K,

the geeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz had nothing to do with "you". You are not a dumb whiner!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I wish I could come over and get some sence into your husbands head! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I don't have any 2x4's..........but I can tell you things from my experience. Our situations are different though. My husband never moved out and contact with OW ended right after d-d.

My husband still did a great ammount of lying but I'm sure I caught him everytime.
I confronted everytime!!!! This might not be alá Marriage Builders but it sure did it's deed!

I was doing a great Plan A but when I caught him lying to me, I confronted calmly but still I would set my boundary that there would be NO TRUST until Lying stopped and that I would snoop as long as I felt uncomfortable, if he liked it or not!!!!!
I know many will say that this is not Plan A but I sure did give him alot to think good about me!!! He was just feeling like a JA when I caught him with his lies. JA=Jack A$$ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

k; Why "must" your husband go with a crew today and tomorrow???? Is this his job??

Just one thing that I notice........your husband seems to be doing many things on his own. Is it possible for you to involve yourself together with him????
Think: Recreational Activities should be done together as much as possible.

Do you know someone that lives close to OW and that would observe her place abit????

BTW: what is a "motor pool" car????

take care
bb
If you wish, maybe you could email me privately. ok.

bb.....

I was just kidding about the geeeeezzzz...

Yes, working on the boat is part of WH's job. He is the crew supervisor, and "Sr. Master Diver". He works for the state government, and a pool car is one that the state owns, and employees check them out and use them for work related purposes.

When WH started moving back home, he said he wanted me to sing back up in his band. Has since stepped back on that one. (YES!!! I can sing - AND carry a tune <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

He said he wanted me to be involved in everything that he does. Well, that's the last I've heard of that.

One of the recreational things we do together is scuba diving. Two weeks ago - scuba diving - I managed to perforate my ear drum. With the following ear infection. Can't get back in the water until it heals.

We love boating, shooting our guns, camping, music, singing, scuba diving, and building things (our house, furniture, etc).

I started a new thread about my suspicions. I wish I could be more like you.....but I'm having a hard time overcoming years of a non-confrontational personality.

Which I think WH has used to his advantage many times.

K

K,

please don't "wish" to be me. I'm a "toughy" I'd say and I "cry" alot! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I couldn't and still can't keep my feelings "tucked deep inside"........boy do I wish I could at times.

One thing I do think that really helped our situation was when I fell into a "deep depression". I was close to suicide. Gosh, I really was and this really freaked my husband out. I didn't hold back my emotions and I would phone him when I was totally falling.
He's rush home just to be with me.

One time I even took too much of a "calming" medication and I freaked out completely. My gosh, my husband was soooooooooo busy with me a that time, I can't believe it.

The fact that he saw the "PAIN" I was going through must of "did it"!

During this time my husband was talking with a person that works with people with problems.

He explained to her the way I was behaving and on that special day, my condition was terrible. He told that person that I was telling him that I couldn't do this anymore and that I didn't want to live anymore.

He didn't take this serious and he thought that I was "playing". Anyways, this person looked at him totally shocked (because my husband was real Easy-going when he told her this)and she told him: GET THE HELL HOME WHERE YOU BELONG AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR WIFE!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??????

This really shook up my husband. Anyways, he was home within a short time and we got through with this.

I'm more than sure that "going through" with this "together" has made us stronger. It has given up a connection that will always have "very deep emotions". This is something we coped with "together".

So, K, I am happy that I showed my emotions, as bad as they were at times. I just made sure that my husband "knew" that I needed him and that "he" was important to me at this time.
I know that this made him strong too. Somehow it did something to him.

He felt that he could do something for me and that this was a way to "pay back" for what he did to me. Even though I was going through this just because his affair, he could of reacted differently and he could have ran but he didn't.

He became a "reliable MAN" again.

Hope this makes sence..............(I have a hard time expressing myself writting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

hugs
bb