2long,

I am speaking my mind now, and am not going to worry any longer if it is MB like.

You love your wife, and she is every bit worthy of that love. I know that you love her unconditionally and that she loves you. Her affair was/is a sorry attempt to keep true intimacy with you at bay. The reasons? I don't know. Maybe you hurt her, maybe you were indifferent and unavailable when she needed you. Maybe you had nothing to do with it.

But in the big picture, her affair is nothing. A minor detail in the avoidance of true intimacy, nothing more.

Let it go 2long. And take whatever positives you share together, and build on them.

You yourn (sp) for physical, emotional intimacy...well I got news for you, good luck finding it in the cold, hard world of singles.

What you have with your wife is friendship, build on that.
Draw her to you. Make your fantacies about your wife and what you two could share, if only, a reality.

I don't think you should get divorced. I think you should practice patience, acceptance and forgiveness.

And the most importance of these is acceptance right now.

Screw the OM, he is meaningless. A brief and cheap distraction for her. You are her love. Know that and embrace it.



Whew, glad I finally got that out.

Weaver, my heavens.

Cold hard world of singles is right. Everyone out there is so guarded. At least the women seem to be...

Though one of the women I talked to when I went out the other night, as soon as she told me how crazy she is about Sarah McLachlan and Sheryl Crow, that was it.

Just kidding. I'd have bought a car for her if she'd been interested. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

GC

Gray. I want a Mini-Cooper.

Just puttin my order in.

Yea I know it was a little presumptous of me. Don't want to see them divorce, that is all. But it is only my opinion, and subject to change.

Anyway since Kimmy put her order in first, I'm putting my in second.

I really need a new Blazer. Thank you in advance buddy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Act indifferent to the girls, they'll be all over you like flies on honey then.

GC, don't take this wrong because it is a compliment <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />, but I think it may take you a little longer to find a good woman. Why? Because you are kind, introspective, creative, artistic, loving and faithful...most women don't know how to react to that. Those are all amazing qualities and on top of that you have experienced great personal growth and are now armed with knowledge for a successful M. Something most women dream of but don't know what to do with when they find it. You will (I think)weed out all the women that crave drama in their lives and you will find THE woman but it may take a while. In the meantime, be true to yourself and your values for in the long run you have to live with YOU.

So do as Weaver suggests, act indifferent and just date with the idea of only having fun for a while.

You are too good of a catch to settle.

Oh, lord. I have a gig tonight. We start playing at 11:30, and I have to work tomorrow just like any other day. This is gonna hurt!

GC

So, this is an activity you do for fun?

Am I missing something here?

LOL, sometimes you leave your self wide open.

SS

gc, weaver:

Yeah, I've stripped a lot of sashes in my day. Our previous house, a Craftsman, had 35 "french door" style windows, all in need of repair and repaint. In the beginning, I tried various "goos", but decided a long time ago that I much prefer a heat gun on the low setting (so as not 2 burn stuff down, doncha know), and a good, thin putty knife that I grind the corners to match the curves in the moldings. Even better, especially on sash moldings and raised panel doors, is to get yourself one of those artist's pallet knives. They're very thin, flexible (but not 2), and have a nice rounded tip so as not 2 gouge the wood. Takes longer, but the results look like new because you get all the paint off without making a mess of the original lines.

-ol' 2long

weaver:

Thanks for that. I think you're right and that is probably what I'm doing.

but I did have some moments of doubt this morning. Like, her OOSP property is "hers", yet she's been asking me about my plans 2 build an observatory out there, and though I'd like 2 do that - and could even do it in such a way that I could move the thing if I needed 2 - I still feel more like a "tourist" there than a partner.

I'm working on that.

-ol' 2long

2long,
Lemonman has a thread with your name on it. Look it up.

SS

SS:

Okay. Got a few between tasks here this afternoon...

-ol' 2long

Okay, really strange things been happening to me lately. Strange in strange, neither wonderful or bad, just strange.

Today I got a bouquette of flowers delivered to my office with a card that said "from you secret admirer, someone close by" Well that freaked me out a little bit. I'm thinking all day, how close? Is that yucky or romantic.

Then I went to the grocery store after work, and three guys came over and said hi to me, at different times although I think they were together (tourists), then I go to leave and there is a man at the ATM machine looking at me and when I walked by he smiled and said hi, but then he got done in a hurry and was right behind me in the parking lot walking to his vehicle I guess. No harm there, but then a big white truck was following me home I think, with a guy in it and I kept thinking if he is still behind me I am not turning into my drive. Well he turned, so I pulled in and went to put the hose on soak in the garden out front before I came in the house and I see that truck drive right by my house.

Well I always got attention from the guys, but never cared cuz I was either in love with DD's dad or Dan for the last 12 years, never dated much either before that. Had no interest in meeting new guys, my whole life I've been like that.

But now ever since I said to heck with everything I am just going to enjoy life and never worry about love again, things been happening.

Very strange. And yes I am making sure all the doors are locked tonight.

Oh and also I been getting PM's on this other board from two girls who both are convinced my ex is coming back, even though I said he probably wasn't this time.

Well I'm just going to keep reading my books and working on a positive attitude.

Strange, Weaver...almost like you are being followed. Not stalked but like PI type followed. Maybe your new attitude is so good you are sending out beautiful vibes that men find they can't resist. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I just hope I'm not giving off some kind of disgusting primordial smell or something.

(is primordial a word, maybe I'm thinking primate smell)

Hey Faith, I looked at your house. Oh my gosh it is beautiful. How nice!

Thanks! We bought it at an undermarket price almost 3 years ago and now would be priced out of our own house! The housing market here is so insane, but the good thing is we have lots of equity. We were very lucky to get this house and I am very thankful. It has been well loved and cared for over the years. It was built in 1918. It also has a full size basement which my 21 y/o DS lives in, very unusual for Calif.

weaver:

Wasn't me. My truck isn't big at all (it'll get almost 25mpg with a good tailwind!), hasn't been painted in at least 43 years, and is rather rusty.

-ol' 2long

ff:

Were there pix of your house somewhere? Like gc, I'm in2 old houses. Ours is in CA, 2!

-ol' 2long

>Well I'm just going to keep reading my books and working on a positive attitude.

Good. Books = good...above all, be content. Strive for the good stuff, but contenment is bone deep.

That would be primal odor...primordial is the ooze we all slithered from if you believe solely in Darwin (hehe).

>My truck isn't big at all (it'll get almost 25mpg with a good tailwind!),

And you can HEAR VWs before you see them...they tweet real purdy.

Here you go 2L my house