In my situation, what I did with his stuff was significant.

He moved out but left his closet full of clothes and never made any efforts to get the stuff.

It turns out that this was really his way of maintaining a link with me.

I moved the stuff along with me to my new house. The stuff is now in our shared walk-in closet. He brought his new clothes with him when he moved back in.

Remember that WSes are in a fog while in the A. It is like an addictive drunkenness. The remaining, healthy sane part of her might want to continue some hookup with you.

I had my fantasies like you. However, they are probably not reading your E-Mails. Unfortunately, they are still more focused on each other at this point.

Focus on your PLAN B. Wait it out!!! I would avoid discussions about the stuff. It's probably her way of initiating contact with you.

Mimi, I also sort of doubt they're reading my email. I think probably she just had my account deactivated when she changed everything. I realize that she probably keeps her eyes on the prize and thinks about me as little as possible.

This email grab may be a weird attempt to draw me out, but I'll deal with it through my ISP, and I did leave my lawyer a message about it.

My MIL left me a message - the sparrow has asked her to act as the intermediary for my plan B. MIL is not happy to do this. I don't think the sparrow can ask anybody else. In her words, nobody in her family wants to "get in the middle of this".

Whatev. I consider "not getting in the middle" to be a cop-out. But maybe it's their most gentle way of refusing to help her.

Anyway... tough day so far. I feel so sorry for MIL. I can tell from the tone in her voice that she's torn up in a million pieces.

GC

(((((GC))))))

((((MIL))))

The hardest thing a parent has to do is sit back and let their kid make their own mistakes.

Your grace through this is inspiring, GC.

- Kimmy

Wow, just got an email from my SIL with the list of stuff the sparrow wants.

I said no to a few items, agreed to a time on Sunday when she can come. Sparrow said she expects everything to be ready and packed, and I said sorry, but I'll pack at my convenience, and whatever isn't there she'll have to come back for.

SIL also sent me a double-secret message that she is putting a letter in the mail for me today, and that she loves me and misses me.

Sparrow's poor family. They're the sweetest people; to be sucked into this mess is so unfair to them.

I'm feeling guilty about my plan B - like I'm forcing some of the horror of this on my in-laws by refusing to communicate with the sparrow.

GC

gc:

"I'm feeling guilty about my plan B - like I'm forcing some of the horror of this on my in-laws by refusing to communicate with the sparrow."

Guess we'll just have 2 string you up at the crack of dawn from that tree we use for these things!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No, you're not "forcing" any of it on anyone else. You're refusing 2 cover for the sparrow, and SHE's making everyone feel her wrath.

-ol' 2long

Morning update...

I'm still P.O.ed about the sparrow stealing my email. I made a stink with my ISP yesterday, and they're supposed to call me back today to try and get it resolved.

Good news - last night I worked on my boat shop in the garage, and the Red Sox won. And despite all yesterday's drama, I fell asleep without drugs.

I'm mighty steamed still, and feel all twisted up inside my guts. The feeling of not wanting to let go of a biiiiig attachment, but you know you have to. I guess that's what they call grief.

GC

Posting to self...

My ISP did not call me today. A friend called and said her email to me bounced. So maybe the sparrow just disabled the account. But she may have full access to it. The password has been changed.

At best she's been incredibly rude. At worst, she's violated my privacy, all malicious like.

I haven't sent a message about it through her family, because if all she's done is disabled the account, I don't want to give her any ideas about going in and reading my stuff.

I have not heard from car4love in a while, which is unusual. Especially given the email pinch, and the fact that I've emailed her twice in the last couple of days. My plan B has put a little distance between us, I guess, because I told her I still wanted to be a friend to her but asked her not to tell me about day-to-day events any more.

Today my IC said I'm very good at viewing my emotions objectively.

Goodie for me.

GC

MIL called me tonight. We talked for about an hour. She's still very upset. She says that she and SFIL can't see any way they'll be able to accept OM in their life.

She said she can't understand the sparrow at all. She tries to talk to her about this, to explain things to her sensibly, to talk about how much she is giving up by ditching me, to talk about how awful it is for her to break up a family, but the sparrow just gets angry and complains, "I thought you wanted me to be happy."

She says she feels like her relationship with the sparrow is damaged permanently. She can't see how she can ever respect OM, etc.

But of course she's also convinced that the sparrow is not going to see things with a clear perspective until her feelings for OM calm down, and by then it will be too late.

Anyway, it was a good conversation. It's nice to know the in-laws are still defending my M, even though it doesn't seem to be doing any good.

GC

I'll bet it is, gc.

If for no other reason than 2 get some validation from the inlaws.

But sparrow and the OM being "happy?" When his next kid is born (soon, right?), I wonder how "happy" HE will be. ...and how much fun 2 be around?

best,
-ol' 2long

The child is due in January. OM has hissy fits whenever he's stressed. He'll not be much fun, I reckon.

GC

particularly as he's paying child support

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

OM has already taken a part-time job to help pay for child and spousal support. I think the sparrow is giving him all kinds of money these days.

Sparrow was over to get some stuff out of the garage today. A friend of mine crashed here after last night's Halloween party, and we left to have breakfast. My friend drove, so my car was here at the house when the sparrow came. I've changed my locks, so I'm sure she didn't come in. I made it vague to SIL whether or not I'd be here.

I'm boxing up a little more stuff tonight. When the affair was just getting started, sparrow went to the Book Expo. While there, as she planned to tell me she was leaving me, she got a bunch of free samples of stuff that I'd be interested in. I can't imagine keeping these books, so next time she comes, she'll be getting those back. I don't want her stupid half-a$$ed parting gift.

Bah! Everything continues. Last night, some of my friends were asking me about dating, etc. Suggesting fix-ups, that sort of thing. I told them I want to go out with every attractive single woman they know, but later, next year sometime.

GC

Today when I got home, I was worried that when I looked in the garage to find the sparrow's latest shipment of stuff gone, I'd feel that same old feeling, that terrible wave of grief.

I opened the garage door, and I felt... nothing. Later I was mostly just angry. I cursed her and said defiant things to myself about the next pile of stuff I'll be leaving out there for her.

I saw I Heart Huckabees today, and the movie made me realize I don't want the sparrow any more. Why? Because Naomi Watts is my new girlfriend!

Haw, haw.

GC

Thanks for the chuckle this a.m. Gray.

Now I'm going to have to see that movie to see who your new girlfriend is! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 05:01 AM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Last night, some of my friends were asking me about dating, etc. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I got the same thing from my dearlings at the wedding yesterday. How do you politely say, "I love you more than my luggage, but the mere thought makes me feel like I'm gonna uke on your very nice shoes?" (and waste a very tasty Shiner Bock)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Oh, and my dearest cousin DID buy the shirt for my 4 year old that says, "My mom's tattoos are cooler than your mom's" How funny is that? DS # 1 was jealous!

-Kimmy

Today SIL forwarded an email from the sparrow. No big deal, she just wants to know when she can get more stuff.

But it had this breezy greeting, "Hi B-babes!" (SIL's name starts with B). It had a horrible effect on me. This cheerful greeting on an email about clearing the rest of her things out of our house.

I emailed SIL back and asked her to please not forward the sparrow's emails any more.

She said she was sorry, and that she understands.

So now I'm trying to decide on something...

Should I go to all the trouble of getting boxes and packing the sparrow's stuff for her, or should I just pile it in the garage and let her deal with it?

I think I'll just put the stuff out there, and hopefully it won't lead her to have some kind of tantrum and be a bigger jerk about financial agreements, etc.

Suck. Oh well. It's pretty clearly over with - no sign of the sparrow wanting anything but to hurry up and get all this over with.

GC

From my friend in New York:

"Your estranged wife was here a couple of weeks ago and stayed over. I avoided any conversation about your situation. I think she spoke to [my W], but from what [my W] told me she said, most of it sounds to me like bull."

Approaching seven months of fog. No sign of it breaking.

GC

I know it's a piddy-arsed consolation, but Gray, I think you rock more than George Clinton and the P Funk All Stars and if I ever meet Sparrow, I'm gonna take a nail with the word "clue" etched in it and hammer it into her frogged out cabaza.

Sorry baby. I hate their froggieness. It's making me nutso.

I'm tired of being tired and nice and stuff, too. I hate seeing cool and froody people hurting.


This is from the top of my pointed head to the tips of my size 7s (((((((((((((((((((((((((GRAYCLOUD))))))))))))))))

Kimmy, thanks; you got a way of making it more than a piddy-arsed consolation.

My WW is the fog queen of the North. Her mother, sister, and best friends all see it. I don't lay the MB gospel on them and refer to it as "fog", but from what they say... it's thick as the smoke at a Kiss concert.

So... I was reading the XMas ideas thread. I want to give lots of gifts this year, but thanks to the D I'm totally broke. I need an idea or two, maybe some things I can make myself and crank out a hundred of. Maybe food, but something different would be cool.

My only idea so far was to make chicken demi glace, but that might be too weird.

GC

I usually make home made chocolates for Christmas gifts. My peanut butter balls are to die for! You can find a ton of great recipes on Foodtv.com.