This is getting scary again.

FWH wants a BASSETT HOUND.

mimi:

Just don't let him name it "mimi!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

-ol' 2long
P.S. Don't know what's wrong with me 2day... ...must be the twinkies.

Sorry, Mimi....

Perhaps we can get a quantity discount and buy 2 of them??

You folks have ruined me for life...I'm sitting here at my desk looking through the on-line classifieds for dogs.

Let you know how it goes.

Georgia

GG,

At the risk of starting a new debate...don't get a Basset Hound. I think you're smart to stick with a breed you know and love already. Mini Schnauzers are great dogs, but you already know that!

My husband does behavioral medicine for pets, Bassetts aren't for everybody!

<small>[ February 10, 2005, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: CSue ]</small>

Thanks, Csue -

I'm sitting here on a teleconf, so I'll talk dogs a moment.

That is probably good advice. I don't remember if I've said this here, so bear with me. We got our first M/S while on our honeymoon in Charleston. I have always been a dog person, and I talked my new W into visiting the pound. They had just gotten a female M/S whose owner had committed suicide and the police brought her to the pound. So...we took her home and she was like our first child, we just loved her dearly.

All 3 of our M/S's have been different, but had "similar" personalities. I would probably be wise to stick with a dog I know should I decide on a new one.

Georgia

I'm leaving for the night, thanks for all the support today. The last 2 days I've felt much better, I think I'm (again) ready to move on without WW.

I'm looking forward to going "home" tonight, and then on to the gym, dinner, and the grocery store. (I make out a mean grocery list).

I'm seriously thinking about the dog issue.

Georgia

Now you're going to get the Basset Hound stories -

Some friends once had one with a broken tail - this was very useful, because he could sit up with it propped up like a tripod - every seen a Basset Hound sit up and beg and not get tired of sitting there? When it wagged it's tail, it hit itself in the side....

My uncle had one named Mugsy, who was quite large - one night at 2am, it tumbled down the hill into the bottom of a canyon (this is in the hills above LA) - set up a howling to be rescued that woke up the whole neighborhood - had to call the fire department who had to winch the poor dog back up the hill....

Love the dogs...but.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

LIR

<small>[ February 11, 2005, 04:56 AM: Message edited by: Lady_In_Red ]</small>

Thanks, LIR, for the Bassett stories.

I discussed the dog issue with #1S last night. He is all for me just going to get my dog and bring her back. He says it shouldn't be a big deal, just go get her, it's my dog. He DID NOT get my C/A genes.

I had hoped to spend some time at a local park tomorrow and was looking forward to taking her with me. I think I might go get her and take her back to the apartment today.

On the WW issue (which is why we're really here, right?), today is the day that the D papers are to be filed by the attorney. He tells me that the next step is for WW and I to be summoned to a 30-day hearing (which he says is never really 30 days) before the judge who will determine any "temporary" arrangements such as any pressing bills to be paid or things like that. However, I don't expect too many of those things to be much of an issue with us.

It is hard to talk about this, but this is reality right now. I've heard nothing more from either SH or WW.

Georgia

CSUE - Sorry it has taken me a couple of days to reply. Work has been so very hectic plus younger daughter has been a handful. Thank you so much for your kind words. You, and Mimi, and FGG have been the main reasons I have stayed around and posted. I’ve lurked for so long now and never again posted until I just felt like I ‘HAD TO’ on one of FGG’s threads. It was the oddest feeling. I really feel sometimes…like there isn’t anything I have to offer or to use as proof that the principles of this site work (which I KNOW they do from just being here for so long). I mean…I’m the WS. We are not recovered. My M is still in as bad of shape as ever..or actually worse due to my A three years ago. I think MB has all sorts of success stories and they don’t always equate to a recovered marriage. It is when the person has done all that they can even if it ends in divorce..they are a success in my eyes. I’m just in limbo.

That being said – you, Mimi, FGG, Hosea, 2Long, Just Learning, etc. have made me feel so very welcomed and for that I am more appreciative than words can ever say. My old screen name was YellowRose (or maybe Yellow Rose) – I’m not sure if I had a space in there or not.

Mimi – I’ve got to say this – your compassion, concern, and care for others makes me want to try and reach out more to others outside of my safe and cozy FGG nest here. You continue to inspire me to try harder. Thank you for that.

Hosea – I’m so sorry that I haven’t been able to post on your thread yet. I have tried to go there 3 times now and each time in the past couple of days I have attempted to do this while the server was down. As soon as I finish posting this reply, I am going to try and read up on your situation.

FGG – I’m going to give my thoughts on the dog situation on a separate reply. I’m extremely impressed that you and CSue made it through that monumental post of mine. I’m also happy to hear that it helped..or gave you some insight (or just plain wore you out so much after you finally finished that you drifted quickly off to sleep).

Best Regards,

FYR

FGG – About the concept of “intervention”, I appreciate you clarifying that your WW does intellectually know you are all united. I guess at this point I really should have classed it as a potential suggestion that would let her see that any more talk and manipulation of the boys and other parties would not be tolerated and that nobody is buying her lies. I guess I was kind of thinking about it as a show of force and a reinforcement of “yes, we are for real here”, but it was just a thought…and I think we’re in agreement that SH should have input into any deviation from the course y'all have discussed thus far. Shoot, come to think of it SH probably would have already suggested it by now if he thought it would be helpful.

I have to say…my heart hurts for your sons (and DIL’s)…it really does (and it has always hurt for you). I hate the awful toll that WS’s (myself included) take on our kids with almost complete lack of regard..and as we see in your situation – it takes a toll even on the adult ones.

I love Gibby’s and Mimi’s input about being prepared to just move on with or without her. From what I remember about Mimi’s situation – this was a very powerful attractor to her WH. I think the actual ‘reality’ that a BS is going to actually move on and not curl up and die without their WS seems to consistently baffle and shock almost every WS I’ve seen. The turnaround that many of them do when they know that you're for ‘real’ and that they may have already passed that point of ‘no return’ is nothing short of amazing. Yes, not all turnaround, but enough do to make it a viable factor for leading some of the most stubborn/obstinate WS’s along the path to recovery. WS’s like to be in charge of calling the shots – they are in sheer taker mode – they don’t like it when they are dumped out of the driver’s seat and have to watch you start to drive off without them.

Regarding the dog – I have so many mixed feelings. My first thought when you initially posted was “heck no! go get your dog”. Then I thought it through and became concerned that this would lead to yet another excuse for your WW to try and engage you again. In my opinion, that is the ONLY reason she asked for the dog, so she had a “link”/excuse back to you. A “hold” if you will. I’m sure she loves the dog. However, she KNEW she didn’t need the darn dog..remember..she has fabulous OM to meet all her needs (am going to amend phrase to now be “it’s not about the car, the umbrella, the money, OR the dog…lol). You, alone and in a new place, need your companion and she just took him out from underneath you which makes me want to fly there and heist the dog back for you.

I hesitate to offer my real opinion – but here it is: you said she could take the dog back home – if you go and take the dog back again – she will see it as total punishment and “proof” that you give her things and then take them back (and as CSue said..may provoke her unnecessarily). Of course, I KNOW all WS’s see even natural consequences of their behavior as punishment anyways and are ready to be provoked over just about anything, so maybe this doesn’t really matter when all things are considered. I think on MB, I have seen BS’s cautioned about the difference between punishments and consequences, but I may be wrong. In the end though, if you miss the dog and having the dog helps you feel better – we all understand letting our boundaries cave in some and giving in to certain things..and then wishing later we had not. As just a flawed human woman…and potentially not in keeping with MB principles – I would go get the dog back..and maybe leave a note that says “I’m sorry, I said “yes” when I should not have and I apologize for that. I need xxxx back with me.”

Not sure if the note idea is good or not since you are in Plan B, but if you are going to take the dog…I would leave her a brief one anyways..maybe Mimi, CSue, SHMI, or one of the others can give better input on this. Another option if you decide to leave the dog there – if you are concerned about a puppy being alone while you are at work – maybe an older dog (of same breed) that someone has had to give up? I know there are different rescue societies for various breeds – they may be able to help and also you can get an idea for the temperment of the particular dog.

Regards,

FYR

FYR -

Nice to hear from you again.

After getting my hopes all up early in the week with WW talking to SH, I'm back to the last plan that I had in place which is I've moved out and filed for a divorce.

I've had absolutely no further communication from WW or SH. I've also asked for "radio silence" from the rest of the family, but I'm sure that if we were on the verge of a major breakthrough I would know about it.

I am working on convincing myself that I am now on track to continue life without her, and that's the mindset that I'm trying to develop right now for my own sanity.

Have you been following my story since Day-1, or did you jump in somewhere in the middle?

Anxious to hear your take on the dog issue.

Georgia

FGG -

I think you are absolutely in the right place and right mindset.

I did not follow your story from day one, but when I happened upon your original thread which was many, many posts long, I was fascinated by the exchange of ideas and feelings of true concern and caring by the people (esp. Mimi) who participated on your thread. I did go back at one time and read up on your situation from the beginning. After that, I always made it a point when I lurked to check and see how you were doing.

I finally replied that one day because..to be honest..I felt absolutely compelled to...I still can't explain it right.

I think we may have been cross-posting, I posted to you kind of back to back - the dog input is on the one right before this. I have often cried tears into my poor dog's fur on my back porch at night...which she graciously puts up with because she loves me and is just happy that I'm there. I sure wouldn't want to be without her, so I completely understand you going to get your dog back if that is what you decide to do.

In closing, I want to leave you with this that I received from an email list that I subscribe to (I hope it brings you some comfort..it did for me so I wanted to share it):

How do I stay close to God in times of suffering?

"Those who plant in tears will harvest in shouts of joy. They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest."

Psalm 126:5-6 NLT

Recognize that suffering is not forever. In the dark hours of the night of suffering it is hard to think of a morning of joy and gladness. But the tears of suffering are like seeds of joy.

Best Regards,

FYR

GEORGIA:

You brought me out. I was trying to give you some space today.

That "IN THE HOOD" comment had me LOL!!!

BTW, I LOVE YOU, TOO.....

Leaving you and FYR with my favorite one of my favorite verses from PSALMS that I was about to post.

THE LORD WILL KEEP YOU FROM HARM. HE WILL WATCH OVER YOUR LIFE. PSALMS 121.

I'm just about out of here for the weekend.

Take Good Care. Is the grilled chicken skinless??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks, FYR, for the posts.

I'm about to leave for the weekend, I may not post again till Monday.

Thanks again for jumping in, I'm glad you felt compelled to do so as I think you know it has meant a lot to me.

Georgia

The chicken is skinless, boneless breasts and has been marinading in a Cajun marinade since last night.

Come on over....

Georgia

Hi all. typing from my PDA, so forever typos. ww came byagain tonight, again I was stupid enough to let her in. she says she wants to work on the M, but can't commit to NC with OM. Again, I told her no. I think she is convinced that I want out of the M as I don't wowant to work on the M as long as she has OM. i think that we can consider this over with . I told her to have her attorneycallmine and I gave her his card. I just went by the house to get the dog and thelocks have been changed.Georgia

Good job sticking to your guns. It seems like she can't quite believe that you really mean it and it testing the waters. I think you did great in reiterating your position and referring her to your attorney.

Are you concerned, though, that she is going to start coming over there? Does she understand she can't come over?

GG, can you add the emotional context to all this? How was her demeanor? Was she angry, indignant, sad? How did she seem?

GG,

You know, I don't think she can legally lock you out of the house - your attorney will find this interesting.

Were you able to get your dog anyway (I'm hoping he was outside?)

Great move to give her your attorney's card. Hang in there Ok!

Edited to add - It's SH's job to explain to her and I'm sure he has, that your marriage has a chance only if she starts with NC of OM. He's quite clear with this from the start; however she seems to "spin" what is said by others when it doesn't meet her fogese!

<small>[ February 13, 2005, 07:29 PM: Message edited by: CSue ]</small>

GG,

Of course, it's perfectly legal to break into your own house. You could do that, and change the locks yourself - leave her locked out. Not that I'm advising you. You have SH and Lawdog for that.

-AD