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Oh, and I understood the laundry thing. We useta have a problem with that. The idea is to clear the pipeline before you stuff anything into the front end of it.
-AD
A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.
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Weaver, that's a lovely quote. And dangerous, letting go and chasing that big dream. Oh, and I really appreciate what you said on the marriage coaching thread. There are a few more things I'd share with you, but can't on MB. If you want to send me e-mail, one of my addresses is in my signature line.
Sunny Day, Sweeping The Clouds Away...
Just J --
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Hm. Reading these boards is not working for me. Seeing the same stories repeated, repeated, repeated, is crazy-making. Success is unusual. Tiny is as tiny do. The ones who disengage from their affairs (you know who you are and you are mighty) and look for redemption are too rare. My morale is gone.
Hey 2long.
If you're going to San Francisco
Meet me at the Edinburgh Castle
Or else someplace nice
GC
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Hi Gray. Good to see you. Is it really that the stories repeat endlessly that gets you? Everyone's stories repeat. It sounds like the "success is unusual" part is what's so hard. So...
What is it that you see that makes these stories repeatedly end up badly? What's the common thread?
Sunny Day, Sweeping The Clouds Away...
Just J --
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GC, I feel much the same way as you today. It gets harder and harder for me to read here. I have been reading on the D board and that is really sad and discouraging. I am feeling good about myself lately though. J, good question..I think the blind selfishness of the WS is one common theme.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.
Anyone hear from SLH lately?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Mmm. Yeah, blind selfishness is absolutely a common theme.
If we take that as a given -- then how do we change the story?
Hmm. Okay, how about a different question. What are the common themes in the people who actually come here looking for help? How do they contribute to the way the stories go from the point that they arrive here and start getting MB input?
Sunny Day, Sweeping The Clouds Away...
Just J --
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J, I'd say most of my frustration exists because the person asking for help usually doesn't have much power to influence events.
She agreed with her partner to work together to make things good, and now her partner has grabbed the reins and pushed her off the horse.
That's my frustration.
As for the ones who do ask for help, regardless of which side they're on, their resistance towards good advice, always for the same ol' reasons, is frustrating.
This resistance is always manifested as INACTION. Or maybe INERTIA is a better word. Inertia based on fear of the consequences, which is absurd coming from people who are already drowning in consequences.
Does that make sense?
GC
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This resistance is always manifested as INACTION. Or maybe INERTIA is a better word. Inertia based on fear of the consequences, which is absurd coming from people who are already drowning in consequences. makes perfect sense, GC. I can look back in this past 18 months of my WH's current A and clearly see my mistakes and my fear. However, I had the complication of my own A being outed during all of it which truly clouded my vision and my WH used to his advantage.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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If we take that as a given -- then how do we change the story? Part of the problem J, is getting the BS to see that this is about the WS and their selfishness, not about the BS. Yes, the BS is partly responsible for the state of the M but this is not about them! It is so hard when someone is writhing in pain and full of fear to help them see clearly. Hmm. Okay, how about a different question. What are the common themes in the people who actually come here looking for help? How do they contribute to the way the stories go from the point that they arrive here and start getting MB input? Lately the theme I see are people unwilling to follow the plan in order to mitigate the chaos in the lives and turn life around for them. Hindsight is 20/20 for me KWIM? They want the M so badly they forget about themselves. For example, here is GC..his M did not survive but HE did. There are many others here like Alphin who followed the plan and maybe the M did not make it but they grew, they healed and they became strong and in charge of their lives.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I think we need to truly examine what is considered a "success" story.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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FF, I believe I'm pretty much done with this, but when I took inventory of everything I did during the past 1.5y, something simple and obvious emerged.
The only things I would advise my past self to do differently have to do with actions I did not take because I was afraid.
GC
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The only things I would advise my past self to do differently have to do with actions I did not take because I was afraid. That my dear, dear friend is the brunt of it all I believe. God bless you, GC. Your life will be full some day soon. You are too fine of a man to be alone long. {{GC}}
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Good points, FF and GC. We have very little real control over any situation in our lives. It's tough to watch people try to reassert control in a situation that's become chaotic -- though it's certainly understandable when their lives are upsidedown and they don't like it one bit.
If the best we can do is to get them to really listen and take ethical action that actually helps them to become whole -- and not do further damage to their marriages -- I wonder how we shift things to get them to do that.
Sunny Day, Sweeping The Clouds Away...
Just J --
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FF, this discussion ain't about little ol' me! But thanks.
Getting back to the boards...
J, stop being Socratic and tell us what you think. C'mon, please?
GC
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If the best we can do is to get them to really listen and take ethical action that actually helps them to become whole -- and not do further damage to their marriages -- I wonder how we shift things to get them to do that. hmmm...making us think now aren't you, J? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> The posters that I have watched follow the MB principles have been coached closely by someone calm and experienced. For example, Gimble spent a lot of time with Alphin and Mortorman with Gramn. I myself have been my best when I have someone like Pep or BR working with me. Keeping them calm and focused seems to be key. But how?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Thanks everyone for such a geat experiance.
I always did like campfires.
May your world be a good one tomorrow, and may many wonderful days follow.
I could spend time writing good things about every one of you (if I had it to spend) and still not give enough credit.
God be with you all.
SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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Happy bird day 2 you
Happy bird day 2 you
Happy bird day everybody
Happy bird day 2 you!
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2long, read back a few posts. I lost your email.
GC
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gc:
Oh! I thought you were singing 2 me or something!
Sadly, I wasn't planning on going this year, because I didn't get a paper sent in on time and my work is discouraging people from "just going".
my email is **edit**
-ol' 2long
Last edited by MBLBanker; 06/13/12 04:02 PM. Reason: removing email address
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I'm "just going". I can get away with it 'cause my stock is high at work and I haven't gone the last few years.
Sorry I won't see you, 2long. Still, I'm looking forward to seeing lots of old pals who will no doubt be gushing with sympathy because they knew sparrow and me when we were first married.
I'm sure there will be serious conversations. I'll have to resist the temptation to run her down, even though she deserves it.
Well, I made Thanksgiving dessert and went to a rock show. My ears are ringing and I'm incredibly tired. Night.
GC
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