I would make sure the letter states exactly what must be done for her to return to the home and work on the marriage.
Not at all.
Plan B is simply that you will end all contact until the affair is over. There should NOT be much (if any) talk about actual reconciliation and what is "required" of the ws.
Just that when the affair ends, you will be open to discussing your future.

However it should be made clear a no contact letter will be written,
Also, this too is not something for the Plan B letter.

<small>[ October 10, 2004, 12:13 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Ok Chris then what does Harley mean by this?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan B is for the betrayed spouse to avoid all contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has completely ended and the wayward spouse has agreed to my plan for recovery. In many cases, once an affair has ended, a betrayed spouse makes the mistake of taking the wayward spouse back before an agreement is made regarding marital recovery. This leads to a return to all the conditions that made the affair possible -- love is not restored, resentment is not overcome, and there is a very great risk for another affair. Without agreement and subsequent implementation of a plan for recovery, the betrayed spouse is better off continuing with plan B </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When is this covered then? After that affair has ended?

Chris I just realized how b*tchy that sounded. Please understand it was an honest question, trying to learn and understand.

I had this all written out but got logged off, dang nabbit!!!

Plan B is for the betrayed spouse to avoid all contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has completely ended
Yes, this is an absolute necessity. Nothing will happen get better until the affair has ended.

and the wayward spouse has agreed to my plan for recovery. In many cases, once an affair has ended, a betrayed spouse makes the mistake of taking the wayward spouse back before an agreement is made regarding marital recovery.
At the point of going into Plan B, the ws is so far out of the marriage and wanting to save it, that any “demands” of agreeing to unknown recovery plans are not realistic IMNSHO.

While in Plan A, there is usually no discussion or only small talk of actual recovery plans apart from the fact that one must be worked out to actually recover the marriage. And the Plan B letter has no discussion of any actual recovery plan.
So, if it’s put in the Plan B letter that they must agree to a recovery plan (which has not been discussed at all) then I think it will put them off further.

I believe the letter should state that the affair must end and they have no contact with the op.

Once the affair has ended, then resume limited contact with the ws to talk about what each require for reconciliation and actual recovery plans.

Make sense? Discussions?

<small>[ October 11, 2004, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>