Mimi said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is important for her to think that you are ready to go on without her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With all due respect Mimi I think the proper phrase would be:

"It is important that you are ready to go on without her."

If FGG's W decides she wants to make changes in herself and stay married, then great. But if things stay the same then the M is over and FGG needs to be ready for that...

And I think he is ready. The ball is in her court now.

FGG - I think it was a good thing you talked to your W. It confirmed your position to her and it confirmed her fog to you. Besides, SH told her to contact you. Stay strong! Mimi, CSue, and FYR are doing a great job in helping you!!!

Gib

Whoa! FGG - I think I just sent you one of the longest posts in MB history! I had no idea it would be so long. I try so hard to keep it to the point...I need to learn ark's techniques for doing that!! Ugh..sorry everyone.

Man, one thing I LOVE about this board are all the different points of view that make you think.

CSue- wow, I had the exact same thought about her being almost 'stalker-like' that you did! It is like FGG is now her obsession. I think many of the BS's..and maybe it was even in Mimi's sitch..the BS's become in an odd way the OP...and start to become the WS's focus. Like some bizzare role change. FGG - your wife, and maybe I'm wrong - she sounds very co-dependent to me.

Mimi...where is our Mimi-girl? Working? You mean we are supposed to do that during the day? Sheesh...

Regards,

FYR

Wow FYR...WHAT YOU SAID - AWESOME!!

It was a long post, but well written and concise!

I too posted awhile back about an intervention because GG mentioned that they have very good friends and the wife is a crisis counselor or something close to that. But I suspect that the friend would suggest a non-friend counselor to "run" the intervention for objectivity. Or maybe better led by the pastor that WW likes, hmmmm.... But honestly I don't know how that would fit with Plan B - so running it past SH is a must first.

Who were you under your other screen name??? It's killing me not to know!

<small>[ February 09, 2005, 07:29 PM: Message edited by: CSue ]</small>

Hello MB Friends:

Yes. I was busy working today and my mind certainly doesn't work well at night. I will post more tomorrow.

Just want to say GIBBY that I agree that your statement is the most proper one.

However, my FWH has continued to state that the thought of really losing me greatly affected his decisions.

Good Morning -

I missed hearing from you all yesterday, I guess the site was down for a while.

FYT - You continue to amaze me with your insight. Wow, that was great. Thanks so much for taking the time, I don't mind the lengthy posts. You convey your thoughts very clearly and I appreciate what you are saying.

An interesting concept this idea of the "intervention". However, please let me suggest that WW does indeed know that we are ALL united in opposition to her actions. She may not wish to admit it..but she knows very well.

I am finding that what I need to do right now, and for time and eternity if need be, is really get back into my Plan B mindset. Every time I get sucked back in (as FYR says), it's like I'm starting all over again and all the pain comes crashing back down. Gibby is right in that I have to perpare myself to go on, not just offer the "illusion" that I am ready to move on. I know that you all have told me this innumerable times, but I've got to distance myself for my own sanity. I keep saying that I have to draw a line in the sand and say "okay, now it's really over". Then, if WW returns someday it'll be like a homecoming. But this continuing to dabble in her world is not doing me any good at all.

And...I likewise suggest that SH's work with WW right now needs to be left to him. He knows how to contact me when he feels it is time for me to take some action, and it's just been 3 days since we talked.

Folks....let me just say that this is intense. I know that is an understatement, but I've got to get some peace back in my life here somehow. I have no idea how WW found me, I can assure you that non of the kids told her. Even more amazing was that the day after I got my "new" car, she knew what color it was (red). I don't know if she's stalking me or what, but I'm beginning to feel like #1OM, I can't get rid of her. And we live in an area of about 250K population.

Last night #1S and I had dinner (#1DIL is out of town on a student teacher conference). I tried to make sure that conversation was about other things, but he brought up that he doesn't know how he and #1DIL will ever have a relationship with Mom again no matter the outcome of this whole thing. She has said very hurtful things to DIL, who already has family problems of her own that would make what most of us are going through look like Mr.Rogers neighborhood. I don't want to turn this into a discussion on forgiveness, but I can understand what #1S is saying.

I purposefully didn't tell you all the worst mistake I made when WW was at the apartment. I know that I deserve "a zillion" 2X4's for this one, so send them on. But...WW asked if she could take my dog home and I let her. Now...I realize how stupid that was and I miss her (the dog, not WW). Hey...at least I didn't have SF like some folks did during Plan B, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh well...I'm thinking about going at lunch tomorrow and kidnapping the dog back, as well as some other stuff I need from "home".

From now on...call me "Ninja Georiga" because I'm going to wear black in my Plan B. I've got to get this thing right for my own sanity, and I am really, really ready to go on without her.

Georgia

Good Morning NINJA:

I'm for you getting your dog back!

It's some kind of weird, unexplainable radar between folks that have been together forever. I was able to track down my FWH and know all of his whereabouts when I wanted to. I did this without a PI. He did the same to me. That's why PLAN B was very tricky with me trying to duck him....

I like your new mindset today.

HANG IN THERE, my friend.....

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 07:53 AM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>

Mimi ...... good job coaching DYINGHERE. When I read that (not to be too tacky here), it's like we're all just different actors taken part in the same play, doesn't it?

I think that is finally beginning to hit me. The whole thing is scripted, but...there are alternate endings. Kinda like a DVD. There is the "right" ending, the one that the "writer" (God) intended to be used, but there are others available. It's like the actors get a vote on which ending will be used in the final play, but...the WS gets more votes than everyone else all put together.

Okay, enough metaphor for me today.

Georgia

Okay, I'm going to make some totally off the subject comments, then I've got to do something constructive around here.

I must admit that I am really beginning to enjoy my "apartment". I call it that, but it's not an apartment in the traditional sense, of course. I've got blinds on all the windows and put up valances over the tops. It's really looking nice.

Don't get me wrong, this ol' house is one of thse yet to be restored. The area I'm in is on the outskirts of where local drs. and such are buying up the old houses and restoring them, and I'm guess I'm really in the "bad" neighborhood. But...you know what? I love it. Those 9' tall wooden pocket doors seperating the LR from the BR are beautiful (but in need of TLC). The windows in both rooms are 6.5' tall, and the 2 non-functioning fireplaces have beautiful old mantles. I've got pictures of the family on display, and various other art work scattered around.

There is a huge old house next door that is in obvious need of much TLC, and there is a single lady (who I've not even seen) and her son who looks to be about 10 or 11. They are obviously very poor. I've really enjoyed talking to the kid (Reggie) who seems to like to spend time in his yard playing with his dog. Saturday I grilled hamburgers no my front porch (a big ol' front porch, I might add) and I really got Reggie's attention. I offered him a burger, but he went in and asked his mom and she said no. I've tried to meet her, but I can't get her to come out of the house. I suspect Reggie could use a friend, as well as could I.

Not only that, but my front yard is a stop on the city bus line. I'm not used to looking out my front window and seeing a gaggle of people standing there.

What I'm saying is...I'm really in a situation where I could do a lot of personal growth by virtue of the fact that I have stepped out of my comfortable middle-class life and living the way "other" folks live. And you know, there is a lot to be said for it. I suspect that I will never be the same after rubbing elbows with some of these folks.

Sorry to pontificate to you folks this morning, I just needed to say that to someone.

N. Georgia

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 09:58 AM: Message edited by: Formerly G.G. ]</small>

FGG,

I'm glad you are broadening your horizons. I lived in Georgia myself so I know the cultural differences you are "experiencing". Let me give you this one thought though:

You described a situation that included Reggie, and the neighborhood, but I fail to see what anyone's race has to do with it.

We are all God's children, your story would've been just as effective without us knowing the "minority" status of any person in the story.

Concentrate on being a positive in the neighborhood, try to release your prejudices. I think you will find an AWESOME amount of growth if you do.

I truly believe the the Lord put you in that house for a reason, and you might have just stumbled on it.

Hosea
P.S. I am not a "minority" so please don't take this as an "I'm insulted 2x4" because I was not insulted.

Thanks, Hosea....

I only mentioned this as a way of saying that I am definitely stepping outside of where I "traditionally" live.

And...not to even pretend to have conquered all areaa of personal prejuidice, allow me to relate this one story (the life of G.G., summarized).

We were at one time members of a small conservative church near where we lived at the time (about 12 years ago). I was not the youth pastor, but I did a lot of work with youth in our church. #1S was about 13 at that time. I started inviting neighborhood kids to my Wednesday night Bible study. I couldn't help from notice that the youth pastor wasn't including these neighborhood kids in other church activities. I finally cornered him in the parking lot one day and asked him why. His answer still makes me angry when I think about it. He said "do you think this church really wants those kids here?". I realized that this man was in a position to influence my boys, and we left the church over that.

Again, let me clarify my thoughts. I have done a LOT of work with troubled youth, which has been my primary ministry. But....I've gone HOME to a very comfortable, middle-class neighborhood. What I am experiencing now is somewhat transforming.

Again, I hope no one is offended, but I think my comment was germaine based on what I am learning about myself.

Georiga

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: Formerly G.G. ]</small>

GG,

Glad to hear you're settling in your new home. It sounds like it has such promise, similar to the wonderful possibilities in your new life.

When I think of what "gifts" you have to offer to Reggie and his mother it really warms my heart.

I too have done work with disadvantaged children, have found it to be the very most rewarding type of "heart work" there is.

As far as minority disclosure, for all we know you, or I or Mimi could have been a minority - who knows maybe we are!! I don't find it offensive at all that you mentioned a minority, to me you were simply clarifying part of your story.

Where I live minorities are actually the majority!! We have a wonderful blend of cultures here.

Doing God's work right at your doorstep is indeed a golden opportunity, and I think you'll find healing for yourself as well through your efforts. Sounds like inner-city missionary work.

I feel conflicted about you going and getting your dog back. I definitely agree you should have your dog, but I'm concerned that a visit to your house to get the dog and your belongings might provoke your wife unnecessarily. I really wish she didn't know where you lived, otherwise I would say go get the dog no problem.

Your other stuff that you want, maybe wouldn't matter to her, but I just don't want her showing up at your place again using the excuse that you got the dog. And it seems that it could be emotionally charged for her.

Would you consider getting a new puppy for yourself? It might be the best idea.

I agree, leave your WW to SH, because I believe SH told me that my H's recovery is really none of my business - I needed to focus on my own recovery and peace. He said that any action on my part in reference to coaching my husband would only set us back. And he certainly never communicated to either of us through each other. He would simply tell one of us to put the other on the phone. Makes sense huh?

Keep up the good work! Forget the intervention, now that I think about it!

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: CSue ]</small>

FGG:

I know how you feel. After living with 12' ceilings the past 8 years, I get claustrophobic in modern houses.

And neighborhoods are made of the people in them. Not the condition of their homes. I'll bet you find that there are some real gems of people right nearby.

best,
-ol' 2long

LMAO

You don't know if I'm CONDELESSA or JENNIFER LOPEZ or whomever, right?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Unfortunately we are ALL in this AFFAIR PLAY , reading our SCRIPTS!!

Later....

Mimi Condoleeza Lopez

Has a ring to it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Mimi,

A cross between J.Lo and Condi would be one beautiful woman!!! LOL

Well, let's just put this to bed by saying that I am a minority in my neighborhood, how's that?

How 'bout we all agree to ascirbe to Goddess Mimi the looks of J.Lo with the brains of Dr. Rice? I think that likely the most fitting (not to suggest that Condi isn't a very attractive woman). However, I may have some reservations about the brilliance of J.Lo.

Funny this would come up. #1S and I have been bantering about likely 2008 Presidential tickets.
We both feel that now that Condi has saved the Middle East(okay, maybe an exaggeration) and gotten France back in our court, all during her first week in office, that she is likely to be on the ticket vs. Hillary.

My prediction:

Giuliani-Rice v. Clinton-Obama

Any takers on that debate?

N. Georgia

Ninja: (I'm liking your new name, BTW)

The brains of Condi and the body of Jennifer... You're getting warm.... I know you must have picked up that I live in the South. Did you notice that I called DYINGHERE, "dear heart"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Changing the subject a bit, I think a new puppy is a great idea. What do you think about that? What about the type of puppy that your WW would not like?

FGG:

"My prediction:

Giuliani-Rice v. Clinton-Obama

Any takers on that debate?"

Now I wish there WAS a God.

Take me now, Lord!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

-ol' 2long
P.S. But I'd probably vote democrat again (even though I'm a registered republican)

Mimi -

If you've got the brains of Condi and the body of J.Lo, you must surely be one of those women that's always after 007.

You have given so many subconscious clues about where you live that I bet I could narrow if down to a zip code. And it's not the "dear heart" thing either.

Humm... the puppy thing. I don't know about that one. We (WW & I) have 2 dogs already, the Toy Poodle and the Mini Schnauzer (my favorite). However, both are getting old. I love Schnauzers, this is our 3rd one. I wonder if I could find someone needng a home for theirs? Of course, the one I already have is like family to me. She is smart and well trained, and fun to play with. As far as what WW WOULD NOT want, I don't know about that. Probably a Bassett Hound, which I think are really cool with those big ears and sad eyes.

I don't know about this, I'll think about it. A new dog (puppy) in an apartment (although a really big one) alone all day during work hours.

I know....a Bassett named Mimi!!!! How about that?

Ninja Georgia