Bob, thanks for the thanks and on behalf of KY, thanks for the thanks to her as well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I don't want to be the voice of doom and I know you know this but the rollercoaster does keep going for a while, well into recovery.

The important thing is to keep moving forward and to keep moving forward together.

BTW they're not a bad bunch around here are they. (said with typical English understatement <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

{{{{{{Bob}}}}}}}

Jen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jen, you prepared me well for the rollercoaster of recovery, cocker.

I am thrilled at FWWs response , but the amount of things we must fix scares me.

Hugs and LOTS of GREAT sex makes my 'taker' smile and light a cigarette but I am HONESTLY keeping my plan A hat on: some rationality. My house is still full of triggers she has not discarded, i KNOW she still looks to OM in a soft light, and it will take TIME to change that. The things we must change in ourselves have taken years to establish, and will not change easily.

FWW has committed to doing an EN survey though, it really is a great start.

We MIGHT NOT make it, Jen, but it won;t be through lack of effort NOR MB failing if we don't.

I am trying to hold off a 'honeymoon' period in early recovery. My FWW is getting quite doe-eyed and emotional with me right now. Very 'lovey dovey'. I am trying to remain the same 'lighthouse' of calm I tried to be in Plan A : consistent. It only seems to be making her more admiring and doe-eyed of me though * sigh*

I'd rather have a problem of an over-affectionate FWW than the WW who told my kids to f'k off though ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am not as prepared for recovery as I was for Plan A. MC in the UK is SH1TE, so we're on our own till I can get a slot in Penny's or the Harley's diaries.

Thanks again !

{{{{{ kiwij}}}}}}

Bob, after 8 years recovery, my H and I hardly recognize our pre-A selves... we are soooo not the same.... you will be amazed, your W will be amazed.

I love your W right now!

Pep

Y'know what Pep ? I love her too. I don;t think i have ever loved her more. She has never been more honest, more vulnerable, braver than she is now, and this is the girl who gave birth twice without any drugs !

I'm not good at 'emoting' but its liek I am free to love her better now, because I am more independent of her now. Does that make any sense ?

I don't NEED her now, I am not desperate for her. I YEARN for her, but I will live on without her if I have to.

It makes my love of her 'not needful' it is voluntary. Its like I am free to love her, rather than bound to love her.

I'm English, we can;t talk emotions ! * blush *

We'll see. I hope and pray we are together for the rest of a long happy life, but we will see what is possible. We have a great start.

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Bob - I love you both and have been pulling for you from the get-go.

Mrs. Bob, your husband inspired me to pray. I mean, I've always asked God and prayed, but he taught me to really humble myself - through his prayerful posts regarding you. Guess what? IT WORKS!

Looking very much forward to being a stop on your world tour! I promise we'll go to a beach where there are no gators, and we'll bring our own mixers 'cause glass isn't allowed on the beach. Therefore, no nasty sucking noises Mr. Bob. Course we could always bury a kid in the sand then have him get out....lmao! Sorry.

Joyfully,
Kimmy

Bob,

Just wanted to chime w/the rest of the folks here & give you a congrats for the start of your recovery. I want to reiterate what Jen said about the rollercoaster. Like you, I wasn't prepared for recovery & all that entails & all the emotions coming to the surface after H came home. I'm working through them though & w/time all these wounds will be healed. Of that, I'm certain.

You said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not good at 'emoting' but its liek I am free to love her better now, because I am more independent of her now. Does that make any sense ?

I don't NEED her now, I am not desperate for her. I YEARN for her, but I will live on without her if I have to.

It makes my love of her 'not needful' it is voluntary. Its like I am free to love her, rather than bound to love her.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had to learn this too. There's a big difference between wanting someone & needing them. At the beginning of our separation, I felt that I NEEDED my H to survive. Towards the end, I realized that I WANTED him, didn't NEED him. The only person that I NEEDED was God & He'll never leave! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> This helped me gain my independence very quickly.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We have a great start.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes you do. I'm so happy for you!!! Doing a happy dance! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Y

Bob, God Bless You! I needed to hear that SO BAD today....

There's another thread out there that speaks to to crushing doubts and euphoric hopes of plan A that helped me alot, too - just because in each of those swings you end up wondering if it's all gonna be worth it.

God Bless your FWW, too. I'm so happy to see she came around and is wanting to be active in the rebuild of both herself and your M.

I wish there were a Gremlin for 'relief'...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am thrilled at FWWs response , but the amount of things we must fix scares me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">.......aaaahhhhhhhhh.....I see it now!

YOU'RE one of those who tries to eat the elephant in ONE bite!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Why "pig out?" How about putting some that big pacyderm in the freezer for a meal at another time?

soooo....enjoy the dessert first and save the main course 'til later....time enough for everything one step at a time. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

brilliant Bob..I am so happy for u....I wish my husband had the humility of your wife...

Have u got her reading HNHN yet to learn to be that great wife?

Hugs to you both...u r such an inspiration!

I have been plan A'ing my [censored] off the past 4 weeks..I notice my ww getting softer...She says hi when she calls now she talks like a human on the phone she says good bye now...When i see her on the road she waves now instead of turning her haed or just ignoring me......OM is doing just what I want him to...He took her cell phone yesterday and now she has it back they must have made up......I dont know if she is coming home but we are talking.....I even asked her if she wanted to go to the movies tonight with me and d...sHE SAID NO BUT WAS NOT ignorant...She is going to let me get her a voters card......I think she is getting tired of other man.....I was going to plan B her but I think I am better off plan A'ing her right now.....I was wondering if WW"s do pay you any mind when you do these things....I was crying at work today when no one was around....THINKING how much more of this I can take...................It will be worth it if it works out..........I know my WW Does not miss a trick.....She hates her job at Mcdonalds.........I am glad it worked out for you...I pray you make it.......

Bob-

Congratulations on staying true when everything inside was wanting to die. You now give me hope.

OMG.... The GREAT sex would be nice too. Heck, ANY sex would be nice about now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway, hang in there and my your M be blessed!

FH said :
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
YOU'RE one of those who tries to eat the elephant in ONE bite!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">lol !

Nor I really don't expect to fix this stuff in one bite ! Two or three maybe. i have a M vows renewal booked for a week Tuesday, nothing too fast ! LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Seriously the size of the challenge concerns me 'cos I dunno where to start and I don't have a structure for how we do it. With 'plan A' I wanted the A to end and my baby to come back to me for the right reasons. Thats happened i think !

But I don't even know what the picture on the box is of the Pure marriage recovery jigsaw puzzle !

I wish there were MB MC in the UK.

* Debbra, we are discussing HNHN and MB. FWW is still a bit suspicious of it tho'. She still thinksher A was unique and special and unpredictable. In time she will understand.

* Kimmy, don't you DARE make me cry ! I'm a knight hero mucho macho dude remember ! I can't be sobbing and smiling at a lil lass from texas ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> In truth, humility before God has been absolutely central to my Plan A. HE broke down my pride so it wouldn;t get in the way of His direction of my actions. I see that very clearly now.
" Be still and know that I am God". God also gave me the 23rd psalm anew when I was t my lowest. He explained ( duh!) that the sheep/shepherd analogy is not accidental. The sheep just do their dumb stuff, they don;t ask for the best pasture, an attractive Ewe or hit the bottle when they see another colour crayon on their ewe's rump ! ( you need to know sheep husbandry to get THAT one !). They just follow their instinct while God loves them and tends them all. They cry our in fear when they feel threatened but their cry does not provoke God into action - he was ALREADY in action. Its more complex that this, but I am no expositor. I will try to write some of the interventions of God in my life whenI feel I can do them justice and to encourange others. But humility is very very important to Plan A. {{{{hugs}}}}}

* ST thanks ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

* restarting I am glad my experiences help. That is my intention. I am nothing special ( as I keep saying) but I want to show how even an everyday bloke like me can see success if you adhere to plan A and pray with humility.

* Frankd I pray that you see success, I really do. I am grateful that my own sitch never hit the depths of yours. Maybe God knew I couldn't cope and you can ?
I don't think your WW knows or cares that she is being plan A'ed or Plan B'ed as its really about You making YOU the best husband and father you can be. When she DOES start to smell what she be shovellin' with OM and looks around, she will see an EXAMINED frank : an intelligently IMPROVED frank. A not only SURVIVING frank, but also a CONFIDENT frank who is able to look up and on as well and within. If she STILL takes the 'plan A' frank for granted and keeps the A going, you take away all that goodness from her. Nothing like absence of a sexy, caring, confidant man to make the heart grow fonder ! All blessings frank.

* 2scared, thank you ! Take heart, as I said if I can get this far through plan A, YOU certainly can ! The sex is magnificent. I thought I'd feel like OM was in the bed with us, but it isn;t botheirng me right now. Unusually tho A sex was poor, and my FWW now knows throughher first non-bob sexual experience that the grass certainly isn't necessarily greener with OPs.

Its not just the SEX though (although it is the best, most loving and enthusiastic sex we have had in YEARS), its that she DESIRES me anew - not breaking eye contact or kissing deeply through 'critical' moments *ahem*. Thats not gratitude or guilt IMO - it is desire. And it makes me feel desirable which is nice. ! It exemplifies her whole atitude now she is almost fogless. I better crawl back into bed this morning - its 7:08 here in the UK and she'll be needing me soon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
All blessings !

Bob, I don't know what else to say, but that I'm so happy for you.

It seems like a week ago you were getting smashed and tear-assing through the woods.

Great job. Cheers,

GC

Bob...(leaving my knight, macho man thing on the side)...Hugs to you and Mrs. Pure! So proud of you both! I love you, man!

OK...now that I got that out of my system! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously, you should be very proud--and humbled--by how you have "conducted" yourself...

Proud? Pretty self-explanatory, although Mr. Pure would just say...well, you've said alot in the past 3 months!

Humble? Just goes to show you...this kind of tragedy, any tragedy, can happen to anyone unsuspecting. And humble, because how often we forget to leave our burdens with God, believe, pray, be the best that we can be, and he will keep us under His wing. Not that you haven't done those things, please don't get me wrong..but how we "forget"...and how we--how I've taken so many things for granted.

That's the beauty about this board...through you and many others, I've realized I've done just what I posted above! And brown, being the woman counterpart as you and so many others, stayed with me, showed me through "unconditional" love that I, and all of the feeble minded F--yes FWS's out there (well, we were , weren't we? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) are worth it. That anything can be overcome--through unity with each other--after the bull$hit that you all--the BS's endure.

Thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

and...

(sigh)


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Bob, guess what I am wearing?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (just a bit of an inside joke people, no boundaries X)

I am so happy for you!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ** KY and KiwiJ **
You said Plan A would work for us and it has. She loves me, girls. She admires me. My 'taker' is out and about again !
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tears streaming down my face. I knew from that very first post, you could do this.

I'm very happy for your W, that she is beating this. I'm very proud of her too. She has so much to offer you and your kids, I'm so glad she rose above this addiction and is committing to you all. Great for her!!!!

I'm a huge fan of Plan A. I read a post from you on a different thread, I would love to have that at the top of GQ forever. It was about your Plan A, it was recent, I should have printed it, Darn it.

It is how I feel about my H. He has went against everything instinctual, and saved his family. Plan A'd instead of throwing me out on my deserving butt. Gave me a safe place to Recover, he was my rock who did not judge me, just loved me unconditionally.

You my friend are a great man in my eyes. (don't give me the crap you don't know me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) We have watched you love this woman graciously through all your pain. You have been strong for her, loving for her, and a great dad in a time of need for your children.

How the he11 can she resist that, plus that new improved skinny butt. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Picture Norma Rae on top of her machine, with her hands held firmly around her sign lifted above her head, now scratch Norma, insert KY and the sign now reads PLAN A!
edited to add, as I'm on top of my machine, I'm wearing my proud BOB PURE FAN CLUB tshirt <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You are a great success story for MB. It has been such a pleasure Bob Pure, I pray for your cont. success.

Much love, KY

{{{{BOB & his FWW}}}}

<small>[ October 02, 2004, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: kyellow4 ]</small>

Thank you Bob and I pray for you and your FWW... I pray for my WW every night.......I think WW and OM made up again.....She got the cell phone back....I just makes me keep pushing......Believe me she is worth it or I would not go through this ..........God bless you and thank you.....FRANKD

^ bumped to help folks who are struggling with Plan A. This is what my Squid ( FWW) thought of plan A ^

Bob,
You really have come a long way. I'm happy for you! I wish that my story could have been the same. I guess there is something better for me out there. I have faith in God that what is meant to be will be.
Congrats Bob!!!!

Dear tree, I wish with all my heart your story was diffrent too darlin' I really do. I remember us just crying together online at the same time in our different time zones.

Who knew then which paths we would take ?

All I KNOW is you are stronger than I ever can be. Thats why you got the harder gig.

You and your boy are in my prayers always. ALWAYS.

{{{TR}}}}