“It's all new to me and I find the whole idea just fascinating, and it brings such a sense of peace to know that this is what relationships do...and were not just crazy people when we fall in love with the right person. This is what is supposed to happen!”

Odd I run across this discussion right now. I have been pondering this in-love feeling stuff lately. Well, for months, actually.

I can honestly say no-one has ever had any such crazy in-love feeling towards me. I don’t think I am rewriting my marital history either. I just don’t believe any more that FWW really loved me from the beginning. I have come to believe my GF in college didn’t actually have those in-love feelings for me either. (She cheated too).

I have felt that in love craziness twice (see above) but now that I think about it, it has never been reciprocated.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a poor me post. Not at all. It’s a rather cold and analytical assessment, in fact. Just a thinking out loud.

I do have the trusting constant love of DS and my family. That feels very good. And FWW is starting to act love-is-a-verb towards me lately. So I am not without consolation.

But I do sometimes wonder what it would feel like to be loved that way.

Aph,
It's even better when you have the crazy feelings, AND the trust and faith that comes from living through he11 with each other - repairing, rebuilding, and finally knowing it will work. Maybe you can get there yet.

I can say that Harleys plan works, if there are not other problems (addictions, ongoing A's, or personality disorders.) I keep hoping for you and 2long.

There are some people that are broken, and that can't be fixed by mere mortals. I keep hoping you don't have one of THEM.

SS

Ap, this was what I emailed to J. I have never had a "holy relationship", meaning a relationship which brings good into the world and spreads God's love, as intimate relationships (marriage's) are meant to do, but I am not giving up and this time I am asking the Lord to walk with us every single step of the way...and if he is the man the think he is, he is as well (asking for help from the holy spirit).


From "Enchanted Love" -

"You and I both know that we have shadow sides. We have edges, my darling, and resistances to love. If we're unevolved about this, then we will hurt each other, we will only cause pain. These aspects of ourselves could ruin this relationship. Let's consider this, before we embark.

In fact, we were brought together for healing purposes. There will be something in your personality which is bound to trigger the un-healed parts of me, and I will trigger yours.

But we can see this relationship differently. Through the grace of God, it can become a healing environment rather than an emotional torture chamber. Then I think I can work on those parts of myself, and you can work on those parts of you. We can even grow beyond these things. I just need you to know that I am trying. Please share with me, but try not to attack or judge me for these wounds I carry. And I will try my best to do the same for you. Then holiness will be served here, and the relationship can deepen.

Forgive me, if you can, and I vow to try to forgive you."


Can the purpose of a relationship be to trigger our wounds? In a way, yes, because that is how healing happens; darkness must be exposed before it can be transformed. The purpose of an intimate relationsip is not that it be a place where we can hide from our weaknesses, but rather where we can safely let them go. It takes strength of character to truly delve into the mystery of an intimate relationship, because it takes the strength to endure a kind of psychic surgery, and emotional and psychological and even spiritual initiation into the higher Self. Only then can we know an enchantment that lasts.

We unconsciously seek the relationships that challenge us to deliver on our most soulful selves, as well as tempt us to fall into our most neurotic patterns. We must attend to the wound in order to heal it. That is the romantic Grail. It is what makes an intimate relationship so exciting, but also so difficult. Enchanted partnership begins with the conscious understanding, on the part of two people, that the purpose of their relationship is not so much material as spiritual, and the internal skills demanded by it are prodigious. High romance is not about past or future. It is not about practicality. It is not about society or worldly routines. It is an audacious ride to the center of what is, at the heart of every person. It is a bold and masterful inquiry into who two people really are and how we might become, while still on earth, the angels who reside within us.

Weaver,
I like what I am seeing in YOU, and the material you are giving us is pretty good too.

SS

Well, thinking back, I think I was crazy in love and so was she back then - 31 years ago. And likely for a few years after that.

I don't think she's irreparably broken either, but I do still sometimes wonder if I'll live long enough 2 find out for sure! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

But I'm not going 2 let it get me down. ...this morning, as I was saying goodbye, I leaned over my W's desk and kissed her goodbye. She said "You're silly." So I responded "I know." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'll wear that badge with honor!

-silly ol' 2long

Wow, good stuff Weaver.

Appy, it does feel good to have someone crazy in love with you but sometimes it gets in the way of truth. My stbx was never crazy in love with me but we had loads of fun early on in our R. I often feel I married the wrong person for the wrong reasons but yet I often have felt those in love feelings for him. I would rather have the deep, I know you and love you anyway feelings.

Genesis: "Snowbound" [not like it ever snows in LA!]

"Lay your body down upon the midnight snow,
Feel the cold of winter in your hair.
Here in a world of your own,
In a casing that's grown
To a childrens' delight
That arrived overnight.

And here they come to play their magic games,
Carving names upon your frozen hand.
Here in a world of your own,
Like a sleeper whose eyes
Sees the pain with surprise
As it smothers your cries
They'll never never know.

Hey there's a Snowman!
Hey, Hey what a Snowman!
Pray for the Snowman!
Ooh, Ooh what a Snowman!
They say a snow year's a good year
Filled with the love of all who lie so deep.

Smiling faces tear your body to the ground,
Covered red that only we can see.
Here in a ball that they made
From the snow on the ground.
See it rolling away.
Wild eyes to the sky.
They'll never, never know.

Hey there's a Snowman!
Hey what a Snowman!
Pray for the Snowman!
Ooh, Ooh what a Snowman!
They say a snow year's a good year
Filled with the love of all who lie so deep.

Hey there goes the Snowman!
Hey there what a Snowman!
Hey there lies the Snowman!
Hey he was a Snowman!
They say a snow year's a good year
Filled with the love of all who lie so deep."

-ol' 2long

I'm reading... all the time.

Another trip. Going to the West Coast. Not presenting much at AGU, just manning a poster for a few hours on Tuesday. The rest of the week I'll be browsing and rubbing elbows. And carousing a little, since most of my old friends from grad school will be there too. Like 2long said, "just to go" mainly. But hey, my bosses have been taking credit for my work for long enough.

I'll bookend the trip staying with my friends in Redwood City. They're sort of my best friends.

In one of the Boulder groups we work with, there's a girl. I've spoken on the phone with her once or twice, and now and then we swap a few emails, but I've never met her. One of my colleagues met her last year. She said this girl had asked about me. I mentioned AGU to her in an email yesterday, and a flurry of "see you there", "okay, see you there", "okay, see you there" emails followed. Delightful.

Maybe I'll play hooky one day and borrow my friend's car and go somewhere. I've tooled around Marin County quite a bit, and I've been to Napa once--I'll only go back if I've got a reservation at the French Laundry. I wonder what else I could do for a day trip...

Sorry I don't have anything else to write about. The dust of the last 1.5 years is just finally settling. And that whole business is still on my mind all the time.

I have had time to get that new amplifier though. She's a work of art. Hand made, right down to the speakers.

Here's a picture of one of her sisters:

http://www.massstreetmusic.com/catalog/images/01753-1.jpg

Nothing else to tell. I work, play music, swim, try to keep my house. Keeping it to just a few things for a while.

Jayne and the Giraffe will hold down the fort here on the High Ground.

GC

gc:

One thing my friends and I like 2 be sure and do during the week is hit the Magnolia Pub and Brewery in the Haight Ashbury district. Good beer. Good burgers and stuff.

Hey, you ought 2 see if you can hook up with JL while you're there. He goes. I met redhat, AMM and a few others while I was there last year, 2.

I'll go next time, I promise!

-ol' 2long

Oh.... I gotta stop speed reading. LOL!!! I clicked on your link and wonder....what?!??!!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Have fun in the bay area. If you can hook up with RH and JL that w/b fun. I lived in the bay area but never had the privilege of meeting JL. RH & I are buds. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> He's like my younger bro'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

2L, I am mad at you. You came to the bay area and I didn't get to meet you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

L.

{{GC}} So you are leaving town? Robby is headed your way! LOL I hope meeting up with this girl is a fun experience for you. Northern Cal is so beautiful. Have a good trip.

Well FF I guess I'll have to look up Robby on the minis. Thanks for telling me.

O, she might look a little wide, but you she can make your toes curl when you turn her on.

GC

Orchid:

You'd already left the area when I went last year. You called us during dinner, remember? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

GC, if you meet up with JL, give him a hug from me. And tell him no, I haven't heard from Tully. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Tell him I fell in love; he'll probably be delighted.

Come to think of it, I should e-mail Tully and tell him. He'll be delighted, too. (Tully was my boss a few years back, and he was JL's best man. Weird how that stuff works sometimes.)

Oh yea, I remember.....so now I not only need to stop speed reading, I may need a memory booster. LOL!!!!

So when r u 2 gonna come to the islands? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid:

I haven't had a reason 2 go 2 the islands in a number of years. About 10, ac2ally. Then, I night assisted a colleague on the IRTF a few nights. Had my family fly out 2 Kona at the end of that and met with them and spent a week driving around the island. It was fun.

-ol' 2long

If anybody knows how to reach JL without a callout, please forward him this message:

Hi JL. I'm going to be in SF all next week, and if you have any time I'd love to meet you.

THanks.

GC

If u r willing to put your addy out here, who knows..... if you post, he may answer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

I haven't traveled for work since just before everything started.

Weird. Nobody to call.

How is y'all? I am a total loner, but it's cool.

GC

Hey GC et al.

I'm still around......just been reading the last while, but I is good these days. The cold has finally hit here and a bit of snow too. I like it. Time for skating and hot chocolate with a splash of Baily's.
Don't get me wrong though, a trip to the coast and the temparate climes would be nice too! Hope you have a great time.