The girl who likes me gave me a tiny little Valentine. It was just the thing. She does know what she's doing.

Our gig went well. Doing a set of tunes you don't know feels a little like your very first gig. Screwups, nerves, etc. Had a good crowd for a weeknight. As the band after us got going, it started thinning out. My band had probably the peak audience. If our rhythm section had put more effort in, it would have been a little bit better set.

My female friend helped me load my stuff in my car, and charged a small toll. She wanted to come home with me, but I said no. She asked, "Is it okay that I asked?" I told her it was fine.

I gave her a goodnight kiss, said Happy Valentines' Day. She said, "Night sweety," and off she went. I still don't think she's the girl for me, but she sure is cool.

GC

Coolness counts.

I'm glad you enjoyed your gig.

... and charged a small toll. She wanted to come home with me, but I said no.

Good for you.

I gave her a goodnight kiss, said Happy Valentines' Day. She said, "Night sweety," and off she went. I still don't think she's the girl for me, but she sure is cool.

So much for your pose as a forever-loser no-girl-is-ever-going-to-look-at-me-again pose. You're sooooo busted!

Even if she's not "the girl for me."

I've been there. The right one is around somewhere, promise. But first you have the rest of your healing to do. And then, well, the right girl could be literally anyone. Including this one. But if she's not right now, then you're absolutely right in stopping at a good-night kiss.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My pose as a pose? Haw haw!

J, I think they call this sorta thing "the exception that proves the rule."

I was disappointed last night, actually. There was a group of girls, and one of them caught my eye. They danced during our set and howled when I bantered, but after we got off stage, they was gone! Maybe for the best, since my girl+friend was there and despite an explicit agreement that we aren't a couple, it might have made her feel bad if I'd been chatting up some other woman, and I doubt I'd have done it.

Tonight I had dinner with Jayne and the Giraffe and the Giraffe's mother. Lotsa fun. Their house (right here in the neighborhood) is impressive. I don't see why they prefer to stay here all the time! Geez, I wish they stayed over there now and then! My roommate is a great kid, but man, he's ALWAYS here.

GC

That's cool GC.....I talk a good story, but casual sex has never been my thing either...my friends look at me funny when I say that. Ah well....my soul...I'll do with it as I please.

Just got the "judgment" in the mail today… STBXWW has dropped all demand at changing the parenting arrangement and signed the forms she needed to…my D is final on Mar. 17. I will continue to get my children every weekend until my daughter reaches school age. Then we will “review” it as stated in the separation agreement. Maybe I’ll go for full custody…..I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Back to you GC. I think caution is the key. Too many people I know have left one relationship to rebound into another disasterous one….just cuz it’s a relationship and they are uncomfortable being single. Your reluctance to “glom” onto this woman bodes well for you me thinks. I have no doubt your attraction to the next love of your life will be a cautious and deliberate one. I wish you well in that regard.

It wouldn't have been casual for her, that is for sure, so I am proud of you too Gray, for being a man who would never play with anothers heart.

Actually there is no such thing as casual sex...there is nothing casual about it, although some would like to treat it that way.

Sex is a celebration of love, and it was meant to bind us in ways we can't even begin to understand...although lots try! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I love you Weaver! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I agree Weaver....but it's been so long I've forgotten many of the knots already.

When it is absolutely right, they slide out by themselves.

(((BINDER)))

weaver:

"Actually there is no such thing as casual sex...there is nothing casual about it, although some would like to treat it that way."

And those that would need a new term 2 describe it better than "casual".

I propose "causal".

As in "damage."

-ol' 2long

There are a few people I know who appear to treat sex casually. I always wonder about the damage to them. Yes, their souls, and their psyches and physical bodies, too.

The few times I had sex (when I was young and stupid) without a strong binding love, I was left feeling hollow and rotten, as if something awful had been planted in my soul. I think it happened twice. After the second time, I never did it again.

I suspect I still have much to learn about the possibilities of physical intimacy when the bindings between the people have been made unbreakable in other ways. (Divorce doesn't, in my view, break some of the bonds that are created between spouses. Some of them are never broken, no matter what happens. I think that's true, even, when one of them dies.)

What's scary about it, of course, is that when you create the space necessary to contain that level of positive emotions, you also run the risk of creating a space that can contain that same level of negative emotions. Scary, for sure.

Coming of age in the midst of the sexual revelution did a lot of damage to a lot of us on a personal level (I do think some good came from it though), and learning from my mistakes I want of course for my daughter to avoid them. Not going into my young teenage history too much here...and it didn't help that we got NO sex ed from our parents. I didn't even know what sex was the first time I had it, didn't have a clue what the guy was going to do...

Anyway Ark had posted this some time ago and I copied it as I thought it was very good for us who have children, as maybe a little helper for those discusions. I have them frequently with my daughter and have ever since she was old enough to be curious (five).

Ark, hope you don't mind -

"Sex outside of true commitment (for teens)

I have been involved in a lot teenage mentoring thru different youth groups in my time....
and have had many many discussions with teens about human sexuality as it exists within their lives....
relating both to the good and sinful part....

When discussing this in relationship to sin...I would never say the deed is the sin.....
that sex is bad....
sex is wonderful....yippeeee!!!!!!!!!!

but it's deeper than that...

the sex part is the easiest part of it all...
it's the other stuff... that's hard...
and teenagers are like affair partners...they do the easy feel good stuff without the ability to care for and nuture the other stuff...
and sometimes this using of eachother causes great damage..for they don't have resources to change this fact or go back and un-do damage...
they give up parts of themselves...

there in lies the sin in my opinion for they disregard the deeper needs of eachother...and meet only the feel good ones...

they disregard the need for true companionship
true ability to be there for someone 1000%

and in essence they sell themselves and the other person out....
teens can't logistically meet eachothers needs they lack the resources...
and it is only a reflection of what can be....

WS and OP take from eachother the act...without backing it up with the actions that human nature really craves....(realizing my paint brush is very very broad here)

Each physical contact no matter how good it feels... [Roll Eyes] leaves them emptier than they were ...

It can not nuture their soul...
it leaves to many empty spaces...

sex within a committed relationship proves nothing...and is never used to prove anything...it is only an extended celebration of the gift of sexuality...the ones that go on outside of the bedroom...

there is something very sad about the using and abusing this God given gift...

it truly is a weapon of proving something that can not be proven in the act alone...

It is a selfish attempt to feel good about what they are doing.....and it is a futile pursuit...

and it leaves them empty somewhere deep inside...some come to realize that...
some bury it deep...
and deny that...and keep filling that space with the easy part...hoping it will fullfil them and be enough...
but I don't think it is enough....
and in the end it's just really a sad way to connect with someone while professing to love them soooooo much... [Roll Eyes]

sexual contact within an affair...becomes everything that God's gift should not be..."

ARK Posts: 2568 | Registered: Sep 2001 | IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Icon 1 posted December 31, 2004 06:49 AM Profile for ForeverHers Edit/Delete Post Reply With Quote JMHO, Ark, but a pretty good post!

The difference between "to lie with," and "to know."

God bless.

That's really, really good.

I know J, I really liked it too.

Well I am breaking my "no dating for three months" rule. I re-joined eharmony today. I can't stand thinking about DW anymore so am taking my nephews advice that the best way to get over someone is to get right back out there.

So, wish me luck with no more heartaches on top.

Good luck weaver!

Went out with car4love this weekend. She's very well.

GC

GC, glad to hear car4love is well. I often worry for her having to have contact with those two selfish beings.

FF, I have to admit, I still think about them and find myself confused.

They were, by all appearances, okay people before. I can say lots of things about my ex that make her look bad, but both my ex and her AP were (mostly) decent and trustworthy.

And they probably are now, too. They've hurt people in the past. There are at least two people besides me and car4love and our "teams" who won't associate with my ex, and I don't entirely know why.

But before I digress any farther... my main point is, I don't expect my ex to ever make amends for what she's done, or be handicapped much by it. I think she'll carry on just fine, and never suffer much of a penalty, and still by all appearances, and by most of her actions, be an okay person. I actually believe these two have excused themselves for what they've done. I don't agree that their marriage is sure to fail. I have trouble seeing them as wicked schemers.

This dissonance between what ought to happen and what will happen is more than unfair. It's an illustration that there's no reason to expect justice, ever. The world just doesn't work that way. "Life is unfair" doesn't do it justice. It's a profound thing to know.

I try not to think about those two, but I can't help it. Last night I had my most common recurring dream. I meet my ex and unload a massive tirade on her. She snickers and scoffs. I slap her across the face. She slaps me back.

I don't suppose I've all the way accepted that "life is unfair", but I am trying.

GC

It is funny, GC. I always tell me DD that life is not fair and she cannot expect it to be. I want HER to be good and be accountable for her actions but she cannot expect everyone else in this world to be the same. No, I don't think sparrow will ever get it which is why I tempered my response to calling her and tinman "selfish" because truely that is what their actions were. I hope and pray they will at least be decent to car4love and her children now and into the future. You are a good man, GC which is why it is hard for you to deal IMHO with the injustice of the world.

Glad Car4love is well, was wondering about asking.

Sorry Graycloud is still up in the air. I hope this doesn't sound trite, but I wish I could help more.

Faithful, still thinking about you.

You too Weaver, you are doing better than ever as far as I can see, but please be careful with yourself.

SS

J,
It's hard to know what to say. I am so glad for the good in your life.

I wish it wasn't so complicated for you, but then, you have always been good at "complicated."

There is one avenue of help that is always open. I hope it works for you as well as it has for me.

SS