Thank you SS, and yes I still read, but not much.

FF,

I still pray for you and Casey, and I include you in my gratitude journal, because you mean the world to me. I just started keeping this journal two days ago, but I am committed for the next two months to journal what I am grateful for, and you and all the people I love here are among those things.

FF, you have shown me what it means to be a truly beautiful person, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

My advice to you is to work on detachment...show loving indifferance as much as you can. And to "act as if" your marriage is already what you want it to be. Please do not push him right now, just accept that this is "what it is", for now, and know that with no pressure, he will come around and be all that you remember and dream of.

It only takes one to change the dynamics of a relationship... if you change the relationship will change. So you be what you want it to be, and he will follow.

He will sway in and out like the tide, but you will be the bright and shining beacon acting with loving indifferance. You be steady and strong, let him have this time of flakiness, knowing that it is temporary. He needs to feel safe right now.

Does that make sense?

Drop the deserve for a moment SLH and look at this from another POV. What do your kids deserve? Not trying to be harsh, just looking at it differently. How will you feel about yourself if you give it your all and show your kids what true commitment means?

FF, you are never harsh, and I hope you would always call something if you see it in my sitch! Thank you for addressing it.

Honestly, this (the kids) is the only thing that has kept me going some days. But at the same time, I have to wonder how much of a good mother am I being to my babies if I am angry, defeated, bitter, and withdrawn all the time. And then when I try to address those issues, I get slapped down? What kind of home life is that for them, without a happy, fulfilled mother?

Honestly, I don't know.

But, in the theme of our Mood Swings, H's motivation has been high today. He's stuck to his schedule, helped me finish Juliet's room (sans the 1 YARD of border i didn't account for, lol -- I will include pics soon!), saw I was struggling with mowing the lawn in the heat and asked if he could finish for me, got dinner for us, etc.

Sheesh. Just when I start complaining again. . .

Now if he will stick to it!


slh

quick drive by...

GO FF!!! that is excellent. now be sure to have some of the activities be grown up stuff (and no, i'm NOT talking about "ahem")

Heck yes! Wow, Weaver I was sad today and what happens? You and SS both show up! I pray for you too. I am listening Weaver and doing much better, really I am.

SS, thank you for the compliment. I appreciate it coming from you.

SLH, IMVHO you have the choice to be an angry and bitter mother or be the person your kids and your H need you to be. I know it is hard work, but the rewards are immense too. I would like to suggest though that you find time for fun. You and your H need couple time or you will never reconnect. Get your in laws to at least come stay a weekend with the kids so you and Ti can get away from the day to day pressure. {{SLH}}

GC, boiling hot in the muggy August heat, even this late, on his third shirt of the day and about to take his second shower, wonders...

Is it so wrong to believe one deserves happiness?

GC

ff, we posted at the same time... did you see my post. how was HP reading time?

GC, hey, i've crashed your campfire, that ok with you??

FL, of course it is!

GC

see http://www.debtsmart.com

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Oh, and you should pay down the one with the highest interest rate first, no matter which is smallest.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Yeah, I know, we're not really talking about that.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

-AD

Okay, is SS safely asleep for the night? If so, then the rest of you, let me just say this:

See? See what I mean? I mean, really. See it?

Amazing. Truly.

see http://www.debtsmart.com
Oh, and you should pay down the one with the highest interest rate first, no matter which is smallest.

It's not really credit cards, AD. It's sheer cost of living in this area, and not having a safety net. If ONLY it were credit cards, I could handle it!! But it's basic bills for living -- and if you can't make those one month due to an emergency (broken A/C, hospital trip, 4 unexpected prescriptions at $50/apiece) the hemhorrage begins, and gets worse as the months go by. That's where we're at now.

We are trying to work with them, but they can be real ba$+ards about wanting everything in full.

This is what we get for trying to make the "right" choice to put our kids in great schools that have programs for their needs/gifts. It's not like we are living it up in a huge house with all kinds of amenities -- our house was built in the 60's, needs tons of work, etc -- but the property values out here are ridiculous ($99,5 for this place, and it's old and small). We paid I think $2800/year in taxes on this house last year (for the schools) and it is only going to go up, because Texas is taxing the "affluent" cities in order to have more money to pump into the poorer schools in other TX cities. It's called the Robin Hood effect and it is twisted for people like H and I, who are just scraping by in order to put our kids in the best schools for them.

At this point, I want to try to fix up the house and sell out, because even our kids' education isn't worth their parents' divorce. I want to move somewhere less expensive, even if it menas changing jobs and moving out of state. But getting H to acknowledge that is like pulling teeth. He's too depressed to do anything right now. And it breaks my heart, because he fought for so hard for so long. . .

slh

This just makes me so sad, SLH. My H has been chronically depressed for about 5 years now. He is better than before but has talked many times about wanting to die and not caring if he got sick. Can you convince Ti to get a full physical and possibly AD's? He needs help. I agree selling and living somewhere cheaper would take the pressure off of both of you and possibly improve Ti's depression as well.

GC, deserve is a word that I am not too comfortable with. I would say everyone is capable of making their own happiness. You have been traumatized, it will take a while to heal and then happiness will find you again. You are a good man with excellent morals and values. People love you and are attracted to your light. You will be happy again.

Has anyone read the book by Dennis Prager called Happiness is a real problem or something like that? I bought it a while ago for my H but he never read it. See he made a deliberate choice not to be happy. He (I think)is working on that now.

J, I totally agree with you.

SS, how are you today?

Ok, gotta get to work.

Is it so wrong to believe one deserves happiness?

GC


I don't think Faithful meant "Deserving" happiness is bad or evil, GC.

I think what she meant was that, (especially in cases such as mine) when someone thinks they "deserve" something, it also translates into "Entitlement", which is a relationship's Death Knell sure as an arrow to the heart.

It's a breeding ground for all of the things I mentioned earlier -- bitterness, resentment, defeat, etc.

I KNOW this, mentally, but struggling to overcome it emotionally is a different matter enitrely. But I will continue to try.

FF, I will try to find time for fun. I haven't seen my horse in weeks (a friend of mine keeps him out on her property, which is far from here and the ridiculous property values/taxes) so maybe I will head out there tonight, provided it doesn't rain.

He is my one cheap thrill! (and he really is cheap; horses don't have to be expensive). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Have you all seen my boy?

slh

For the other Sci-Fi geeks sitting around the campfire. . .

Anybody see the space walk where astronaut Steve Robinson is repairing the outside of the shuttle?

Ti helped design some of the tools he is using.

Cool, huh?

slh

SLH, your boy is a beaut! That is cool that Ti helped design the tools they used. I sure hope they come home safe.

GC, SLH explained it quite well.

Super cool, SLH!

I guess sometimes the trouble with these "deserve/entitlement" sorts of debates is the different ways we interpret our language.

Maybe the best way to put it is that we all have the right to pursue happiness, despite what certain of our legislators think <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />. Can you find a way to achieve it regardless of your partner's presence, or actions? I don't know for sure, but I think so.

SLH, with a good family and basic needs satisfied, your children are likely to thrive no matter what school they're in.

I think Ti's depression is wrong-headed! He feels like he has somehow failed if he is unable to keep the children in a place with the best schools, right?

But the larger success he seeks is happy, successful children. He has made the sacred great schools the priority that trumps all others, and that view is out of balance. Those schools are no good to your kids if other parts of their lives are lacking, like, say, if their parents are unhappy.

I believe you need to relocate to a place you can afford, and yesterday.

GC

Last night I fired up my XP partition so I could watch the piece on EAs from yesterday's Today show.

Unable to resist temptation, I watched an interview with a woman who did a piece on Jennifer Aniston for Vanity Fair.

Aniston told the interviewer she chooses to believe her H when he says there was no hanky-panky before the D was filed. I don't understand why that makes much difference, but anyway...

It seems apparent that Aniston is taking the high road in every respect. At least according to "Hollywood press" information.

The interviewer said that Aniston and her H had different views on marriage. Aniston said that it was a lifelong commitment. Pit said that as long as it was good, he was in it. [censored].

Okay, I'm just trying to avoid my task. Who could blame me? It's 90 degrees in my house and I'm about to paint a ceiling. This is gonna hurt.

GC

GC:

I use Macs, and I couldn't get the EA interview 2 work. Do you know if they have transcripts somewhere? (see my thread about the subject, and other news...)

"Beer: it's what's for dinner."

-ol' 2long

Oh, it's too good to be true. The temperature is dropping and I just heard thunder. The wave is broken! I've been working in a 90-degree house for four days.

Tomorrow my parents are coming to paint my bedroom. Aren't they swell? My aunt is sending them with a huge box of fresh vegetables from her garden. While they paint, I'll clean the house and get the yard into shape.

I'm not done for the night, but I think this storm calls for a few minutes by the fire. Wish I ate hot dogs!

GC

Come on Graycloud! Have you seen that movie "Uptown Girls?" The little girl won't eat a hot dog...and finally she takes a bite and Britney Murphy screams...."SHE LIVES!" Hey, I've been eating them all my life and look at me......well, on second thought, look at all the other people eating hot dogs! I'm fine....just look a little stressed! WHY>>>>>>>>>>>> I AM STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have an Oscar Mayer, and let's see what happens!!!! Besides, you'll have all those good veges from the garden to help! hehehe

SAR2