SS, you're right. I'm tough enough. From my past experience, I know that when I go off ADs I'm okay for a few weeks, and then suddenly not so much. This time I'm gonna suck it up.

My next door neighbor spotted me through the window standing on the floor sander and riding around. She thinks I'm a mental patient. What can I say? The Stones made me do it (thanks Kiwi).

So you see, I'm not so miserable.

Yep, sanding my floors (again) today. Wow, so tired. Been at it for five hours. Gotta go until I drop, then sleep, and get up, and do some more. Time is money.

Restoring a house all alone is like plan A. Only once. The bungalow purists in my city would be pleased.

GC

All these crappy infidelity stories have something in common.

The OP commonly seems to have some major problems, usually acknowledged by the WS. The OP can't hold down a job, the OP is a sniveling wimp, the OP doesn't know how to care for her children, the OP is in trouble with the cops, the OP is broke, the OP is a materialistic freakazoid.

It's so common that it makes me wonder about infidelity, how much it is about the WS "finding her level".

I've never seen a story where the OP is anyone you'd be all that impressed with. And I mean aside from the obvious part where her ethics can be put on hold so she can get what she wants.

Finding their level. Hm.

GC

gc: I can just pic2re it!

When I was a deck carpenter building yaughts just after we got M'd, during lunch we used 2 get 2 belt sanders and a 50-foot "Y" extension chord and have belt sander races. Great sport!

"Time is money" reminds me of a Peter Gabriel song... (SS, I GET 2 sing!):

"A Wonderful Day In A One Way World"

"Saturday is shopping day...
...I drive my car but there's no place to park it,
No respect for Superman in supermarket.
Guess there must be trouble but I've not been alerted;
Looking 'round the store, it was all deserted
And I'm stranded here with my empty basket,
So full of question, but nowhere to ask it.

Chorus:

By the one way out, strange voice shout,
"Don't let that good man out!"
"Have a wonderful day in our one-way world,
One way, one day;
Have a wonderful day in our one-way world,
One way, one day;
One-way man, one-way mind, get along with mankind."

There's an old man on the floor so I summon my charm,
I say, "Hey stormband, has there been an alarm?"
He says "Here, there sellin' out eternal youth.
They all got afraid, 'cos I'm the living proof.
My name is Einstein, do you know time is a curve?"
I said, "Stop, old man! You've got a nerve!
'cos there's only one rule that I observe:
Time is money, and money I serve!"

Chorus..."

-ol' 2long

2long - I don't suppose the rental place would approve, would they? No harm though.

Okay SS, speaking of toughness, here's The Boss:

It's Saturday night
You're all dressed up in blue
I been watchin' you a while
Maybe you been watchin' me too

So somebody ran out
Left somebody's heart in a mess
Well, if you're lookin' for love
Honey, I'm tougher than the rest

Some girls they want a handsome Dan
Or some good lookin' Joe
On their arm
Some girls like a sweet-talkin' Romeo

Well, 'round here, baby
I learned you get what you can get
So if you're rough enough for love
Honey, I'm tougher than the rest

Yeah, the road is dark
And it's a thin, thin line
But I want you to know
I'll walk it for you anytime

Maybe your other boyfriends
Couldn't pass the test
Well, if you're rough and ready for love
Honey, I'm tougher than the rest

Well, it ain't no secret
I been around a time or two
Well, I don't know babe
Maybe you've been around too

Well, there's another dance
All you gotta do is say yes
And if you're rough and ready for love
Honey, I'm tougher than the rest

If you're rough enough for love
Baby, I'm tougher than the rest

W says "come on, it's time to go."
I had a nice post for you 2long, but just lost it - try to do it later on tonight, or tomorrow.

SS

Gray,
Do you feel like that yet?

SS

SS,

I am so glad you are here tonight. I just logged on because my DD (who is home for weekend) went to a hotel to swim with a little friend and his mom, and I see you posting.

I am growing SS, and in the direction I want to go in but tonight it's like I got hit with these huge waves of memories of past hurts by Dan. And I try to remember that he was hurting, and the hurts against me were just part of this journey of growth he is on and were not intentional.

And I try to find some proof that my love, and dreams of our families together were not in vain, and not a joke. And that the joke was not on me.

I prayed a long time tonight, for peace in my heart, and for God to lift me in his arms and tell me why all this stuff has been apart of my life. The losses seem so unfair sometimes.

I hear the ferry horn every half hour all night long, and sometimes I can "not hear it", but sometimes like tonight that ferry horn resounds in my soul like a knife, a reminder of pain forgotten, but not forgotten.

I don't want it to just be buried, I want it to be gone like it never was.

We create our own world, everything manifested in our life is created by us, in our minds. I know this and believe this with all my heart.

So why then do some of us manifest such pain?

For what purpose? To grow? To pay for past transgressions?

Thanks SS, like Gray I feel a little better just writing all this gibberish down here.

weaver, just the fool on the hill.

2long, things take time! Enjoy the moments and don't try to "read" them. In the immortal words of Aerosmith, "life is a journey, not a destination", as is love, the lifelong kind.

But I am so happy you are trying to really "hear" her, in the things she is saying to you which you now feel might have hurt her like the long trips she wanted and your telescope hobby. Yeah 2long!

Hi Weaver! You are quite relective and contemplative this evening.

Hi Faith!

I know, and it's not a good thing. LOL

How are you?

Faith,

It was a weird week at work this week. It seems that every where I turned someone was telling me that they had left their wife, or vice versa.

One of the inpectors wife left to have an affair, then came back and now she is pregnant with OM's baby. He has now gone on leave, so no one knows how he is.

And it just went on and on.

It's like we are living some some horrible, twisted, nightmare soap opera.

So how are you? I'd laugh but can't find any humour tonight. Maybe you can?????

Oh, yeah.

GC

Oh, yeah.

I'll have to think about that one.

SS

weaver, just the fool on the hill.

Hi Weaver,
I know we all feel like that sometimes. You can see from what Gray writes that he sometimes does.

I think the pain can be good for us........ in the end.

You have heard the quote "no pain, no gain."

It's how we learn.

I probably shouldn't tell this story, but I think I will.

I had a son that was so interrested in flame. He wanted to touch the burner on the gas range and we found him more than once climbing onto a chair that he pushed next to the stove.

I was worried about him learning to turn it on - thus far he had only tried it when we had something cooking, and we were almost always in the room but for going to the rest room, and short trips like that.

One evening I put a pot of water on to boil to make macroni and cheese. I left for a minute, and when I came back he was pushing the chair to the stove. I determined to let him touch the flame so that ( I hoped he would learn that it was painful but that I could intervene before he could really get hurt.) His fingers hovered near the flame, and finally he got the courage and plunged them in.

I grabbed him about the time he pulled his hand back. His little fingers were red, but not very bad at all. He cried a little bit, but he never again stuck his hand near the flame, and he never again pushed the chair near the stove. I permitted him to feel the flame to prevent possible future hurt that might have been much worse.

I have endured enough pain myself to know I don't like it. I am more cautious, but I still try new things.

God doesn't cause our pain, but he can turn it to good. I don't think he wants us to feel it at all, I am sure of it, but it is a by product of the world we live in.

This is the refiners fire, and we are being refined. I don't mean to make your feelings common, they are not. However, you are learning, and you are a better person now than even a year ago. You know you are.

We learn how to prevent being burned. I don't draw a direct correlation between what happened to you, and what happened to my son, but perhaps this pain will prevent some future pain for you. Perhaps you will be more careful, or perhaps it will even help your DD who may learn from the things you teach her. I don't know, but it CAN be turned to good.

I know sometimes God weeps when we do, because he knows how we feel, and he hurts that we hurt. Can you feel that sometimes?

I also know he can heal our hurt, and will over time as we get closer to him. I hope you can feel that too.

I speak of healing hurts from personal experiance. Time helps.

I have a friend by the name of Cathy. She is looking for some of the same things you are looking for. I think both of you will find peace. May it come soon.

SS

Faithful,
How are things going. Please, how they are really going, how you feel, and how you do from day to day. Are weekends worse?

SS

Graycloud,
I see the college guy is doing floors now instead of pulling down a high GPA.

What did you do in school to unwind?

SS

Hi Weaver, I have to find humor or I will die.

SS, yes in some ways weekends are worse and in some ways better. WH got me ticked off this evening but I think I was looking for an excuse. I sick, sick, sick of his A and all the crap that goes with it. Every day is extremely painful but then every day of my life is painful anyway. I went to a conference last weekend to meet up with my on line support group for my son's illness. I was so sad leaving these people because I knew my weekend of feeling "normal" was coming to an end. I would once again be different in this world. Hope that makes sense.

I guess I am a bit introspective too. I just chewed out the mom of my DD12's friend for leaving her alone at night. We have loved and cared for this child for years. She even lived with us for two weeks while her mom was in jail. I finally had it and told her mom that this child has to come first in her life. I told her to be the adult before it is too late for the girl. She is 13 and already getting into trouble.

GC, it was "Rocks Off."

LOL

.......I knew my weekend of feeling "normal" was coming to an end. I would once again be different in this world. Hope that makes sense.

Yes, it makes sense. But I don't know if I agree with you being different. Feeling different maybe.

Do you realize that you are not normal on MB. You are above average. How many of us in the world can experiance such pain, but still look out for the welfare of others, and give them help and support?

Take comfort in how you are reacting. It shows how far YOU have come. If you come out with the occasional LB, well, do better tomorrow.

Sleep well, get some rest. Tomorrow will be here soon enough.

SS

Kiwi - that's not so bad. "Torn and Frayed" would have worked also. But in the movie version, "Tumblin' Dice" will be playing.

SS, I played music, though in those days it was very private. I didn't play in front of others very often. I remember once, I was home alone playing some music. A guy I was hanging around with at the time busted in on me while I was singing. He tortured me as if he'd caught me doing something far more unsavory than singing a folk song.

SS, guess it's a little vague, isn't it? What's "tougness" anyway? It's easy for people to hurt my feelings, which doesn't seem so tough, does it? But I sanded and thought about it a while. I'm sticking with my original response.

Weaver... you work harder than I do to pardon the one who hurt you.

I've taken myself apart and put myself back together 500 times in the last 17 months. These days, I don't feel I have to give my transgressor any slack. It's not my job. The best way for me to view her is with defiance.

She told me I'm worthless, and it's a lie. That's my defiance.

Hardwood floors are... hard. Mine are only 80 years old, but they seem almost petrified.

GC

He tortured me as if he'd caught me doing something far more unsavory than singing a folk song.

I think that is called immaturity - I see it still in so many. Some days in myself - though I hate to admit it. Mine is not on that level - not so low.

You care about people, you are kind. Maybe that's one of the reasons this is still with you. You would never do what was done to you, and would fight to keep it from happening to someone else. It's worth fighting for.

Your mind (still) has a hard time accepting that anyone could do it, especially someone you loved, and were close to. I wonder if you (deep inside) are suffering from feeligs of "How could I love someone that could stoop this low, how could I have had such poor judgement."
That could be more in your heart than "How could she do this to me, am I that bad, do I mean so little."

I wonder - knowing a little about you if that is the more part of it. Think on it. Give credit where credit is due.

I've taken myself apart and put myself back together 500 times in the last 17 months.

One of these days when you put yourself back together, use Loctite #270.

Sweet dreams Graycloud.