And let me add this tid-bit to the whole discussion.

I know that the purpose of Plan B is to protect what love is left for the WS. I think that others have said "you will know" when it is time.

Well, about 2 weeks ago I begin to kinda have this cavalier sort of feeling about WS, not angry, more of "I'm think life would be more pleasant without her than with her" sort of feeling. (I posted about this).

It seems like this week my feelings for her have really taken on a downward spiral. I'm really having a hard time not wanting to say good-bye. If I think back on it, the incident with calling the cops last Saturday night seemed to really be the turning point for me. There was no reason for her to do that other than to try to totally destroy me. She was in no danger, there was no LB'ing going on, nothing, just the threat to call her parents. I think that this was a huge mistake on her part...

I can tell she's sensing that the tables are now turned. Thanks in part to SH's advice, I have been able to remain very calm this week and, even though she's expected me to BEG her come to bed, she's now able to tell that I don't WANT her back in bed. When you've been with someone 28 years, you know what's in their mind. Last night, she came in and ask if she could lay down and watch TV a few minutes (only TV in our house - we don't watch TV much at all). I said sure. After a few minutes, she took off her glasses and laid them on her nightstand, which is her last ritual prior to going to sleep. I made no comment, nothing...A few minutes later, she got up and said "I love you", kissed me, and left the room. I told her I love her, too.

It's been a week since she's had me stroke her hair in bed, clean her ears, sand her heels (with one of those foot "thingies", I foget what you call them), massage and lotion her feet, etc. All of which is an almost nightly ritual. (Odd, I never get any of those things.) I think she's beginning to regret wielding the "I'm not going to sleep with you weapon....). Yesterday, out of nowhere, she asked if I would like for her to trim my eyebrows and moustache. I said sure, and she did. Very, very rare she does that. She told me at dinner last night that I looked very well groomed, I told her I had a nice lady that took care of my looks. (Sometimes in the way distant past, me sitting on the side of the garden tub while she stood in front of me grooming me has led to trysts in the bathroom floor. A fond memory, indeed).

Along that subject, one of the last times we were intimate, right during the most passionate of moments,while she was looking down into my eyes (you figure the position), she just matter-of-factly said "you know I'm doing this because you need it and not because I want to". As we're all adults here, you can proably understand that this comment immediately ceased that activity.

So anyway, is what I'm experiencing the harbinger of Plan B? I know that the BT this week didn't help any, but that is NOT what has gotten me to this point. I'm having a hard time not feeling resentment.

Comments, please.

Georgia

Along that subject, one of the last times we were intimate, right during the most passionate of moments,while she was looking down into my eyes (you figure the position), she just matter-of-factly said "you know I'm doing this because you need it and not because I want to".

No... she did NOT say that !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

~~~~~~~~~~
OK... evil Pep speaking.... offer to scrape the dry dead skin off her heels... and while doing that say , "You know I am doing this because you need it and not because I want to"...
~~~~~~~~~~

Not really ... but MAN, that's a cold remark to say to her husband during intimacy!

Ok OK OK ... calm down Pep... this is a foggy woman....

Know why this hits me so hard?
SOME PEOPLE ... during a fight or arguement... give themselves permission to say the absolutely most hurtful thing possible... not good. BUT to give yourself permission to say something so horrible during SF ... well .... frosty the snowman is warmer than her heart at that moment.

Pep

Pep....

Since that remark, I have wondered if if wouldn't be extremely difficult for me to even respond to her right now. If I did, it would definitely be "sex", not making love. I think we've only been intimate once since then, and kinda ended in tragedy as well.

I don't know if all men are this way, but I know that for me, at the age of 48, I NEED the loving, kindness, and compassion that goes along BEFORE I'm ready. I think it will be very difficult to overcome those comments and return to "making love" anytime soon.

When I told her (later) how badly that hurt me, she just said "you can't take my honesty".

Sigh....

Good Morning, Mimi..

"I'm in and out on the weekends. I will be sitting at my desk at 9:00AM on Monday at least until 9:30."

Okay, if we don't "speak" before then, I'll see you at 9:00 AM Monday (EST, right?).

"I probably will respond before then though. To be honest, the PA has me brewing!!"

"Seems like you met up with a CLEAN-UP WOMAN!"

I don't get the impression she lives in the ghetto or is part of a thuggish crowd.

Thanks, Mimi....Let's include in our discussion my comments about potential Plan B. I'm concerned now about MYSELF going into Plan B with this BT in front of me as well. Next SH session is Tuesday.

Georgia

Well, thank-God it's not my Clean-Up Woman but she fits her Modus Operandi!!!!!! Now, you know like I do that they can live and work anywhere. A better name for them is SNAKE or SERPENT or whatever.....
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

More later.

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 06:08 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

GG,
Thanks for sharing your "temptation." I for one can say I'm appalled at the lack of professionalism shown by your MD's PA. I am in a very similar profession (nurse practitioner) and its hard to fathom someone like a PA taking advantage of you and your state of mind. Perhaps she was just trying to help but she most assuredly went about it in the wrong way. I know how hard it can be when someone is telling you all the right things, the things you need to hear, while WW blows fog (see, i'm learning).
As always, you and WW remain in my prayers.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So anyway, is what I'm experiencing the harbinger of Plan B? I know that the BT this week didn't help any, but that is NOT what has gotten me to this point. I'm having a hard time not feeling resentment.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, GG, I just don't get it. What is it with all this talk about "Plan B?"

Plan B will end your marriage or end the affair, but it will usually take a long time either way. It is a LAST RESORT method after you've done a stellar Plan A, usually for at least 6 months.

You began this journey 2 months ago and you're already talking seriously about Plan B? You have barely scratched the surface. Both Plan A and Plan B are designed to end and affair, but Plan A is also about making permanent changes in you.

Yes, I know, it perhaps sounds cruel and unfeeling, and I don't mean it that way. But you've only been trying Plan A for a short time. You are so close to the trees that you can't seem to see some of the positive responses that your wife has made. Let me tell you that her taking her glasses off, as you described, was a major gesture and a major clue as to what is beginning to go on in her mind.

But I also want you do what you are doing....not react emotionally. You are coming to grips with the fact that there was/is an affair and you beginning to reach that point that we all reach...a realization that though it might hurt like the dickens, you COULD survive without her if she chose to leave.

You already know that the OM's wife is NOT comfortable with the contact, so you KNOW that what you are hearing, including the cold statement during SF, is based in fog. She CAN'T respond the way you want her to while there is still and affair going on. It's going to hurt her to end the affair and she knows that too. So you continue in Plan A, continue to stand firm on there being no room for another person in any marriage, and continue with the counseling.

But put thoughts of Plan B on the back burner, to be resurrected only when she CHOOSES the OM over you. Anything short of that definitive choice and you keep working to end the affair through Plan A.

GG, the waiting and the uncertainty suck. No two ways about it. It is draining. Every day seems like a month. KNOW that is normal and know that you will get through it one day at a time. Keep looking down the road. Keep thinking about arriving at the destination, not the bumps in the road along the way. Slow down when you have to, speed up when you can.

Hang in there.

God bless.

FH -

"put thoughts of Plan B on the back burner, to be resurrected only when she CHOOSES the OM over you. Anything short of that definitive choice and you keep working to end the affair through Plan A."

I will have this very serious discussion with SH on Tuesday, but I disagree with you for a number of reasons.

1. WW has told me already that she feels as though her happiness lies with OM, not me. I am quite sure that the only reason she is with me is because of family and finances. In other words, she HAS chosen OM over me, she just can't logistically leave.

2. If I am not mistaken, Plan B is to salvage what love I have left for her. I'm not kidding when I say that she's using it up awfully quick these days. I think that the little gas pump light is lit indicating the bottom of the tank isn't far away.

I'm going to work on some more stuff to post from my notebook and come back. I want all the stuff I have to say on the table for the consideration / comments of all here. I'm anxious for SH inputs on Tuesday.

Georgia

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 07:32 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

Some thoughts that might bore you all to tears, but I have often felt that I express myself better by writing than verbally (plus, I can't talk to you over this forum!), and I need to get some things off my chest tonight. Probably not important to most of you, but maybe some will find it interesting. So, I'm going to take a license to ramble.

Ramble # 1:

For our 25th anniversary (8/2001), I spent months planning a surprise trip for W and I back to West Palm Beach, where we spent the first 5 years of our M and #1 son was born. W had no clue where we were going, and every event we did was a secret right until the time we did it.

We checked in at the ticket counter and I quickly told the agent that my W did not know where we were going, so please don't say it. I was able to keep the WPB destination a surprise until we were boarded.

In 2001, PT Cruisers were just out and we both thought they were cool. So, I had reserved us one for the weekend. The rental shuttle dropped us off right in front of it, and W was so excited that this was our car for the weekend.

I had reserved us a room at a small, European boutique-type hotel in Palm Beach (The Chesterfield). The staff found out it was our 25th anniversary and upgraded us to a suite for free (normally about $500/night). It was grand, and the whole staff called us by name every time they saw us. Complimentary fruit basket for our anniversary, etc.

That night we made passionate love. I was so tired, I showered and reclined on a love seat in one of the terry cloth robes that was left in our suite for each of us. I went to sleep, W came out and found me there. The way she managed to awake me I'll never forget.. One complete, sordid session in the love seat, to the showers, then to the bed. I think we were still going when the sun came up.

I took a close-up picture of the hotel logo (a red carnation) which was emblazoned on that robe, and I printed it and framed it. It is now in the curio cabinet in our bedroom.

Much of the next day was spent with a couple who is probably still our best friends. We met them within weeks of our marriage, and we have loved them so much over the years. We've watched (albeit from afar) our kids grow up. They have a daughter, now 21, who is a beautiful Christian young lady. That day we all decided that she would be our DIL (for #2 son) so that we could permanently bond our families together. She (the daughter) was excited because she was without a boyfriend and she knows all about our son (not bragging, of course). Now, all we had to do was figure out a way to convince our son to marry her. However, before we could make that happen, he met another young lady and, even though we kept telling him how special "B" was, he just wouldn't listen. That young lady he met is now our DIL (and he did an even better job than we would have done with the one we hand-picked). (Our friends daughter is still looking!).

We left our friends after an early dinner because I told them we had other plans for the evening.

Several weeks before the trip, I had found out who currently owned our former home (all 1,000 sq feet of it !). I had called the house and got the lady of the house, who didn't speak very good English. I introduced myself and asked if we could come by for a visit when we were in town. She politely, and firmly, said "No". Not one to give up easily, I sent them a nice greeting card, with my business card enclosed, and said that I understood their need for privacy and appreciated having taken the time to talk with me. About a week later, I got a call at work from the man, who told me they had done some checking with the neighbors, some of whom remembered us. He and his wife would be glad to have us come by.

So, imagine my W's surprise when we drove up to our old home and were greeted like we were part of the family. The couple had recently immigrated from the Dominican Republic and this was their first home. They met us in the yard and hugged us like they had known us forever.

I had snuck out some of our old pictures of W, myself , and our Schnauzer (Ginger) in that home in 1977 and had copies made before the trip. Most special was one of us (20 years old) standing on the front porch the day we moved in. I pulled those out and we all talked about them, then I gave them to our new friends. They allowed us to wonder all over the house. It was wonderful, the first time we had been in that house since 1981. Most special was standing in the room that was #1 sons nursery.

Memories came flooding back when we saw the huge Ficus tree in our back yard. I had a hammock under that tree at one time. One night, W and I argued about something, I don't remember what. I went out there and pouted in my hammock. W came out later, we kissed and made up. We make passionate love in the hammock under that tree, and both had mosquito bites all over our butts the next day.

Back at the hotel that night, we continued where we left off the night before.

The next day we attended our old church. The pastor had come to greet us when he saw that we we were visitors, and I told him why we were in town. He announced to the church who we were and why were there. Just so happens, they were having a picture made of the congregation that day for their new directory, so we are in it. Someday, someone will wonder why we, not members in over 20 years, are in the 2001 directory.

Then, back home. W had bought me a digital camera for our anniversary and I took over 200 pictures while on the trip. #1 son's fiancée (now wife) took those pictures and made them into a beautiful scrapbook, which we still keep on our coffee table. I don't know how she chose which pictures to include, but she prominently featured a picture of that love seat. W has accused me of telling her to include that one, but I didn't.

Recently, when WW was telling me about her 28 years of misery. I asked her about that trip, and asked her if she enjoyed it. She said that she wishes I wouldn't ask, because she knows it was special to me, but it meant nothing to her.

That broke my heart when she said that.

Ramble # 2:

About 6 months before our 25th anniversary , W and I were in an antique store and found a beautiful oak wash stand from the mid-19th century. We were told it was from upstate New York (no doubt some carpetbagger hauled it away from its rightful home). For weeks after we saw it, W was still talking about how beautiful it was, and was telling other folks about it. I called the store back and inquired, they still had it so I bought it and asked them to hold it. Then, I told W that I had called and asked about it, but it was sold. I didn't tell her it was sold to me.

When she came downstairs on the day of our anniversary and saw it sitting in our den with a big, red bow on it, I think she was the most excited she's ever been over a gift. Even though it was not real expensive (< $500), she has been more proud of it than any furniture we own.

Recently the finish begin to peel. I think the antique shop folks did a poor job of restoring it. She asked several moths ago if I would see what I could do with it.

So, the last 2 days I've spent most of the day in the garage, stripping, sanding, and refinishing. It is now more beautiful than ever, some of the richest oak grain I've ever seen. It is ready to reclaim it's spot in our dining room.

I bring this up because, if Plan B is indeed imminent, I wanted that piece right there so she will see it any time she walks in. It is to be my reminder to her of our 25 wonderful years together before it all went to hell in a hand basket 3 short years later.

Sorry to bore you all with this....

Georgia

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 06:42 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

Listen to me,
When your wife says "it didn't matter" "I didn't love you" etc. It is a lie. To attempt to cover up her guilt. I promise.

Mimi, this post is for you.

you posted November 24, 2004 10:15 AM
-------------------------------
"Having my own struggles this morning. Have any thoughts on my post at CONFLICT AVOIDERS.....????"

Do you know why I didn't see your post and respond for over 2 1/2 hours? Because that was when I was on the phone with the PA.

I know that this may seem trite, but it torments me to no end that the one time you have asked for my help with your struggles, I wasn't there because I was involved in this "thing" with the PA.

I also know that my waiting to respond to you was really insignificant and of no consequence, but it's just the principle of the thing.

It's like I'm at Step #1 of this temptation and already letting my friend down who has CONSISTENTLY been there for me.

Georgia

P.S. - I think I've now taken the lead in the "baring of the soul" category. Thanks for making me do the right thing (again).

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 07:29 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

TTSi -

Yea, I know what you're saying is right. But it sure is hard to take it, anyway, sometimes.

I think I probably need some sleep.

Thanks for your post, and thanks for your e-mail the other day. I appreciate your concern.

Georgia

Yes, it is hard to take. Very. I had to hear it all as well in the beginning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Get some sleep, you deserve it friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">FH -

"put thoughts of Plan B on the back burner, to be resurrected only when she CHOOSES the OM over you. Anything short of that definitive choice and you keep working to end the affair through Plan A."

I will have this very serious discussion with SH on Tuesday, but I disagree with you for a number of reasons.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, GG, so you've already decided to go to Plan B and all you want is someone to agree with you.

Are you ready for the outcome to be other than what you hope for?

God bless and comfort you no matter what happens.

Good Morning, Georgia;

I have a number of concerns about your sit, starting with your 11/26 post around 12 AM.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When she came out, she came over to me, told me goodnight, kissed me, and told me she loved me. Then she left. I gave her no reason to believe that I wanted her back in bed. And,you know, I'm not really sure I do at this point. I am beginning to think that if I have been that despicable, perhaps she doesn't need to be tortured every night by having to sleep in the same bed. So coach, I think I am beginning to put into practice your eloquently placed words.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does this sound like PLAN A? "I gave her no reason to believe I wanted her back in bed". IMHO, Steve Harley may have wanted you to use this as an occasion to discuss your pain. "She doesn't have to be tortured by sleeping in the same bed?". Buying into the viewpoint of a foggy brain? Sleeping with you is torture? She is supposed to be sleeping with you. This distancing is sick, not healthy on her part. In my view, given that she has a foggy brain, your not inviting her back justifies, in her mind, her talking to him every single night. You see, you don't really want her anyway, do you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that in her mind, life with OM would be a vacation </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry, don't buy this. Again, you are giving her credit for thinking clearly. She will learn that it's not a vacation but I don't think that she's thinking that now. It seemed that in this post you were analyzing her foggy brain too much. I know it's hard not to do but they don't really make sense.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YOU are under the spotlight here, too, in other words. And anything you do that is less than what you believe to be the best of yourself, your WS will seize on as "proof" of why are no longer the man for her. There is no room for forgiveness in a WS mind. It's not just all about her. It's actually all about you, too - unfair as that might </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LIR, IMHO, captures your need to be careful about going along with her not coming back to the bedroom.


Now to the CLEAN-UP WOMAN:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">got a PA who, to make a very long story very short (I can fill in detais if you want), told me how nice it was to meet a man trying so hard to help his W rather than just leaving her. Then, it was that she (PA) would like to meet me if this doesn't work out. Then, after about 2 hours of conversation, she offers (and I take) her cell # and pager number to call her whenever I need someone to talk to. She even suggested that my other needs probably aren't being met right now.

There's more...but suffice it to say...I'm tempted. She's articulate, open, and kind. I've not heard a female voice talking to me like that in a long, long time...and I loved it. Not something I'm really proud of....I know all the right answers, but this is it.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Read back over this with your analytical hat on. How can this person be viewed as kind? She commends you on your dedication to your family and then tries to steer you away from your wife who is supposedly her patient. Please do not allow this woman to treat your wife. She certainly does not have her best interests in mind. She used your wife's problems for her own benefit. What about her other patients when she was talking to you for 2 hrs. This is a narcissistic, opportunistic woman. She is dangerous and probably should be reported but I won't even go there. Please do not ever talk to her again. She took advantage of you for her own needs and interests. YUK! YUK! YUK! She is like THE CLEAN-UP WOMAN who started her relationship with my H this same way. Without too much detail, my FOW worked for a professional that we both used.

I just read LIR's comments. I agree with her whole-heartedly again. Read back over her post about this despicable PA.


I agree with FOREVER.... I couldn't have said this any better.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan B will end your marriage or end the affair, but it will usually take a long time either way. It is a LAST RESORT method after you've done a stellar Plan A, usually for at least 6 months.

You began this journey 2 months ago and you're already talking seriously about Plan B? You have barely scratched the surface. Both Plan A and Plan B are designed to end and affair, but Plan A is also about making permanent changes in you.

Yes, I know, it perhaps sounds cruel and unfeeling, and I don't mean it that way. But you've only been trying Plan A for a short time. You are so close to the trees that you can't seem to see some of the positive responses that your wife has made. Let me tell you that her taking her glasses off, as you described, was a major gesture and a major clue as to what is beginning to go on in her mind.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But put thoughts of Plan B on the back burner, to be resurrected only when she CHOOSES the OM over you. Anything short of that definitive choice and you keep working to end the affair through Plan A.

GG, the waiting and the uncertainty suck. No two ways about it. It is draining. Every day seems like a month. KNOW that is normal and know that you will get through it one day at a time. Keep looking down the road. Keep thinking about arriving at the destination, not the bumps in the road along the way. Slow down when you have to, speed up when you can.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where is the PLAN A KING? I had counseling with Steve Harley. I know he looks at each situation differently but I want to report that, with me, he was not a supporter of PLAN B. He, like Forever, indicated that it was the last resort. He even encouraged me to begin transitioning out of PLAN B, long before the folks on here thought that it was a good idea. It can mean an end to your marriage. Plus, in order to be effective with PLAN B, PLAN A has to be great.

What is your hang-up on the bedroom? I don't see why you don't invite her back in. I think she wants you to. I think she would consider that to be romantic. You have gained her respect and she is finding that attractive. I'm not even bothered by her comment about just wanting to please you. She mignt be expressing wild and crazy sexual thoughts that sometimes we ladies in MLC have. She might be turned on by just
wanting to satisfy your desires. We change during this time and believe me her body is probably wanting fulfillment. This is a plus you have over the OM who will not know those dance steps to SF and is not there able to execute.

Enough for now.

Get back up on that PLAN A HORSE, GEORGIA!!! Stay away from the CLEAN-UP WOMAN!!!!


I editing this, having read your post about all of your positive memories. I can best you on all of that. My FWH did the same stuff for me that you did for your wife. He was so much in love with me... and is again. We're planning a special trip for next week.

When he was in the fog, he tried to claim none of the events/experiences/ pleasant memories occurred. BELIEVE US: THE FOG IS REAL!!!!
. PLAN B is no easy way out of this. You have to unfortunately accep that this has happened. Because you have a R like I had and have, I have hopes for you. Don't blow this by giving up or giving in to the CLEAN-UP WOMAN. Get back on the horse!!!!

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Good Morning, Mimi:

Okay, I read your post early yesterday afternoon. Thought about it a lot. Decided to remount and realized that I had veered way off course.

After lunch (all 6), #2 S / DIL came over to the house to help us finish decorating the tree. WW enjoyed it, and I was careful to make it full of Plan A. After they left. WW and I sat down and talked.

I was careful to use SH’s script exactly (I keep re-reading my summary to remind myself). Talked about the pain being caused, told her that I was indeed convinced that our M could be better than ever, etc. Told her that I miss having her in bed and I think it important that we not allow that distance to grow between us, that this is detrimental to our R.

She was calm, kept a good attitude and clear head. She asked why she would want to be in bed with me after I had called her parents after she asked me not to. She said that she could tell that I felt no remorse for telling them (she’s right, I don’t), and that I hadn’t even apologized. Really put me on the spot...I wasn’t about to apologize for doing the right thing, but I didn’t know what to say. So I said that when we are in great pain, it is not always easy to know the right thing to do. She said that it was the wrong thing to do to tell her parents, that I have damaged her reputation forever.
Then she said that she didn’t want to come back to bed because our worst fights have been in the middle of the night and that she wants the freedom to do what she wants. Translation: now she is in her own bedroom, keeps the door locked, and can call OM till her heart’s content.

So...she has no interest in being back in bed with me because that limits her opportunity to call OM in the middle of the night.
MIMI - Please note that SH’s advice to try to stop this behavior was less restrictive than what you had advised pre-SH. He advised against trying to “control” this access, but to focus solely on how that causes me pain.
Conversation was discontinued for P.M. church (isn’t that a paradox?). Afterwards, back home she laid down next to me on the bed and asked if we could talk some more without arguing. I said I think so, and if either of us feels anger, we will agree to stop immediately.
We talked a long time, no LB at all. She told me that there are only 2 options, accept OM here or leave. I told her I thought that there were more options available, and I choose one of those. She said, “no...there’s only 2”. I told her that she would have to be the one to choose, that I was choosing another option, to work on our M.
We talked about our R, and I told her that I missed our “oneness”. She said that we are just as much one never as we’ve ever been. I told her that as long as there was a relationship with another man, and that relationship took precedence over our relationship, that we weren’t truly one. I told her that I missed sharing important things in my life with her, and that I was having struggles that I longed to share with her for her help and support.
Still haven’t decided if I did the right thing here (?). She kept pressing me for what kind of struggles I was having...was it work?, was it porn? was it another relationship?????
So, I just told her. I had been approached by a woman who gave me her cell number and told me to call her anytime. I told her that I struggled with wanting to do that because I miss the closeness of our relationship, and I miss being appreciated and loved. She pressed really hard to find out who..but I didn’t tell her. She suspects (and ASSUMES) it’s a work related thing, I did not correct her or confirm this. I reached over and got my Bible and showed her the marker at Proverbs 7 and told her that I read this chapter numerous times a day (which I do) to remind myself of the wiles of the harlot (Mimi – please read this chapter if you’re not familiar). I told her that at this time, with my needs not being met, that this was a particularly strong temptation for me, and I was struggling a lot with it. She said that normally she was just....well, take care of my needs but if she did so right now she would feel used. I told her that my main temptation was for the R, not SF.
She talked coherently about how she knew that this would happen to me as I had condemned her R with her “friend” (argh . they should strike that word from the English language). No anger, no LB. She told me that she appreciated me telling her, that I need to share with her my struggles, etc.

We again, talked about the pain I was experiencing (surely, she is tired of hearing me say that by now). She said was tired and sleepy, and was ready to go to bed. I asked if she would stay in our bed, she replied “NO!”.
So, to bed we went. About 15 minutes later, I picked up the phone. You got it....talking to OM. I calmly said that committing infidelity in our home hurt me greatly and told OM that he was willingly taking part in “disrespecting” my home by continuing this.

I got up and got dressed (don’t know yet where I thought I was going), but WW showed up. Anger (in me) was building and I knew I needed to get out or a major LB was brewing. I said some very unkind, non-Plan A things to her. I told her...

Update....WW just called to tell me all about her Godly love for OM and how I need to pray to understand it al...ARGH...............

I’ve got a brief meeting with my colleagues, be with you (I hope) shortly.

Georgia

<small>[ November 29, 2004, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

Okay, to wrap up my thoughts (which are now scattered).

We argued pretty agressively. I told her that for me to open my heart to her and advise her of the strongest temptation that I've ever faced, and then for her to turn around, walk upstairs, and call OM was the coldest, cruelest thing she's ever done. I told her it surpassed looking into my face while straddling me and making that non-famous comment. And,just to make sure I made a total jerk of myself, I used language that I haven't used since I was a teenager.

So, yes, my Plan A horse this time was on a carousel that made one revolution and then stopped.

Sigh...again. I apologized to her (when she just called) for my angry outbursts. Told her that anger is never right, I'm sorry. She said that this shows her the man that I really am, not the one I've pretended to be for 28 years.

Enough for now on that.

<small>[ November 29, 2004, 08:15 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

GG,
Your strength and love for WW is amazing. If it were me, I'd probably do something totally wrong like disconnect the phone &/or cell and down grade the internet access so she couldn't communicate without getting up and going to a pay phone.

GG,
Your strength and love for WW is amazing. If it were me, I'd probably do something totally wrong like disconnect the phone &/or cell and down grade the internet access so she couldn't communicate without getting up and going to a pay phone.