Hi, Gray! (waving)

I was just thinking of you today. We have one of those light, fluffy snows going here in the Rockies, with kinda gray skies and cloud cover, and it reminded me of the GREAT WHITE NORTH. Of course, our snow is only a couple inches deep, so it hardly qualifies as actual "snow" but still! Everything is blanketed in white and its so peaceful and quiet. I love the way that snow just stills things.

I have no words of wisdom today...just hope you enjoy your friends coming over and YOUR holiday YOUR way. Do you know what I did yesterday for "holiday spirit"? I drank yummy egg nog!! YUM!! No rum was added (I have children to impress) but I LOVE egg nog and enjoyed every drop that I could get out of the glass. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Later at night I had hot chocolate too. It was getting coolish here at night (once the sun sets, the mountain breeze gets coolish), so a hot chocolate was just such a wonderful treat!! Mini-marshmellows too!!!

Re: sparrow and her "Divorce-in-Nine-Days" illusion, I can only say HA HA. As usual, she is not living in reality. She stalls for months and months, and then she says, "Oops! I need it done yesterday"??? Can you say, "I don't think so" and snap in Z-Formation?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> If your divorce is final in 2005 (as "reality-timing" would appear it would be) you two can stipulate in the agreement that you will either file 2005 "married, but separated" or "single". My divorce was final May 23, 2003, and he moved out Dec. 9, 2002. I filed 2003 taxes in Jan. 2004 as single--I claim the kids--and he filed as single too.

Hey! I'm SINGLE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


CJ

My bud came over - my other friend was too busy scrambling getting ready for Xmas. We listened to music, talked politics, had beers, and he gave me an awesome, awesome present. He got me a minidisc recorder, which I've been wanting a long time but can't afford, for recording my music idears.

So we had a groovy night. The big feller is conked in front of my fireplace.

Got very thoughtful cards today from my realtor (who has become a good pal), my godparents, and another aunt and uncle. All had a nice little thoughts for me.

A good day. Cheers!

GC

hey gray, just wanted to wish you once again one more time a merry Christmas. i'm leaving work in a few minutes and won't have computer access again until monday.

so stay warm and God bless, RR

Here come the emotions.

Today I received cards. I sent the sparrow's best friend and her H gifts, and they sent me a thank you. The in-laws sent a card and a small gift. One of my cousins sent a card. And one of the sparrow's aunts sent a card that said this:

"So sorry 2004 was not the best year for you - you are a dear young man. I guess God has other plans for you and sparrow. Have a great 2005 - Uncle says you were such a good sport at the family fishing event. We'll miss you."

Damn, I didn't take it as well as they probably hoped.

GC

Merry Christmas GC. Miss ya in Iville.

I hope they don't leave it on the pourch and you come home and find it frozen solid. I should have packed it in sawdust.

Maybe exploding sawdust?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

SS

SS:

Hey, are we supposed 2 use words like "explode" these days? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

GC: Sounds like you have a good friend, there, and thoughtful inlaws. Sorry the card brought you down.

We'll be thinking of you.

-ol' 2long

Merry Christmas, GC. Spend it well and make memories for yourself -- happy ones. It's a good thing to do.

J, bless your heart. Thanks so much for thinking of me. Have a lovely holiday yourself.

GC

Praying for a good Christmas for you GC. Hope you are doing ok.

Harmless Christmas Eve VENT!

My sweet and wonderful family, they're driving me nuts. They're loud and messy. No matter how many times I tell them it would be way cool if they took off their shoes, I find little muddy puddles everywhere. With their shoes on, they walk on my rugs and put their feet up on my furniture.

I keep finding napkins and wads of wrapping paper crammed into little hidden spaces. My mother has several huge beds for her dog. Giant beds for this sweet little elderly schnauzer, everywhere. There are shoes all over the place. I put them away, and they find their way back out. I feel like the shoes themselves are walking around.

There are plastic bags everywhere, and tape. And dish towels. So many dish towels. A hundred of them, I think maybe. And potholders. My mother, fearing there would be none, brought piles and piles of potholders, and they're everywhere I look.

Someone walked across the house in dirty wet boots, and I caught my oldest brother and my father mopping up the mess with two of my bath towels. I said, "You guys are wiping the floor with something I use to dry my 'taint." My brother's girlfriend heard me and about died laughing.

They play "Jenga" in my fireplace with burning logs. Logs stacked two feet high, burning hot as anything you've ever seen.

I don't actually flip out. I just laugh and tease them a little and occasionally grumble a bit, but mostly just leave it all alone and let them be. I'm just not used to having other people tromping around my domicile, doing their kooky "other people" things.

Finally, my brothers gone and my father nicely snoozing away in my bed, I was ready for some time alone. But at 1:00 my mother still sat here, exhausted, sipping tea and refusing to go to bed, just hovering over me. I finally said, "Mom, I love you, and I'm glad you're here, but I could use a little time to myself before I go to bed." She understood and was all the way cool about it, gave me a kiss and turned in.

Merry Christmas MB!

GC

Merry Christmas Gray!

I laughed out loud reading your post this morning. I can sooo relate, from when my parents were alive. Especially about the mess, shoes and napkins and dish towels all over the place! LOL

Well we had a great Christmas Eve too! We opened gifts, played seven card holdem, even taught my DD how to play, listened to great music. It was the nicest I remember in awhile.

My DD is going back to her Dad's today, so I will have all weekend to clean the house. I have hardwood floors too and nobody took their shoes off, my sister didn't even go outside to smoke! Oh well, it was still fun.

gc:

It coulda been worse! ...if ol' 2long had been over, there'd be woodworking 2Ls all over the living room, blobs of joint compound on the furni2re and window casings...

...but you'd have one helluva smooth mud job when I left!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long

*giggling*

I have a sense that every family is the same.... I could have written the same thing about my family.

Ahhh yes, the one time of year we're all together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

GC, that was funny and I'm glad you were surrounded by family at Christmas. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Even if they do drive you nuts!

Jen

So feeling a little wretched and wanting a new perspective, I decided to read a little on TOW tonight.

Read the forum, read some of the stories.

A while back, not long ago, I wrote about my W not having a clean way through this, that she will be lessened as a human being, how tough it is to watch her volunteer for it, and how confusing it is to see her choose the path she has chosen.

But this is a WW who honestly sees no other way, and because of that, she sees herself as not a horrible person, but the unlucky victim of bad circumstances.

She thinks I killed our marriage, or maybe not, but it died anyway, and now she has to suffer for it while I come out smelling like a rose. How unfair.

So you say even so, how can she justify participating in the destruction of another woman's family?

Because she's not doing it. It is nobody's fault that our marriage failed, it just did. And similarly, so did OM and car4love's, and that's either car4love's fault or it's nobody's fault. But it was a failed marriage before the sparrow came along, so you see, she isn't responsible.

The affair partners found each other, and the timing was just bad. And sure, maybe their affair was a catalyst for the official ending of the two marriages, but had it not happened, they might have stayed unhappily married as they now seem to remember themselves being: unhappy, and undeservedly so.

And in any case, the marriages are over - the affair partners are not in love with us and never could be again, so this must happen, and they have to look like the villains, when in fact they are just victims of stubborn BS who refuse to move on, victims of love discovered at an inconvenient time, and unfairly judged for it all.

Have I got this tortured logic about right?

Bleh. Helps me to think my way through this maze, somehow, even though it continues to seem ludicrous. Hard story to keep straight.

GC

OMG! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

GC, this is scary! I just got done reading over on TOW, and I finally clicked off because it was just too much drivel to read any more!!

I was reading on a thread where the topic was, "What are your standards in your R with MM?" and I'm sorry, I couldn't help it? WHAT STANDARDS?? How can you have STANDARDS with a man who is blatantly disavowing every standard he ever uttered?? Is it really just me, or is it absurdly illogical to say, "I expect my MM to treat me with respect, honesty, and caring" when he has taken his SPOUSE and the co-parent of his own children and treated them with the UTMOST of disrespect, dishonesty, and horror???? What in the WORLD makes TOW think that the same man who treats his BS like worthless garbage would treat them like anything better?? It's not like TOW is so much more valuable! She doesn't have his memories, his vow, his children...nor did she build a life or dream dreams of the future with him.

But somehow in their fairytale world of make-believe, a WS can treat his BS abusively, dishonestly, and worthlessly--but TOW has the "standard" that this same WS should treat THEM with respect, honesty and caring!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I TRULY DO NOT GET THIS!!!!! (shaking head in disbelief)


CJ

P.S. Had a fairly good holiday...but exH is now making those, "I miss you and never stopped loving you" noises. Hmmmm...do you suppose it could be because he and OW are no longer together? Hmmmm... I wonder? (sarcasm so thick you could cut it with a knife)

I guess what pisses me off is that I was a worthless piece of trash that he willingly and easily cast aside WITH HIS OWN CHILDREN, and yet now that he's alone and "needs" me, suddenly I'm supposed to just be available? AARRGGHH!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

CJ - the men always seem like they come crawling back eventually. The women not so much. Why do you think that is?

And isn't is cool of WS, how they wait to come back until after you've finally, after much struggle, gotten yourself through all your grief?

The timing is just wonderful. It's like they have radar and know not to return until you no longer want them.

gray

Where is this TOW forum, I wuld love to read some of the bs on it..

Michael! I have been worried about you. Have you checked your thread recently? I would not recommend going over to TOW, it will just fire you up.