. I wish I could throw caution to the wind and us all pile up in the van and drive till we see the mountain tops! Actually, we are going to the state fair tonight. It has finally turned cooler here and stopped raining. So we should have a great time.

Anyway, I have a few triggers of my own this month. Their first encounter was Oct. 17. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Soooo if it helps I'm right here with ya! And my sadness is if I had just paid attention to the signs and the stuff he was saying all this could have been avoided. But I guess I can't do the what ifs and cry over the spilled milk. So Ce La Vie! I'm feeling a bit sassy today! Can ya tell??

Some thoughts you already know - try to keep with the positive thoughts. He is with YOU! Not her. That goes for the thoughts during SF too. (BTW, I have them too. Feel like there is always a threesome going on. Really ready to get rid of her - out of my mind!!!)

I need to practice what I am preaching. Prayer for the day -- Dear God, please help us all to remember the wonderful gifts you have given us. Help me to see what I should learn through this. My H has a good heart. He is struggling through this as I am. Please help him to remember his heart today and to remember his loyal, devoted wife and children. Amen.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Naivegirl -

I think you are doing a brave thing here. Look at it like this...you are getting a good grasp on the breakdown that allowed this to happen, right? Now you'll be better prepared to avoid this moving forward. It's not like you are hiding your head and pretending like everything is OK. Your H needs to see your pain and you need to be allowed to feel that pain so you can heal. I read a book called "Total Forgiveness". It helped me understand the power of forgiveness. It's a freedom you will experience even if the person who harmed you doesn't want your forgiveness or doesn't deserve it. In fact, it's even better if they don't want it or ask for it. It will define you. You are a strong woman with a heart of gold and your H is very lucky to have you as a wife. He knows that.

As for location I am down south too. I guess I can say the state, South Carolina. As for a job, my company is hiring but I doubt seriously you'd want to work for there!

2B - I see what you mean about the road blocks. I've faced tons of them over the past few months. Remember my trip to the base where my H was supposed to meet FOW the Monday after d-day. That was a huge trigger for me. My H knew it and helped me face it. Tell your H about these roadblocks so he can help you deal with them. It will surely empower him to help you. He won't feel sooooo helpless, knowing he's the cause of your pain. And I think you need to express your pain as well. Hiding it will make you explode! We don't want that!

This whole month feels like a trigger for me. I actually went back and looked at my Outlook Calendar for this time last year and made note of all the days that I knew stuff was going on and what I was feeling at that time. Very painful...and really unnecessary. Why did I do that? It was stupid!

As for Halloween...that's a big trigger day for both of us. What will we do? I wish I could come up with something that would take the pain out of that day. Any suggestions? And no crawling in a black hole...weaker people would do that and we are not weak!

As for the low on your rollercoaster ride....I'll say this....I have experienced the lowest of lows throughout all of this. I honestly wanted to take my own life just to avoid the pain or causing anymore pain to my children. I see that time as a time when I had to make a decision...either I give up now or I fight to bring myself out of this and I use my experience to help others. It's hard to see the other side when you are down. I can promise you the other side is there and you will get there soon enough.

Right now is a tough time and you can't beat yourself up over it. You are making progress and you are facing triggers left and right.

I hope you can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs to you both,
Heroswife

HW,

We are in Mississippi. Both of us have lived here all our lives. Family is all here. It will be hard to leave. My parents are elderly (had me late in life.) They know nothing of what is going on. Actually, they are almost getting to where I have to treat them as my children. Protect them.

Anyway, we have looked in South Carolina, North Carolina, Tennessee, Georgia, and even Colorado, Oregon, and Washington. Really concentrating on a job for H. I am a freelance software trainer/desktop publisher/miscellaneous computer consultant. I hope to be able to continue with that flexibility. However, I will lose my client base and my network of friends here. That is mainly how I get my work. H is a technology professional.

H has always had an urge to live close to the mountains. I've kinda caught that bug too. I would rather stay in the south. Not sure at nearly 40 years old if I could handle any type of culture shock. No offense to other parts of the country, but I've heard you can't find the groceries I'm used to down here. I like to cook southern. I need my Martha White cornmeal if you know what I mean. I'm a southern girl through and through. I cook like my Mama. I need a gas stove and an iron skillet to survive. All kidding aside, I could live anywhere as long as my family is with me, together and happy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope your day goes well. You have made mine brighter with your words. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You are also a strong woman. We "steel magnolias" need to stick together.

(Edited to add stuff about my job(s)) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 13, 2004, 11:18 AM: Message edited by: naivegirl ]</small>

Naivegirl -

I love your post. That is perfect. We all have blessings that seem to fade away when we are down. I am very guilty of that.

I also have those fleeting thoughts of FOW during SF. Makes me sick. Sometimes I can't even hid it. I just leave the room. Yep folks I get up and leave without saying a word. If that's not the king of all LB's I'm not sure what is!

I decided that I needed something to look forward to to get me through OCT and NOV. I'm totally focused on the holidays. Like overboard...Griswald style. I'm hype'n my kids up and my H. I'm usually overboard on anything I put heart into. We are deciding on a new tradition starting this year. I've got projects planned for the entire family.

I'm hoping my neighbors are ready for this?!?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Lets see, how are we going to get through this month? One idea, lots and lots of alcohol. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I took a small step, H is sick so I called him to see how he was feeling. He asked how I slept so I told him, like crap. He asked why and I just told him that my mind is working overtime. And between that and the dreams I’ve been having lately I’m back to little to no sleep. He told me he loved me and he was sorry. I didn’t go into detail maybe I should have but I feel like I am throwing this all in his face when I bring it up. That was such a bad habit of mine before that I am really trying hard to not do that this time. But maybe I am over compensating. I just don’t know.

I know I need to express my pain to my H before it comes to the boiling over point. I am just soooooo not good at it. Never have been, and it’s really tough for me, especially now, because of the really crappy things he said to me during the A. I know that was fog talk but it doesn’t make it any easier to overcome and wonder if he’s going to say those horrible things to be when I tell him how I actually feel.

I too go back and look at a lot of the documentation I have. And after I do, I hate myself even more. And wonder why I did that. We were suppose to have a burn party HW, guess neither one of us can bring ourselves to do that yet. I wonder why, all we are doing is torturing ourselves.

So HW, when is your H coming home??? Is he already home, is it just great???

I am sure your neighbors are ready for you. Hey, might even get them into the spirit this year.

I have a meeting starting this afternoon and tomorrow. So I won’t be online until Friday. Just wanted to let you guys know.

NG, you crack me up. I love the movie Steel Magnolias. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks you guys for all your support and advice. You have no idea how much it means to me!!!!!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hugs,
LJB

I too am guilty of dwelling on the bad stuff, bad feelings etc. I can certainly throw myself a big 'ole pity party in a second. But I'm really trying not to do that anymore.

Also, now y'all are gonna think I'm VERY strange, but I try to use the SF images to make things hotter. I may get some 2X4s for that one or some other weapon reserved for perverted minds. But it works for me. I try to get past the emotional stuff (who she is, feelings etc.) and realize that he is WITH ME! And I am going to out do her, out sex her, out look her - hey I am nearly 10 years younger than her). I am trying to be the sexiest, hottest thing he has ever seen. That was probably one of our biggest problems - I would venture to say the lack of SF between us was the open door for the A to occur. Wish I coulda figured it out before. But (as Bob Pure put it) STUPID, STUPID woman. I was blind to his cries for help. I really didn't realize how much men need sex! I guess it took this big old mess to wake me up. Sad, sad, sad. I feel so bad for my pushing him away. It was me getting wrapped up in my own low self-esteem and trying to organize being a wife, mother, freelancer (I had several jobs going at once for a while - a little overwhelming). I had a hard time pushing these things out of my mind at the end of the day or anytime for that matter.

Now, please realize (hence my login name) I am and have always been sheltered, naive, and basically a good little girl. It is hard for me to break away from this. However, for some odd reason picturing them together (although it does hurt me at other times of the day) during SF (only then) it makes me hotter! Now, if I ever meet y'all I'll probably die of embarrassment! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So now that is probably more than you ever wanted to know about me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Gotta go run some errands and go plant some flowers at our oldest son's school. Need to be working on a project for work. But I am completely blowing that one off. Never would have done that before. I am really loosening up. Not a good plan really, when you work for yourself, from home. Major distractions. I love this board, but I am becoming addicted.

ng <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 13, 2004, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: naivegirl ]</small>

Naivegirl -

I'm not sure how my last post wound up under yours. I guess we posted at the same time. Anyway, I wanted to go back and address the things you said.

I'm blown away at how much we have in common, southern, taking care of parents, jobs, cooking, our focus on being an organized wife and mother....ok I'll stop.

I completely know how you feel about being from the south! Born in Tennessee, moved to Alabama at 11, moved to Georgia at 19 and moved to South Carolina at 28. Could you get more southern then that?!?!?! I love Mississippi! As a child I was really taken by the Ante Bellum South and Mississippi played a big role during that time. I love the history of the Delta and I'd love to visit the area today. OK...I could go on and on about that but I'll stop. If you took me out of the south I think my heart would just stop beating. People hear me speak and immediately think I'm stupid because of the accent. It usually takes people a while to figure out that I am smart and know my business very well. Then the accent becomes a charm. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I cook mostly southern foods as well. If you look in my fridge right now you will not find a shortage of hamhock! And HELLOOOOOOO how could you use anything but Martha White cornmeal!?!?!?! My family would go in shock if we didn't have our cornbread or friend squash!

I too am in the software/IT field. I have a degree in development. I've been a Quality Assurance Professional, done A&D, data modeling, development (programming) and now I'm in an account management role for one of my company's more strategic accounts. I'm sure you work with some of our products everyday. It's hard to be on the web and not use our certification. I also work from home. I travel to my home office once a month and I travel to the west coast to visit my clients about once a quarter (Oregon and Alaska).

We have offices all over the entire world. If you are serious about looking for a job I would gladly pass on some information to you. I will say that I am not happy with my current job because of the stress and lack of respect for the little people in the company. I stay with the company because I love the people I work with and I love being able to work from home. I would love to work for myself. Maybe you could give me some tips?!?!?!

Alright, so you are picturing the FOW during SF to try to 'out sex' her?!?! I can see where that would put you in my mind set. I use FOW when I'm at the gym. I can squeeze a few more reps out just thinking of them together. Here's the deal, she's older then me and she's butch. No offense...seriously manly women can be very cool. I think the attraction was a combination of her rank (that's so sad) and his need for attention and she laid it on thick. Now I can't use lack of SF when trying to understand the A. I am now, and always have been very willing. I'm open to anything and I'm very focused on making sure he is sexually taken care of. I love it and can't get enough. Most of the time he was turning me away...not the other way around. I'm so confused by that. Anyway, I don't think you are insane about your thoughts. I think it's normal and I think it's healthy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

2B -
I am with you on the alcohol. I'll have some wine please!!! Ok, maybe tequila!?!?! So you say your H is away? How'd I miss that fact? When will he be home? I think that him being sick is the perfect time for you to show compassion. Men love to be babied when they are sick. I'm glad you told him your mind was working overtime. You didn't need to go into detail and you know he knows what you mean. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Baby steps!

Alright...we are going to have a burn party. Post a list of everything you have that you can get rid of in this fire. We'll decide on a date later. I'm thinking.....HALLOWEEN!

Here's my list:
Cell Phone Bills
Email
Cell phone
His uniform patch for the job he's leaving now

What else could I burn? Any ideas?

This is far too long. Gotta do some work now. I'll check back after while. Where's Top-Rope? Did we freak him out? Top-Rope if you are out there we are thinking of you and miss your wit. I hope your Mother and Nephew are doing well.

I’m back……I survived our meeting. Barely, but I managed….lol

Want to hear something weird, my dad is from South Carolina, Laurens to be exact. And my best friend lives in North Carolina. Isn’t that funny. So I know all about the southern cooking. And I love it!

All I can say is WOW, NG. I don’t think I could twist my mind into thinking the way you do. I’m more like HW, and while I am at the gym it’s easier to pump ourta few more reps. But the OW in my case is A LOT different than HW’s. She is older yes, I still haven’t been able to figure out how much, but she’s one of these cutie, little petite things. Now granted I do my fairshare of working out but I have put on a little weight over the years. So it’s really easy for me to really get into the gym when I think about that.

No HW, my H isn’t away. Did I say he was? With all the lack of sleep I have been getting, god only knows what I’ve written. I usually try and walk away then come back and make sure what I said makes sense and it’s not babble. But sometimes I still think I just babble…lol See like now!

Yes, H was babied pretty heavily over the last few days. He was pretty sick. But I have to admit, it’s better now that he is feeling better because like you said. Men can be such babies when they are sick. LOL

So my list for the burn pile:
Cell phone bills
Cell phone
His work clothes
His car
My truck
I don’t have the emails that went back and forth between them (thank god) but his work computer just out of principal.

I can’t think of anything else right off hand, but that would be a start anyway…lol Yes Halloween sounds like a good time to do that.

Hugs,
LJB

[B]LJB[B/]

I am glad you are back. Glad the meeting went well...or just glad it's over I guess! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I thought your H was gone because you mentioned speaking to him over the phone and giving him updates as if he were away. I went back and re-read and I see now how I misread it.

Oh and I never answered your question: YES my H is home. He called that Sunday and was home that Monday in time for my birthday Tuesday! So he's home. He was off for the rest of last week and he started clearing his old company this week. He reports to his new job Monday morning. We are very excited about it. Glad he won't work with FOW anymore but not glad we still live close to her.

Burning the computers!!!! What a great idea!?!?!?! I need to add that to my list. We gave my H's truck to my father and I bought him a new truck so I won't have to burn his truck...even though I don't think she was ever in it.

So the looks of the FOW in my case is very confusing. Why? She older and manly....not shapely at all...by that I mean flat butt and no boobs (OK that's tacky..I take it back). So explain it to me..PLEASE. I need to understand. I could see if she were a runner or cyclist...he's into that. Not some bull dogga! Have I mentioned that she looks like my H? Seriously...could be his sister. Now his sisters in real life look nothing like him. They are actually very beautiful. But this chick have similar features....um including bushy eyebrows. Let's not forget the growth on her chin. Whatever!?!?!?! I think that makes me feel worse. I am an attractive woman. And for the most part I am humble. I really think it's the whole tease/slut behavior...the adventure and rush. Then again maybe I just have an overinflated sense of self worth.

So Halloween is our date?!?! Should we decide on some type of timeframe? Do we approach this as a celebration? Like get some cupcakes or a bottle of wine? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm just hoping the fire marshall doesn't show up. I'm considering adding a white button down shirt of his. I have no proof but I think he wore that the night they were together. I am also considering his golf clubs because he went golfing the day I found out. Would that be hateful?


Oh 2B...burn the wallet! Buy him a new one before but burn that one. My list of things is growing...I feel better already.

Guys bear with me. I'm having a difficult day today. Trigger date to say the least. While things are going great....the pain still surfaces. I'm sure there will be many days like this in the coming weeks.


Dropping that and moving on.

It doesn’t make sense what attracts them to the OW. The OW in my case, well she had the rep of the “office bimbo” if you get my drift. So I guess it is that whole tease/slut behavior. Either way it’s disgusting and it makes me sick to even think about it.

It’s a bad trigger day for me also. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> It’s taking everything I have to keep my composure today. I want so badly to call her up and yell and scream at her, tell her what I feel about this whole situation and her. But it won’t do any good I know this. Or send her this email I’ve had written up for I don’t know how long now. I change the wording from time to time, depending on my mood, but to me it’s a very well written letter, but I know sending it would just cause further problems and that would open the door for her to contact him again, and I don’t want that. So I sit here and be the good little wife. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I hate being the good little wife sometimes. I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT!

So what are your kids being for Halloween? Mine haven’t decided yet. My daughter keeps telling me she wants to be half angel, half devil and well my son, who knows with him. LOL We are having a costume contest at work this year with some pretty good prizes, guess I had better think of a good costume? Any ideas?

Ohhhh yes, the wallet. What a great suggestion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That will be added to the list. THANK YOU!

I think my choice of alcohol for that night is going to be my favorite, Vodka Collins. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Screw the fire marshal, if they don’t understand tough!

Bed, I so need a bed. But hey my puppy is doing great and is starting to sleep through the night (now if I could, we’d all be happy) and he’s starting to go to the back door when he has to use the bathroom. I am so excited.

Any plans this weekend? I’ve got soccer games and bunko this weekend so that will keep me busy. Busy is good. Tonight we are going to my parents house, since they are not home and hitting the hot tub. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Maybe that will relax me enough to get a little sleep anyway??? Who knows.

Hugs to you!
LJB

Hmmmmm, top rope was contemplating going to see his nephew which was really close to the OM…..I hope he didn’t go and get himself into trouble! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

CALLING TOP ROPE……..can you at least say hi so we know you are around and okay????

2 B U A & HW,

Hey gals. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Been a long week.
(Insomnia sucks.....have gotten about 15 hrs sleep the past 5 days).
Can't find my darn Remeron. And now my brain is so "mushy" I couldn't remember even if I did know.
Forgive me in advance if this is disjointed.
I'm really "loosin it" today.

However, otherwise things are going well. (Yea, good news!)
NOT going to go into all of it now.
Perhaps I'll type it out for next week (as HW won't be here this weekend anyway....WILL YOU Missy??)

Anyway, my nephew is Fine (sore, shaken, but well)
He stayed a 2nd overnight and then went home.
Apparently someone at the first hospital "read" the scan Incorrectly....hence the need for the airlift. (or maybe it was just old crappy equipment).
In any case, he is alive and his same obnoxious self.

My mother is fine as well. She gets to take off another 3 months from work.....so that's a plus.

In addition to any update I may send out to ya.....I also have a question that you as BW can give me some insight into. I know what I think, but I will want to know what YOU ALL think.
But that's for later.

Oh yea, if you women Do Drink.....Don't Drive. (there's my public safety message for the day).

Still have to deal with the CLB , but that's for another thread.

Now as far as my BOX of "triggers, information and PROOF" goes.....NO way am I Burning mine. NOT this year Anyway. It is stashed safely away in the attic.
It has the usual: cell phone bills, emails, personal notes, Victoria Secret "stuff", cassette tapes recordings, credit card bills, schedules/time sheets (remember it all took place at work), and on and on.
Oh yea, and my personal favorite: My semen testing kit...the tool that broke the "case" wide open! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> YeS!!

Sorry, but NO CAN DO on the Halloween bonfire.
(Although I'll gladly roast some hot-dogs or marshmallows over yours). Ya know, to show my support! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


HW, funny as a kid I lived near I believe Greenville, TN. (I was 6-7 and don't remember much but the mountains, woods and streams....so sue me).
AS an adult I lived in Rome, GA and bought my 2 new cars in Fort Payne, AL.
My wife lived in Mississippi (on some Air Force Base) don't know the name.

Oh yea, this just popped in (to my head) and yes I'm rambling now.....

To NGirl:
How is the search for another position for your H coming??
My W getting another job and then us moving was really the true START of our Recovery.
We were honestly just spinning our wheels and not getting anywhere significant until then.
So I'll ask "him" to intervene in your circumstances.
Because "he" will, if we all get in agreement about it together.
SO lets do just that!

Anyway, before I totally loose it here, happy you all are back (finally for some) and are doing OK.

HW you MUST STILL be on cloud #9. You deserve it....so enjoy it.
And your Mini vacation sounded great.
Take me along as your sidekick next time. Promise??
Hey, I could clean all your fish.
And maybe we should sign you up for "Survivor".
Those clucks never seem to be able to make "FIRE"!
They'd never be able to vote you out.

Oh yea, about the SF issue......I still think about the 2 of them together EVERYTIME we "make love" ourselves.
Sometimes its a lot and sometimes its only for a brief moment....but He's there with us, Every Single time.
Why did I just write that.
Who knows?? Just felt like sharing I guess.........

I'm getting OUT THERE now, so time to wrap it up.

Be good to yourselves girls and those you love and that DEFINATLY Love YOU!

Hey, lack of sleep is just like alcohol, or at least that's what I've read (he,HE) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ October 15, 2004, 01:20 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

Ok top rope, so I have to laugh. Not at you but your signature. Does your saying any have anything to do with “Who Moved My Cheese”? We just read the book on it at work for our oh so wonderful meeting the we’ve had the last day and a half? I was just curious!

I’ll second your motion that insomnia does sucks, and it sucks the big one! I’ve been averaging about 2-3 hours a night if I am lucky. My mind has been working overtime and well you know all about that, so need to get into it!

So I am looking forward to your question you have for us BW’s. I’m anxious, sitting on the edge of me seat. Anticipation, ohhhhh gotta love it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I’m glad to hear that your nephew and your mom are doing good. Sucks to the way you can take so much time off work is having to go through a nasty surgery but at least they are letting her off!

I think we need to crush all the CLB’s in the world. For me though she’s a BIMBO….lol

You actually bought a semen testing kit. Oh my gosh…..but hey that is one to have irrefutable evidence!!!!! Good thinking TP!

I’m glad you are doing good and it’s great to hear from you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hope you have a good weekend! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugs,
LJB