Oh no, now we've got a real problem. How are you going to feed yourself? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Don't be like my WH, always eating out. I love to cook and have always made breakfast, lunch and dinner. OW doesn't cook - her husband did. So my husband eats out. He has gained about 50 pounds since he has been out of the house.

Could you make brownies instead of a cake? They usually sell good, and are easy. You can hardly mess them up.

Brownies are out. I am supposed to bake a cake.
I can feed myself. I made spagehtti last night. Of course that isn't hard to do. I am good on the grill so I am going to grill some chicken this afternoon and vegatables come in a can.

Glad that you can feed yourself. That is a plus. Do you live in North Carolina? Years ago I drove through there in October.

All my life I wanted to go to Chincoteague Island where they have the ponies. I got there in the evening, and was going to camp there, but there were a million mosquitoes. So I left (never did get to see the ponies), and drove all night to Washington, NC. It was a beautiful place, and I have never forgotten it.

Hey, I'm having grilled chicken tonight too. Already made some potato salad, and bought some sweet corn on the cob, plus a green salad. Yum.

Corn on the cob sounds good. I think I will get me some when I get the cake mix.

The wild ponies are still here. There are in place called the Outer Banks. I'm a long way from there but I was there once and did see the wild ponies. Yes NC is a beautiful state. My youngest son goes to college in the mountains and the fall scenery up there is gorgeous.

My wife just called and left a message that she needs some clothes and stuff. I didn't answer cause I was indisposed. So she wants to come over but I think I will make her wait a while.

Go out and be gone. Go do something fun. Let her get the feeling that you do have a life without her.

I have to get off this computer and finish my housework. But you go do something nice for yourself.

Later, you might talk to your wife and explain your cake problem.

I did it. Baked a cake mix and covered with frosting. A delicious yellow cake with creamy chocalate frosting.

Haven't call my wife yet but she hasn't called again either. So I think I will wait for a while longer.

I am going to go get the grill going and grill some chicken to go with my corn on the cob.

Good for you. I'm happy the cake turned out good.

I grilled chicken and corn and vegetables. It came out nice. I sliced up zuchini and put lime juice and salt on it, then grilled it. Very good.

Did you hear anymore from your wife?

I didn't call her but she call at about 6:30 and said she needed to get some things and said she would call before she came over. Like yesterday, I haven't heard from her since.

Hmmm, wonder what's up with that. I think I might pack up her things and put them in the garage. She seems kind of hestitant to leave.

Either that, or there are problems with OM.

How are you holding up? It is very hard at first, but gets much better.

I have got to get busier on the weekends. I played golf and watched football but I found that I need more to do and I baked a cake.

i am holding up well. She continues with her crazy behaviour but I am not gooing to let her bother me. I plan on giving her the Plan B letter today.

JL, I did offer to help her get a car but she refused. I offerred the olive branch and she bit me again. She invited me out Saturday then didn't show up and again on sunday said she needed to come in a get clothes and again didn't show up. I won't be a part of her mind games.

Hopeful - You can plan more things to keep you busy. I stayed very busy - cleaned the house sparkling, rearranged, organized, painted inside and outside, exercised, volunteered, and started a property management business.

Also I let friends, neighbors, and folks at work know that I wanted to get out and do things. That was a big help.

However you are doing much better than I did at first. When WH left, I spent several months just being depressed. So give yourself a pat on the back. It is not easy to go from having a partner to being by yourself suddenly.

But you will have a new life, and it can be quite enjoyable.

You have stood up for your marriage and yourself, and that is good. Things may turn around with your wife. I really think they will.

Yes I did stand up for myself after I had exhausted myself with Plan A. I just couldn't stand it that she was talking every week day to another. I did the very best I could and then she had to go. I am still in love with the woman I married but not the alien I see now. Things will get better with time. My friends JL and Believer have supported me along this incredibly hard journey. I am a better man for having experienced this. You can bet I won't make the same mistakes in any future relationship whether that be with my wife or another woman.

I close on the house this week so my financuial picture will be a little brighter at least cah flow wise. Then I am going to Florida to see my oldest son who is also hurting from his Mother's actions.

HINC,

I am glad you made the offer. It actually worked out very well. She did not accept it, but you did offer. That is yet another piece in place so that when you decide to go to plan B, she will have that to remember as well. Glad to hear the financing is going well. I am sure you are looking forward to seeing your son. Are you taking your golf clubs down there to see him? You should. Some exercise, some frustration via the gold, will take your mind off of alot of this.

I do think she will see the light, but it may take awhile. So keep on keeping on. You can do this, and you can learn a lot from it.

God Bless,

JL

JL, I just might take my clubs with me. I am taking youngest son with me to golf tourney on Friday, free food and drink and get to see some real golfers.

JL, I don't know if she will see the light, her cell records indicate over 9 hours worth of conversation last month. But I did notice that hshe did most of calling. Could it be that OM is getting cold feet? I shouldn't care but I do.

Hopeful -

JL gives the very best advice, so always think about his comments. I'm better at encouragement, since I have been through the awful pain, and now am happy again, even without WH. And I never thought that I would be happy again. But folks here encouraged me and showed me that my life could be wonderful after all of this.

The best part is you will be a better husband for your wife, or someone else, no matter which way this goes.

I do have a lot of hope though. Your wife has shown that she DOES care about you which is fairly unusual.

HINC,

Consider the 5 year affair and the "soulmates" from HS. The stuff of movies and great romance. But, there is a slight problem and that is reality. I am sure your W thinks OM is the answer to her problems, after all he is affair number 3. He on the other hand has a lot to lose, financially, and with his life. And let's face it, if HS is the highpoint in someones life,they have had a pretty miserable life.

I think the harsh light of discovery has begun to fade this A at least on OM's part. Your W is a different story. I really don't think it is a given that she will come back if OM is out of the picture. HINC, I am guessing here, but I think the A was not about her comparing you to OM, or the other OM's. It is about her dissatisfaction with life. She has to address that whether you or OM are in her life and until she does, I am not sure you or anyone can really make her happy.

She was and is willing to give up a lot to chase this dream.

I maybe wrong and once she has had her "freedom" perhaps she will see you and your family in a different light. I hope so. But, there is a factor that she has NOT figured on. You are deeply hurt, you miss her, you want the marriage, and you fear being alone. The odds are high that you won't fear being alone for much longer. The odds are high that you will see what you have been missing, and it is very possible that it is YOU that will gain their "freedom", not her.

In which case if she decides to come back you just may not be there waiting for her. It is a real risk she is running but I doubt she realizes it.

These are just thoughts HINC. I think you should continue on the path you are on. I also think that you will end up happier than you were before all of this came to light. But, as you know nothing is free, and the price is what you are paying now, to grow, to address fears, and to see things in a new perspective. So hang in there, take those "sticks" with you and enjoy your time with your sons, and your daughter when you get up to see her.

Are you going to a member/guest tournament this weekend? It sounded like it. My family used to life in your part of the country, and I used to come home to play with my Dad in the member-guests at his club. I always had a blast, I just had to pace myself at the refreshment stands they set up every three holes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Enjoy, and you will get through this.

God Bless,

JL

JL, I think you are right about her not being satisfied with her life. I don't think it is about who is the better man, me or OM. I think she is struggling with a mid life crisis and has to resolve the issue own her own. She always said I don't want to look up from casket and regret that I didn't do something. My bet is she will regret what she is doing now. She reads a lot of the self help type books and such. She has been searching for a while now. I wnet through the same thing only much earlier when I hit 30. I don't know if she will find what she is looking for because she is not looking in the right place. It is right inside her, not in me or the OM.

I also agree with you that I may find that is freedom for me as well.

The tourney on Friday is a PGA event in NC. I am hoping my youngest will go with me. Another thing this A has done has brought me and my sons much closer than we have ever been. That in itself is a positive. My daugter is still keeping her distance from us both. I hope she will come around too.

Hopeful -

The problems with your grown children will all work out too. My sit is a little different, as I have 2 boys who were furious with WH, and he has 6 kids who were perplexed.

I always told his kids that he was a little lost and to please give him all of their love. With my boys, I explained that people make mistakes, and I hope that they will be faithful husbands.

After all of this time, everything has settled down. Our kids still spend a lot of time together. My boys go to family events where OW is present, and are uncomfortable, but beginning to accept the situation.

Hey Believer, what's for supper?

Hopeful -

You must have mental telepathy. I just started making a pork roast, with potatoes, carrots, and rutabagas and cabbage.

I'm off work today for the holiday, so I've been busy getting things done.

I went swimming in the ocean this morning with my son. Well I swam, and he surfed. I'm not quite up to surfing yet - it seems like a lot of trouble to get the board out through the waves.

What are you going to eat tonight?