It's good that you will be staying busy. Right after my WH moved out I just sat around being miserable. It was a big waste of time. When I started going out and doing things, my life got better and better.

Also instead of thinking about WH, I was so busy painting, and fixing things that I almost forgot about him altogether.

At first you will probably just feel relief that you don't have to have her affair in your face. But later you will realize that your life can be pleasant again.

Thanks for the support. I know I will be fine. It is a comfort not to have the A in my face. I wonder what she will do today.

Hmmmm. What will she do today? It doesn't sound to me like she is going to go live in OM's town. Or is it close enough to drive to?

She has to be realizing that you are done with her calling OM from your home. And OM must see that your wife is now out of your home, and he will have to make some choices.

Oh well, why worry? I hope you get the house appraised for what you need, and can start making plans for some FUN!

Looks like I am going to have to repeat last night's performance. She came back home "to help get ready for the apprasal. I told her I could handle my own business. So I guess I will have to run her sorry [censored] off again. She obliviously didn't get the message last night.

HINC,

It bothers me to read "her sorry a$$" in your posts.
I know you are mad, but NOW is a real good time to act with grace. You can ask her to leave, you can go the legal route, but do it with grace.

No need to call her names to her face or even your mind. You are winning, she is losing, win with grace and class. You will be very happy you did it this way in the long run and so will your children.

She treated you like dirt, but that does not give you free reign to do the same. Calm down, relax, and set your boundaries firmly with grace and class.

If you do nothing else trust me on this one. You want to treat her well even as you set your boundaries and she moves out. It is important for your children, it is important for you and any future relationships you have including with your W.

Let her see the man she married, not the angry man you feel like being now.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL

<small>[ October 06, 2004, 11:13 AM: Message edited by: Just Learning ]</small>

JL your right. I need to calm down but I am so angry at her. Tell me how to treat her with grace.
I honestyly don't know if I can treat her with respect and diginity. She has disrected me in the worst possible way and has continued to disrect me in my own home since May 22. I will not tolerate this disrect any long. So tell how to do it.

My spelling is terrible. I meant disrespect in my previous post.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
<strong> ......Tell me how to treat her with grace.......
I honestyly don't know if I can treat her with respect and diginity...... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">HINC.

A simple thing to remember, even when you are angry is to treat her as a kindly stranger.

If all the emotions you have are anger, hate - intense emotions, then disconnect and treat her with the same kindness you would show a stranger.

Have a simple plan that you can fall back on when you are suffering from tunnel vision. Pilots incorporate this into their training. It is very hard to think clearly in an emergency, and your body and mind are reacting to her presence just like you were in the middle of a car wreck.

A simple checklist or action will see you through the worst of it.

I see my wife. No it isn't, that is a temporary stranger. I don't hate strangers. Treat the stranger with respect.

I know that sounds cold, and it is, but it is also a good survival mechanism.

All the best,
Gimble

Thanks Gimble-I will try to control my emotions. I have to. I don't hate strangers and I will do my best but dam this is hard especially when I am so angry and hurt.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
<strong> Thanks Gimble-I will try to control my emotions. I have to. I don't hate strangers and I will do my best but dam this is hard especially when I am so angry and hurt. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know you are hurt.

The hardest thing to do is to lose the anger, but it is what you must do eventually. That doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve a bit of wrath, just that anger is a very destructive emotion when it persists for days/weeks/months/years.

Anger will eventually eat your guts out and destroy what is left of your family. Don't let it do that.

Treat the strangers/aliens with kindness and maybe they won't invade the earth! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Gimble

I'm with Gimble. Treat her with kindness. She seems like she is very lost, coming over to help you get ready for the appraisal, after you already put her out.

Of course you are angry, but now is not the time to take it out on her. You have done very well for a long time. Just keep it up.

HINC:

Golden rule stuff: Treat her the way you would like her 2 treat you... ...and someday, she might!

Remember, 2, that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If you didn't care about her, you wouldn't be affected by her actions. Likewise, if she didn't care about you, she wouldn't have come back so soon. She's grasping. Sure, she'd like 2 get her beautox right back on that fence she was sitting on, but she needs 2 realize she can't do that.

HINC just gave her a very firm boundary. You need 2 stick by that, but do so lovingly. You won't regret it in the long haul.

-ol' 2long

2long-how about I treat her like she is treating me. Right now that would feel a heeluva lot better to me. I know your right, so I will do my best to set my boundaries firmly but lovingly.

HINC:

"how about I treat her like she is treating me. Right now that would feel a heeluva lot better to me."

Why not one-up her? Run her over with the Pontiac, for example...

See? THAT's why. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

-ol' 2long

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
<strong> 2long-how about I treat her like she is treating me. Right now that would feel a heeluva lot better to me. I know your right, so I will do my best to set my boundaries firmly but lovingly. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hopeful, I would very politely, but firmly tell her to leave now. It is time for her to leave, not just spend the night away, but to leave. I would be firm about this and move forward or she will not take you seriously. Have you bought some new locks yet?

<small>[ October 06, 2004, 02:56 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

MelodyLane-thanks for the post. I have bought new locks but haven't installed them. It willonly takes minutes. I am going to ask to leave again tonight. She can't stay here anymore. She and OM were talking aging today. I know she called him to tell him not to call because I was home waiting on the apprasier who never showed. I am trying my best to be nice to her but it so hard with her disrespecting me like she is.
So yes I will ask to leave again tonight.

I am going to ask to leave again tonight. She can't stay here anymore. She and OM were talking aging today.

Question;

Who has the legal right to be in the home right now? You or both of you? Was this stipulated in the separation agreement she signed? I am confused a little bit.

If you played RAP music all evening long at the highest possible volume, she might decide to leave on her own!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

Pep-in the separation agreement I get the house, she is moving so she says to another state. I need to be here for my youngest son who is in college 2 hours away. I hate rap music so I will just calmy and lovingly ask to leave again tonight. However, I am like MaddyK, I would love some SF. Sounds course I know but I am just a gut with needs.

hinc:

"I hate rap music"

So how 'bout elevator music? Or country and western (gonna get FLAMED for that one!). Maybe some nice music 2 clean toilet bowls by.

"so I will just calmy and lovingly ask to leave again tonight."

Why 2night? Why not NOW?

"However, I am like MaddyK, I would love some SF. Sounds course I know but I am just a gut with needs."

Get a grip on yourself! (I mean that literally AND figuratively! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ). You would be USING her if you had SF with her and then threw her out. Don't be like that.

-ol' 2long

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by hopefulinnc:
<strong> I hate rap music so I will just calmy and lovingly ask to leave again tonight. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Be FIRM. You will do great.