Oh heck, weaver. Don't sweat the I's.

Indulge yourself! This ain't no cocktail party.

GC

It means you're finally thinking about yourself, you freaking giver, you!!!!!!

(((WEAVER)))

Tonight I talked to a friend. She asked what was up. I told her a bit, very little, no details, about the email shenanigans from Thursday.

She asked me, "Why do you call her your 'wife?'"

I said, "Because she is."

"That's just a technicality," she said.

The discussion that followed was a long skirmish about whether I'm in some la-la land of desperate denial or stubborn or idealistic to the point of being just stupid about it. My friend reached the conclusion that I'm stubborn and idealistic to the point of being just stupid about it.

I think probably "plan A" is a once-in-a-lifetime event.

I can't imagine doing it again. Besides, what would be the point? I'm perfect now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

GC

Hi Gray

I can't imagine fighting this fight again either. Partly because I can't imagine ever loving another woman enough to consider it worthwhile, and partly if Squid chooses to stray again, she has chosen to end our relationship.

I'm more blessed than you in that I see a restoring marriage and already, a year in a good life. But this battle almost killed me, and like Frodo in Lord of the rings achieving my goal has taken an eternal toll on me, and forever changed me.

I look back down the last year and I can hardly believe the events that have taken place. I see a different soap opera hero doing the things I did, not the big ol' midlander sat here in my rugby shirt and shorts while the kids eat breakfast.

Its been SO HARD Gray, I am in awe of your strength to be so together after enduring the same battle as me , but seeing a personal victory not a marital one.

Ordinary people shouldn't have to go through this. It should be reserved for the cartoonish brave and the strong. Not me.

Oh that's funny! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

My friends feel the same way. My sister says if she ever sees Dan again she will rip him to shreds with her bare hands. She said please tell me you have no feelings left for him, I just couldn't stand it if you did.

Well this is my life and I'll feel what I want, and my friends and sisters will except it.

But whatever feelings I once had are fading quickly, lately I think what I feel is nausea and not heart sickness. And then that bothers me too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

gc:

"Besides, what would be the point? I'm perfect now."

Indeed. We know this about you, though. 2uestion isn't so much centered around YOUR perfection, so much as HERS. ...is your friend perfect 2? ...is she cute?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

IMHO, it is ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances that find the strength in their soul to fight this fight. I think the first A I was too frightened and angry to do it right but when number 2 rolled around I had what Bob calls "sand" to change myself and become the person I am now.

I can liken what you are talking about to my life as a special kids parent. You would look at my life and say "how do you do it?" Well, truly the answer lies in the fact that you do what you have to do. You use your God given strength, determination and love in your soul to keep going. That is why GC, your friend cannot understand your honor because she has never fought the battle you did. You fought the dragon and won. You didn't win the Sparrow back but you won personal growth, dignity and honor. I salute you for still seeing yourself as married. You are until the D is final.

{{GC}} I have loads of respect for you my friend.

2long, she's married.

Met my friend for a few laps around the lake and had breakfast at a neighborhood place.

I love getting out in public. There are so freakin' many women out there.

Hey Bob, we've all stumbled in this fight, but it's true what FF said. You do what you have to. People find ways all the time, don't they?

Okay, time to make my house purdy.

GC

>I'm perfect now.


You and Mary Poppins, dear heart. But Mary Poppins blew away with a talking umbrella. You just take the updraft as far away as Lowes and Home Depot.

- Kimmy

Hey Gray,

Didn't want to tj on AD's thread, but wanted to say those last two short paragraphs on your post to him, were filled with wisdom.

Staying up all night drinking beer must be good for your old thinker. (and a year of pain doesn't hurt either)

And I'm not following you around the board, really.

Thanks weaver. I don't ever drink heavily, but this morning I reread that post to make sure it wasn't pure nonsense.

Friends came over for a cookout. Had fun. Everybody raves about my cooking, which I like. One of the friends, a woman who's been a real pal to me, is calling me juuuust a little too often though. I'm sweating it a bit.

Tonight, she kept coming in the kitchen to try and "help". She's gotta know I'm not interested in her. I talk to her about women I meet. I've told her that I don't want to start anything with any friends or acquaintances from before, that if I manage to get something going with a woman, I want it to be with someone new. We're good friends, but we have very little in common. We want completely different things out of life. And she's no fool. I know for a fact she's aware of the fundamental differences between us. She has very definitive plans to move away, far away, next year. And I'm not attracted to her, even though she's a nice-looking girl. I can't explain why, I'm just not into her, not one little bit. She's like my sister.

I don't want to glom onto this girl as a chum until a woman I'm actually attracted to comes along, then all of a sudden my friend never hears from me. So just to be safe, I've been a little more distant lately. Wouldn't you know, the more distant and moody I am, the less available I am, the more she seems to call.

I honestly, truly, don't think she has any ideas about me, but sometimes I'm not sure, not 100%. And I worry, because I know I have a good report card.

Thank heaven she's leaving for a vacation with a friend tomorrow, because every time my phone rings and I see her number, I think, oh boy.

Please oh please don't let this girl be interested in me. I would hate to have to shoot her down; it would royally screw up our friendship.

I think truly there's nothing to worry about here, but times like tonight, I get worried.

Of course, lots of my friends have asked why don't I go after this girl. But I'm not interested.

Blah. I'm probably worried over nothing.

GC

I wouldn't say you're worried over nothing! Why the heck are you so surprised? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like you've already got a good plan and are implementing it. Just to be safe, continue taking definitive steps to dissuade her.

Something to consider, however: sometimes chemistry isn't always instantaneous. I've known Tiger since I was 14 and I assure you, I wanted nothing to do with him before or when he proclaimed that he had loved me "all those long years". I was, in fact, absolutely furious with him for destroying our friendship with all of this ridiculous "Relationship Talk" and destitute at the thought that we could no longer be "buddies". Even when I submitted and went on a few dates with him, it felt so terribley awkward. . . one date culminating in my most feared moment -- a kiss that felt purely incestual, LOL! I was kissing my brother!!!!!!!



Oh, how I laugh looking back on it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We were married 4 months later. Well, 6 years and 4 months. . . from the time when we became good friends, anyhow. Why wait when you know? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Not saying you should date this particular girl at all. . . sounds like you guys do have very little in common. But leave your options open, eh?

LOL. Gray, I suspect sooner than you think, you will be having to carry a very large stick. Be merciful, LOL.



slh

To 'Bama, I hope. It never hurts to increase the concentration of available ladies - assuming I'm D'd by then. LOL

-AD

My Foe da July:

Wake up.

Eat a cookie and drink a glass of O.J., go to the garage, turn on the radio, and start stripping paint off bedroom trim. Ten pieces down, thirty-eight to go.

Watch couples, some with children and babies and dogs, walk by on the sidewalk, all day, over and over. Say hello to most.

Mow the grass.

Put a screen around a tiny crab tree I planted last year. The bunnies that graze in my yard like little rodent cows, only afraid of me if I get within about six feet of them, take bites out of this poor little tree all the time.

Take a call from some old friends I haven't talked to in months. Catch them up on all the latest, divorce-related and everything else too. They're very smart, highbrow people, but still they wind up saying things like, "Sparrow will have to reap what she's sown." They tell me to try to catch stage 15 of Le Tour because they're going to be there. I tell them that's wonderful, knowing they've wanted to go and see a stage of the race for a long time. After talking for about an hour, say goodbye and get back to work.

Continue to slave away on the trim, occasionally splashing caustic chemicals on myself, which each time that happens I have to book it over to the hose and rinse my skin off before it starts to melt.

Quit when it gets dark and all the fireworks start going off. Go inside, sit down. Wiped out.

Realize I've got all my end-of-the-weekend tasks still to do: finish the dishes, fold the laundry, sweep the floors, put away the grill, take out the trash and the recycling.

Sit down again, then decide I haven't made progress on enough projects yet. Get up and spend an hour working on the fireplace.

Midnight. I've been working for about 14 hours straight. That's gonna have to be the end.

Very lonely holiday. Not horrible, but quite lonely.

GC

Hey GC,

You are in my thoughts and prayers today, so I hope you don't feel too lonely.

Thanks, UVA! Naw, I don't feel so bad.

I didn't mean to complain. Mentioning that it was a lonely holiday was just a casual observation. I had an okay day. Not wonderful, but doable.

GC

Hi Gray,
Thought about you a lot over the weekend, but didn't have any flashes of inspiration (that is normal for me.)

I thought of a good song for a friday or saturday night around the fire.

Dancin in the moon light - King harvest.

Songs like that set a happy mood.

do you know it?

SS

popping in to say hi to SS and GC!

Hi Faithful,
Things still going well?

SS

Check out my update on my thread, SS.

Weaver, if you are out there...thanks for the prayers!!!