Good Work!!

I really,really understand how difficult it is!! I used to call myself a PLAN B failure. For heaven's sake, I had SF with my FWH during my PLAN B-in his office, BTW. Very X-rated. Let's just say I understand about that hug in the hallway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . I fessed up here. With folks' encouragement I GOT BACK UP ON THE HORSE. Don't follow my example now that I have confessed. She may offer this. It set us back a few weeks because I relieved him of his pain.

STAY STRONG!!!!

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Man...I wasn't expecting that. (Blush)

If we're in confessing mode, you hit me right when on the other thread you told me that it would soon turn into a PA and that "I wanted it and had thought about it" (paraphrase). Obviously, you were right about that. Couple that with the airplane invitation, and those thing scare me and tempt me all at the same time (make sense?). In 28 years of M, I've never done anything like that, I don't want now to head down that path. I know this isn't the convo you started, I digress.

But...I do appreciate the warning of what may happen. I noticed that on my nightstand (in OUR bedroom), there is a package with a bow on it. I didn't look to see what it is. I do need to guard myself carefully or she'll lull me right back into that room.

Thanks -

Georgia

Mimi....talking about bad timing.

I just posted the other, my desk phone rang. I've been screening all my calls, but I'm trying to catch the lawyer so I answered.

It was WW. She said, "I have a gift card from xxx. Would you like to come to dinner with me?"

I said "no thank you" and hung up.

What am I going to do to avoid this kind of thing?

Georgia

I stopped answering my office phone. Everyone got the VOICE MAIL and I called back. Same with my cell phone.

I don't have SAA and it's not in our local library
You haven't read Surviving An Affair and you hav enot counseled with Harleys (or anyone using MB Principles) and you are doing Plan B?You did send a Plan B letter after having it reviewed here, correct?

Hi Chris:

How are you?

Calm down. He's in counseling with Steve Harley.

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 12:56 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 01:11 PM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

Georgia:

I'm not sure what you are talking about. If you are confused, disregard my last post.

Okay, forget that part.

I just got off the phone with the lawyer. He gave me some specific advice short of legal separation. I'll not go into details right now, I've got a meeting in 5 minutes.

I think I'll stay here in my office tonight and work on his immediate suggestions to protect my largest assests. (401K's).

Thanks for your help. More later.

Georgia

<small>[ December 16, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

INCREDIBLE !!

I just received this e-mail from #1S:

"I've heard a rumor that you might be heading this way on Saturday. If you do, (#1 DIL) said for you to bring your laundry when you come. Also make sure you bring a basket to put it in when it's clean. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

~#1S"

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT?

Georgia

Aha!! Have you told them about this site?

Me thinks there is a lurker...not a bad thing! If DIL is lurking, she can see first hand the pain and the LENGTHS you are going to, to SAVE your M.

If she is not lurking, then perhaps there is a little bird telling her, or she's been calling hte psychic friends hotline...

Hum....an interesting thought.

Okay, if either #1S or #1DIL is reading this, call me right now on the secret phone !!!

Dad

To the Batcave Robin!

You know, I thought of the Bat Phone, but I wasn't going to say it !!

No calls yet.

Georgia (aka "Dad")

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Georgia Guy:
I can, indeed, tell that she has snooped when she's been in my room. I have paperwork laying on my desk for a background check to go to YDC, and I could tell that she had been through it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wonder what reaction you would get if you left your lawyers card laying around! She might just see that you are serious!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just a thought.

ILF & others -

You know, that's an idea that I might kinda like!!

I'm all packed to be gone from home for 3 days. I talked to #1S last night, the laundry comment came from our conversation over dinner Wednesday night when I told him of comments here that I should start doing my own laundry. No lurking involved.

On the financial front, I worked on accounts last night and have secured all my large (retirement -401K) accounts. Household stuff is still problematic (including equity line on house), but I will need legal separation to protect that. Something I think I should start to consider with more seriousness.

Georgia

I would recommend that we stop the thoughts about leaving stuff around for her to see.

Plan B is about being DARK, protecting yourself from her, trying to go on without her, trying to learn to live your life as if she does not even exist. Hard but necessary. That's what seems to be making your AT HOME PLAN B difficult.

You're doing great on the LAUNDRY issue. What about the lock on your room while you are gone this weekend? Remember. No need to clue her in about where you are...

Good Morning, Mimi -

Enough said on the laying around stuff.

I bought the lock yesterday & accidentally left it in my car when I got home. She saw me come in when I got home, and she would have seen me again if I had gone back to the car, so I didn't install it. I think I will run home at lunch today and install it while she's at school.

She will know nothing about this weekend, I'll not be back home until Sunday night. I've packed the laundry and got it in my car. I've reserved a room at a hotel on the coast, going to do some hiking tomorrow at a forest and some photography. I'm looking forward to a good workout at the hotel followed by breakfast and hiking.

Do you want to comment on the idea of a legal separation? This is something SH asked me to explore (what that is in GA), but I've gone no further than briefly discuss it with the lawyer yesterday.

Georgia

Hi Georgia:

In helping you with your mindset, my FWH and 2OAK (a FWH on Recovery Board), have noted the importance of thinking that their BS was moving on with their lives. That's the value of PLAN B. I've learned that my FWH thought that I would be sitting around waiting for him until he tested out whether or not the OW was what he wanted. I was his insurance policy. YUK!! In the end, I was his life raft from her. During PLAN B, when she was all that he had, he began to suffer. That's the point here. Her life has to mainly consist of those phone calls with him or she has to learn what it would be like to live with him. YUK!!!

My experience with the legal stuff.... Steve Harley recommended legal separation for me. Of course, in order to keep me hanging on, FWH did not want a legal separation. However, I had to do this for my protection. With FWH, being totally with the OW, she had access to my life savings, etc. Plus, have to keep in mind that your WW is totally under his influence during PLAN B.

I had a bad experience with one lawyer who tried to rip me off and would have landed me in divorce court, wanted me to sue my FWH, wanted a percentage of all our assets, etc. I got away from him.

I found an ethical lawyer who understood the need to keep things simple. I wanted to keep the door open for reconciliation but wanted protection. I would recommend that you find such a person. Lawyers can be sleazy.

It seems that your problem is getting her to leave the house. In my state, living apart is necessary and we've already settled that it is not you that is going to move out. Maybe you can agree to find her someplace to live. This is what the guy did in the book, SURVIVING AN AFFAIR, that we have required as a reading assignment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Also, you probably have to think about whether to give her any money. I would think that she needs to make it on her own salary from the school. Since she is not involved in a PA, I don't think you can legally consider her adulterous. This is a lawyer question.

BTW, proceed with the lock over lunchtime. Otherwise, she will be in the room over the weekend "laying things around'.

<small>[ December 17, 2004, 09:20 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Mimi -

I am beginning to have a better and better grasp on Plan B, I think. Yes, I do understand that it is me learning to live my life without WW. Part of what I am doing tomorrow is what I, if alone, would choose to do on my weekend. This is what I like.

I think that she keeps expecting me to just fall apart and come back...and it's not happening that way. She's taking to the "DOMESTIC TRANQUILITY" theme to try to lure me. When I get home now, there is always a fire in the fireplace, Christmas tree lit, soft music, and clean house. Previously, I was the one who had to do ALL those things for her. It is comforting, but not tempting me to throw in the towel. The letter made it clear what it will take, and there was no mention of "just being a better wife".

The lawyer that I called was recommended by one of my church staff, of course still no guarantee but better than just picking out of the phone book. Now that I've gotten her off the retirement stuff, I'm less concerned. WW + OM could still get enough to live on for probably a year together, but wouldn't bankrupt me.

I've got to read the SAA example, need to order it today. On the financial front, I think I would have to get a court order to remove her from the home. In her present situation, why would she agree to leave our nice home for an apartment or lesser home? Remember, this was our dream home, professionally decorated and the whole thing. Her monthly pay is about 1/2 of the house payment. My pay is 13X hers. Not much incentive for her to move right now with OM being unemployed and 3K miles away.

I did ask the lawyer about legal adultery. It would have to involve actual intercourse. However, if she went to live with OM, the court would likely assume this had occurred and no alimony would be awared (in case of divorce).

I've blown it on the lock issue right now. I forgot school is out starting today, she will not be going to work. This will have to wait until I get back.

Thanks for staying in touch.

Georgia