GC, you're sounding more despondant lately. Not overwhelmed, but tired, like you are encountering your spirit less and less these days. Do you find yourself again in your music?

Are you okay, really? Am I misreading?

Tonight I said I was sorry and tried to explain. She was transfixed. She really wanted to hear what I think about it all.

I am impressed that you bothered to apologize, and explain. Most folk wouldn't have. You are such a unique guy, GC.

Because which way you feel about where you are - glad because you chose it, or troubled because you're stuck with it - isn't determined by the chosen partner, by how attractive or generous or brilliant or wonderful he or she is, it's determined by YOU.


I'm curious about this quote. Do you feel it applicable in all situations, regardless of treatment by the OS, or just as a generic rule?

I've read of this so many times in so many books -- about our reality being our perception. And yes, it makes sense. But it is so bloody hard.

Forgiveness is always a good thing; I only wish I could learn to let go of so much of my resentment. Ti told me last weekend that I am angry and bitter. And he's right. Yet I cling to it, almost in an effort to keep from being hurt further. I use bitter sarcasm as a rampart from allowing myself to hope and be disappointed yet again.

How does one change?


slh

Faithful,

Pictures, Pictures!


slh

Evening all,

Glad to hear things are looking up on the house GC. Be nice to have that sense of stability and not have that distraction.

SLH…nice pic…wish I knew how to post one of my daughter…..she was looking pretty darn cute herself.

SS…Faithful…..wassup?

Weaver, good to “see” you around again.

Other welcome wanderers …… howzit?

Me…..I’ve got a telephone appt. with my lawyer tomorrow. STBXW (That’s right…. I’m not even friggin divorced yet!) wants to change our agreement. I get the kids Thurs PM til Tues AM one weekend and Sat AM to Mon AM the other. She wants to change it so she gets one Sat every 4 weeks. So instead of getting Sat AM til Mon AM I would get Sun AM til Mon AM in exchange the other two day weekend I would get them from Fri PM til Mon AM.

So what? Our agreement signed in the presence of and under the supervision of competent counsel is not binding? I just don’t get it! I have to mess with my schedule yet again to accommodate her or potentially spend thousands fighting this. She has not changed her lifestyle one iota for her children’s sake. She even had her father, who ran off with another woman when STBXW was a child, move in with her to “nanny” our children when they are staying with her. Apparently only seeing her son after school is still too much time with him. She has to work evenings at her job so she can still get her weekends off to go to OM’s city. Pathetic.

So I’m compiling potential arguments why this is a bad idea. I’m also coming up with a “fall-back” offer which I can present if my lawyer says that the potential to win this in family court is slight. Lovely just friggin lovely.

I hate this.

Geez, my head is spinning from reading that! Binder, I just don't get it. Why would some "man" come before her own children? I hope you win this point easily. I am doing ok. Just working through my own personal growth right now.

I hope the kids had a good Halloween.

Thanks Faithful. I hope you see yourself making progress towards your goal. I get far too self absorbed in my own issues at times and forget that we all have our struggles. I hope this finds you well.

The kids had a good Halloween. Looking forward to taking them to my son's hockey tournament this weekend in a mountain town west of here. I called the hotel and found out that my STBX hasn't booked a room with the rest of the team’s parents so I likely won't have to deal with her much.

Hey good people. So tired. Was an incredibly nice day - mid 60s in NOVEMBER is unbelievable. So took the afternoon off to get some important window painting done.

Binder, your STBXW's jive is whack.

GC

Wow, Binder. Am I reading this right? Your STBXW wants the "fun" of weekends with none of the hassle and work of a weekday (getting ready for school, homework, dinners, etc)? Ouch.

The judge will love this.

I'm sorry you have to go through this yet again. It must be hard on your little ones, too.

Often, kids can really tell when their parents would rather be doing other things than parenting. I hope she's not so transparent with your little ones.

Hopefully your STBXW won't compromise time with your kids this weekend.


slh

Actually SLH she does not get them any weekends as it stands……to be reviewed when my daughter reaches school age in a little less than 2 years. This way I can maintain my full time status at work with a 4 day a week /10 hours a day shift and still parent nearly 50 percent of the time. I do not need childcare, but it is busy as the moment I’m off work I parent save for every other Friday night she has the kids.

What I think is happening is that she’s realizing that her A is a dead end. OM is a married with kids physician in a town 300 km away. Going there every weekend was quite a thrill for a while I’m sure, but as we all know that does not last. They cannot move their children and thus it’s just a matter of time before this peters out and they are both left standing in the midst of their broken families and ruined reputations. She now wants one Sat. in four with the children and will give up a Friday night in four to do so.

My point is I had to take a new job with my agency to accommodate this new life thrust upon me. I used to have arguable the most exciting job our agency offered….now I work largely in an office doing mundane tasks to oblige this schedule. I have done everything possible to be the most available parent to my children.

She is a flight nurse for an air ambulance service where she met the OM. She maintained her sexy job so she could work 24 hour shifts, maintain a part time status and go to OM’s city on the weekends. As a highly qualified nurse she has all the opportunity in the world to work in any hospital here. We live in an area of nearly a million residents with many major Hospitals. If she wanted more time with the children she could work her weekends, be a full time nurse and have all her weekday evenings free with the children. She won’t change her life though; apparently I have to accommodate her. Is the change in schedule a major revision? Not really, but where does one draw the line in the sand? When she realizes her relationship with him is unsustainable will she wants to change the schedule wholesale?

I’ll let you know how it goes.

I see.

Where are you on this? Will you capitulate on this one issue? Or will you let her reap what she has sown?

You're right. . . where does one draw the line?

You've done so much, Binder.


slh

By the way, Binder, I like your new sig line.

Truly fitting.

I will get a sense from my lawyer as to where this may go given her experience. If she says it’s going to weigh in my favor given the signed agreement and my change of jobs etc. I’ll fight it. If she says it is a crap shoot I will give her negotiation options. I will accept this arrangement if she can get the removal of the clause that states the agreement will come up for review when my daughter reached school age…..heck I’ll give my lawyer a 2K bonus if she can arrange that as my STBX wants to go a week on/week off then…or .so she says. If I can keep my weekends with the kids in perpetuity I’ll do it!

Other option is to give her one Sat every 6 or 8 weeks and give me the Friday nights. That will allow me to take the children to the cabin nearly every weekend during the summers as opposed to every other now. Appt. is at 3:00.

What are everyone's plans for the weekend?

Binder, will you be spending the entire weekend at the hockey tournament?


slh

I have house work and leaf-raking. Need to go to the dump. I've been invited to play another solo gig on Saturday. On Sunday the band is meeting to assemble new materials for clubs.

The fixup that was supposed to happen last night didn't. The woman didn't show, was packing for a trip. Later, my friend said, "She might be too uptight for you." At least it's not like she stood me up. We've never even met.

I'm nervous about taking this solo gig. I'm not prepared, especially if they expect me to sing. If they'd given me a couple of weeks, I could pick some good covers, finish writing a thing or two, and practice. These things I'm getting hit with - "Can you play at my event tomorrow?" - not ready for it. Worried I'll fall on my face. Just one way to find out I guess...

GC

Gray,
When they ask you to do it "tomorrow" just laugh, and say "Im sure you must be kidding, it can take weeks to prepare for a gig."

You can say whatever you want, but I would hate to say yes on 24 hours notice.

Actually, I am asked to give presentations on survival, camping, and also slide shows on places I am considered to be an expert on. That's what I do when I am asked to to it "tomorrow" or "This coming Friday."

It's not that you would fall on your face, it's about time to get ready, and respect. When you respect someone, you don't call and expect them tomorrow. You check a month in advance or more.

Of course, if the had someone else in mind, and they got their hand smashed in a vise, then they need a sub.

We had Elvis scheduled for last week, but then he called and said he couldn't get another dishwasher to sub for him and he had to work his regular job.

SS

Hi SLH,
my plans are to entnertain AD when he comes by. He should be here early Sat morning, and we'll get up late, and go for a bike ride, then hike in Zion Park. Monday and Tues we go to the Grand Canyon. I'll take lots of Pics of AD, and if he gives permission, we'll post them for everyone to see.

Good to see the 2500 is gone. You scared me half to death.

SS

SS, have fun with AD! I am so jealous when MBers meet. I so loved meeting those in So Cal a while back.

SLH, my plan is to get my house cleaned up tonight and tomorrow morning for the nosy lady that works for W's trust. They want to make sure we are spending his money properly. My house is a disaster as usual.

SS, you sweetie. You always bring tears to my eyes with your kindness. And you know, it means so much that you look. I haven't posted the entire family link in some time, yet you take a few moments fidgeting with the address bar and look anyway. Thank you.

Ti flipped out when he discovered the $2500. He was showing our web page to a friend one day when he found it. I don't imagine he really thought I'd list him for sale when we discussed it.

I've since removed the offensive $2500 for sale sign, though the link to that page from the official "Horse For Sale" site hasn't been disabled yet. I'm waiting to see if we are going to get paid next week, and regularly thereafter. So far it looks good, especially in light of Ti's raise. (He also has another interview with another NASA contractor on Tuesday.)

I'll do it if I have to but you know I would hate to part with my boy. Not to mention what my girls would do. Did you see the 2nd page with 2 of my DDs and him? He is such a gem.

I am excited about this weekend. I am taking my DD10 to a church conference for girls her age. It shares how to build a firm foundation in God’s Truths regarding worth and healthy relationships before these girls are sent contradictory messages from our culture. Having had to deal with eating disorders and self-worth concerns of my own as a teen, I know the importance of addressing these issues now. This particular conference travels all over the US, so for Faithful or those lurkers with girls who may be interested in attending the seminar when they come through your area, I've included the generic link here. The link for the 3rd-6th graders is here, Yada Yada Jr.

My DD10 is already turning into a Tween. She's calling me the Queen of Fuss lately, LOL. So it begins. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Gray, unless you have to, why not ask them to wait? You have so much on your plate right now. I'm not trying to be a wet blanket, really. But SS was right on target about the Respect issue, barring any vised hands. We all know you're Superman but even he has his limits, yes? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

SS, your weekend with AD sounds wonderful. Do be sure and take lots of pics. (Have you ever considered publishing some of them? Your work is breathtaking.) You guys will have a blast.

FF, I am feeling indignant for you, though I know the nosy trust lady is probably a necessary evil because of a few bad people. I didn't realize there was a W trust, and someone whose job it was to snoop. That does sound like an aggravation! Do they come by often? Will it leave you any time for goofing off this weekend?

How are you, Hon? How are your babies?


slh

It is ok, SLH. She rubbed me the wrong way last time but I can handle it. They like to do this once a year and it was 1.5 years ago the last time. I think she wants to see the addition and Wyatt's sleeping arrangements. I just hate that my day has to be interrupted but oh well. Without the trust we would be in the poor house. It was a medical malpratice settlement.

Gee, it's been a long time since I was here. Hi, everyone. GC, seems like things are moving more or less in the right direction for you, nightmares aside.

Weaver!! Tell more about this man, puhlease!

SLH, I'm glad about the raise. Don't let them trap you with money, though. If the pay ain't regular, it can be a bazillion dollars a year and still not be enough.

Binder, sucks about the court and custody stuff. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with it all again.

Me? I'm well. I'm so in love with HoFS that I can't always breathe quite right. Other than that, life is pretty normal.

Me? I'm well. I'm so in love with HoFS that I can't always breathe quite right. Other than that, life is pretty normal.


[color:"red"] So wonderful to hear that, JJ!! [/color]