Gray,

Decent people carry the pollution of abuse with them for a while in my experience.

Theres every chance you REEK of Sparrows emotional poisoning still.

But that won't be forever. Your decent response to her toxin means thet you will be able to cut loose with a polished conscience once the D is final, and the shackles of Sparrow are finally droppped from you.

And THEN the RIGHT chicks will flock <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Word.

Well it wasn't as bad as I thought but NC was broken. Took him all day to admit it and by last night I had heart palpitations and I think my blood pressure was through the roof. It is all his fault if he does not have the b*lls to tell OW definitively NC. Sheesh he gives her to whiny "I can't talk to you anymore" bullsh*t. I may still stick to may statement yesterday of this being it for me. I can't take his weakness. I told him it is up to him to protect me, our children and our M otherwise....

Hard to take Faithful,

It's not so much how bad it is, but the fact that you even have to worry about it. He SHOULD protect you.

So, what you thinkin?

SS

SS, I am thinking at this point to continue letting the D go through. Yesterday when I was at the peak of my panic I was ready to ask him to leave and go to plan B. I really don't think plan B would be effective if he isn't actively in an A though. He wanted SF last night <eyeroll> and I told him flat out that I was not interested. I felt violated, uncared for and frankly was still having heart palpitations. I had no interest in his hands being on me!

FF, without real resolve he'll never be man enough to save your M. With that wimpy "I wuz a bad boy so now I'm grounded" attitude, his promises aren't worth much.

I do not like this. He doesn't care what he's putting you through. A real man would say, "FF, let go that pain and let me carry it for you."

GC

I agree Gray, his attitude is too wimpy and too much like a kid being punished by his mommy. I am worth fighting for.

FF, send him up here and let me shake him. He could use a good shaking.

I'm not so sure cutting off contact with him would be as ineffective as you say.

The other day you said you thought he seemed to be "in love" with you.

If that's so, he won't like it if you're gone. It would rattle him badly.

I want FF to take a stand! Back full of arrows or not. He's not gonna do it. Maybe someone needs to.

Buuuuuut, you have to be ready to divorce to do that.

{{FF}}

GC

Can you see him getting better, or will it just go on like this forever?

SS

Well Gray, you may be right. Because I do know he is in love with me again. I can feel it and I can see it, plus I put some real panic into him last night. It would be very hard to get him out of the house without a legal battle before the D though. Maybe though I have him move into the guest room and stop meeting his needs? Stop doing the laundry, the SF and cooking for him?

SS, yes he is a far cry from where he was just a couple months ago but still does not truly understand or take responsibilty for his actions. He has always been one of those do nothing so everyone else is at fault kind of guys.

Gray,
When I read your commentary (on your feelings) it rattles me. I have searched for a way to tell YOU WHO YOU ARE, and how much you have going for you. You measure success by things you ought not to use for standards.

There's not a good way to take what you can understand with your mind, and put it into your heart. I am at a loss - the same loss you are dealing with.

Understand, I don't claim to know the depth of your pain, and your frustration.

But.......But I can see it, and wish something could be done.

What happened to you is not a measure of you, it is a measure of her. None of us can change your feelings, or make things different, only you can do that. The world is full of people that had injury and insult heaped upon them, but that triumphed anyway. You can too.
If you already know it, forgive me for belaboring the point. If not, I hope you come out here again this summer, so I can beat it into you.

Here's to you knowing I am trying to make you laugh, but still serious about how good you really are.

SS

That was so well said, SS.

Faithful,
it may be easier to just let the D go through.

If you want to try, and if you believe he can come around in time, you can still watch him, and encourage him from a distance.

I don't know, this is something you will have to think a lot about. It is not dependant on what he does from day to day, but how much progress he makes from month to month. All of us have problems with bad days - even you and I.

I wish you were counseling with SH. This is one of the things he is good at.

SS

I have thought about counseling with SH recently. I may still break down and use my cc to do so. Would be worth it just to get myself on a straight path and stop circling. You are right and going by the month to month things are much improved but he just put the tiny bit of trust I was building back down to zero.

Faithful,
What I said to Gray applies to you also.

This is not a measure of you - but it tends to become that if we let it.

It's hard to look at ourselves, and see where we can improve, and keep making those improvements at the same time not blaming ourselves for all that goes wrong in our marriage.
We tend to go for all or nothing. That is, either we take all the blame ourselves, or we place it all on the WS, and forget we are still a work in progress ourselves.

I hope you can find balance.

I think it would be worth a few calls to SH even if it takes debt to make it work. The debt that will come from D could be worse, and take longer to cope with.

I hope your day gets better, and that you improve upon it tomorrow.

SS

Thanks, SS. Glad you were here today. Ok, really do have to do more than pretend to work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm sitting here laughing, wondering if I should tease you and keep writing.

OK, I'll quit - and see you later.

Gray,
What's the snow pack like on Pine Valley Mountain, Dixie National forrest?

SS

Hm, SS. I thought it was a harmless vent. Getting out some of the bile.

A fella can't help but have those frustrations. It would be unnatural not to.

GC

A fella can't help but have those frustrations. It would be unnatural not to.

Yes, it would.

It's just that...............
Heck, It sounded so real.

The pain was so vivid to me, here from where I was sitting reading it.

SS

We've got no snow up there, SS. Last of it melted two weeks ago.

GC

Go to Cedar Breaks if you're looking for snow. If you can even get in.

Go to Pine Valley if you're not.

GC