Stay away from ...beautiful, smart, interesting girl...you dont want to get in trouble <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am curious...how long do you plan to wait in plan B?

I have 4 months to go...then i will file the papers.

I want to be free to do ONS if i choose to.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Not that i want to...am not the type.

In fact i feel like i want to stay away from men forever...i probably wont marry again either...i dont think i know how to trust any men from now onwards. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I can handle chatting up women, but thanks for the warning ziz. I know it's a cheap band-aid.

We got socked in with snow last night. I just finished digging out, and it's a beautiful day. The sky is a dazzling blue, all the evergreens are decorated with snow, icicles are dripping, and the air is cool and clear. Who needs a WS?

I think I'm almost through. I think maybe I don't want her back. No hurry though...

GC

Call me Johnny Mood Swing.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

GC

What's up GC? Are you in a down mood?

FF, thanks for responding. Yeah, you could say I'm in a down mood.

I'm tired, and I want to be free. I'd be reluctant to allow my W into my life at this point, but I also don't want her A to succeed. Why should I care? But then I remember that I at least officially would still try to save my M, given the chance. This makes me keep a tiny little bit of hope. Then my brain says, "you must let go", I think about having a clean slate and an unpolluted life, and I'm back to the start.

I think MBing for someone in my situation (wife gone, divorce proceeding, no real reason to expect things to change) disrupts the grieving process.

GC

You know GC, if there is still some small hope for your M what do you think you could do to salvage it? I know my H told me point blank if we did not have children, we would not still be doing this. Yes, maybe that is our main connection but I think he is wrong. There is more there it is just wading through the muck of adultery and baggage we bring to the M in the first place to find it.

For me I guess, I would weigh the risks vs the rewards and make a decision for or against the M. I think perhaps you have been caught up in the tide too long. Make sense? You have a lot going for you with our without your WW.

FF, it's not really so much about what I would have to do.

What I'd expect from my W in that imaginary scenario is... off the charts, for her at least.

GC

Got it GC. Just wondering where your head is in all this.

{{GC}}

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hope you are staying warm and keeping your head above the snow!

God Bless, RR

Sending my lawyer some numbers tonight... they'll result in an offer for buying the sparrow out of the house. Lawyer said they're "anxious to get everything settled." It's true too - I dropped off the car titles on Monday, and she wasted no time getting to my lawyer's office to pick up hers and sign off on mine.

Not. Motivated.

Leggo, GC, leggo!

GC

I know how you feel GC...

I am also looking for signs but there are not there so i know i need to move on.

take care

My friend - I know it's hard to watch someone you loved self destruct, as we know Sparrow probably will.

You've handled yourself with grace and dignity through this mess. I know it is a small comfort considering the largeness of the hurt you've had, but hopefully it will help you to realize you've done all the right things and heal.

I want you to have all the best that life has to offer...you deserve it, and you've def. earned it.

The Sparrow, unfortunately, will reap the Karma she's sown, too.

Yay fun. The sparrow has filed. On February 8 I have to see her in court.

Next week she was going to receive an offer on the termination agreement.

I have a little over a week to prepare myself.

GC

GC-
Just to let you know, when the papers come, it still hurts.

I just got the "Lawyer Papers" yesterday...I thought I was prepared...prayed before opening..it still hurt!

I guess that no amount of preparing will get rid of the pain, only working through each step and time.

My thoughts are with you!
Tina

In my view, that you dragged it out this long and finally she got pushed into filing (can you hear OM ranting? I can) may be a good thing. Don't worry about seeing her in court. Worry about what you want your attorney to say to the judge -- for sparrow's ears.

Things like, "Mr. Graycloud has done his level best to reconcile with Mrs. Sparrow, yerhonor, and in our offices we are proud to serve someone who is committed to the marriage vows that he took. I wish I had more clients like Mr. Graycloud. It would make my job a whole lot better, and a whole lot more marriages would never come before you in this court."

That might be laying it on a little thick -- it depends on the attorney and the judge in question. But it's not out of the realm of possibility.

Thanks, J. I have no idea what my lawyer will say. I doubt she'll get the chance at anything so pretty as what you imagined.

Far as seeing the sparrow in court, it's important that I be the best GC possible. I want to look good, be well dressed and be pleasant and cool and detached. It's sure to be a tough afternoon, but I know I can handle it. I haven't seen my WW in almost four months.

I guess you're right though, J. Even though I didn't want it to go here, it is a certain kind of victory for me to have brought the sparrow to this.

I was worried, should I make eye contact, should I not... then it occurred to me, the sparrow is the one who should worry about whether she can look anyone in the eye.

I feel sad and alone, but I also feel good about where I've stood. I've given my wife every opportunity to seek my forgiveness. The fact that she's rejected my offers doesn't reflect on me. I was a great partner. I was very affectionate. I always treated her with kindness and respect. I encouraged her to find something she wanted to do, and I helped her become successful at it. I told her all the time that she was beautiful and brilliant and special. I'll accept no responsibility for this. I'm going to walk away clean. I've identified my failings, and I won't make those mistakes again.

As I shuffled old emails around this week, I read the things I wrote to her during the last couple of years. "Here's something interesing I found." "I hope you're having a great day." "How about we have such-and-such for dinner?" Her emails to me were all links to things she wanted to buy.

I'm so disappointed in her. At one time she was really a wonderful girl. Now, the last 11 years mean nothing at all to her. Either she changed, or I thought waaaay too much of her.

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graycloud:
<strong> Either she changed, or I thought waaaay too much of her.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This sentence really struck me. Both as a great wrap up for your post and on a personal level. I think you're expressing a feeling I have about my W much of the time.

Does feeliing that way about the sparrow make it eaasier or harder for you?

Now, the last 11 years mean nothing at all to her. Either she changed, or I thought waaaay too much of her. GC, first I hope you will remind us of your court date so we can be praying for strength for you. You have the right idea to be the best GC you can be in the court that day. Let sparrow see what see threw away. I want to comment on your above statement. I hope you are wrong when you say the last 11 years mean nothing to her. She has messed up big and it may take years, but one day I think she will realized what those years meant. By your description, she sounds like she was a little more selfish than you cared to see perhaps, but you loved her and how could that be wrong?

Anyway, Gray you are a good, good man with a wonderful life ahead of you. You now have the chance to let go of this pain and move on in your life. You will have much to offer another woman from all you have learned here on MB.

{{{GC}}}

It may be indulgent for me to post about my own situation tonight... so I'll do it anyway.

I'm trying to finish the sparrow's packing. All that fragile stuff! Wrapping each thing up in newspaper, so on and so on. People always ask me why don't I just chuck it in the boxes and let her deal with it. I have a hard time explaining that it's because I still love her and don't feel like being sh**ty. That makes me a sucker and a chump. Fine.

As I was finishing up, I remembered there was one thing I forgot: photos.

Once two people made a life together. They were happy most all the time. They had good friends and loving families. They were always good to each other. In their photos their smiles are genuine, and they most always have their arms around each other.

Surely, there would have been difficult times, there would have been losses. But it looked like it would be a safe, unpolluted life.

Now it's filthy and broken and all but dead, and it feels like neither can ever have a life like that again.

I feel diseased. I feel a hundred years old. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

GC