GG-
thinking of you today.
Hope you are hanging in there.

GG, If you think you wife may have something to do with the internet problems....maybe you should call the cell company to shut down your cell coverage for awhile. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Just a thought.

Good Afternoon, WOF -

Nice to hear your pleasant voice...well, you know what I mean. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I'm hanging in there all right, but kinda bored really. But it beats going home and hearing about OM, or watching WW sit there and talk to him.

I'm about to leave and go the gym (again), then dinner. May change my name to "Buff Guy" instead of Georgia Guy is this keeps up !! (Seriously, that would take years).

Tomorrow should be a little better, drive to Atlanta for the night in a nice hotel, fly to TX and back on Saturday. Home late Saturday night and I'm going to church with one of the boys Sunday (they've both invited me).

BTW - They both had asked how they should respond to Mom right now. Following SH's advice, I told them that they should do whatever they feel right doing. Both have decided to "boycott" Mom, not returning her phone calls and haven't talked to her. #2S said they wanted to help her see what life would be like if she chooses to go to OM. I'm not so sure I agree with this, but it is there decision, not mine. What do you think?

They both call every day and check on me. The Lexapro must be a real life saver becasue I'm still actually not anxious about this whole thing. Normally I think I would have been.

ILF - I don't really think I wish to play those games, even though it is very tempting at times !!

Good evening to you both, assuming no internet access from home tonight.

Georgia

they should do whatever they feel right doing

I think this is exactly right.
Many times I said these same words during my ordeal, and I have never regretted them. Cousins, siblings, friends, church elders, and even my #1son wanted to say certain things, or do certain things, and my response was always "Do what you feel lead to do - I don't want to tell you what to do or not do, because then it would be me trying to control the situation. Do what your heart tells you to do, and then if he gets angry you will be able to say, with confidence that I did not put you up to it, you are doing what you want to do"

I think your sons are on the right track here.

In some ways, that is even more heart breaking - to see the boys lose their close relationship with the other parent.

Keep up with the workouts.Sounds like a good thing for you.

It is funny - I had my annual check up the other day and my doctor said "are you still taking Lexapro?" and for a minute I had to think about what on earth she was talking about. I couldn't remember what it was for. it has been about a year since I have taken it! It was certainly a God send for me. Didn't make me "happy" just helped me to cope with each day. One word of caution - do not quit taking them cold turkey. I forgot to take them with me once, when I went on a 4 day cruise. I was having such a good time I figured it was no big deal, I clearly didn't need them. By day 2 I was getting very weepy - for no apparant reason. I was with friends, having fun, every reason to be happy, but I felt on the verge of tears all the time. Once I got home, I started the meds again and I was fine again. when I finally decided to quit taking them I slowly tapered off,and that time went much better.

A quick update for you - I have been waiting to share my news with you, but it sounds like you are in good spirits right now, so please allow me to brag for a second. I am getting married! the diamond is beautiful, the man is awesome, my boys are happy, and I am blessed beyond belief. God walked with me through the firey furnace in the past couple of years. At one point I remember that I quit saying "please Lord, bring him back" and instead I prayed "Lord, show me what you are teaching me today. Help me to learn, whatever it is you would have me learn" It was NOT an instant healing for me. And I thank God for it. An instant healing would not have brought me where I am today.

When my WxH first left I was talking to a friend, who had been through this same thing, and he said "it is hell - the worst thing you will ever go through - but when you get to the other side you will be in an amazing place. If I had it to do all over again, in order to get to where I am today, I would do it."

I don't know that I would choose to do it all over again - certainly I would not chose that for my boys - but I would not want to give up the growth I have achieved. The maturity, the compassion for others, the closeness with God. I would not give up these things. If you have to go through the furnace to get to this place, then so be it.
Some will go through that furnace and end up on the other side with their WS. I still pray that for you. Others will end up on the other side without their WS. But either way, our prayer should be that we would be stronger on the other side.

Good Evening, WOF –

Thanks for your comments on the boys actions. In truth, it hurts me much to hear that the boys aren’t communicating with their Mom, but I’m staying totally out of it and not commenting. I appreciate your affirmation on this. I still worry about WW, I’m not beyond thinking she could be suicidal. However, I did get word that she talked to her Mom (my MIL) Tuesday night and had a much calmer demeanor. I hear she said that “Georgia” gave me this letter, now I don’t know what we’re doing about Christmas, if we’ll be there to visit, etc”. I’m not sure if the full implications have really sunk in yet.

An interesting note. I had been piling my dirty clothes in the upstairs closet, not about to put them in the hamper for her to launder. I was going to do it myself. Tonight, the dirty clothes are gone, have been washed, and hanging in my “new” closet. Miracles never cease.

The workouts are definitely good for me, helps me feel much better. I’ve been working out for about 1 year and have lost now about 27 pounds. Need to lose about 10 more, and I feel much better already. Plus, I get to see familiar people from church (gym at church) while I’m there, so it is a little bit of “home”.

Thanks for the Lexapro warning. I have been warned about the cold turkey stuff, thanks. It is hard to tell how much of an effect they are having, but I am at peace and calm about the whole thing. Plus…I’m sleeping really, really good for the first time in ages. Not waking up to find WW on the phone with OM is a real blessing. Plus, the blood pressure med has a possible side effect of drowsiness and I’m taking it at night. Never thought that I would be on AD’s (that’s just for “weak folks”, you know). Oh well…..

Please don’t think me rude for not asking for an update, I was just afraid I’d ask the wrong question and hit a nerve. That is great, I’ve wondered if you were engaged. Congratulations on finding the man who will treat you the way a Christian woman should be treated. I know that you deserve the blessing you’ll receive.

I already understand much of the “walking thru the fire” analogy. When this whole mess started, I thought I would never be able to get through it I felt so rejected and abandoned by someone I had trusted so completely. I suppose all of us BS’s go through the same stages. I was at first shocked, then hurt, then angry, then anxious…Well, the stage I’m at now if “content”. The ball is VERY FIRMLY in WW’s court, I have a clean conscious that I have done all I could do. I have regrets, and there were times I had to go back and apologize to her for my anger even when she had done such hurtful things. Those things never made my anger right, and I can say that I have tried to make every LB right if I sinned.

If this M isn’t healed can I go on? Yes, I can. I can say that God can bring someone else into my life if that is His will and I can face them without guilt. Do I want this M to be healed? Yes, if…..and a big if…..it is healed with the respect a Christian marriage demands, not just to be healed for the sake of appearance. That is another whole subject, I suppose.

Anyway, I am very happy for you. Thanks for sharing you joy with me, a fellow believer.

Georgia

WOW, Georgia:

I've been trying to digest all of the information on your thread. A lot can happen in a few days!!

Funny thing happened. I struck up a convo with an Iranian gentleman during my vacation. No kidding! I couldn't help but think if it was the OM. However, I wasn't traveling in Canada.

Georgia, you sound great, certainly better than I was in the beginning of my PLAN B. Maybe it's because she is nearby and you can really tell that she is suffering. That's a good sign. She has to hit her bottom.

My only concern for you is the financial issue. I would suggest separate bank accounts with you giving her a fair share to put in her own account. Or you can do like I did. I let my FWH keep our mutual account which I kept direct access to. I took money out of it and put what I needed in a separate account for myself. He would hate it when he saw that I withdrew money but had no way to contact me about this. Of course, he was obligated to pay me alimony and child support.

Her mind is being influenced totally by him now. You can't be sure if he is not after money. You have to protect yourself. This was a warning to me from Steve Harley and I noticed that you did not get a chance to talk with him about finances.

As for me, we really had a great time! It's hard coming back to the real world. If you have the time, I would appreciate you checking out my post today on the Recovery Board under the thread which I started there last week. I would welcome your comments and perspective. How's that for AFFIRMATION which is what the thread is all about <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

Welcome back, Mimi....

I'll write more later, maybe at lunch. Also, I'll check out your thread and comment.

Glad you had a good time on your trip.

Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about the financial stuff lately. All accounts I have (401K's, etc) she has access to. During "better" times, I would update a spreadsheet once a quarter with acct. #'s, balances, and passwords so that if anything happened to me, she could easily find our money. She could probably wipe me out in 5 minutes or less with that info.

I may contact a lawyer early next week and see how best to proceed.

More later...

Georgia

Georgia:

See a lawyer ASAP. I thought you had done that. Again, this was recommended to me by Steve.

Later....

Mimi..

I've posted to your other thread.

Georgia

Mimi & all -

Other than the one comment from Tuesday night, I don't really know what is going on in WW's life / mind right now. Again, she didn't get home until about midnight last night. I suspect that she is staying out with the friends that WE used to hang out with. I've not talked to them, I'm kinda wondering what stories they're hearing about what's happened to me.

I miss the companionship of WW, but I'm really kind of enjoying this "break" right now. It's wonderful not waking up in the middle of the night, realizing that my wife has gotten out of bed while I slept to talk to OM on the phone. I'm sure she is still doing it, but I'm not a party to it anymore. She had complained that she had no "freedom", well, now she does. Does she see this as a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know.

This has been a huge stress reliever for me. It may seem odd, but I don't know how much of my attitude is due to the Lexapro, and how much is just the place I am in this relationship right now. I'm not panicing like I might expect. Remember the day that she called and told me not to come home (about a month ago)? You were there for me and walked me through that deep valley and TOLD me to go home and that I WOULD NOT leave my home. Well, that day I was near a panic attack. Seems so foreign to me now.

Thanks for taking the time to post, I hope my response on your other thread helps in some small way. And yes...I get some AFFIRMATION just by you asking me to give you my comments (sad, isn't it?).

Georgia

An update to all -

I got back from TX late last night, still beat WW home (where the heck is she staying out to until past 11:00 every night?).

The boys told me that she called both of them and left voice mail that she knew we had all made a pact to just ignore her and that their dad is trying to ruin her. #1 S e-mailed her and told her he just didn't feel like hearing anymore of her story right now. #2S answered his cell and found that it was her with her # blocked. They talked for a moment and he asked WW if she was still talking to OM. WW said it didn't matter what she was doing, it only mattered what their dad is doing. (I don't know what that means either).

Anyway, we're kinda settling into a routine. I haven't actually seen her since Monday night when I gave her the letter. She's called and left me voice mails on my phone, I delete them without listening.

Thanks for reading my posts...It would be nice to hear from some of you.

Georgia

<small>[ December 12, 2004, 02:08 PM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

Hi Georgia:

I will have more time to post to you tomorrow.

I would welcome your feedback regarding my newest thread on IN RECOVERY.

Later...

Thanks so much.

Evening, Mimi...

I was apparently responding to your other thread at the same time you were posting. Anyway, already a post over there for you.

Both boys have talked to their mom briefly, and both say it hasn't really hit her that this is serious. She started telling #1 S what a positive influence she is in OM's life, etc. Says they need to pray for their Dad (Me).

Both boys and their wives met with our associate pastor this afternoon to let him know what is going on. Told him I've counseled with SH. He said he didn't have any other advice, sounded like I was doing the right thing. Non-commital about whether or not they will confront WW with this. Right now my only contact with that church is use of the gym, I'm attending services elsewhere.

Look forward to your post tomorrow. I hope mine on the other thread is of some use to you.

Georgia

Good Morning, Georgia:

I really appreciate your post to me last night. It was heartfelt. Your caring words mean a lot to me.

I'm really doing fine! I was in a funk yesterday morning. "What a Difference a Day Makes"!! I was focusing on the negative when in reality much good has happened over the past couple of weeks.

I relate to you so well because I am guilty of what you tend to do. I want to avoid all conflict. I want it all to magically go away. I want everything to be tied up into a big pretty package. I have to face the truth that I have been pointing out to you. Life does not work that way. I need to remember to treasure the value of no longer living in denial. I need to value accepting and recognizing the truth. However, in being human, we do want to run away from all of this from time to time. You are so right! THE RACE IS NOT OVER!! However, I'm like your friend. I get tired of being strong. She must be around my age! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

THE GOOD NEWS about this strong person, MIMI. My FWH is really making a clear effort to take care of me now. He shows his love and adoration of me. He is so affectionate. It is really wonderful, like a dream come true!!! I am happy and grateful and tell him so, giving him lots of hugs and kisses.

Also, I have taken your advice and it has been working!! I have been using my wifely influence on the H/YS issues with my FWH. Just baby steps like asking him to buy YS a sub sandwich yesterday and then YS saying thank-you to him (ADMIRATION) when he received it. This simple act meant boatloads to both of them.

My problem is wanting it to be fixed right away.
I will dialog with you more about this on the other thread. ON TO YOU!!!!

I'm concerned about the information all of the information that you are receiving about your WW from your sons. I found it less painful during PLAN B to know nothing about what he was doing or saying. Also, it is important for you to remain dark with her. It is likely that the Ss are also communicating to her about you. I would try to cut off this communication, only talking to them about her when absolutely necessary.

Also, as you can tell from my sitch, this will negatively affect their relationship with her. I'm feeling like some others have said that you may need to have a more neutral intermediary than your sons. My OS, who was not privy to the details of the A, is doing so much better than any of us. He is a good resource for all of us now. It's like he is an untainted remnant of our family. My H, YS and I like to talk to him. He kind of reminds of the good times. Does this make sense? I regret that I involved my YS so much in what was going on with me but I guess I had no other choice.

I continue to strongly encourage you to see a lawyer ASAP. There's no telling what your WW is cooking up at this point.

Thanks again for your help and support. It means more than you seem to know.

Good Morning, Mimi...

Your advice, as usual, is well received. I do indeed need to curtail this communication through the boys. I will discuss this with them, I had thought they were holding up well, but last night when #1S called he told me this is hurting him a lot. He has asked me to come have dinner with him tomorrow night, which I look forward to. I will try to avoid the Mom subject.

He and I can discuss so much on an intellectual level, it is great having a son that is such a friend. Last week, I watched a reenactment of a debate between Hamilton - Jefferson that he loaned me and then we had a LONG discussion on the merits of each view as relate to todays federal government. I need those type mental exercises sometimes, and so does he. DIL isn't into that sort of thing, so he and I enjoy those discussions. (S is working on Masters in Public Administration, so he is into govt. & political issues).

On the lawyer stuff, I am going to work on setting that up today during lunch. I know I'm past due on this. I've checked accounts and all money is still there, but I don't want to see it exported to Canada any time soon.

The struggle I briefly related on your thread is a real one for me. I'm being guarded about talking about it right now. There has been nothing physical, but I have formed a friendship that has made my Plan B easier but may be to my detriment in the long run. If I were outside looking in it would be easier for me to evaluate my actions than being right in the middle of it.

Anyway, enough of that for now.

Georgia

YOU ARE BEING WHACKED OVER THE HEAD!!!!!! You absolutely cannot be said to be in PLAN B if you are having an outside friendship. That outside friendship can be defined as an EA.

STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!

I will be back later.

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 10:24 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

ditto!

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 08:12 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

GEORGIA!! GEORGIA!!!

Have you been abducted by an alien??? I don't think you are on crack YET. However, you are clearly in danger, Georgia!!!

Do you want to recover your marriage, Georgia? It's your choice. However, if you do, you will now need to protect yourself from alien, evil forces. Put a shield around yourself, Georgia.

I think it will be helpful for you to tell us ALL ABOUT THIS!!! The secretive nature of this makes all the more dangerous. If you need to change your name on here, you can. Just let me in on some sort of sign about who you are.

GEORGIA, STOP THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

Mimi.....

This is really tearing me up. I need to talk to someone, but I don't want to splatter it everywhere.

That's the reason I've mentioned only to you when I knew you were there.

I trust you.

Georgia

Mimi-

Let me know when you're there, I'll tell you where to look to continue this post.

Georgia

<small>[ December 13, 2004, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>