Nice to see you smile, even if it is a computer smile.

Is it any cooler yet?

We have dropped down into the 80's and the nights are cool enough to open a window and leave the air off.
(Binder never had to run the air all night in his life.)

So you did everything all weekend, and no rest? I wish you got days off, on your days off. At least every once in a while.

Are you still wondering about a lot of things, or do you have it worked out in your mind by now?

SS

It cooled off and now is warming up again! October is a funny month for us. But the nights are cool now. Yes, I wish I had days off too but I would not trade my life for anyone else. My kids are so amazing. No, I am still trying to work things through and reconcile what has happened in my life. The book I am reading was recommended by Bramble Rose "Codependent No More" and it is really helping me personally. I still have that last shred of hope for my M but then I have moments when I wonder why. How are the date nights?

Date nights are going well. Last week was my night in charge. We went out to JB's to eat becasue it was close to the trail head. Then we unloaded our bikes, and rode a paved trail along the river until almost dark, and hurried back to the parking area just as it was getting dark. The nice thing about the river trail is that it's not steep - so it was an easy ride. We talked a lot as we went along. Said "hi" to the people we met. W said "we ought to come earlier and ride all these trails to see where they go." Other trails branch off and lead to parks, and so on.

I sometimes wonder if I ought to tell about happy times when so many are going through sad times. I think it can do some good though, and give hope. Our marriage wasn't always the best, and we have done well since I found MB in Jan of 02. We always wanted a good marriage, and we even worked on it sometimes, but the MB stuff gave us a plan, and I needed that.

I still want to post pics of our trip of two weeks ago. Two or three days with your spouse can do wonders for a relationship. Why do we always think we are too busy, or that there isn't enough money? Maybe we don't really think the D will ever come - with it's resulting income loss?

I'm not really asking you, just kind of thinking while I type.

I still think Dr Harley knows what he is talking about.

Understand, I don't know how you could have done yours differently. We learn, and we get better at things. I feel lucky to have a long term marriage, without having A problems between us. You have done well since you came here, and began the learning process. I have faith your dreams will come true someday too - if you keep doing this well.

Keep reading the books, but take days off every now an then, and do crazy fun stuff too.

SS

SS, I love your happy M posts. It gives my heart a boost to know that it can happen. It also gives my heart a boost to see so many good men on this board. Men that try so hard to recover their M's and care for their children.

I am going to start setting some money aside to try to take a vacation with my kids. Either next summer or spring break. We need it. I will have to persuade another adult to come along because DS's needs are too great. Plus I need company. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SLH,


I live very near there. I'm sure the airport he arrives at is across the road from my office. Anything I can do?

email me at mb11094@yahoo.com

-AD

Hey all,

Beautiful fall day here……I should be out grouse hunting or taking my bow out for a try at a moose….even the fly fishing would be good right now…….life is too short.

On that note…..a co-worker of mine died last month….one heck of a guy; always positive. He could have retired a few years ago with a full pension, but stayed around to help pay for his only child's education in the States. It’s more expensive to get a university degree on your side of the 49th.

So this happy go lucky chap gets diagnosed with liver and lung cancer early in the summer and by late August he’s dead. This was one guy that was so proud of his wife. He had met her after her first husband died in a traffic collision. He used to put up all sorts of pictures of her taken when they were on their annual “hot” vacation during the doldrums of winters up here. He sure loved her.

Well our agency went the extra yard to provide her with the resources she needed to cope with the loss in her life. She sent a long letter, distributed through our agencies intra-net, thanking many of the staff by name for their consideration during this time. She was touched.

Last night however, apparently still in the throes of her grief, she ran her car until the carbon monoxide overtook her. She could not live without her beloved Les, the second husband she had snatched away. Her son is flying back to bury his last remaining parent. He does not even have a sibling to share this pain with. I’m bummed.

Wow, Binder, that was sad. Even sadder when posted on a board like this, where folks are facing the fact that it was easy for their spouse to walk away.

The other day I was having a conversation with a female friend. I jokingly referred to a famous person as a "slut". She accused me of a double standard, even though I've never said woo-hoo for any guy with a varied and active sex life.

Anyway, we had this long debate about it tonight, and I'm not down because of that, but because of the opinions about me she's obviously developed.

She seems to think that I'm a prude and a scold who views every situation between men and women through the prism of what I've experienced. And regarding my own experience, she's recently said, "None of us know what really happened."

I don't want to accuse my friend of being a bad person. I'm nuts about her. But I've gotten to where I feel like it would be nice to just have a one-on-one with her about my own situation. I don't know if she'd be up for it. I think I'm gonna have her and her esposo over for dinner one of these days and try to get the air cleared. Man, she should know. She's seen lots of this firsthand, but seems to have forgotten.

Well here's to chaos. My house is a mess, and my roommate wants to start moving stuff in this weekend, which means a bunch of work for me. I have a pile of other stuff I need to get accomplished, and fast, and I have to work, sleep, eat, pay bills, etc.

My house restoration has kept my life out of balance for months. Man, you get up thinking you're going to get a window ready, and you end the day with the jambs stripped, but then you find a spot you have to repair with epoxy, and you have to wait until it's warm enough, and then you have band practice. And you need about six hours at the coffee shop so you can straighten out your budget. And it's getting cold, and everyone's howling about what natural gas is going to cost this year, and judging from what you paid last year, you're practically paralyzed with fear imagining this winter's gas bills, and you just want to shrink-wrap your house and move to San Diego. I bet I could get hired at Scripps.

But I bet the music scene there reeks. Not enough misery.

Anyway... see how the focus shifts, and is so hard to keep straight? Tom Waits:

When I’m lyin’ in my bed at night
I don’t wanna grow up
Nothin’ ever seems to turn out right
I don’t wanna grow up

How do you move in a world of fog
That’s always changing things
Makes me wish that I could be a dog

When I see the price that you pay
I don’t wanna grow up
I don’t ever wanna be that way
I don’t wanna grow up

Seems like folks turn into things
That they’d never want
The only thing to live for
Is today...

I’m gonna put a hole in my TV set
I don’t wanna grow up
Open up the medicine chest
And I don’t wanna grow up
I don’t wanna have to shout it out
I don’t want my hair to fall out
I don’t wanna be filled with doubt
I don’t wanna be a good boy scout
I don’t wanna have to learn to count
I don’t wanna have the biggest amount
I don’t wanna grow up

Well when I see my parents fight
I don’t wanna grow up
They all go out and drinking all night
And I don’t wanna grow up
I’d rather stay here in my room
Nothin’ out there but sad and gloom
I don’t wanna live in a big old tomb
On Grand Street

When I see the 5 o’clock news
I don’t wanna grow up
Comb their hair and shine their shoes
I don’t wanna grow up
Stay around in my old hometown
I don’t wanna put no money down
I don’t wanna get me a big old loan
Work them fingers to the bone
I don’t wanna float a broom
Fall in love and get married then boom
How the ****** did I get here so soon
I don’t wanna grow up

GC

I still don't understand why he!! is considered profane. I've heard it used as slang in sermons!

Though not recently.

I'm thinking about going to the Quaker church in my neighborhood.

GC

Gray - Come down and visit anytime, even for a few days. I think you would like the music scene here.

And the best part (for a guy) is all of the young, beautiful women running around.

Maybe so believer. I have a month of vacation, and after the refi I'm fixing to use a chunk. If I came down there, you wouldn't chicken out like you did with the last SoCal get-together, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

GC

Believer, I have to add - The Minutemen were from San Pedro, and Mike Watt still lives there. That's gotta count for something.

GC

Hey GC, if you come to So Cal B and I will help you enjoy the towns. Binder, so sorry about your co-worker and wife. I really feel for the kid. To be alone in the world and just beginning your adult life. How very, very sad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Blech. She's baaaaaack. Can't say this is unexpected.

She failed to officially give up her claim on the house as agreed upon. Two months I've waited for her to do it. My refi deadline came and went. She has now started spitting flames. She wants her money. Is threatening to drag me into court. But has not done her part of the bargain, a small, simple task. Thinks I'm dragging my feet, her attorney says. When all the while I've been watching interest rates creep up and waiting, waiting.

Anyway, I believe I've lost the ability to identify my emotions. When I got the call from my lawyer this morning, my heart jumped. It raced while I spoke with her. I don't know what this feeling is called. General anxiety I guess.

Now I'm being told to run like a rabbit. If she'd done her part this would have been finished weeks ago, all leisurely like. Now my lawyer says, "If she takes you to court, she'll be unsuccessful, but she can do it just to make you miserable."

How is it that I sit and try to figure out how I'm the bad guy? I still have nightmares from the guilt I feel over booting her out of my life. But no matter how I try, I can't see anything I've done that was cruel or selfish. For a year, my life often felt unbearable. But somehow I'm the one who can't sleep at night.

And I have 10^6 things to do at work, and pushing this crap over into its own little compartment is currently very, very hard.

GC

GC, sparrow is the cruel and selfish one. Now you have to pay higher interest because she could not hold up her end of the bargain. Sorry about having to talk to her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Oh, it's not her I talked to, it's my lawyer, who did say, "Can't you just email her or something?" to which I unfortunately have to respond that no, I can't.

Yes, my house will cost me more because of her.

GC

Oh good, I was afraid you had to speak to the sparrow! This gets me riled up! grrr...

GC, I'm so sorry.

gc:

"If she'd done her part this would have been finished weeks ago, all leisurely like. Now my lawyer says, "If she takes you to court, she'll be unsuccessful, but she can do it just to make you miserable.""

Ask your lawyer about the possibility of countersuing her for not holding up her end.

-Qfwfq

Graycloud,
I'm so sorry also.

The longer it goes, the more it will cost.

What do you think about it? What does your lawyer suggest your options are?

Counter suits (as 2long suggested) can work but they can cost as much as you get from them. If you could recover the cost of interrest over the projected life of the loan it might be worth it though.

What does your lawyer suggest?

AD, should we invite Graycloud out that same weekend?

SS