ah, one of my favorite advisors, JL - I always enjoy reading what you post to folks. Not sure if you remember me from the old days or not... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My H said he is miserable (and I am too). He threatens to leave & divorce me and I just now say "ok". You can only hear that so many times before it no longers matters.

This is followed by him slamming doors, yelling at kids, and telling us how he will now have nothing, have to live in a tiny ugly apartment and have no one. We had one of these 'rounds' right before Christmas, in fact.

Each time he does this, part of me is furious that he drags the kids into it and I feel like we are being...I don't know..emotionally blackmailed..and then I start thinking of him being alone without us..in an apartment by himself & I start to cry because it's just so sad. Anyways, we are just existing until someone officially files, I guess. Am tired of fighting.

GG - yes, my DD was a NASA Aerospace high school scholar and spent a week at the Johnson Space Center this past summer. Her dream is to be a flight director at NASA - she wants to be the next Gene Krantz. She sat in his old chair at 'historic mission' control and they about had to pry her out so she would let someone else have a turn. She's told me I will have to learn to sew those vests like Gene had. Yeah, right, I'll hire it done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I'm so proud of her - she's been accepted to Embry-Riddle, Trinity, and UTD so far and is interviewing with Vanderbilt next month. I never knew the college hunt would be so much work!

GG - thanks for your kind words! Maybe you can talk to your sons about what they think about timing since they know how Mom is being lately and can help you come up with best game plan from a timing perspective?

Regards,

YR

YR -

Embry-Riddle is a good school <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (Nuff' said).

My thread is big enough to share, welcome. I must ask if your H is a believer? I mean a real, bonafide, not in name only believer?

Quite a paradox that you are being persecuted for your sins (which I'm sure you know you are forgiven for, right?) by a H who can't forgive. Is this what you mean by a hopeless situation?

Georgia

UGH! Sorry for total 'thread-jack'...just wanted to say something real quick...my H is not a bad man and he did not 'deserve' what I did to him no matter how our marriage was going and I know everyone here knows that. I feel he, like the rest of us, came into marriage with issues and just has chosen to never deal with them. Over the years, he (in my opinion) has grown bitter and after my A...now has justification to add in to the mix which is a deadly combination.

FGG - I wish I had been a more loving wife, a more supportive one and I wish I could show love now despite what he does. I wish I could find the strength of character to do exactly what I admire you and 2Long and so many others on this board for doing - showing love (not in a doormat way) despite the betrayal and hurt. If I had done that, maybe things wouldn't be where they are right now. I became a Christian after the affair..and am struggling to shore up my shaky foundations. I hope I get better at this stuff soon!

Enough of my woes - my internal alarm of possible danger and my concern for your 'swap' timing lured me out of hiding...- back to your regularly scheduled thread <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

But you did not answer my question.....

IF you will answer my question, I will give you some advice on another school that you should look into. They have a great Space Sciences program.

Deal?

FGG - didn't want to leave and not answer your last questions

I know intellectually that God forgives me, but I don't feel my husband has, nor have I forgiven myself. Each time I think I have, I just get sick to this day at the thought of what I have done. Although not as bad as during the 1st year with the withdrawal and everything, it is especially poignant now that my DD is on the brink of leaving the nest and I have to live with the fact that my two precious daughters who trusted their Mommy to put their well-being at the top of her list, basically turned her back on every thing she had ever said she believed in and stood for and neglected them (not physically, but attention-wise) for the better part of a year for a sick relationship between two sick people.

I'm not sure I can ever get past the damage that I caused to innocent people in my selfish desire to fix my internal hurt and pain with a dirty soiled affair.

My H is a lifelong Christian - raised in the church. I was, until 3 years ago, a lifelong devoted atheist although I always took my girls to church because I wanted them to have something 'good' to believe in even if at the time I thought it was a nice little fairy tale. I spent 15 years researching and trying to prove God did not exist only to find Him. Ironic, huh?

LOL...I think we are 'cross-posting' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I answered your question <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LOL..even with permission of the thread owner for this ongoing 'thread-jack'...I'm still feeling bad for diverting the topic.

Also, I'm open to any ideas on other good schools with good space programs. I have given her one solid rule though - under no circumstances am I signing ANY permission slip for her to leave the Earth! She of course, has wisely pointed out that once she turns 18, I don't get to sign her permission slips anymore...sigh..cheeky brat..I wonder where she gets that? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

FYR -

I agree that your situation is intense, but I'm not sure that I would agree that it is hopeless. Seems to me (hardly an expert here)that your H's continuing to remind you of your A thwarts your attempts to forgive yourself and accept that God HAS forgiven you, no matter how you feel about it.

If I may, I'd like to suggest that your H is somewhat spiritually immature no matter how long he has been "in the church". I know you're not going to stick with me long here, but I'd be glad to converse with either your and/or your H about this further. Please don't continue to live your life in torment, you (and your family) deserve better.

Will you consider sticking around and talk from time to time?

BTW - Florida Institute of Technology in Melbourne, FL. Check it out.

Georgia

FYR:

"2Long - your kindness and offer means alot to me. I am not precisely 'new'. I used to post as YellowRose back in the days when Spacecase, you, Mortarman, Lisa in London, etc. were all in the initial part of d-d"

Oh yeah!!! Thank goodness that d-day is over 3 years ago! Them was NOT fun times! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

FGG:

"2Long- Say it ain't so. Is it true that you aren't a believer? BTW - I've a lot of ties to NASA, too."

It's so! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Well, it's pretty much so, that is. I used 2 describe myself on here as a "spiri2al atheist" but I guess I'd have 2 just say I'm spiri2al, after that 2uote of Carl Sagan's I found about how it's hard 2 prove the non-existence of something with 100% certainty.

If you go 2 **edit** where I hang out as **edit**, you'll see the kinds of things I subscribe 2. In the end, it's pretty similar 2 being a believer, just a matter of semantics.

Yeah, I work for NASA. If you're curious and want 2 compare notes, email me at **edit** and I'll tell you all about it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

FYR:

I wish your description of your H's behavior didn't sound so familiar, but it does. My W flies off the handle at our kids (and others) for no good reason 2. But she was the WS. I would have 2 say that, in my M, I'm not entirely happy, but I'm not exactly despondent either. I'm trying 2 remember what JL said 2 me 3 years ago, and that's that my W will take longer for withdrawl than most because of her LTA. Lately, though, I feel like I've settled, somewhat, for the "live with it and don't like it" option, and that makes me feel like a chump for not making a life-changing decision.

-ol' 2long

Got your post...FYR.

I am the sole proprietor of this thread. Please stop back by, okay?

Got to go unload some stuff in the new apartment before it gets dark (no electricity yet).

Nice to have talked with you.

Georgia

FGG,

OK, it's official, your thread has been hijacked. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

At least for a little while. I hope you don't mind.

FYR, do you realize that a famous mathematician spent his WHOLE life trying to prove the existence of God? So don't worry so much about your 15 years. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So let's see FYR your H is miserable, he is hurt, he needs someone to love him right? You are miserable, you are hurt, AND you need someone to love you. Has it occured to you that you both should sit down and call a truce. Just a simple truce. If he is willing to do that would you be willing to try and love him? Do you think he might actually love you as well.

We are not trying to solve any or all of the problems of the past, but what we are trying to see is if a simple truce would work to provide some respite from the pain. If you two have a minister you might ask him to broker the truce.

Start small, little baby steps. Steps you are sure of, like going to dinner and talking about?? a predetermined subject like your D's hunt for a college. Limit it to that. Next go to dinner and talk about your D's dreams, your dreams, his dreams. No accusations allowed just talk about what you crave inside of you.

Little steps FYR, then after a long period perhaps you two can talk about...forgiveness. Can you for give him FYR? You need to do that before you can forgive yourself.

I am going to be pretty tied up for the next few days, but hopefully we can talk more later about this. But, it is not too late, it will take some work, some pray, and a whole lot of patience. I know you have that.

By the way, if you daughter goes into space science, she will enjoy it. I have and my daughter is majoring it now. I know 2Long is having far too much fun in the field, right 2L? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Must go.

God Bless,

JL

PS: Thanks FGG for allowing a bit of a threadjack here.

No problem, ya'll enjoy it.

(A little Geogia humor).

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 04:04 PM: Message edited by: Formerly G.G. ]</small>

FGG,

Has there been any contact or information concerning your W since you left last week? Has she simply let this go without contacting your children or someone?

Just curious.

God Bless,

JL

Good Evening, JL -

The only thing close to any contact was both myself and the boys received one of her "forwarded" e-mails from her school acct today. No comment from her or anything, just some school news forwarded to all 3 of us.

Other than that, no attempts at communication at all.

Georgia

FGG,

That is really weird. You know I do feel sorry for her. She is digging such a deep hole. But she has made her choices. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Good Night,

JL

Good Morning to all -

Okay, a quick update on the "communication" question.

A good friend called this morning and said his wife had dinner with WW Wednesday night. He said WW says she is sorry she has done this. I asked if she said anything about ending the R with the OM, and he said NO. I then told him that I have heard her say she is sorry (last week), but then when I asked about OM, she said she couldn't end that relationship and that he could be my friend and....blah blah.

So, that is today's news re: communication.

Georgia

What a let down...

This morning, I was dialing #1S's cell phone and, too late, realized that I had accidentally dialed WW's cell phone #. Her voice mail picked up and I hung up. Well, I knew what was coming. She's been calling my work cell and desk phone all day long.

I dropped her a one line e-mail that said I had dialed her number by accident, please disregard.

Here is what she wrote back:


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I'm disappointed. I would have loved to talk with you. I would
love to hear my husband say he misses me and wants to work on this
marriage. I want to work on it. Let's start all over and date each
other and do it right this time.

And although my rebellious actions toward you didn't show it, I do love
you. I've come to believe that perhaps that was a subconscious way of
crying out for help. I need to feel loved by you. You've done so many
wonderful things for me and provided so much, but unfortunately haven't
stumbled upon my love language. And I realize that I wasn't providing
yours either. We both have lots of problems to work on. I'm willing,
or you?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To which I replied:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Steve Harley?

OM ? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This was her response:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> have the name of a local counselor and a center in Atlanta. As to whether OM stays out of my life depends on you. That would be part of the counseling process, figuring out why my needs are not being met in our marriage.

Where are you going to stay on this cold, icy night?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What do you folks make of this?

Georgia

Hi fellow Georgian,

They say we might get 1/2 inch of ice tonight!

I'd ignore her last message. The line about whether or not OM stays or goes depends on you is bull. She knows the path home. If she really wants to work things out with you she'll boot him to the curb and come to you and tell you so.

I think this is another ploy, kind of like the bathroom seduction.

Both are good(ish) because they show she does want you in her life. But responding to her will only enable her and give her license to sit on the fence and be a cake eater. You have done too stunningly well to allow that now.

Your apartment sounds great. I love the older homes down by Piedmont Park and Grant Park. Wavy glass says it all.

FGG said:
---------------------------------------------
quote:
Steve Harley?

OM ?
This was her response:


quote:
have the name of a local counselor and a center in Atlanta. As to whether OM stays out of my life depends on you. That would be part of the counseling process, figuring out why my needs are not being met in our marriage.

Where are you going to stay on this cold, icy night?

What do you folks make of this?
---------------------------------------------

GG: Is other man out of the picture.
Wife: No.

GG: Contact me when you can abide by the terms specified in the letter. 'Click'

She is a cake eater with 'rights'.

Gimble

GG,
Personally I might be willing to use her MC, IF & ONLY IF she made the firm NC commitment, and not before, I mean the letter written, given to me to see & mail, then we can go forward, otherwise it sounds like a set up for cake eating.

Just my $0.02