Good Morning, Mimi...

I have considered that she could be here, but I don't see where that would really be a tragic issue for me. I'd RATHER her not read the things I've written, mainly because I would lose the feeling that I could post openly and honestly here without her constant scrutiny.

It is indeed amazing how far the delusion of the EA can go. As far as I can tell, WW still considers me, #1S, #1DIL, #2S, #2DIL, my parents, and her parents ALL WRONG because we just don't understand. She is still in the right.

Anyway, I'm truly looking forward to getting away for the weekend. Looks like the weather going to be perfect for the mountains. Batteries in the camera are all charged, bags in the trunk, and I'm ready to leave town as soon as I leave work.

BTW - The laundry thing is working out great. I think my mom really appreciates doing my laundry. I think she wants me to be 18 again, so she feels like she's helping me (which she is). She's 77, but still in great health. I'm (again) having lunch there today. I've got to not let her fatten me up. I weighed at the gym again yesterday and I'm still up a couple of pounds.

Maybe some hiking in the mountains this weekend will help.

Georgia

If/when you remind WW about the terms of Plan B I would stick with the NC issue first, talking with SH can come later...but most important right now...NC with OM.

Have you talked with OMW lately? It may be time to check in, let her know what is happening there, how WW's family is NOT supporting her, maybe that will get passed along to OM and he'll feel guilty and back away...doubtful, but maybe...

<small>[ January 07, 2005, 08:26 AM: Message edited by: StillHereMakingIt ]</small>

Hi, SHMI.

No, I've not talked to OMW again. I don't know if she knows what is going on or not. I had assumed that I would call her if this thing gets to the next level (meaning legal separation or filing). Also, I would want to talk to her before OM's school ends in May, which is also when WW ends her school year meaning that both OM and WW would be at home with nothing to do. This is, IMO, when WW is most likely to flee the country in pursuit of happiness.

Georgia

I have never ceased to be amazed by all of this!

Have a great weekend hiking in the mountains!

Thanks, Mimi...

You have a good weekend with FWH. The latest forecast for where I'm going is now calling for 80% chance of rain (it was 20% last night when I checked), so I may do some mud hiking. (I'm beginning to sound like a redneck...I'll be buying me a big ol' truck with those big tires if this keeps up). Hum...maybe that's what I need, a cultural epiphany. Start listening to country music 'bout how my woman done me wrong. Trade the poodle for a beagle.

All right, back to work.

Have a good weekend.

SC Redneck (Name change for the weekend only)

GG,

Thank God you still have your sense of humor!

This just might trigger all sorts of red neck jokes!!!!

Hi, CSue -

Actually, the only time recently that I've really struggled was after the trip to Charleston. I've decided that I will not go back there for a while again, too depressing right now.

I'm surprised I haven't already incurred more comments about being a Georgian than I have. Probably most folks don't realize that I like to kid around a bit, I think it helps with the sometimes stressful environment in which I work.

When we moved here from South Florida (I am a native Floridian), it was a real severe cultural shock. I've grown to love it here (people are so kind and courteous - I love the history of the area), but I do feel out of place at times being able to speak English w/o the drawl most locals have.

Anyway, I've never been accused of being a redneck.

SC Redneck

Good Evening to all -

G.G. has returned from the mountains and is no longer S.C. Redneck.

The mountains were beautful. Some 3K+ foot peaks and great scenery, lots of waterfalls where I went. The weather was excellent.

This morning I went to a small church that dates back to the mid-1800's. The building was beautiful and I was glad I got up and went to church.

I got home tonight about 9:30 P.M. WW met me in the foyer with a mug (MY mug) of coffee (she must have been planning this, she had no idea when I'd be home). She said "would you like a cup of freshly brewed coffee?". It smelled wonderful, but I just said "no thanks" and went upstairs. I didn't really even want to get into the NC thing tonight. She is really, really trying hard to get to my heart w/o making any changes in her OM relationship. Actually, it is hard. I would have LOVED to have taken the coffee, sat down with her and told her all about my weekend. But...I know that would have been the downfall of Plan B, she'd be right back on the phone withOM within hours, etc. So, no coffee for GG.

Georgia

<small>[ January 10, 2005, 06:55 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

WOW! You are doing so great. My FWH loves to fix me coffee. I would have had a hard time passing that up.

I think you should feel encouraged if you can hang in there. She is certainly missing you.

REALLY Glad you are no longer a redneck!

Hi, again, Mimi...

I'm really trying to get some of these extracurricular activities going to occupy my evenings. That will be helpful to keep me busy and less focused on what's going on at home with WW.

Yep...I'm out of redneck mode now. Ended up only raining on the way up Friday night, none the rest of the weekend. I stopped at a grocery store when I got there and bought supplies to make salads and such to be take with me in the mountains. I had packed a small cooler that I could carry, and had lunch Saturday at a 3,200 foot peak overlooking the Blue Ridge Mountains. That was really, really nice.

Anyway, I'm back to reality and no longer a redneck.

Georgia

Okay, now I'm EXCITED!!

For many, many years I've wanted to get into pottery as a hobby. I have finally been able to get registered in a class that starts tomorrow night !! This is great, I can hardly wait.

On the WW front. When I got home tonight, WW met me at the door (again). She had a list of questions to ask pertaining to home and bills and stuff. She was so nervous she was almost hyperventilating. Told me she had spaghetti on the stove if I wanted some for dinner, and asked if I'd like to watch "24" with her tonight, to which I replied "no thanks" to both.

I'm having a hard time starting this conversation about NC again. Maybe it's my "conflict avoider", but I'd just rather polilitely say "no" than start an argument with her.

I called my SS teacher tonight as I decided I needed to let him know what's going on and where I've been. He was still at the hospital (he and his W are both physicians), but I talked to W quite a while (I know her well also, she's in the class too). She was really shocked and asked if I thought WW would be receptive to talking to her. I repeated the SH advice that they should just do whatever they feel like is the right thing for them, I have no advice to offer along those lines. She said she and H would pray about it and decide what, if anything, they should do. WW is still attending the SS class.

I must say that tonight while I was listening to WW read her list of questions, I looked at her for the first time since Plan B. She looks awful. It really, really hurts me to see her. Her eyes have black bags under them and seem sunken back in her head. She looks likes she's aged years since I last saw her. I know this is taking a real toll on her.

One of the more STUPID questions she asked me. She said her car is dirty and wanted to know if I would wash it or if she should take it somewhere and pay someone (her words) to wash it for her. I know this isn't the issue (OM is), but since when can a 48 y.o. woman who works 4 hours a day not muster enough strength to wash her own car? I've gotta admit that just hit me wrong. I just said "it's up to you". With all the stuff going on...possibility of divorce after 28 years of marriage, loss of her own family, etc....the hot issue to ask me in her one minute of communication is who is going to wash her T-Bird FOR HER. Argh.....

Okay, enough before I get a bad attitude (as if it's not too late)....

Georgia

GG:

Wow, a T-BIRD!?

I think you need 2 muster up your courage 2 reiterate NC and talk 2 SH sooner rather than later.

CA is a deadly affliction. Take it from me. I am so tired of my stuckedness that I make myself sick, sometimes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Particularly while in plan B, and 2bly particularly while it's WORKING so WELL.

Your W does NOT want a DV. She wants you... ...NOW. Be firm, not waffly (she's probably getting vibes that you're about 2 cave, you think? Else, why would she keep asking you 2 spend time with her when you always say "no"?).

Gawd, I wish she'd wake up.

-ol' 2long

Hi 2Long -

There is no question she doesn't want a divorce. She wants me AND OM. She wants desperately to spend time with me...but not at the cost of loss of OM.

I don't think she senses I'm about to cave, because I'm not. I think she's sensing that she has pushed the buggy so far it's about to tip over the cliff and she's totally lost control. She sees her future and it's a lot worse than just trying to figure out who's going to wash her car.

That's my assessment.

Georgia

Good Morning to all -

Things are getting more and more intense at home. I worked until 3:00 AM at home this morning on work projects as I'm so far behind getting ready for a meeting with my boss tomorrow when he arrives from LA. So, I slept in this morning and started to leave home about 8:30 AM.

WW met me at the door to my room and blocked my way out. She said something like we can't go on this way as we're killing each other. I told her that she wasn't killing me, because just like I said in the letter I was going on with my life and planning my life without her. I asked her if she is still in touch with OM, and she didn't answer for a long time. Then she said that she can't ever leave him, that he's the best friend she's ever had. I told her we really had nothing to talk about, that she would have to write him a letter telling him that she never wanted to talk to him again before we could work on our relationship. She said she would never do that, so I told her there was nothing for us to talk about.

Then she said that her B (my BIL) told her that she shouldn't call SH as we should see a MC that neither of us had ever seen before. I told her that no matter what BIL said, SH is the only counselor I will be talking to.

She said that she had been in a lot of pain recently and that she might have to have more surgery (had an ovary removed about 4 years ago). I don't know what this is about, but I told her I was sorry to hear that and then I left.

So...that is where that stands. Unfortunately, I do not feel encouraged at all by this encounter. I feel manipulated and used. She continues to want nothing but a continuation of the same thing, and now that she can't have it I think she is panicking.

Lexapro, anyone?

Georgia

<small>[ January 11, 2005, 08:42 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

Hi Georgia:

From my perspective, I think you really did well. You got your points across again about what she needs to do- NC with OM and session with SH.

Also, I don't feel like you need to be discouraged. She has really considered talking to SH given that she' talked to her brother about it.

She used to be able to manipulate you. Now you are standing your ground and are demanding respect from her. GOOD FOR YOU, GEORGIA!!!!

This is the new you that has come out of this. I have noticed you getting stronger and stronger.

The surgery stuff sounds like her last ditch effort and that didn't even work for her!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

JUST HANG IN THERE!! IT'S GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN!!!

GA,

Mimi is right...it is going according to plan. She wants you. She is in withdrawal from you. The pain you are "causing" her is from denying her cake eating ways. Good for you!!

Georgia, she is close. Everything I read here on what you have posted, she is close to everything blowing up in her face. She is trying to have you both because she doesnt want to face the pain of losing one of you. But face the pain she MUST!! And that is why you need to go COMPLETELY DARK!!

Mimi had this problem for awhile in her Plan B. She waffled for a little while. ANY interaction with you feeds her some cake, even if it is an argument. Even if it is asking you to do somethign for her. She got something out of that interaction, even though I think you handled yourself beautifully.

Here is my suggestion. Make several copies of Plan B letter folded up in your pocket. Any face-to-face meetings that might happen (which shouldnt because you should make sure you stay away from her) should be met with you reaching in your pocket and handing her a copy...and then walking away. No talking, no explanations...NOTHING!!

Georgia, the end of OM is now assured. Please believe that! But, now that you have "won" you need to stay in your foxhole until her hands are raised in surrender. Until she does, until she agrees to the terms of surrender, then you are still at "war."

Before you walk outside of your house, look out the window and see if she is out there. if she is, go out the back door. Park your car down the street so it will look like you arent home. Dont answerthe door when she knocks, nor the phone when she calls.

I AM the Plan B Czar. I love Plan B!! It is where all BSs take control of the situation and when the WS gets theirs, if you know what I mean. it is also where the fairytale ends for OP and WS. And it is where you will best find your wife again, instead of this alien-possessed woman.

Plan B, no contact. You have done well. Please do not extend your pain, nor hers, any longer than is required. You do that by going dark now. I dont want to hear about one more instance where you have talked to her. She may try to contact you, and you should post that here to help you decifer it. But do not interact with her.

You are close. Do not blow it now!! I believe in my heart that you are the next success story on this board.

In His arms.

Thanks, Mimi -

I kinda needed some words of encouragement this morning. She's becoming more and more direct with her confrontations, and it's beginning to cause some anxiety in me.

I feel like I'm able to handle these little skirmishes with her really well right now, but afterwards I get really anxious and nervous. During this past few conversations, I think I've been able to related clearly and concisely without anger or too much anxiety showing through. That has been my goal, confidence and resolve.

I really felt that when she said that we're killing each other. I don't know where that came from, but I sincerely mean that I AM planning my life without her, if that's the way it is to be. Her actions WERE killing me, but not any more.

Thanks for your kind words, I needed that this morning.

Georgia

She is saying that it is killing the two of you because the light is now hurting her eyes in the fog. She is coming around.

Stop all contact. That will stop your pain, and increase hers. Which is what the doctor ordered here.

In His arms.

MM's POST had me LOL!!

He is making me recall exactly what I had to do for awhile to duck my FWH when he was getting close.

GET OUT YOUR CAPE AND YOUR MASK!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY TO MM!! He certainly paved the way for me.

Good Morning, Mortarman -

Thank you for the encouraging words. I like your idea about the letter. I think I'll carry a spare copy or two with me and do just as you say. She is beginning to get much more direct in her approach, and I don't want to get sucked into discussions / arguments / etc.

I know you're the Plan B czar, but I still question if this isn't going to drive her to join OM. As far as I know, he is the only real comfort and support that she has right now. And, as I understand Plan B, that is often the result of a well-orchestrated Plan B. Do you concur?

Again, thanks for the encouragement. I'll post updates if and when there are any.

Georgia